Love and Other Disasters
by accioremote7
Summary: The classic story. Boy meets girl. The boy, James Potter, falls in love. The girl, Lily Evans… not so much. But, then again, if you throw in magic, best mates, slaggy girls, Quidditch, school exams, and a war… anything can happen.
1. Prologue

A/N: Hello! I'm Sara and this is my Marauder-era James/Lily fanfiction!

This is NOT in ANY WAY related to "Sixth Year", my other fanfiction. This doesn't mean I'm not continuing "Sixth Year", I will. But this story just caught me and wouldn't leave me alone. Many of the characters that are in "Sixth Year" are also in this (in fact, all of them are) but they are quite different characterizations.

Story is told in both POVs (James' and Lily's).

Hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

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><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

I sit at the desk farthest to the left, idly staring at the ceiling.

_Was that stain always there? _

The light spring breeze floats through the only open window in the stuffy room, rustling a few pieces of parchment and hair.

It feels good.

I sigh and readjust my seating so I can see the whole classroom.

Glancing inconspicuously, I see Dorcas bent low over her notebook, scribbling down notes about what I was supposed to be listening to.

It wasn't like I was _trying _not to pay attention to whatever Bins was saying… but how could I be expected to care about a Goblin revolution when my life had very recently disintegrated into a pile of ashes?

A laugh comes from the back of the room. Instinctually, I turned to the noise. Isabel is shaking, covering her mouth, her eyes blazing. Next to her Paisley Parkinson sits, laughing as well.

She sees me watching her a moment later at narrows her eyes at me. I try to pretend I was just scratching my cheek with my shoulder, but she continues glaring at me. I instantly looked back down on my desk.

It's been a week. A bloody _week _since everything's happened.

I guess you could say it all started at the end of sixth year.

At the end of sixth year, I had four great best friends.

At the end of sixth year, I didn't have to peak around corners or have to worry about getting hexed by a wanna-be Death Eater.

At the end of sixth year, I had one of the top grades in our year.

And at the end of sixth year, my heart was _not _shattered into a million tiny pieces.

But sadly, I'm living in the present, and as I'm not in possession of a timeturner (but not for the lack of trying), I'm forced to stay in the suckiness that is April 4, 1977.

Without thinking about it, my eyes skate over to the desk one over from me.

And suddenly, the amazing pair of golden hazel eyes meet mine.

I quickly snap my eyes back down, swallowing thickly.

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

She flicks her eyes away, and my heart clenches.

That _green_…

Merlin I hate this. I'm so close to her, yet farther than I was before.

And if it's possible, my heart stings more when she looks at me now.

_Oh Merlin I sound like a girl._

I lean back in my chair, trying to look at anyone but _her_.

But unfortunately, my eyes keep going straight back to her delicious, dark red hair that seems to always smell of strawberries…

I clutch my head in my hands, shut my eyes tightly. Try to make my mind focus on anything else but her.

Everything fell apart really fast, if I think about it.

Isn't that how it always happens? You finally find your footing, and when you least expect it, someone pulls the rug out from under you.

Padfoot sits next to me, face molded into a seemingly indifferent expression. I glance across the room to where Mooney sits near the front. Wormtail glances back every few seconds worriedly.

I slump forward, putting my elbows on the desk and running a hand through my hair.

How did everything manage to get so fucked?

How did I manage to lose so much?

And when did everything become so bloody complicated?


	2. A Beginning and An Ending

**A/N:** Hello! This is the first full chapter of Love and Other Disasters. Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far, and I hope you all enjoy!

(This chapter was edited on 11/21/12)

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><p><em><strong>A Beginning and An Ending<strong>_

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><p>Beginnings are always messy.<br>- John Galsworthy

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><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

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><p><em>History of Magic has got to be the most boring class in the world.<em> I think to myself as I bundle up all my hair and hold it above my sweating neck.

Sun streams in, making me feel sluggish and hot.

I glance lazily out the large window in the front of the room, resting my chin on my palm. From here I can see the field leading down away from the castle. A few birds fly low to the ground past the window.

Usually, I enjoy History of Magic. I'm one of the few Hogwarts students that do. Maybe it's because I had to go through years of Muggle history before I turned eleven, and let's face it, Goblin strikes and dragon egg poaching laws are a hoot compared to that.

But it's 90 degrees on the _last day _of term, and all I want to do is go lie out on the grass in front of the lake and relax.

I roll up the sleeves on my school shirt and try to focus back in on what we were supposed to be learning, but I just go back to staring around the room after few minutes.

I looked over at Isabel, sitting next to me. She flips her dark brown hair over her tan shoulder, staring the opposite direction as me. She was a pureblood, from old money. She was what most people considered a stunner, she was one of the most well-liked girls at Hogwarts and seemed to have been asked on more dates by more boys than you could count (including most of the year above us). I'd always wondered why she chose me as a friend, but I guess spending years sleeping in the same dorm has a way of bringing people together.

I huff loudly.

"God, Isabel, would you stop doing that?" I hiss at her. She turns her head slowly and stares at me with rebellious eyes.

"Whatever are you talking about?"

Also, for the past hour, she's been sucking on a Sugar Quill. Of course, if it had been any normal person enjoying this sugary treat, nothing would have come of it. But because it was Isabel, she seemed to insist on sucking on it as if it were the most delicious thing she'd ever tasted in her life. It was safe to say the division of males in the class had thoroughly checked out of the lesson and were focussing solely on my seat-mate and her candy.

She drags her tongue over the quill and then releases it from her mouth with a pop. I hear a few strangled sighs from around the room, and struggle not to roll my eyes.

She sees my face and laughs softly.

"Come on Lily. It's just a little fun. You've got to admit, it is pretty hilarious to see their faces."

I glance around the room again and observe the many glazed-over looks of the boys, particularly the ones closest to us. I finally roll my eyes at her and surrender, looking back down at my blank piece of parchment again.

A note floats over onto our shared desk.

_Would you tell Is to stop giving a blowjob to that sugar quill? Clark keeps licking his lips and I'm about to throw up._

I look over to Mary, sitting with Dorcas at the desk next to ours, who tilts her head over to where Evan Clark is sitting. I snort loudly at his blank looking face, and Isabel elbows me in the side. Luckily, Professor Bins is paying as much attention to us as we are to him.

Mary MacDonald is my closest best friend. Golden-haired and green-eyed, a bloody sarcastic girl. Well-liked by most, good grades, and a muggleborn like me. Always up for anything, she only seemed happy when she was doing something that scared her, and she swore like a sailor. From the moment her and I met, we were best mates. And she's one of those girls that are classically pretty, in that way that you could catch them at any moment and they would look beautifully ordinary.

And Dorcas Meadowes was as well. We met on the boat ride to the castle in first year. She's a quiet one, but you get her riled up about something (i.e. injustices against the Hogwarts house elves, or when Thea Nott made Mary cry in third year) she's definitely a force to be reckoned with. She was an artist too, always scribbling and sketching in that black sketchbook she carried around.

Class finally ends, I jump up and collect my books. Everyone eventually starts to clear out, and the four of us walk out of the classroom.

Isabel is still sucking on the sugar quill as we leave, and Dorcas rips it out of her mouth.

"Would you stop that?"

"Stop what?" Isabel asks innocently, and then laughs. We start our way down the stone stairs.

"One of these days you're going to give me a hernia."

"Whatever that is, it sounds painful. And you know I would never do anything to hurt you, Dorcas darling." Isabel says, throwing her arm around Dorcas' shoulder. Dorcas shakes her head, but smiles too.

We exit the castle, and the warm sun shines down on us through the trees planted around the path leading down the field. I wrestle my heavy bag farther up my arm.

"Oi! Evans!" I hear a pain-staking familiar voice from behind me. I keep walking.

"EVANS!" Black's voice calls, louder. Isabel stops, and Mary does too. I whip around.

"What do you want?" I ask with disdain as I watch them saunter up to us. The usual gang, Potter, Black, Remus, and Peter with Potter and Black in the front.

"What brings you girls down to the lake this fine June day?"

"Thought we'd take a dip." Isabel says to him, articulating the "p". She then looks at Black. "Care to join?"

"_No. _They don't." I say through gritted teeth to her.

"Now, now Evans. No need to be rude." Black sneers, stepping closer to me. "Don't sneer. It doesn't look nice on your pretty face."

Potter grins from next to him, and I roll my eyes. Today is a good day, and I don't intend on having them spoil my good mood. I link my arm with Mary's, and start walking down the hill to the lake. Mary comes with me, like the good mate she is.

"Oh Lily." She laughs.

"What?"

She looks sidelong at me meaningfully. "He really does like you…"

"Oh not this again."

"What? I just think that sometimes you overlook the fact that the Marauders are pretty alright blokes. They're funny -"

"Funny?" I ask, appalled at her. Isabel always defends them, but Mary? "You think it's funny how they terrorized Sev - "

"Alright. Nevermind. Whatever." She says, changing the subject. "Did we have any homework from Potions?"

"Yes." I huff, jumping at the chance to forget our previous conversation topic. "Including all our summer work. We've got to basically write a whole dissertation on the background of a potion assigned to us by Professor Slughorn. Luckily, though, I have Polyjuice Potion, which I'm vaguely familiar with - "

"Didn't we learn that last year?" She asks, whining.

"Yes, but it's supposed to be a refresher for the N.E.W.T.s next year." I explain.

"I can't believe we're _already _preparing for the N.E.W.T.s. Isn't that a bit overkill?" She complains, shielding her eyes against the blazing sun. I shrug.

I can feel myself sweating through my cardigan, and peel it off. I bloody hate having to wear the thing in the first place, but unfortunately, the Hogwarts dress code demands it.

We stop close to the lake. There's a few kids swimming farther out, but other then that there aren't many people here.

I put down my bag and drop with it onto the fresh-smelling grass. I stare up at the clouds, putting my head on Mary's shoulder to my left. Clouds float by slowly above us in a blue sky.

A few minutes after Mary and I settle ourselves on the grass, Dorcas comes and plops down next to us.

"Where's Isabel?" Mary asks, though it seems like she already knows the answer.

Dorcas tilts her head up to the top of the hill, where I see Isabel tredding down the hill, walking in between Black and Potter.

"Damn. They ruin everything. It was such a nice day." I say. Mary looks at me pointedly, and I just shrug. "What?"

Isabel and the Marauders (a completely dim name the four idiots thought up to call themselves) arrive at our spot.

"- and my parents insist on simply inviting everyone. It'll be bore without you two, you've got to come!" Isabel finishes. Black shrugs, as does Potter.

"We'll think about it." Black says shortly.

Isabel smiles. She begins to take off her school shirt, unbuttoning it slowly to reveal a stringy bathing suit underneath.

Suddenly, I wished I'd done the same. It's far too hot out to sit here baking in a shirt and tie.

Black leans against a tree and watches a little too closely while she disrobes. Potter also stares, refraining from playing with that blasted snitch he always carries around.

I scoff at him, but his gaze stays on Isabel. Pervert.

Isabel's wearing a red bikini she must've gotten from Muggle London, and it doesn't quite cover her bum.

Dorcas and I share a look, but don't say anything. We both watch Isabel wade about calf-high in the lake before turning around and calling flirtily, "Anyone else coming in?"

Black strips down quickly, running into the water quickly as Isabel tiptoes deeper.

"It's cold!" I hear her say in a higher voice then normal.

"Of course it's cold. It's a lake." I mutter to myself.

Before I can inwardly chide myself for saying that, Potter sits down next to me and leans back, sprawling out on the grass but unbuttoning his shirt with one hand.

"So… Evans…" Potter starts. "Going to go for a swim? I'll strip if you will…"

"That won't be happening." I say tensely. He moves a bit closer. My hands fist the grass below me.

"Come on… I know you're just _dying _to get a look at my body…" He says, leaning into me.

"Actually Potter, I'd prefer if you'd keep your shirt on. Otherwise, I might lose my lunch." I say coldly.

He only scoffs. "Oh please. Evans, stop acting like you don't want to rip off my clothes _every_ moment of _every_ day…"

And right on cue, I jumped up and grabbed my bag, racing up the hill before I took off his head.

"See you Evans!" His voice calls languidly.

My head swam with a multitude of insults, but instead, I just stalked up the hill back into the castle.

* * *

><p>When I finally cool down from this afternoon, I lay lazily on my bed in the Gryffindor girls dormitories, reading <em>WitchWeekly<em>.

A clatter comes from the corner of the room. It makes me jump, but upon further inspection, I saw that Paige's Olson's Quidditch equipment, which had been piled up, had fallen off the chair.

Paige is another 6th year female Gryffindor, and one half of the Gryffindor beater team. She's got thick brown hair that falls in waves, and she's got the height of an amazon woman. She's quiet, though, and keeps to herself most of the time.

There was a faint noise from the bathroom (Paige had been flying that afternoon and was in the shower), but besides that, the room had been silent for at least ten minutes. I begin to relax my body, setting down the magazine and stretching out on my bed. I feel tired from the heat, and the silence was lulling me into a doze.

But the door opened and the echoing sounds of Mary and Dorcas' voices bounced off the stone walls.

"Merlin Lily, why do you always have to be so mean to him?" Isabel started as soon as she entered the room, Dorcas and Mary behind her. She was wringing out her hair, which had been wet, and she was wearing her white school shirt over her bikini.

I watched her hair drip onto the carpet for a minute.

Mary dropped her bag down and sat next to me on the bed, looking over my shoulder and reading the magazine. Dorcas came meandering in last, looking at something in her sketchbook. She sat down aimlessly in a chair by the window, and continued shading in something on the paper she was drawing on.

"Because he's an arse." I reply evenly, just like I have for years. She looks at me pointedly.

It's always been this way between Isabel and I when it came to Potter. They'd known each other when they were little, both being from large pureblood families. They were good friends, to say the least.

"Whoa." Mary says next to me.

"What?" Isabel and I ask in chorus.

"You know that singer Celestina Warbeck? It says here that she's expecting a baby!" She says, pointing to one of the glossy pages of the magazine in my hands.

"Listen, Is–"

"She'll probably name it something barmy like 'Hat' or 'Cloud'."

"- He's not - "

"Why is it that all celebrities seem to think they need to make a statement with their baby names?"

"Lily, he's a nice bloke. You should at least be - "

"I wonder who the father is…?"

The door flies open, and Nicole comes trudging in, throwing herself down on the nearest bed and kicking off her shoes.

Nicole Roux is the sixth and final member of the Gryffindor 6 Year girls, and slowly becoming one of my best friends. Nicole was one of those girls who "doesn't give a damn what you think of her, and is damn proud of it too". She's the first one to step up and defend any of us, and she's rather reckless. Her and Mary often get into trouble together, and Dorcas and I usually get them out. She had naturally extremely long blond hair. The time she spent combing it and taking care of it was probably the only hint of girlish qualities within her. Sure, she wore dresses and heels and bows, but she was a heavy drinker, had a true talent when it came to dueling, and knew Quidditch better than any of us (well, besides Paige).

"Hi girls." She says. Her greeting is met with mumbled 'hellos'.

"Where have you been?"

"With Rich." She replies happily, sighing and turning over on her stomach.

Paige finally opens the bathroom door, finger combing her hair in an oversized t-shirt. Isabel gives me one last disapproving look, and then gets into the shower, closing the door firmly behind her.

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><p>I sit between Paige and Dorcas, thoroughly enjoying my last Hogwarts dinner I'll get in months.<p>

The Great Hall is loud today, with students chattering on about plans for the summer. I look up from my meal, making eye contact with Mary across the table.

She smiles back at me.

"Hey." Black says, elbowing Mary in her side. She jumps, and then glares at him with slanted eyes.

"Buggering hell Black, you almost made me choke to death on my dinner. What is it?"

"You girls should come hang out with us in the common room tonight. We're having sort of a last hoorah before next year, when we'll actually have to do work."

"Yeah whatever. Maybe." Mary says, turning back to her food.

"We'll be there." Isabel says to him. He smiles satisfactorily, and turns back to gabbing to Potter.

I widen my eyes at Dorcas, and she giggles.

"I hate to sound like Is, but they're not actually that bad." She says quietly.

"Black and Potter just... well, sometimes they get on my last nerve."

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><p>And that's how, a while later, I found myself sitting on the floor in a circle in the common room with the Marauders on the last night of sixh year.<p>

Peter sat leaning back against the couch arm, clearly out of it from only a few sips of firewhiskey.

I'm not a big fan of drinking, but I can definitely hold my alcohol. And yes, I'm a little proud of that fact.

Dorcas was curled up on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Isabel was sitting next to Potter, and they were laughing at something that seemed to be the most hilarious thing either of them had ever heard. Potter seemed pretty pleased with himself. It probably wasn't even that funny, and it was so _Isabel _to laugh at anything a boy said, regardless if it was funny or not.

Black was sitting close to Nicole, and she surprisingly not moving away. I watched him move his arm behind her back and wrap it around her side, but only a moment before extracting it and looking the other way.

That's strange...

"Alright!" Black announced loudly after taking another swig of firewhiskey. Somehow the night had ambiguously taken a turn for the gross as everyone started snogging each other just for the drunken hell of it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I do, in fact, love parties. As do I love snogging. Though usually it's much more appealing when I'm with blokes I actually want to snog. When it's with the Marauders...

"Isabel. I dare you to… kiss Padfoot!" Potter slurred drunkenly. Black waggled his eyebrows, and leaned closer to Isabel.

She leans over, skirt ridding up considerably, and pulling his face to hers. After almost a minute, she pulled away with a squelch sound.

Yuck.

He winked at her again. She simply giggled and moved back to her spot next to Potter.

I stare up at the clock. How long before I can make a run for it?

"Mac, I dare you to kiss Moony here!" Black yelled, grabbing the bottle again.

Everyone turned to them, and Remus coughed awkwardly.

Blushing (though considerably less than if she had been sober) Mary threw her arms over the back of Remus' neck and planted one on the bloke.

A few minutes after that, I watched her stand up and pull Remus by the hand up to his dorm room. He looked a bit anxious, and Black managed to slap him on the back before yelling "use protection!"

Eventually, with Dorcas stumbling upstairs and Peter asleep, and Mary and Remus doing God knows what, the group slimmed down to just the five of us.

By this time (and by this many drinks) the corners of my vision started to go fuzzy. I figured I might as well have fun, even if I am here with this less-than-good company.

But even with this, when I heard Black slur out, "Prongs I dare you to kiss Evans!" I still had my senses.

"No. No, absolutely not." I said, even as Potter stood up and came over to my spot on the couch.

"Come on!" Black says loudly. "It'd be the bloody thrill of his lifetime!"

He grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room into the corner. I go with him, putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm drunk, obviously.

He pulled me into a darkened corner of the room, away from the loud group of drunk Gryffindors still left, and leaned his hands onto the wall on either side of my body.

His body was almost touching mine. An inch or two away. I thought I could hear his heart beating.

_"Potter." I say dreamily, stumbling. I leaned against the wall for support. "Po-tter. You _know_ I'm _not_ going to kiss you." I felt him move closer to me._

"Come on Evans." He says just as drunkenly. I can barely focus on his face in the darkness of the corner. I felt his hot breath on my ear, and I fought a shiver.

For a moment, I thought _maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing_…

_What?_

"Potter." I say sharply. "When are you going to get this into your head? I _don't _like you. I despise you actually. I would rather go out with the giant squid than _you_. Stop asking me out… stop flirting with me. It's _never _going to happen. _I hate you_."

God, that sounded bad.

Suddenly, everything seemed clear. Too clear, in the way that every single detail was painfully visible and your head starts to ache.

His head dropped down, and I heard him sigh, like the kind of sigh you get when you receive a hit to the stomach.

When he looked up again, my eyes darted away from his face.

He didn't say anything for a moment, and I, out of curiosity, looked to his face.

For a minute it looked like he was going to shout. But then all he said was, "Ok. I'll stop. Sorry."

He took his hands off the wall and turned away from me. A bit dejected, but standing tall. As he walked back into the common room, I say something like, "Well… good!"

I was flustered and confused.

I think I stand there for a good two minutes, head against the wall and eyes clamped shut.

_What just happened?_

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><p>I didn't see him in the morning.<p>

The train ride home is awkward. Mary is telling Nicole all about how her and Remus are going to go out sometime during the summer, and Nicole is listening with slight interest. Dorcas is sketching something, not paying attention to anyone else, and Isabel is, naturally, doing her rounds to everyone she knows on this car and telling everyone about a party her parents are having over the summer.

And I stare out the window.

I can't help feeling bad about what I said to Potter.

I have the urge to go find him or something, but I stop myself. What am I thinking? This is Potter, for Gods sake. He's an arrogant bully. Why do you care what he thinks?

Nevertheless, I can't stop thinking about what he might be feeling.

The train finally stops at Kings Cross, and I hurry out of the train. Not that I'm _particularly_ keen to get back home, on account of the fact that I'm called names on a daily basis, but my stomach can't help but feel nervous I'll see Potter.

_Maybe summer vacation will do me some good._

I make it to my parents, who hug me and say they've missed me. Fortunately, my sister Petunia couldn't be bothered to make an appearance.

Just as I'm leaving, though, I see him. With Black, he walks over to an older woman who I assume is one of their mothers. The older woman moves to hug Black, and as she does I watch Potter look over to me.

Our eyes meet for a second, and then I quickly look down at my shoes.

"Come on." I say to my parents, trying to smile. "Let's get home."

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><p><em><strong>Please review!<strong>_


	3. Garden Parties and Badges

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Lily Evans and her best friends Mary MacDonald, Nicole Roux, Isabel Bryant, and Dorcas Meadowes plus the Marauders finish their sixth year with a small party; where Mary and Remus kiss, Isabel and Sirius snog, and James Potter almost kisses Lily Evans. Lily, feeling awkward, says something mean. Everyone leaves from Kings Cross the next morning and summer begins.

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><p><strong>Garden Parties and Badges<strong>

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><p>"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer."<br>― F. Scott Fitzgerald, _The Great Gatsby_

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><p>(James Potter)<p>

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><p><em>It must be sometime past midnight. <em>I think, inhaling deeply on the cigarette between my fingers.

As I let the smoke fill my lungs and blow out, I inspect the cigarette in my fingers.

I didn't usually smoke. It makes your lungs feel weak, and I couldn't have that for Quidditch. I used to tell Padfoot this all the time, him being a beater and all, and he'd just smirk and smoke it anyway.

But tonight, I found myself sitting out on the field of the Potter manor, my family home, smoking a cigarette like any other bloke. Maybe it's because I'm sulking.

Pity party for one, please!

I recline against a large, sturdy branch behind me, poking a leaf with my toe. My broomstick sits on a few branches lower down on the tree.

I've always liked flying. It's sort of cleansing. Something possessed me to fly myself up and watch the stars from the top of the oak tree.

Insomnia does weird things to people.

I lean my head back, breathing out slowly. The sticky summer air was suffocating, but up here the air was cooler. A slight breeze blew, rustling my pajamas and the leaves on the tree.

I look up into the sky. A large, white marble moon stares me in the face.

I can't help feeling a rush when I see the full moon. A rush of what? I couldn't say. Anticipation… anxiety… thrill? I'm not sure.

It seemed horrible to say it, because it always came doubled with terror, but our adventures on the full moons at Hogwarts were some of the most exciting times I've had with my mates.

But whenever we part ways for the summer, I always worry about how Remus is doing during the nights when the moon is full. I'll never forget the first time I ever saw him in the hospital wing after.

He'd been so torn up, so lifeless… he looked dead. Needless to say it petrified fourteen-year-old James.

Sirius, Peter and I all act like we've gotten used to it, and we don't treat it like a big deal. I think it helps Remus to have us treat it this way.

Truth be told, it still cuts me up, seeing him like that. You'd think after months of doing this, I would _actually _be used to it, but I'm not. I don't think I ever will be.

I take another long exhale. I can hear someone singing far off in the distance, and a faint mumble of tired goodbyes.

"_Goodbye Potter." _My mind echoes.

I can almost hear her harsh voice in the night.

I must be mental. Any other bloke in this situation would have had the sense to _move on_.

But every single bloody night, besides the ones where I'm so pissed I can't see a foot ahead of me, all I can see is _her_.

Over and over again I keep hearing

"_When are you going to get this into your head?"_

"_I don't like you."_

"_I would rather go out with the giant squid than you."_

"_It's never going to happen."_

"_I hate you."_

It makes my heart contract, makes me feel like I was beaten by the Whomping Willow. Lily Evans, "girl of my dreams", rejected me for the last time.

I can't say why this one counted so much as the others. Maybe because this time I had unhealthily gathered up hope. I thought we'd been getting somewhere…

I feel myself self-wallowing, and tried to shake it off. Getting on my broom again, I fly down to the large porch wrapping around the left side of the house.

_This year I'll forget. This year I'll leave her alone._

_I'll move on._

* * *

><p>"Good lord. It smells like something died in here."<p>

I open my eyes blearily to find the cause of the noise, and found my mother, hands on her hips, staring back at me. She's wearing a robe, but her makeup is done. Her hair is sort of frazzled, and I bite back a laugh. She stands by the door, looking down at us, her face a mix of weariness and anger.

"When did you boys come back last night? I was up waiting half the night! You had your father and I worried –"

"Mmpfh not so loud." mumbles a lump of sheets. Sirius' black hair is the only thing poking out of the cucoon.

This only makes my mother angrier.

"Now –" she starts, louder than before. "If you boys would be so kind, please get ready. We've only got an hour left!"

And she strides out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

I turn over on the bed and stare at Sirius.

Merlin, it did smell like something had crawled in and died in here. I quickly plugged up my nose and stared up at the ceiling.

"An hour left till what?" He asks guiltily. I shrug.

Pealing myself off the bed and stretching up near the window, I see my mother and father watching some wizards with their wands pointed and a tent lifting into the air. The room I'd ended up crashing in, which was actually unofficially Sirius', was toward the back of the house, and out the window is a clear view of the gardens. Right now, there are more and more wizards coming to join the ones lifting a tent, all wearing a white uniform with the words "Celebrationem Domini Catering" on them.

My mother is barking something at one of them, a skinny wizard with brown hair, who just looks confusedly at my father. He extends them a sympathetic look before patting my mother on the back and walking toward the hill.

"Bugger." I mutter to myself. "Padfoot, today's that garden party for the Ministry."

He stares at me for a moment, groans, and turns back over onto his stomach.

My father is an Auror, working for the Ministry of Magic. He's got the job of rounding up criminals and sending them to Azkaban. When I was younger, I used to sit with him in front of the fire and listen to him talk about his training and whatever latest criminal he'd nabbed.

Unfortunately, along with these action-packed adventures, ludicrous garden parties to celebrate random dates that were supposed to be important to the Ministry were also a part of the job. At least for those at my father's status.

I feel my stomach grumble. My muscles feel sore, but I push myself to keep my eyes open.

My head is still pounding like mad as I walk through the door and into the loo.

Looking into the mirror, I come face to face with a corpse-like version of myself. My eyes were still bloodshot and my hair was even worse than it usually is. Not to mention I could smell my own disgusting breath, and I could barely stand up before blue stars clouded my vision.

_There's no sense trying to make it stay flat, _I thought. running my hands through my hair. _Might as well leave it._

After brushing my teeth at least three times, I pad back from the loo, groping the walls of the hallway as I go, and I try to focus on a fixed point to stop my head from spinning.

_This was going to be a long day._

* * *

><p>By the time I get back to the room, he's gone back to sleep.<p>

"Oi! Padfoot!" I say, nudging him with my foot. His grey eyes open again and he looks rather annoyed. But still, he starts to sit up.

His eyes still look a little hazy and unfocused, and under his eyes are dark purplish bags. He licks his dry lights before yawning.

"Merlin's beard… that was some night." He said, grinning, rubbing his chest.

Last night we'd gone out to a club in Muggle London. Sirius knew about it from a Muggleborn by the name of Joe something, fresh graduate from Hogwarts. I don't remember much… the music was loud… I remember a girl with short blond hair kissing me and grabbing my hand… and sometime after midnight I think I remember Padfoot emerging from the back room with two girls, before grasping him by his arm and apparating us home…

"I guess." I said, shrugging.

"Come on mate." Padfoot said, kicking my shin. "That blond bird was _fit_. Lucky she didn't see _me_ or you _wouldn't _have gotten so lucky…"

I don't have the energy to say something back, so I just hurl a pillow at his face.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was a hectic affair. Elves and other wizard decorators scurried left and right, straightening things and putting up summer-colored streamers (that were enchanted to sway even though the kitchen was dead humid with no breeze). My mother swooped past us multiple times, saying something about cheese, I think. Padfoot sat staring at his breakfast, looking a bit green in the face, while I scarfed down my cereal.<p>

I've got an iron stomach, and that does seem to come in handy when it comes to drinking.

The new house elf, Twink, pulls up the blinds on one of the windows that was previously pulled down by one of the others per Sirius' request, and rays of burning light come streaming into the room.

He tips back accidentally in surprise in his chair, and shields his eyes.

"Bloody hell." He mutters, steadying himself and then going back to playing with his food.

The little elf suddenly starts to shake.

"Twink is sorry, Mr. Black… she didn't mean –"

"It's alright." I say firmly, and smile back at her. She smiles toothily and nervously back before scurrying out of the kitchen.

I go back to my cereal.

When I was younger, I loved parties. All the dramatics and grandeur of it, getting dressed up.

I must have been such a girl.

Don't get me wrong, I still take great pleasure in throwing ragers right under the noses of the teachers at Hogwarts, but these so-called "parties" took all the fun out of everything.

At these events I was expected to be "refined" and "courteous" (which my mother and I both knew I wasn't) and say things like, "Oh hello Mr. Cornfoot, how is your niece, Evanna?" and "Mr. Crouch, I understand that you've just gotten a job at the Ministry, congratulations!" and "Oh, this tea biscuit is utterly scrumptious!"

Ok, maybe not that last one.

But nonetheless, these parties seemed stuffy and boring.

And with the clothes Mum was insisting on me wearing, I was sure to look like a tit.

* * *

><p>I looked like a tit.<p>

I'm standing in the middle of the garden in front of Potter Manor, hair slicked back (by my _mother_) with a tie.

I stand awkwardly with a drink in my hand, surveying the crowd. Seemed to be the same purebloods and ministry officials that came every time.

I don't understand that either. I hear my dad complain all the time about the snobby pureblood families that show up at these things, yet they still insist on throwing parties every time the season changes.

There didn't even seem to be any reason for this one!

I glance around for where Sirius had gotten to, but he was nowhere in sight. My eyes search for someone I know, until finally I see Isabel Bryant, standing in a tight-knit circle with Paisley Parkinson and Emmeline Vance.

The thing you've got to know about Isabel Bryant is that she is first and foremost, a gorgeous girl. In that way that you think she belongs on one of those posters Sirius has stashed away in his suitcase. There's no point in denying the fact that nearly every boy at Hogwarts would jump at the chance to shag her.

Sometimes it seems like she might like me… and you know, her being gorgeous and all…

But see, the thing is, no matter how much I force myself to try to enjoy her deep brown eyes, all I keep thinking about is green –

"James!" I hear her voice call languidly from across the lawn. I put on my best charming smile I've been perfecting for these mundane parties since the age of six, and walk over to her.

"Hello James." Paisley says, biting the straw of her drink with her teeth.

_She kind of looks like a constipated toad_…

Paisley Parkinson is one of those girls that just seem unappealing. With her brownish-black hair done up in obnoxious pink bows and a fluffy pink dress, I can't help but cringe when she says my name. She's from one of the more Slytherin-heavy pureblood families.

"Hi Paisley." I say. "Vance."

The brown-haired girl who'd been previously gazing off to the left turns her head to me at the sound of her last name.

"Potter." She says, tipping her head in greeting. "'Scuse me." She says abruptly, and takes off at a trot.

"Oh don't mind her." Paisley says, leaning into me, carefully angling her spilling over the top of her dress boobs towards me. I see Isabel silently scoff out of the corner of my eye. "She thinks she might be pregnant. With _Ted Tonks' baby_. It's quite a scandal, but that's what happens when you get involved with a mudblood…"

"Sorry, I think I see my mother." I say suddenly, and duck away from them. I can't stand spending another minute with Paisley (what kind of a name is that anyway?) and her comments.

And I hate that word. _Mudblood._ It makes my stomach churn. It makes me think of after the O.W.L.s in fifth year, which just makes my stomach churn more.

I decide to walk down to the side of the hill, mostly out of sight from the party guests.

The sun is at the highest point in the sky now, and I can feel myself sweating through the dress shirt I'm wearing.

I consider sitting down, but I'm pretty sure my mum might murder me if I get grass stains on my arse.

"Subtle escape." I hear Isabel's voice say as she walks up next to me. She's wearing this white dress that looks really nice against her skin. She stands with her hand on her hip, making that sort-of-haughty-sort-of-flirty look.

"How'd you manage to get away?" I ask back.

She smiles, and sidles up next to me gracefully. "Waited for Paisley to make a beeline for the dessert table and then bolted."

"Smooth."

She laughs, throwing her head back and letting her hair fall over her shoulders.

"So, how goes it?" She asks, still sort of giggling.

"Fine." I reply. She looks at me thoughtfully, as if trying to read my mind, and then abruptly turns away.

"Try not to get to down about Lily. She'll come 'round." She says monotonously, as if it was something she felt required to say.

When she says "Lily" it feels like someone had punched me in the gut. Sirius had been smartly avoiding the subject since we'd gotten back from school, and I'd been extremely grateful.

I don't say anything, but merely stare up at the blazing hot sun.

We stand there for a few minutes in silence, me looking up at the sky and her looking at me.

The minutes pass, and she gathers her hair to one shoulder.

"See you James." She says, and starts to make her way back up the slight hill and back to the party.

* * *

><p>After a while, the last of the guests had filled out, leaving the elves to clean up the garden.<p>

I watch them through the window in the parlor room, scurrying around in the dark.

I hear sluggish footsteps on the wooden floor outside.

"Oi, Padfoot!"

He walks back from down the hallway and into the room, a grin on his face.

"Prongs."

"Where did you go? I was bored as hell!"

He only snorts. "Caught up with an old friend."

"Who?

He grins larger. "Giselle Greengrass… yes, she's very… _friendly._" He says.

"So you left your poor bored mate all alone to bone Greengrass? Some friend you are." I say, turning back to the window.

"Hey. Have you _seen _Greengrass this year? She bent down to pick up a book during Charms last term… and _damn_." He says, and I can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Alright, whatever." I say, waving my hand at him dismissively. I turn back to the window.

He shakes his head and continues down the hallway.

"Jamie." I heard my mothers voice call from the sitting room. I tear myself away from the window and walk in.

My mum is sitting on the couch, feet up on the footrest and head massaging her head. Her graying hair is still comically perfect, and she still looks ready to entertain guests.

"Did you have a nice time at the party?" She asks hopefully.

"Oh yes." I ask sarcastically, but I regret it when I see her face fall a little. "Well, it was better than those parties the Parkinsons throw. Much more well-put together, more elegant."

That seemed to get her to smile.

"Did you get a chance to say hello to Isabel? Bryant?" She asks slyly.

"Yeah." I say casually, even though I can see her face lighting up.

"She's a very nice girl Jamie." She says, grinning. I just roll my eyes at her, but I can't help smiling too. She's been trying to set me up with Isabel Bryant since I was practically a fetus.

"Come here Jamie, come sit with me." She says, motioning to the couch. I sit down next to her. Her hand reaches out and clasps mine. "Are you alright dear?"

"Yeah, of course mum. Why?"

She sighs. "Well, you returned from Hogwarts in a bit of a funk…"

"Mum, I'm fine." I say, perhaps a little too quickly.

But I am fine. I'm not lying.

_I am fine. I'm moving on._

She sighs. "Alright. You don't have to tell me. Just…" She sighs again, with a sad sort of smile on her face. "Try not to take things too hard. Remember, you're just a kid."

I smiled at this. "Mum, I'm seventeen."

She chuckled. "To me you'll always be a baby. Forgive me, I'm old."

"Mum, you're _not _old." I say, and she just smiles kindly back.

"I'm going to bed now." I say, standing up but then leaning down and wrapping my arms around her. She smells like she always has, like sugar and . "G'night."

"Goodnight sweetheart." She says, and blows me a kiss.

* * *

><p>A few days later, I wake up to the sound of an owl hooting from the windowsill in Padfoot and I's room.<p>

I glance down at Padfoot, who manages to still be asleep, hanging half-out of his bed. He grunted about something, and I watched as he fell completely onto the floor before scrambling around for a minute.

His pops up just into view, mumbling something, before falling back onto the floor.

I laugh at him, and sit up. Grabbing the Hogwarts-sealed envelopes from the owl, I kick Padfoot to get him up.

He grunts again, but stands up, hitting me on the back of the head for payback.

"Git." He mumbles, snatching the envelope with his name on it from me.

It's funny, my envelope feels really heavy.

I open it, and something shiny falls out. Before I can blink, Padfoot grabs it off the bed.

His eyes turn into the size of saucers.

He turns a badge-like thing around so I can see…

_Holy shit._

"Bloody hell." Padfoot says, and starts cracking up. "Nice job mate! How'd you manage to nick this?"

"What?" I yell, jumping up. "I didn't steal it!"

We both stare at each other for a moment until it dawns on me.

"Funny joke, Pads… fucking hilarious. Now, what poor soul did you steal this from?"

"I didn't send it to you." He says, shaking his head wildly with a giant grin plastered on it.

"There must be a mistake." I say, ripping out the piece of paper from within my envelope.

It's got to be. I mean… aren't Head Boys usually chosen on "extraordinary academic achievement"? I have served _well over _at least fifty detentions.

* * *

><p><em>HOGWARTS SCHOOL<em>

_of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as Head Boy. Please report to the prefect's compartment of the Hogwarts Express on September 1. Your additional information is enclosed._

_Good luck._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts_

* * *

><p>Padfoot falls over back onto his head from laughing so hard.<p>

"You? You? Head Boy?" He manages to choke out before keeling over again. "Is Dumbledore off his rocker?"

The door to our room opens and my mother and father come running in.

"Would you two be quiet? We have guests and –" my mother stops when she sees me clutching the Head Boy badge. "What is that?"

Oh no.

Merlin's saggy left tit…

Her hand reaches over and snatches the letter. Her and my dad read it, eyes zooming over the words.

"Jamie!" My mother shrieks. Padfoot is now collapsed over in the corner.

I hope he chokes. Prick.

"Congratulations my boy!" My dad says, thumping me on the back.

"It's such a great honor! And my boy was chosen!" My mum continues, and gives me an air-constricting hug.

Letting me go, she starts walking out of the room saying, "My little boy! He'll be the first Potter to be head boy in over two centuries! I've got to get you some new robes…"

My father just stands and grins proudly at me, before exiting after her.

Padfoot is _still _bloody cackling.

"Would you shut up?"

* * *

><p>"You know this means we can't do any pranks this year, right?" Remus says surprisingly coherently.<p>

It's the second-to-last night of the summer, and as per tradition since fourth year, the Marauders are all together, getting drunk off our arses.

The four of us are out in the backyard, laying back and staring up at the stars. My dad turned off all the fountains because one year Sirius almost drowned falling into one, and he had to pull him out. Now my dad knows we do this, and just looks reproachfully at all of us before taking my mum out to dinner and warning us not to get into too much trouble.

The backyard is so still though, it's sort of creepy.

"What're ya on abou'?" Sirius says worriedly.

"Wull he's Head Boy." Says Peter, letting out a burp.

Sirius turns over and stares at me.

"Nah, tha' jus' means that we can get away with more!"

A tiny bundle of nerves settles in my stomach. I knew this would become an issue.

And maybe that could have been a thing. But something in me feels almost... honored. To have this much responsibility. I know when people find out, they'll expect me to mess up as soon as I step off the train. Probably before then.

"Pads, I can't."

"What?" He says, somewhere between a whine and a shout.

"I've got a responsibility... uh…"

"When Mooney was a prefect, he let us do shit."

"Yeah, that's cause he didn't have the balls to tell us no." I blurt out. Remus' arm shoots out and hits me in my gut.

"Ow! Sorry, it's true though." I say, rubbing my stomach.

We're all quiet for a while, just listening to the quiet rustle of the leaves and taking long gulps from the bottle passing between us.

"I wonder who's Head Girl…" I say idly, even though I can easily guess.

"Evans, obviously." Remus says. I shift uncomfortably on the grass.

Sirius groans.

"Ughhhh that means this year is gonna be all 'Evans this' an' 'Evans that'." He says, ignoring the scowl on my face.

"It was like that last year regardless." Sirius retorts.

Sirius laughs loudly, as does Remus.

I sigh pathetically.

"It's not like –" I try, but I don't have anything to say.

"You're obsessed mate." Remus says. "It's not healthy."

Merlin's beard, doesn't he know I _know_ that? I know it's not healthy the way I feel about her, the way that I get around her.

But it's not exactly something I can help.

Believe me, I _have _tried.

I'm _still _trying. Diligently.

"She told me to leave her alone." I say quietly, moving my arm back and forth, swishing around the liquid firewhiskey in the bottle. "And that's what I'm going to do."

Sirius and Remus share a look that I don't quite understand, and then Peter rolls over onto his stomach.

"Merlin I think I'm going to vom." He says, before rushing off into the dark, clutching his middle.

Sirius sits up and raises his bottle.

"To seventh year, let us continue to pull awesome pranks and bag hot chicks." He thrusts his bottle into the dark blue sky.

"You paint with words." Remus says sarcastically from the ground.

Sirius' head jerks back and glares at Remus, who grins.

"Fuck you, Mooney."

* * *

><p>AN: hello! Did you enjoy the second chapter? **PLEASE REVIEWWWW!**

Next will be Lily's summer.


	4. Sounds Of A Fan

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **James decides he's going to get over Lily after she said more cruel things to him when he tried to kiss her at the end of sixth year, then him and Sirius go out for a night of fun, but then are hungover when they have to go to a pureblood party at Potter manor the next morning. At the party, Emmeline Vance (who Paisley Parkinson says is pregnant) is there along with Isabel. Isabel and James talk after Sirius ditches him. James gets the letter saying he's Head Boy, and then the Marauders get drunk together and discuss seventh year.

* * *

><p><strong>Sounds Of A Fan<strong>

* * *

><p>Summer has a way of offering us a break, maybe even a step outside our normal lives, the ones we lead the other nine months out of the year. Taking a break from yourself, from responsibilities, and just letting yourself enjoy the warm sun and lazy dog days. And though sometimes we like to pretend that it will last forever, those responsibilities and consequences of the approaching year still exist.<p>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p><em>There's something about the noise of a fan that's oddly calming. <em>I think to myself as I stare idly at the ceiling of my bedroom.

Although I thoroughly loved snow, sweater-weather and hot chocolate, I always looked forward to July.

Maybe it was because it was the only time I got to see my parents. Unfortunately, this included seeing my sister Petunia as well.

But summer was a time where I could get back to the life I had before Hogwarts. The older I got, the bigger the gap (which is now more of a crevasse) got in my life between Hogwarts and the Wizarding world and my parents and the Muggle world.

For most of the summer, I could stay at home, in my old bedroom I've called my own since I was a baby, with my parents. My father would make me breakfast, I'd go out in the garden or lounge out lazily in the small patch of fresh grass situated in our tiny backyard. I'd help my mother do laundry, or I'd read a book I'd been meaning to start for months. I could just be… _normal Lily._

The sun was just beginning to set, and I was overcome with a feeling of laziness. I lay on my bed in a ratty t-shirt and undies (even with the fan, it's bloody hot as hell), lazily dangling my foot off the side.

My thoughts, inexplicably, turn to Potter. And they were _not _hateful thoughts…

It's strange. I _don't_ think of Potter that way.

Or maybe I do… I don't know. Something changed during sixth year. I didn't hate him the way that I used to.

But acting like I hated him was a routine, it felt natural. Something shifted, that's true, but neither of us acknowledged it. Our fights had been few and far between, my insults less malicious and his comments less pervy. Even the little spat we'd had at the lake before dinner was more banter than actual hatred…

Yes. I was sure that I didn't _hate_ Potter anymore.

But he got close to me and he smelled… _not horrible_ … and I got scared. And I did the only thing I could think of, I did what was _natural_when it came to him.

That's not to say that I like him…

But _I didn't hate him_.

What was the world coming to?

And why didn't that statement feel like a lie?

I guess I've sort of known for a while. I mean, you don't spend every meal willingly sitting with someone you hate, regardless of the fact that you insisted, "I'm only putting up with him because my best mates like him!"

Come to think of it, over the course of last year, I'd subconsciously come to consider Potter… a friend.

_Friends? With Potter?_ I say to myself, almost willing it to sound wrong.

But it doesn't.

Part of me thinks I should write him an owl, see how he's doing or something. But I couldn't. I mean, how could I just randomly drop him a casual letter after about four and a half solid years of hating him, and then the last night of 6th year…

_Maybe he doesn't remember what you said. Maybe he was too drunk. Maybe he doesn't care. It's not like he's listened to anything you've said before. And you've no doubt rejected him in more creative and brutal ways…_

Still…. The look in his eyes and the fact that I'd caused it made me want to stab myself in the neck with a quill.

* * *

><p>When the sun finally peaks on the horizon, I'm already awake.<p>

It always takes some getting used to, sleeping in my own bed again. This is, of course, my home, but I got used to sleeping with all the little sounds of my dorm mates. Like Paige's snoring and Mary's weird sleep muttering, and Dorcas' need to get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water.

Without those comforting sounds, the house was eerily quiet. That is, until Vernon arrived.

For the past month, my sister's fiancé _Vernon Dursley_ has been staying with us. And it doesn't help my sleeping problems that he snores like an elephant.

So here I am, curled up on the cushioned window seat of my bedroom with a cup of luke-warm tea, watching the sun come up.

Besides all of the irritating sleep noises (and some sex noises, but I try not to think about those), there was another reason why I couldn't just drift of peacefully to sleep.

Every time I close my eyes, all I see is _him_.

_James_.

Potter, I mean!

My mind seemed fixated on him, for reasons I had no idea of. After I'd thought that I'd analyzed my feelings about Potter too in-depth then was necessary, they didn't seem to go away as I'd liked. I would go through the same cycle of thoughts: pity at him and angry at myself, angry at _him _and annoyance that I was even thinking about this, and then a horrible churning feeling would go to my stomach and I would move on to thinking about something else.

My train of thought is interrupted by grunting noises from next door, followed by a whiney of a certain horse-faced sister of mine.

"Oh… Vernon…"

I think I threw up a bit in my mouth.

* * *

><p>By the time I emerge from my room to get something to eat, my dad is up making waffles. The kitchen smells sweet. I smile hungrily, and walk over to hug him good morning.<p>

He smiles when I hug him, and then I see Vernon turn his face away from me, a sneer plastered on his ugly features. His suit he's wearing looks ugly and expensive, sort of like him, I suppose. He's somehow wedged his whale-sized body into one of our kitchen chairs, and it pulled up at our little wooden table. He's reading the Muggle Newspaper, and loudly rustles the paper when he turns the page.

"Vernon." I say in greeting. My mum told me to be nice to him, and I might as well try.

He only grunts in reply.

And I start rethinking my decision _not _to put itching powder in his bed.

I try to block him out and focus on the two blue birds perched outside the window over the sink.

I loved the kitchen at my house. It was light blue, my mum's favorite color. I think it was called _Grecian Rooftop_ or something. I remember when Tuney and I were younger and my parents had bought this house.

I remember sitting on the just-assembled kitchen chairs, swinging my legs back and forth and watching my parents paint the kitchen themselves, paint getting all over them. And Tuney was sitting opposite me, laughing at my father's antics of trying to dab paint on her nose and batting him away. I can still hear the sound of her feet running down the hallway with my father chasing after her, and mum calling good-naturedly "try not to get paint on the floor!"

I feel a sad pang in my chest when I turn around from retrieving the syrup from the pantry and see Tuney strutting into the kitchen. She's wearing a crisp pink pastel dress, and her hair is perfectly molded, and she leans down and kisses Vernon on the cheek.

"No time for breakfast, dad, Vernon and I are eating with the Dursleys this morning." She says, not bothering to look at me.

Vernon manages to wedge himself out of the kitchen chair and stares disgustedly at the waffles sitting beside my father.

"Yes, we'll be going out for _brunch _at L'Avocat, only the best restaurant close to _Cokeworth_." He says with contempt, still sneering down at my father's waffles.

_I'd love to shove a waffle right up his –_

"Vernon! Come on darling!" Tuney's voice called from the front hall. He took one more sneer at my father and I, and exited the room.

My father let out an annoyed sigh, and started serving me a plate of waffles.

"God, Dad, he's so awful. How long does he have to stay?"

Usually he'd say something about how it was rude to say things about someone Tuney loved so much, but it seemed like he was also at the end of his rope when it came to Vernon's horrid attitude.

"Three more weeks." He says. "Lucky you, you'll be gone in a few days. Have you packed?"

"Dad. Do you know me at all?" I ask, sitting down at the table with my plate of waffles.

"Right." He says, holding in a laugh. "I'm surprised the label maker hasn't run out of ink yet."

I just glare at him jokily and take a stab at the first waffle, drenched in syrup.

"It's not my fault I like to be organized!" I say huffily.

He just grins at me, and turned on the water to wash his hands from cooking.

And then my mum enters the kitchen. She's got blond-brown hair like Tuney, and it's up in a clip. She's still wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, and she looks quite tired. She hugs my father quickly.

She comes over and kisses me on the top of the head before saying, "Oh, Lily?"

"Yes mum?" I reply.

"That Snape boy keeps watching the house from the bushes. Why don't you go out and talk to him?"

And my stomach drops. I haven't talked to Se–_Snape_ since the end of 5th year. I'd been avoiding going outside because of the chance that I might see him.

"I don't want to talk to him." I reply slowly, bending low over the table and chewing quietly.

"Honey, why not? I know that last summer you said you two got into a fight, but you two must've made up –"

"It wasn't just about the fight. He's just… not the type of person I want to be friends with anymore. I don't want to talk about it." I say, placing my leftover waffles on the counter next to the sink. I then ran up to my room.

Sure enough, when I leaned all the way to the left and looked out the window, I saw Snape looking out from the bushes not too far from the house.

I sink back down onto the floor.

Why was he doing this? We hadn't spoken once over the course of the second half of sixth year, and I wished to carry on that behavior for the remainder of the school year.

I thought seriously about going out there, telling him to piss off, go find someone else to stalk. But then, like I always do when it comes to him, I felt this sort of clawing guilt in the pit of my stomach.

I pulled the curtains and turned away from the window.

* * *

><p>My mum held my arm in an iron grip as the beginnings of green flames came up from our fireplace.<p>

"Sorry dear." She apologizes quickly, and lets go. "Just a reflex."

I take my things in hand and step gingerly into our small stone fireplace in the living room. The Ministry allowed it to be connected by Floo for only ten minutes, because of the mostly Muggle neighborhood we resided in.

I fished out the Floo powder I'd bought last year, fumbling with my things.

Vernon, on hearing where and how I was going, retired to Tuney's bedroom is disgust. Tuney followed soon after, but not without a withering glare in my direction.

"Well, goodbye Lily. Have fun." My mum says, smiling warmly. She stepped far away from the fireplace and leaned against the wall.

My dad raises his hand in a wave. "Have a good time honey. Call when you can."

I smile back at him before raising my hand.

"Bryant Manor!"

* * *

><p>After the dizzying floo trip, I emerge in the large, ornate fireplace of Bryant manor.<p>

"Lily!" exclaims Dorcas as I duck my head out and look around. I step into a large drawing room with a high ceiling and many paintings on the walls. Being wizard paintings, they all move and observe me and I step out. The late-afternoon light streamed in the big Gothic-style windows to the right, and the room seemed to follow a strict dark-green palate, with plush chairs and scalloped green curtains.

I embrace Dorcas quickly, letting my bags fall around me onto the ornate rug under our feet.

"Lily! Yay you're here!" Isabel shrieks, suddenly appearing and hugging me with one arm. She smells like she always does, of some mix of tropical fruit and perfume.

"Took you long enough." Mary says from behind her, grinning and hugging me too. Her chin rests briefly on my shoulder, and a surge of happiness that I'm seeing her again flows through me.

"Have you been here long?" I ask as the girls and I each take one bag of mine.

Mary scoffs. "Only just arrived, actually, with the Dork." Dorcas huffs angrily from behind us. "Have you seen the kitchen? It's bloody enormous."

I laugh to myself, and I realize how much I missed Mary's brass sort of language.

It takes a while to cart all of my things in, and then a tall man approaches from what looked like an entrance hall.

"Hello. I'm Sterling Bryant, Isabel's father." He says. He's quite tan, and his ears and eyes are identical to Isabel's, and wearing a tux. It's strange, knowing Isabel for so many years and not even knowing her parents before this.

"Hi." I say politely. "I'm –"

"Lily." Another voice says, this one smooth and musical. A woman in a long dress seems to float out of the same door her father came from. Her hair's done up nicely and she's almost more beautiful than Isabel. But in a sort of pinched, artifical way. "Hello, I'm Audrina." She says as she clasps my hands. I notice she has long fingernails, which kind of skeeves me out.

But I smile politely and greet her as well.

The six of us stand there for an awkward moment, looking around at each other, before Dorea claps loudly.

"Ok Izzy, now, we're leaving. Don't get too crazy girls." She says to us, patting Isabel on the cheek before turning and exiting the room again.

Mr. Bryant coughs awkwardly and smiles at all of us. He didn't seem to know what to say, except, "We'll be home before two." and he left the room.

Isabel rolls her eyes and says, "Follow me."

As the three of us trotted after her, me with my things still in tow, the house seemed enormous. We went through many rooms, including two different dining rooms, a ballroom, and a kitchen.

When she finally stops, I realize I am in her room.

Isabel's room was equally enormous. The room is all pink, and I can't help bed was a large, queen-sized mattress with a pulled-back canopy. Her walls were a light pink, with pictures plastered all over them. There was a pile of clothes stuffed into a tiny hamper in the corner of the room, next to what looked like a walk-in closet. Next to her bed, there was a large bookshelf that only had twenty-something books on it, and the rest was covered in tiny trinkets that looked like they'd been collected from many foreign places. Her night table housed many copies of _WitchWeekly_ and a bar of unopened chocolate. A large window was opposite the door, showing a beautiful low sun in the sky.

She enters rather nonchalantly while Dorcas, Mary, and I gape at her room.

"Merlin Is, if I had a room like this, I'd never want to leave for Hogwarts!" Mary says.

Isabel just shrugs.

* * *

><p>As the night progresses, we run down to the kitchen to gather more food, and the four of us sit in a circle with a pile of food in the middle.<p>

"When's Nicole coming?" Dorcas asks, unwrapping a muffin. She proceeds to pick it apart and eat it bit by bit.

"Tomorrow, I think." Isabel says through a mouth full of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. A moment passes, and Mary grabs them from her, tipping the box back into her mouth.

"UGH!" She exclaims, spitting the chewed jellybeans into her hand. "Fucking earwax."

I laugh so hard I nearly choke.

When we all calm down, we turn to gossip.

"So Mary…" Isabel starts, looking slyly at her. "What's up with you and Remus?"

Mary tries to fight back a smile, but it overtakes her face. "I don't know. I mean, we made out last night of term, and we've been writing to each other, but that's about it." She says, twirling a piece of hair. She's wearing an Appleby Arrows shirt, and is sitting back against the bed, now chewing on some licorice.

"Well, you'll see him soon." I say, smiling at her. She doesn't look at me, but instead stares up at the ceiling.

"Oi, you know Emmeline? Vance?" Isabel asks, a haughty grin appearing on her face.

"What about her?" asks Mary.

"Paisley Parkinson told me she might be pregnant!" Isabel says, flipping over and laying on her stomach.

"How?"

"Wasn't she dating that Ted Tonks bloke?"

"I'd never thought of Vance as much of a slag."

"Yeah." Isabel says, leaning into the circle and grinning.

"I thought he liked Andromeda Black?" Dorcas says.

"Andy Black? No way!" Isabel says, throwing her head back. "She'd never date another… erm… muggleborn." She throws a concerned glance at me, and I pretend not to notice.

"I don't know, Hestia Jones told me that she saw them kissing one time after curfew, and Black ran off after that." Mary says.

Isabel rolled her eyes. "They were in seventh when we were only in third. Hestia could have been wrong. She's lied before."

"When?" Mary asks incredulously.

"Remember the thing with her and Remus?"

"You know who's really pretty?" Dorcas asks, quickly changing the subject. There was a tiny moments pause, before I took the bait.

"Who?" I ask.

"Cindy Miller. She's got that platinum blond hair, like… real long –"

"No she hasn't! You're thinking of Vivian Vaun, the one with the big tits? Cindy Miller's got copper-colored hair."

"Vivian Vaun?" I ask. "Who's that?"

"She's a fifth year Hufflepuff. She's the one everyone said Tom was sleeping with."

"Tom! As in, our Tom?" I ask, surprised. Tom Jenkins is one of the two boys who were unfortunate enough to have to share a dorm with the Marauders.

"Honestly Lily, don't you ever listen?" Isabel asks teasingly. "Everyone said that her and Tom were shagging, and then a month later they stopped talking. Remember that girl who kept glaring at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall? The one we tried to throw peas at?"

Vaguely, I do remember a rather blond individual with a distinctly large chest that we inexplicably took to using as a target.

What? Seriously, it was getting weird. She'd walk deliberately past the table every single day, and glare at us like some indignant turtle.

The thought made me snort out loud.

"Anyway, did I forget to tell you guys? I heard that Sophia Chavez, you know, the slag who's dating Anthony Wheeler? Yeah, he's cheating on her with Madison Daye." Isabel says.

"Awww poor Soph." says Dorcas. "She's got dismal grades in potions. Says she barely graduated fifth year."

"Obviously! She doesn't know Amortentia from an Everklena!"

* * *

><p>It wasn't until Nicole had been there for a couple days that an owl soared in with our Hogwarts letters.<p>

Wearing her barely-there French nightgown, Nicole hopped off the stool in the kitchen (the dining rooms were much too cold in the morning, even for August) and grabbed the letters. With a pat on the head, the owl took off soaring again.

Inside, my heart was beating a mile a minute.

See, it's been my dream since I was a wee second year to be Head Girl. And I've been working and hoping and wishing and praying, and it all came down to this.

Yes, I know it makes me sound like a nerdy over-achiever…

Actually, that's exactly what I am, so I guess it doesn't matter much what it sounds like.

Nicole, of course, knew this, and was deliberately taking her time handing the other girls theirs before finally stretching her arm out and handing it to me.

"It feels lumpy." She says with a smile.

I rip back the envelope and immediately dig my hand in for a badge.

To my excitement, I pull out a shiny red and gold badge reading "Head Girl"

I'm also pretty sure I squeaked after that.

"Oh Lily!" Dorcas says happily.

"Congratulations _mon ami_!" Nicole says too, patting me on the back.

"You little geek." Mary says, scrunching up her nose and pulling me into a bear hug.

After we all settle down and I've called my parents to let them know the news, we sit down to breakfast.

Even after a full week of being here, I still can't really get used to being served by house elves.

They bring us out pancakes stacked high on the large, white-with-gold-trim plates, decorated with dollops of whipped cream and strawberry slices. Then comes the options of orange juice, guava juice, mango juice (which I'd never tasted until my stay at Bryant manor), milk, chocolate milk, smoothies (which were quite delicious, I must say) and Bloody Marys (which seemed strange, but I didn't say anything), along with sides of French and cinnamon toast. Lastly, a large platter of bacon and sausage sat in the middle of the large table (as the elves had insisted because of the special occasion that we should sit in the left-wing dining room).

It definitely made my breakfasts at home seem quaint.

"We'll have to go to Diagon Alley soon." Dorcas says, pouring herself a glass of mango juice.

"What've you got to get?"

"Well, I'm trying to become a healer…" Dorcas says shyly. "So I've got to take Advanced Potions, Herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense… and I've got to get an E in all of them."

"Do you think we might have some free periods this year?" Marlene asks hopefully. We all look at her in disbelief.

"Seventh year is the hardest year of Hogwarts. I seriously doubt it." I say, buttering a piece of delicious looking French toast.

To be honest, I don't know how I'm going to have time for any homework this year, especially with the position of Head Girl. It's going to be so much work.

"I've already got my books." I say guiltily. All heads at the table turn to me.

"How?" Mary asks incredulously.

"Well… I asked McGonagall if I could have a copy of the booklist early so I could get a head start… there's this one recipe in Advanced Potion Making –"

"Whoa whoa whoa." says Mary, holding up her hands. "Am I to believe that you spent your summer reading _textbooks_?"

I smile guiltily again.

* * *

><p>As everyone prepares to go out, I stand near the fireplace and watch Mary as she bursts into flames.<p>

It's strange, traveling by the Floo network. The first time I saw it, I was convinced I had done some accidental magic again and promptly started sobbing until the witch that had previously "combusted" came back through the fireplace, muttering something about forgetting her purse. Oddly enough, that had happened in Diagon Alley.

"Are you sure you don't want to come Lil?" asks Isabel, grabbing herself a handful of powder.

I smile weakly.

"It's fine, I want to get some reading done anyway."

She throws me an eye roll before saying "Diagon Alley"

When they all leave, I finally stop and realize how quiet the house is. It's such a large mansion, it makes me feel incredibly lonely as I listen to my feet pitter and patter on the shiny floors.

I grab my Defense textbook _Confronting the Faceless_, and walk out of the double doors of the house.

It was a nice 85-degree day, perfect for sitting outside. I walked lazily down the front tile steps and onto the stone path leading around the front lawn and garden.

After walking for a minute, I found a little secluded spot in the middle of the garden were a small hammock hung. I settled myself into the hammock and began to read when something furry brushes my foot.

"Ach!" I exclaim. I look down and I see a large, fluffy, white cat with yellow eyes staring up at me.

"Hi." I say to it and reach down to pet it.

Just as I'm wondering where this strange cat has come from, a figure comes jogging around the corner.

Looking up from the yellow eyes, I meet a pair of ice blue eyes. It takes me a moment to realize they belong to a boy.

"Hey, sorry. That damn cat keeps running into your garden and eating up the birds!" The boy says. He comes to a halt in front of me, rubbing his stomach and breathing hard. He looks around before looking back at me. "Oh, sorry, I'm Nate. Nate Hogan."

As he extends his hand to shake mine, I smile and shake his hand back.

This boy is _stunningly handsome_. Like… underwear model handsome. He's got short blond hair and, like I _might _have mentioned before, has the piercing blue eyes of Siberian husky.

"I'm… I'm Lily…" I manage to say. And he smiled his perfect, straight-toothed smile that looks it belongs straight in a toothpaste ad.

"So Lily, I assume that because you're staying in the house of a pureblood family, you're a witch… yeah?"

I nod my head, still taking in his appearance. It's like looking at a live Greek statue.

"And you're a wizard?" I ask sort of dumbly.

He smiles at me like I'm a little kid. "Yeah, Hogan _is _a pretty old pureblood family."

I squirm a little.

"My mum wanted me to get the elves working on cleaning the backyard, but they're scared of Murray here and when they finally worked up the courage to move around her, she bolted." He says, looking back over the hill where he came form.

He leans down to pick up the cat, but it hisses at him and jumpes up next to me on the table next to the hammock.

"I hate cats." He mutters.

"You hate cats?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes…" He says rather indignantly. "Dogs know how to act, they stay calm and happy. Cats always seem to be angry about something."

"No, I love cats." I say, beckoning the cat to come closer to me. It does, and I pet its head and eats. "The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard cats."

He scoffed. "Where'd you hear that?"

I smiled. "My grandmother used to say it. And for your information, cats make way better pets than dogs. With dogs you have to walk them, and –"

"Well, yeah, I guess they can be." He says abruptly.

"You're just going to give up like that?" I sort of blurt out. I don't really know what made me say it.

"Well, what's the point really, arguing about such a silly thing as this?" He says, sitting down on the stone bench a half-foot away from the hammock. Something inside me prickled, but I ignored it. "So, how do you know the Bryants?"

"I'm friends with Isabel Bryant." I say, a little flustered. He seems to tense a bit when I say 'Isabel'. "Do you know her?"

"Yeah." is all he says.

There's an uncomfortable silence before I hear someone stepping out of the stone fireplace.

"Lily!" calls Mary's voice from inside the house.

"I'd better be going then." Nate says, standing up and staring down at Murray the cat with irritation.

Suddenly, I realized I'd seen his face before.

"You go to Hogwarts." I ask. He smiles again.

"Yeah. I just transferred last year, I'm in Ravenclaw." He says, scooping up the cat, who claws the air in attempts to break free.

"Well I guess I'll see you at school then." I offer amicably.

"Yeah." He says flirtatiously over his shoulder as he turns. Just as he's leaving, Isabel steps out onto the patio.

"Nathaniel Hogan. You're really going to leave without saying so much as a hello?" she says, putting her hands on her hips. I fight the urge to roll my eyes at her voice tone.

He turns and smiles at her.

"Hello." He says, and then looks at me, and _winks_.

We watch him side by side as he goes over the hill from Bryant manor, sun setting like a painting to the left.

"So what'd he want?"

"What?" I ask

"Nate." She says blatantly. "He was here. What'd he want?"

"His cat ran into the garden. Then he stopped for a while and we got acquainted. Really nice boy, he is." I say, staring at the spot where he used to be.

"Very nice." she says rather coldly, but before I see her face she's in the house again.

* * *

><p><em>34, 35, 36, 37…<em>

"Lily?" Mary's voice calls through the dark, and switches on the light.

I'm sitting on one of the stools in front of the bar-like table in the kitchen, counting the number of black squares on the floor.

"Are you nervous about seeing Remus tomorrow?" I ask abruptly. She falters a bit by the light switch, but walks the rest of the way into the room.

"Sort of." She says quietly, and doesn't look like she wants to talk about it anymore.

"Lily, it's almost two AM, what are you still doing up?" she asks wearily, but she joins me and hops up on a stool.

"Couldn't sleep, I guess." I say.

"Why?" She asks straightforwardly. That's one of the things I've always loved about talking to Mary. She wasn't one to beat around the bush.

"Dunno. I'm kind of nervous about the year. Especially about being Head Girl."

_And about seeing Potter. _My subconscious says, but I dismiss the thought quickly.

Mary rolls her eyes. "Don't be nervous, you tosspot." She says. I open my mouth in mock anger, but she just laughs.

"You're just being barmy. Listen: you're Lily bloody Evans. You can do anything. Being Head Girl is going to be a piece of cake. Think about it: you're the only one meticulous enough to keep track of all the schedules, the only one patient enough to deal with the First Years and their endless questions and babblings, and the only one smart enough to do all their duties and keep one of the best grades in the class. Trust me," she says, smiling kindly at me. "You're going to be just fine."

Her words fill me with relief and gratitude, and I give her a bear hug. She almost falls off her stool and starts laughing loudly.

"Seriously. Now come on, let's get to bed. I know how annoying you're going to be in the morning, and I'd rather get a good night's sleep before having to deal with it." She says.

I walk up the stairs and settle into my bed, laying on my side and trying to get comfortable. My eyes settle on my packed trunk, and my robes and Head Girl badge sitting on top. It's the last thing I see before I drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p>AN: hello! Just some quick things:

"Everklena" is a cleaning potion, mentioned on the Harry Potter wiki.

And thank you to the people who reviewed so far, it means a lot!

Next chapter everyone will be heading back to Hogwarts. Hope you enjoyed!

**Review?**


	5. James Potter, Head Boy

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Lily goes home for the summer and has to deal with her sister Petunia and her gross fiance Vernon, and also thinks about James; Then Lily, Dorcas, and Mary go to Isabel's manor and gossip, and they all stay the rest of the summer there; Lily receives word she's Head Girl; Everyone else except Lily leaves the manor to go to Diagon Alley, but while they're gone Lily meets a hot boy named Nate.

* * *

><p><strong>James Potter, Head Boy<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"Lily! Come on, we're going to be late!" I hear Mary's voice soar over the footsteps and loud conversations. It floats into the air and disappears into the chatter of conversation and shrill call of train whistles in Kings Cross Station.<p>

"_Déspêchez vous _Lily!" Nicole's french expressions float into my ears as I hurry to keep up with the girls. I'm carting a lot of things, and we've only just walked past platform eight.

They run on ahead of me. They're all laughing and looking back at me. I can only assume this chase is payback for my constant time-checks and incessant pacing back at the mansion.

I check my watch quickly, successfully maintaining grip on my large trunk threatening to fall off the cart. It says 10:45.

I follow the girls as we run one by one through the wall, making sure no Muggles are looking.

When we get through the barrier, I stop for a moment and breathe in deeply.

I don't know why, and I know it's dumb, but every September first, I still cherish the smells and sounds of Platform 9 ¾.

I feel Mary's hand close around the cart handle next to mine.

"Wake up you numpty." She says, grinning at me. "We'll take your cart. You'd better get changed."

I tried to repeat her words to myself again in my head.

"_You are Lily bloody Evans. You can do anything."_

I watch the girls' backs walk down the train and turn in the nearest compartment. Quickly, I duck into a bathroom on the train and speed-change into my robes.

As I check my hair in the mirror before leaving, I can't help but rest my eyes on my shiny badge and smiling to myself.

I push the bathroom door open and walk briskly down the corridor to the Prefects compartment.

About half way down the hallway I slow. It takes a moment for it to register, but there he is. Potter, I mean. He isn't wearing his robes, but wearing a Muggle t-shirt and a pair of cutoffs. His hair looks like he's just been hit by a tornado, and he's flexing his arms and his jaw looks tightened.

Out of habit, I brace myself for some lame line like "Hey babe. Can I buy you a Sprite? 'Cause you're lookin' _right_!" (and believe me, I wish I was making that up, but he really did say it to me in the beginning of sixth year, only after reading a Muggle magazine Remus left lying around).

He looks up when he sees me, but as quickly as he looks up he looks down again. Instead, as he's passing, he seems to find something on the floor extremely interesting.

And he doesn't look up until he's well out of earshot.

I'm still for a moment, standing there dumbly in the middle of the hallway until a young-looking girl says "excuse me?" and moves past with a large trunk and a gray owl.

And then my brain finally turns on its gears again.

Did _James bloody Potter _just seriously ignore me?

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>It hurts a lot more than I thought it would, seeing her.<p>

She looked like she was expecting me to say something dumb, like she wanted an excuse to insult me or curse me or jinx me.

_But you're just doing what she wanted. _I think spitefully to myself. _She told you to leave her alone, and it's about time you listened. What a surprise that'll be._

I change into my robes, feeling like a nutter wearing the Head Boy badge. Walking back through the train I get several quizzical looks, and even a few "whoa, is_James Potter _head boy!".

And I stop when I see the familiar faces of the Marauders.

Sirius ducks out of the compartment saying, "Oi, Prongs. You look like a right prat."

Remus' hand comes out and hits Sirius in the stomach, rendering him momentarily speechless.

"Blimey Lupin, no need to knock the fucking wind out of me." He says, rubbing his chest.

Remus' full body now emerges from the compartment.

"Good luck." He says, grinning at me in a supportive way. Obviously the prick knows Evans is probably going to behead me when she sees.

"Yeah, cheers." I say, flashing a forced smile before walking away.

Even though I've already seen her, my stomach is still doing sommersaults walking down the corridor. It feels like I'm walking to my doom.

Which it very well could be.

The compartment is a little larger than the others, and it's crowded with the 5th and 6th year prefects. Her head snaps up when I close the compartment door behind me.

"Potter! What are you –" She stops, and I watch her eyes zero in on the badge messily pinned to my chest.

Her jaw drops.

The rest of the prefects in the compartment are wearing varying types of the same face.

The air feels thick, and no one dares to move. It's so quiet you can hear acutely what's happening in the compartments next to this one.

There's a long pause, and I cough awkwardly before saying,

"Hi everyone! For those who don't know me, I'm James Potter. I'm Head Boy this year." I say. More silence follows.

I see out of the corner of my eye Evans shaking her head.

"Yes…" She says, and with a glare at me attempts to collect herself. "Yes, and I'm Lily Evans, Head Girl."

After a long meeting of Evans giving out schedules and prattling on about several new rules (which I'm proud to say are loosely based on an account of all the pranks played by the Marauders in 1975), the prefects scrambled to get out of the compartment.

I had the desperate urge to talk to Evans, but I bit my lip and followed the Hufflepuff 5th year out.

_Just keep walking, just keep walking –_

"Potter!" her voice cuts sharply through the air, and I turn around slowly to answer her.

"Evans." I say curtly back.

Her head pops out of the compartment, red hair falling around her as she stares at me. Her face is screwed up in confusion and anger, like she doesn't know what to say.

I wait for a moment, before turning around and continuing my way down the train hallway. I feel her eyes on my back.

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p><em>What the bloody hell is going on?<em>

_James Potter? Head boy?_

_This has got to be some kind of joke._

I probably look like a crazy person, just standing in the middle of an empty compartment staring at the wall.

I figure my head is moving fast enough for both itself and my body.

_Remus is probably Head boy! Yes, and Potter just thought it would be funny to wear the badge and pretend he was, just to get me angry._

I calm myself down. Potter wasn't Head Boy. It was just illogical.

_Yes. That must be it! A prank! _I think.

So, straightening my robes, I march down the corridor, searching for the compartment housing the Marauders. I see them a few compartments down.

But before I can get to them, a tanned forearm blocks my way.

"Hiya Lily!" Someone says. I look up and see a pair of crystal blue eyes.

"Nate." I say, smiling broadly. He isn't wearing his robes, just the school shirt, pants, and tie. He looks just like he did in the summer, tanned and muscled and buff…

"Oh, you're Head girl this year." He says, and I subconsciously glance down at my badge. "Congratulations."

"Thanks I –"

"James!" He interrupts, turning to the compartment beside us. I turn reluctantly and see the Marauders, all staring at us.

"Hey Nate." Potter says, standing up and coming out into the hallway. They shake hands, but Potter's face looks stone cold. "It's been a while."

"Yeah. We unfortunately couldn't make it to the Potters' annual summer party this year." Nate says. The Potters' summer party?

I remember vaguely Isabel mentioning something about wanting to look good when she went to the Potters… but then she said after it wasn't worth it and was a waste of time. I told her _obviously _anything with Potter in it was a waste of time –

He laughs. "Yeah, my mum wanted us all to attend. Unfortunately, we were in Italy visiting family at the time."

We all stand there, in a triangle, staring at each other, before Nate coughs and says, "Well, I'd better be getting back to my seat. Good to see you James."

They shake hands again, and then Nate turns to me. His eyes light up.

"Lily." He says, smiling brightly at me. I can't help but smile back.

He moves past me, touching my shoulder briefly and starts walking back to the other compartments. I lock eyes with Potter, and his jaw is slightly clenched.

And I remember why I was looking for him. I'm about to start yelling at him when Nicole grabs my arm from out of nowhere.

"Come on Lily, we're playing Exploding Snaps." she says, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"In a minute." I say, staring at Potter.

"Hello Nicole." Remus says, standing up in the compartment. "Have a nice summer?"

"_Très agréable_, thank you for asking." She says, smiling at him. "Spent almost the whole summer in France with my family. And you?"

"Great, thanks." He says shortly, squeezing past us out of the compartment. "You guys haven't seen Mary, have you?"

"She's in our comparment. You can come with us." I say.

I'll give Potter a chance. He'll give this all up by dinner. What's the use in yelling at him without cause and getting Isabel irritated at me?

I looked at him. He met my eyes quickly but then went back to studying his shirt cuff.

And with one more look I hope was anger at Potter, I turned and followed Nicole up the corridor. To be honest, I was confused at how he was acting. I mean, I'd been around him for more than 5 minutes, wasn't he supposed to be making me want to rip his eyes out?

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>"I hate that git." I mutter once they leave.<p>

"Mooney?" Sirius jokes. "Yeah, I hate him too."

"No you tosspot." I say. "That prick Nate Hogan. How does Evans even know him?"

"Dunno." Sirius says, tilting a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor beans up and into his mouth.

"He's an prat." I inform him.

He looks at me with this sort of irritated, sort of pitying way I can't stand. Then he goes back to reading the back of the label of the box.

_How did Lily know him? And why was she looking at him like that?_

_Stop. Stop, Lily Evans is not your responsibility. She can _look at _whomever she likes._

_But Nate is a loser! And not worthy of her…_

"Anything from the trolley?" The young woman pushing the food cart asks. Sirius fishes out some money and buys another box of jellybeans.

* * *

><p>By the time I wake up, we're almost at Hogwarts. Sirius has dozed off against the window, and Peter is staring out the window. Remus still hasn't returned from the girls' compartment.<p>

The train stops, and Sirius jolts awake.

Remus walks back into the compartment. He looks a bit crestfallen, to be honest, playing with the end of his shirt and not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Have a nice time?" Sirius asks, rubbing his eyes. "With MacDonald?"

He just nods his head, and starts collecting his things.

"Oh, Prongs, you should go. Isn't Head boy supposed to help the First Years go to the boats?" Remus asks.

_Bugger._

"Yeah." I say, and rush out of the train.

Hagrid is standing near the end of the platform, holding a lit lantern. He's gesturing and waving with his enormous hands, and the first years seem a bit terrified.

To be honest, so would I. Once you get to know him, his rough exterior is just that. _Exterior_. He's actually a really nice guy, but he looks like he would eat you alive. I always liked him, though. He was the only authority figure at the school who found any of the Marauders' pranks funny.

Well, he's not really an "authority figure", exactly. He was only the Ground Keeper's assistant, since he was expelled from Hogwarts in his third year. Dumbledore had decided to let him stay at Hogwarts because he had nowhere else to go. He does little bits and things, like feeding certain animals and moping up after plant explosions, but his main job is welcoming the First Years.

I walk up to where he's standing.

"Hagrid!" I say.

He smiles broadly. "'Ello James. Nice summer?"

I nod. "Very nice. And you?"

"I been a'righ. The fire slugs 'ave started matin', an' tha's been a handful." He says. I shudder to remember the red-colored slugs Hagrid showed Sirius and I near the end of last year. Sirius almost got his hand burnt off, and we hadn't been back since.

"Potter." I hear Evans' voice say next to me.

_Merlin! She came out of nowhere! Bloody minx..._

"Oi! – Oh, yes Evans?"

Her eyes flick down to my badge again, and she rolls her eyes.

"Still pretending? Alright then, come with me. Heads have to help the First Years onto the boats."

_Pretending? What's she talking about?_

But I follow her anyway, and start beckoning first years into the boats. It's like herding Hippogriffs, to be honest, they keep wandering off looking up at the castle, and not staying together.

"First years!" I hear myself say for what feels like the thousandth time. "This way."

"Hi!" A girl says to me. She's what seems like 2 feet tall with short brown hair, and she's wearing what looks like just-purchased robes. The girl stares up at me expectantly.

"Uh, hi." I say, a bit flustered that she's talking to me.

"I'm Carly! Who are you?" She asks, standing away from the other First Years.

"I'm James. It's nice to meet you." I say. "First Years, into the boats." I hope by saying this that she'd take the hint and –

"You're Head Boy?" She says curiously, looking at my badge. "What's that?"

I stop and think for a minute. "Um, it's like… I'm the president. Boy president… of all the students at Hogwarts." Yeah, that sounds about right.

"Oh." She says. She looks up at me for a moment longer before walking off and finally stepping into a boat.

"Well, it was nice meeting you!" I hear her little voice say through the dark. The boat starts floating away, and I call,

"You too!" but I don't think she hears.

* * *

><p>After dropping the first years off to McGonagall, Evans turned to me.<p>

"When are you going to give this up?"

I simply looked at her confusedly.

_What's she on about?_

"I _know _you're not Head Boy Potter."

"What?"

"Remus is. You're just trying to make me angry." She says with a smirk, as if she'd figured out a great mystery.

I feel my stomach clench and my fists curl.

"Evans, I know you might find this _impossible _to believe, but I _am _Head Boy. If you need _proof, _I've got the letter. Dumbledore picked me, just the same as he picked you." I snap, and open the doors to the Great Hall, immediately sitting down next to my mates.

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>Oh bugger.<p>

I've done it know.

How am I supposed to survive this year with the Head Boy hating me? The _real _Head Boy?

_So Potter's Head boy…_

I finally walked into the Great hall, when _Pauper, Elle _was being sorted.

The girls gave me a multitude of different expressions, mostly concerned. Remus and Mary were sitting next to each other, and Potter was close by.

Through the ceremony, I catch myself looking at him too much. He looks rather put out. I feel another pang of guilt hit my chest.

It seemed to take days for all the first years to get sorted, and the food finally materialized on our plates.

"Welcome to the Gryffindor common room. Boys' dormitories is upstairs and down to your left. Girls, the same on your right. All your stuff is already there. Come to me, or to Potter here if you have any questions." I say, finishing the little welcome speech. The first years gape up at Potter and I, and I wish I could reminisce about when I was a wee eleven year old.

But Potter is standing at least a foot away from me, and I can feel the heat of his anger radiating off of him.

The first years run up the stairs eagerly, and soon, the common room is empty except for Potter and I.

I watch as he sits down on the couch, and stares up at the ceiling.

_I've got to apologize._

_Ughhhh I don't want too._

_Come on Lily. Just do it._

_But I –_

_You were an idiot. Go make it better._

I took a deep breath in.

"Hey, Potter?"

His eyes move to my face.

"Yes?"

_Ugh._

"Uh, I'm um… Sorry about before."

"What? Before what?" He says defiantly.

I clamp my eyes shut and take another breath.

Damn Potter.

"When I… insinuated that… er… Remus was Head Boy. Instead of you."

"Oh. _That_."

_Yes that, Potter._

"Yes. So… I'm sorry."

He looks at me closely, eyes a little squinted.

"Ok. It's fine." He says. He looks at me for another moment and then exhales loudly. "So. We've got to meet Dumbledore now, right?"

"Yes." I say, grateful for the change in conversation.

So we both rise, and he follows me out of the room.

* * *

><p>The walk is awkward, and Potter has gone back to ignoring me.<p>

My teeth clench. _What the bloody hell was going on? _I don't think there was ever a time where we were in this close vicinity and there to be silence.

When we finally reach the office, I say "lemon drops", as per McGonagall's instructions, and the giant stone gargoyles in front of his office start to move.

We walk quickly up the steps before we fully enter the room.

I've never been inside Dumbledore's office. To be honest, it's a little intimidating.

It's this large circular room, and around the lower walls, there are what looks like over a million books. They're crumbling and look crammed in within an inch of breaking. Portraits of various headmasters and headmistresses are hung around the walls, and some of them are pretending to sleep. The ones that are awake look regal and important, and seem to scrutinize me as I pass. There are also many other little ornaments, all whirring and spinning around.

Up a couple steps, Dumbledore sits in a royal-looking behind a large desk filled with papers. Beside him sits a beautiful red bird.

"Is that a phoenix, sir?" Potter asks from next to me, his voice filled with wonder.

Dumbledore smiles kindly.

"Yes. His name is Fawkes." He says, looking over at the bird. "Wonderful creatures, phoenixes are…"

There's a pause.

Dumbledore's eyes float back to us.

"So. The password to the Head's office is "cervos et cerva". Go to the painting of the forest trees on the seventh floor, near to the Fat Lady. I –"

_The Heads got an office? I didn't know about that. Merlin that'll be great!_

Wait_, he said "Heads". That meant I was sharing it…_

_Sharing an office?_

_With _Potter_?_

"So we'll be sharing an office?" I ask.

"Yes." Dumbledore replies, eyes twinkling.

I look beside me, and Potter is just staring down at his shoes.

_Shouldn't he be jumping at the chance to share a private area with me?_

_God, that sounds conceited._

"You will see when you get there." Dumbledore says, interrupting my train of thought.

"I wish you two the very best of luck, and am certain I will be talking to you frequently. Goodnight." He says calmly.

Potter looks at him for a moment, then at me, and turns and walks down the stairs.

I follow him quickly.

The gargoyles slide back to their original position, and Potter takes off down the hall.

And we're alone in the echoing corridors again.

"Er… did you know that the Heads had an office?" I ask, running a little to catch up with him.

"No." He says blankly.

_WHY IS HE BEING SO WEIRD?_

"Oh."

The painting of the forest is across from the portrait of the Fat Lady, and is surrounded by pictures of wildlife.

There's a picture of a deer right up next to it, and it stares at me as Potter says clearly, "Cervos et cerva"

As I enter the room, I'm in awe.

It's almost like it was designed specifically for us. The room looks like a smaller version of the Gryffindor common room, all deep and dark reds and golds. There's a little fireplace and everything.

There are two desks, one on the right side of the room, one on the left. There's a leather couch in front of the fireplace (like the common room), and a deep red rug lies on the wood of the floor.

I swiftly run over to the desk on the right, which has a gold plate on the top of the table. It clearly says:

"Lily Evans.

Head Girl."

My heart swells with pride.

_Me. Lily Evans._

_Bloody hell, I'm actually Head Girl!_

I turn around and remember that Potter's here too.

He's still standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, staring around at the room.

Our eyes meet and I realize how alone we are.

He coughs awkwardly, but doesn't say anything.

"That's yours." I blurt out, pointing to the desk on the left. He looks at me for another moment.

"Oh." He runs his hand through his hair, and I get another jolt in my stomach.

Merlin, I hope I'm not getting sick.

"Congratulations." He says.

"Hm?"

"Congratulations." He repeats. He smiles sheepishly. "I know how much you wanted to be Head Girl. Congratulations."

And I'm not sure what to say.

"_I know how much you wanted to be Head Girl."_

"Oh… er… thanks." I say, sounding flustered.

"Yeah. You're welcome."

We stand there looking at each other for another moment.

"I think I'm going to turn in." He says.

"So, good night then." I say, trying to smile at him.

_Maybe that'll make him talk to me…_

"Er… 'night." He mutters, before disappearing back through the portrait hole. I find my eyes staring to the desk on the left, the plate reading:

"James Potter

Head Boy."

* * *

><p>AN: Seventh year is officially underway!

Sorry I sort of flip-flopped a lot with the perspectives. Most chapters won't be like this, I just realized I wrote it in sections, and this is how it turned out.

Hope you enjoyed!

Review please!


	6. The Crime of Existing

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **James decided to get over Lily; Lily realized she might want to be friends with James; Lily and James are Head Boy and Girl. Everyone goes back to Kings Cross to catch the Hogwarts Express. When Lily first sees James he ignores her and she is confused. Then Lily thinks James is pranking her and he isn't actually Head Boy, which makes James mad. Lily sees Nate again on the train, and finds out Nate and James know each other. The train arrives at Hogwarts and Lily and James are shown the office they'll be sharing. James is still silent and Lily is still confused and trying to be friendly.

* * *

><p><strong>The Crime of Existing<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>"So, good night then." She says, smiling… dare I say it… <em>warmly <em>at me.

Her eyes meet mine, and for the first time in a long time, I don't think I see even a hint of disgust or disregard.

It catches me offguard. What was she playing at?

"Er… 'night." I say quickly, and shut the door behind me.

_Leaving Lily Evans alone is going to be a lot harder than I thought. _I think to myself as I walk through the common rooms and up the stairs to the Gryffindor dorm rooms.

When I walk inside, Remus and Peter's bed curtains are closed. Tom isn't here, and Frank is propped up, reading something intently with the lit point of his wand against the page. Sirius is passed out but his curtains aren't closed.

Wearily, I shut them for him (like the bloody good mate I am) and jump into my own bed and letting myself fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I wake up and the dorm was empty.<p>

Fucking tossers, my mates. Couldn't even bother to wake me up for food?

I grunt, shoving myself off the bed and pulling on my clothes.

Stumbling into the bathroom, I brush my teeth, attempt to comb my hair (Which never works. Ever.), and pull on my Hogwarts-regulated uniform.

Closing the portrait hole behind me, I head off for breakfast.

By the time I get there it was already 8:47, which meant that I get all the scraps of leftover burnt bacon and a lone piece of toast. The house elves are slightly under staffed this year due to the snapping up from their previous pureblood masters.

I sit down quickly next to Remus, who was chatting quietly to mostly Mary and secondly Nicole. Crunching on the burnt bacon, I let my eyes wander over the table.

Evans was sitting farther down, hair back in a ponytail, listening to something Frank was saying. It was a moment before she met my eyes.

She nodded cordially at me, offering up a _half-smile_, before looking back at Frank again and nodding.

_What the hell was going on? Wasn't she the one who should be glaring at me, making me sure that staying away from her was a good idea? Why is she acting all politely to me when she hates me like she said she did?_

Before I could think anything else, Sirius sits down onto the bench, jostling my shoulder.

"Anything left?" He asks, pushing a piece of hair out of his face and surveying the table.

"Nope." I say, turning back to my plate.

"Roux." Sirius says, smiling at her. Her eyes get a little big and she combs a hand through her long blond hair, before looking back at him.

"Black." She says uncertainly. I don't understand why they're suddenly talking, I didn't really get the impression they were so close.

I mean, I remember him and his so-called "quest into Nicole's knickers", but I don't think it ever actually happened. Come to think of it, after the Christmas break last year, they didn't see much of each other at all.

Before I can think another thought, I feel a tap at my shoulder.

"Potter?" Evans says from behind me as I turn around. "We've got to go help pass out schedules."

She does it again. _Smiles _at me.

I sigh tiredly, but get up and follow her to the front of the room.

Evans strides up to McGonagall confidently, taking a stack of papers from her left.

"Miss Evans, you will start with the Ravenclaws."

She nods curtly and takes off in the other direction, leaving me standing in front of McGonagall alone. She looks at me disapprovingly, lips molding into a thin, dry white line.

"Potter, you'll take the Gryffindors. Try not to do anything funny." She says firmly. I grin charmingly back at her.

"Now _Minnie_, don't be worried. I take my job very seriously." I say, grabbing the stack of papers to her right and sticking my nose up in the air.

She raises an eyebrow at me, but turns back to Professor Dumbledore, smoothing out her dark green robes.

I just grin back, and turn in direction of the table.

_Handing out schedules is such a menial task. Why can't they just do it with magic?_ I wonder as I move down the table, handing the thick pieces of parchment to Gryffindors. I get half way down the table with only a few complaints.

"James!" I hear a high-pitched voice call. A spot down from where I am I see Carly, the first year from yesterday, swinging her legs out in the aisle. Her robes are a bit off-kilter, and her hair is matted in the back, but she wears a grin a little too big for her face. "Hi!"

I pluck the schedule reading "_Daniels, Carly_" off the top of my pile.

I walk down and hand her a schedule. She takes it with both hands, quite delicately. She looks at it like it's the most precious thing in the world. It almost makes me crack up, seeing her staring at this piece of parchment in such awe. It's funny, though, it sort of reminds me of… me.

She looks back up at me and smiles toothily.

"Thanks! So: how is being the president?"

"Good. Thanks for asking."

"Any disasters yet?"

I laugh loudly, making her blush a little. "No, not yet."

"Well, I'll let you get back to your duties. Bye!" She says, and turns back to her friends. There's a group of little girls in a close-knit circle around her, looking from me to her.

I glance over at Evans idly, almost subconsciously. She's standing, the schedules balanced on her hip, talking to _Nate._

_Why the bloody hell is she talking to that _git_? _She twirls a piece of hair between two fingers, and laugh at something he says.

Before I know it, I'm walking over to the spot Nate's sitting at.

_I thought you were going to leave her alone this year._

_This isn't anything like that! It's Heads business._

_Yeah. Sure._

"Um, Evans? You need to finish passing out the rest of the schedules." I say, trying to keep the edge off my voice.

She turns slowly to me. I can't really read her face. It's somewhere between anger and embarrassment. She seems to choose to be embarrassed.

"Er… yes. Sorry." She says, and turns her back on me. I watch as she leans down to Nate and says "we can finish this conversation later." And smiles at him.

_Walk Potter. Just walk away. Leave Lily Evans alone. Leave Evans alone. Leave her alone dammit!_

She eventually begins to move down the table now, passing out schedules rapidly but accurately. I can practically feel the glare radiating off Nate at me from across the room.

When everything's been passed out, I move back to my previous seat and plop down next to my mates.

"That's just bloody great..." Remus grumbles from next to me. His plate holds only crumbs, and he's rubbing his forehead tiredly.

"What?"

He shoved his schedule into my hands, and hit his head against the table.

"Double potions with the Slytherins second class of the morning." He mutters. "Kill me. Please."

I look back over to Evans, who is a safe distance away from Hogan. Maybe this year was going to be a _lot _harder than I thought.

* * *

><p>The first class of the day is Defense, which all of the seventh year Gryffindors were taking this year. McGonagall had stressed it last year, saying that they were "<em>extremely <em>important skills to have".

None of us needed to be told it, what with the back pages of the Daily Prophet full of muggleborn obituaries and sloppily covered-up attacks.

I glance around the room, sitting down at a desk close to the front with Sirius, all the while Lily is looking at me quizzically.

"Oi Potter!" I hear Doug Lyons call from across the room, coming towards me. "How was the summer?"

I shrug. "Good, I s'pose. How about yours, Lyons?"

He grunts. "Rubbish. Spent the entire time at my family's house with my three sisters and mum. Too much estrogen! Felicity's getting married and there'll all in a buzz, lace and dress samplings everywhere."

"Better than mine!" Lucas Caldwell says, leaning back on the next desk. "I had to work at my dad's in Cumbernald all bloody summer! Didn't have anytime to throw the quaffle 'round, much less _socialize_."

"Speaking of that, Potter, try-outs must be soon right? Got any idea who we're looking at?" Tom Jenkins presses, walking into the conversation.

"Next week." I answer. "We've got to get a new chaser now that Emma's graduated, and a new seeker as well. And Garth is still on, right?"

Tom smiles, putting his bag down at the desk behind us. "Fortunately. He's brill, even though he's only what? A fourth year?"

"Yeah, and the kid's a menace. Not _too_ big really, but fast and reflexes like a bloody cat."

Our laughs echo through the room.

"Alright, settle down, settle down." A man with black hair and a black mustache entered the room, wearing coal-colored robes and a black folder. His face was long, looking a little weathered and old beyond his years, but nonetheless looked handsome in a sort of debonair, elite way. Placing the black overstuffed folder down on his desk, he turned to the class.

I looked at Sirius, who shrugged back at me and turned back to the front.

"Hello Defense Against the Dark Arts Level Sevens. I am your teacher, Professor Ashford." He walked around from behind the desk to in front of the board, brandishing his wand as the chalk magically wrote "Professor Ashford" against the blank chalkboard.

"In this class," He continued. "We will be learning practical spells such as strong force-field spells, protective jinxes, and advanced charms such as the Patronus charm."

A hush of whispers erupted through the classroom as soon as he said "Patronus".

Professor Ashford cleared his throat loudly, and most of the class quieted down. His face was grave.

"It is no secret to anyone that there are dangers lurking out in the Wizarding world at this time. It is my responsibility to arm you, to prepare you for the things you may be forced to face. I will not coddle you, nor push you to do anything you aren't ready for. I am only here to teach you the spells, the rest is up to each and every one of you."

The classroom went dead silent, and Professor Ashford's face went back to it's original pleasant neutral.

"Now, with that said, please turn to page 247 in your textbooks…"

* * *

><p>Remus and I followed Lily, Dorcas, and Frank down to the dungeons.<p>

I shivered stepping off the last step and into the corridor. It's always cold and damp down here, as if you expect snakes to be living in the walls. A few Slytherins gave me dirty looks as we passed, including the familiar yet cringe-worthy face of Snivellus, with Regulus (Sirius' brother) trailing after him.

Potions, I do okay with. It's relatively formulaic, which makes it easier. I always have trouble with things like Charms, or Divination (but that's a load of shite anyway), things that are temperamental and require more intuition.

Potions I can handle. The thing I hate about potions class itself is the fact that Severus Snape and Lily Evans are almost always paired _together_. They're both Slughorn's little pets, and ever since the giant fight after the OWLs (which I admit, I was a catalyst in), he's been doing everything to try to get them back to being little busy, friendly bees.

It makes me want to stab him repeatedly with a quill.

We walk in, and like usual, Slughorn pairs us off.

"Yes, right, we'll have... Emmeline Vance! Right here, dear. With her is... er... Samuel Hoskins! Yes, come over here my boy, this desk next to the window!" He starts. I watch Emmeline walk over to the desk looking like she's swallowed a lemon. Sam just sneers at her and sits down quickly, looking out at the view.

"Now, Kate McDermott and Ruthie Caldwell! yes, yes. Alice Smithson and Frank Longbottom, over here..."

I watch Frank look over at Alice, who's stealthily looking back through the corner of her eye.

If you actually think about it, they'd probably be good together. Frank needs a girl, the guy's too stressed out. The only woman in his life is that strict mother of his that wears that bird hat. And Alice is definitely beautiful. She's got this short haircut of blond, but it actually looks good on her, and bright brown eyes.

But who knows. I'm sometimes oblivious to a lot of things, but it's definitely obvious that there's something about her that my roommate likes.

I sigh. At least she doesn't hate him. Maybe he's got a chance.

"Remus Lupin... and... oh! Let's have... Marlene McKinnon!" I jab Remus in the side, making him jump. He glares at me, collecting his things and walking over to where Marlene is patiently sitting, studying the ends of her dark brown hair.

"Ray Wolfe and Giselle Greengrass, Dorcas Meadowes and... Nate Hogan!"

I let out an exasperated sigh, leaning against the wall at the sound of his name as Nate saunters over to where Dorcas is perched on the desk. Of course Nate Hogan is in this class.

"And... oh yes! James Potter and Ellie Rhodes, come sit here." Slughorn says, adjusting his green robes and pointing to the desk smack dab in the middle of the room. I slowly pick up my bag and walk over to where Ellie Rhodes is sitting.

Ellie is a Ravenclaw, I think. She's sort of a bland personality though, so I'm not real excited. Especially since I know what two people are left and going to fill the desk right in front of me, in the very first row.

"Lastly, Lily Evans and Severus Snape!"

I look over at Lily, allowing myself to indulge in the long-lasting habit of staring.

Well, that sounds creepy. I don't _stare _stare. Or maybe I do.

No, I don't! It's just... when we were younger I used to stare at her during class just to get her to blush, or maybe crinkle up her nose in that cute way she does when she's confused or annoyed. Maybe, if I'm lucky, rile her up enough so that she'll say something like, "Hey Potter, try taking a picture, it'll last longer." To which I would say something scandalous like, "Oh Evans, any picture of you I'd want would be in a _much _different setting with _much _less clothing involved." Getting her to turn redder out of anger and embarrassment, so she would throw her red hair over her shoulder angrily and scowl down at her paper.

Although I've turned into a _mature, sensible_ and_responsible_ _adult full of infinite wisdom, _the habit of immediately searching for said redhead in a crowd/class has stuck. And it's not exactly like looking at her is a chore.

But right now Lily doesn't look angry or riled up or adorably crinkle-nosed. She just looks uncomfortably resigned. She moves off the wall and walks to smiling Slughorn, sitting down in the desk in front of him. Slughorn watches eagerly as stone-faced Snape sits down next to her.

Lily nor Snape acknowledge each other, and Slughorn's hopeful grin falls into one of resignation as well.

"James Potter?" A high voice says from next to me.

I turn and see Ellie Rhodes. She's short, unbelievably midget-like, in fact, with light brown hair pulled back in butterfly clips on one side of her face. Her nose is really quite small, as are her lips. She's just a small person altogether. She came to Hogwarts in fifth year.

She's looking at me expectantly, giant striking ice blue eyes staring at me.

"My name is Ellie Rhodes, you might not remember me. I came to Hogwarts in fifth year? We had Charms together last year?"

I forgot to mention that. She also has this weird tendency to introduce herself every time you speak, no matter how many times you've actually interacted.

"Yeah, hi Ellie." I say. When I turn back to Lily's direction, Slughorn is glaring back at me.

He claps his hands together, and his face turns merry again. "Alright! Now that we've got our partnerships we might as well dive in! This year we will be revisiting potions we learned last year, as well as more advanced potions that will be introduced to you over the coming months. Then we will start preparing and studying for the N.E.W.T.s, which as you all know are very important in deciding your future."

He walks over to the long table sitting in the front of the class, holding seven potions of multiple colors in different sized vials and glasses.

"These are some of the most important potion breakthroughs, these will be seen on the written and practical tests, so you should familiarize yourselves as best you can. Can anyone tell me what they are?"

And of course, Lily's hand shoots straight up in the air.

"Miss Evans?"

"Here you have Draught of Living Death, Felix Felicis, Polyjuice Potion, Veritaserum, Dreamless Sleep, and Amortentia." She says calmly.

Slughorn's grin returns, and he splutters, "Well done Miss Evans, well done! You certainly are a star student. I bet you could make quite the potion master!"

I can't see her face, but I'm almost positive she's glowing. Lily's always been good at potions, in our earlier years her and Snivellus would constantly be together, brewing potions and looking up ingredients and such. It bothered me to no end.

* * *

><p>After lunch and Care of Magical Creatures, I'm walking up the hill to the castle with Sirius. He's going on and on about something, I think some thing that happened involving Peeves and a ton of feathers. Remus meets us quickly, and we all walk around the grounds before dinner starts.<p>

Heads duties start too soon. I'm not ready to walk around alone with Lily in a completely empty castle. That's like throwing meat in front of a dog and expecting him not to eat it.

Ok, bad metaphor. But you get my point.

I meet Lily in front of the Gryffindor tower.

Merlin she looks pretty. Her tie's all askew, which usually she'd never let happen, and her hair is nicely combed back off her face. When I walk up in front of her, her head tilts up and she looks at me with bright green eyes.

_Stop. Merlin, you sick bastard. Can't you take no for an answer? You literally have no scruples. After one single day, you're ready to give up. Stay strong, my man. Stay the course._

"Well, took you long enough!" She says.

"Sorry, it was a long walk from the edge of the forest, I didn't mean to be late." I mumble.

_Don't speak, no unnecessary words. No teasing or pushing or prodding or anything._

She looks at me incredulously. "I was kidding."

Sighing and fixing her tie, she walks off in front of me down the corridor. I follow her, but a safe distance behind.

I try not to look at her arse.

Emphasis on the _try_.

"So, classes today? What'd you think of Professor Ashford?" She asks, her voice echoing off the walls. Dinner just ended and most students have gone to their commons, even though it's not very late yet.

"He's alright." I say.

That's about the extent of our conversation, which I suppose is good. This way I can give her what she wants and dually not get my self esteem battered any more then already done. The walk is awkward, but once I get back into the common room, I feel normal again.

Sirius and I sit up for a while talking about the day, about which girls got hotter over the summer and which teachers we still hate, and what pranks Sirius insists we'll pull this year.

And then I fall asleep.

* * *

><p>Classes are hard. This past week has been the hardest I've ever worked in school in my life.<p>

Leave it to me to pick the year things are the most difficult to finally decide to care.

I can't imagine how people like Lily and Remus are managing. I've only got Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and (unfortunately) Charms. They're practically taking everything; all the ones I'm in plus Arithmancy and Herbology.

Things have started to get stressed already. I've been having less and less down time, more and more work. I feel like I'm suffocating under parchment and quills and tests and bloody _responsibility._

Plus the fact that we've got Quidditch tryouts today and the first match is less than two months away.

Training a new team is always hard. A new group of people means a different balance, and a Quidditch team needs balance. Balance, skill, dedication and teamwork, that's my motto.

I'm actually pretty proud of that, I made sure to add it into my speech last year when I first got to be captain.

I head down to the pitch with Sirius at my heels, dragging Remus while he tries to read something on a scrap of parchment.

"Padfoot, I really can't come with you! I've got an essay on the uses of the mandrake plant for Herbology _and _a three-foot written explanation of why the order of ingredients in making Polyjuice potion are so important! Not to mention studying for the practice test McGonagall set for this Friday! And on top of all of that, I've still got that reading to do for Defense!" Remus whines, desperately trying to hold the parchment still.

"Relax, Moony!" Sirius drawls, flicking his hair off his face. His Quidditch robes are crooked, which looks like Remus put up quite a fight. "You can take that practice test in your sleep, you can write the essays tonight, and you can do the reading tomorrow at breakfast! Besides, you always come. Don't be an asshole."

"I'm not being an asshole, I'm trying to be _responsible_." Remus quips.

"Good flying weather today." Garth says, looking up. He threads his hands through his leather Keeper gloves.

I remember when Garth first came to the team. He was this average-sized second year, nothing special. I remember he saved every single one of the attempted goals, much more than the sixth years that had tried out against him. Since then he's grown a lot, went through that growth spurt all boys do during third year. Now he's a stocky boy with dirty blond hair, but still as quiet as he ever was about anything other than Quidditch.

Tom steps up on his left, tilting his head up and surveying the essentially cloudless sky above.

"There's a weird wind coming in from the east, though. Could send a spin on things." He adds, looking across the pitch.

Through the entrance between the stands, I watch Paige lead in a group, wearing an array of different athletic clothing. There's a decent crop of fourth and fifth years, along with a few scrawny looking second and third years, though no one from sixth or seventh.

I walk over quickly to the group.

"Ok, so, tryouts will be fairly easy. First we're going to run some laps, see who can keep up. Then we'll move to flying: speed and accuracy. Whatever position you're trying out for, after flying drills, you'll get in specific areas and we'll test you. You'll know if you've made it by next Friday." I say.

I sound strange to myself, too professional. They all are looking up at my nervously.

"Good luck." I add before walking up to the stands, leaving Paige to time their running.

* * *

><p>Sirius and I sit up in the stands, Remus next to us, watching the players fly around.<p>

"Who's _that?_" Sirius asks, pointing to a girl with blond hair tied up in a bun, whizzing past us.

I check down at the list. "Number... seven. Her name's Ivy Watkins, fifth year."

"Ivy Watkins? Really?" He asks bewilderedly, snatching the list from me. "She hasn't missed a shot yet!"

"She's applying for chaser?"

"Yeah, and she's bloody brilliant. Off a broom she's the clumsiest thing you'll ever see, but she's 24 for 24. That's pretty impressive." Sirius says, kicking his legs up against the seat in front of us. The stands are mostly empty except for us and a few other supporting friends.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of red, accompanied by Frank Longbottom. Shielding my eyes from the sun and squinting in their direction, I see Lily and Frank sit down a ways away from us.

She looks around, and her green gaze catches mine.

The corners of her mouth tilt upwards, affording me a small smile before turning and looking out onto the pitch.

"Hey! Earth to Prongs!" Sirius' booming voice suddenly says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I bat them away. "What?"

"I thought you swore off the redheaded harpy."

"I did."

"Then why are you suddenly consumed in a lustful gaze?"

I smack him over the head, making him yelp.

"I am not consumer in a lustful gaze."

Yes I am.

"Yes you are." He echos.

* * *

><p>Tryouts end uneventfully. I don't look to Lily again for the duration of the rest of the time.<p>

"Good job everybody!" I say to the exhausted, sweaty looking group in front of me. Paige and Tom are standing on either side of me, looking over on my list. I've made numbers and notes around the margins, as well as small doodles. "We've seen a lot of great talent so far. The list will be up by Friday."

With that, everyone disperses, wandering off in separate directions. Sirius runs off to go find Remus, and I'm left walking back up to castle by myself.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Lily appears next to me, red hair falling like a curtain in front of her face before she gracefully swipes it back behind her ear.

She smells delicious.

"Lot of good talent I see." She says.

Why is she standing so close to me? We're actually walking, side by side. Hand-holding distance.

"Yeah." I say dumbly.

She looks at me with an expression somewhere between confusion and anger. She huffs deeply, causing the fringe of her hair to blow up and then flop over her face. Her footsteps become stomps and suddenly she's walking away from me.

"What did I do now?" I blurt out.

She turns around and huffs at me again, before entering the castle muttering, "Everything, Potter."

Oh yeah, now I remember what I did wrong. Exist.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi all! Yes, it's been ages since I've updated this. I was a bit sidetracked by a cute little plot bunny entitled "Five Days". But I finished that and I got all inspired again with this story! So here it is!

I hope this chapter didn't get too boring for some. I'm a bit of a crazy person for multiple plot twists, so this may have just felt like an introduction/filler. But I promise the information in this one will be important to the overall story.

Please review, if you would! Click that sexy new review button below and leave thoughts/comments/questions/(cough)love(cough cough).


	7. This Is The Night We Became Friends

****PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": ****James and Lily pass out schedules during breakfast, James meets a funny first-year named Carly, and Lily lingers too long talking to Nate. The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is introduced. Lily gets partnered with Severus Snape in Potions. Classes are difficult. Gryffindor hosts Quidditch tryouts. Lily tries to make conversation and then confuses James by getting angry when he won't talk to her.

* * *

><p><strong>This Is The Night... We Became Friends<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Your hands are shaking baby!<em> _You ain't been sleeping lately!_ _There's something out there!_ _And it don't seem very friendly does it?_ _If I could help you I would help ya!_ _But it's difficult!_ _There's something much more powerful_ _Than both of us possessing me!"_

That morning, I wake up to a loud racket from the bathroom. For some reason unbeknownst to us rational people, Mary decided it would be a good idea to sing "This Is The Night" by The Weird Sisters at seven in the morning. I rip open the bed curtains angrily to see her sitting in front of the mirror in the bathroom, brushing her hair, singing to herself in what absolutely _no one _would call a quiet, morning voice.

_"I've got to get to grips!_  
><em>I don't want to feel like this!<em>  
><em>Your voice keeps haunting me!<em>  
><em>I cannot eat or sleep!<em>  
><em>I'm going crazy in this hazy fantasy!<em>  
><em>You put a spell on me!<em>  
><em>Aw but I ain't going down at all!<em>

_So take your hands off me!_  
><em>Tonight I'm breaking free!<em>  
><em>This is the night!<em>  
><em>This is the night!<em>  
><em>So take your hands off me!"<em>

"MARY SHUT THE FUCK UP MERLIN FUCKING DAMMIT YOU ARE THE MOST TONE DEAF PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!" Nicole's voice suddenly yells from her opened bed curtains. She's laying in a mess of sheets, pillow over her blond head, slamming her fists into the mattress.

I watch Mary smile and glance over at Nicole. "And hello to you too sunshine!"

I throw a pillow off my bed and I hit her right in the head, causing her to drop her brush.

She crosses her arms haughtily. "It isn't my fault that you all can't appreciate my artistic talent."

"Your artistic talent could be used to scare off a Chimera." Paige's voice says from behind her bed curtains.

Mary's jaw drops, and she steps out of the bathroom, picking up her brush from the ground indignantly.

"You're all just jealous." She says, moving to the closet.

The sun is in the sky, which is nice while it lasts. That's one of the things I absolutely hate about winter, the fact that you have to get up in what feels like the middle of the night, with the sun still not risen.

I get out of bed gingerly and walk over to Isabel's closed curtains. She's such a heavy sleeper, has been since she was a kid, so I doubt she's heard any of this. I rip the curtains open and find her curled up in a little ball, hair curled around her chin, smile curled on her face.

"Isabel." I say gently, nudging her with my knee. She remains unconscious.

I jump on top of her and crawl up to her face, right up next to her ear. Before I can say anything, Mary comes out of nowhere and yells "ISABEL!"

Her eyes snap open and she shoved me off of her. Mary and I laugh hysterically while Isabel sits up slowly.

"You two have got to stop doing that." She grunts at both of us.

"Never!" Mary declares, and gets another pillow in the face.

* * *

><p>"So you're saying that if a griffin and a hippocamp were to get in a fight, the <em>griffin <em>would win?" Peter exclaimed as the girls and I approached. Sirius scooted down the bench, leaving room for Isabel and Nicole to squeeze in next to him. I take a seat between Remus and Dorcas, and Mary sits down on Remus' other side.

"Hey." He greets her.

"Hi." She says, uncharacteristically quietly. Remus gives her a peck on the cheek, and there's a long pause that follows it.

Sirius breaks the silence by clearing his throat, which upon Isabel launches into her woes of not getting to Hogsmeade this weekend and being in desperate need of new robes.

"The school year just started!" Sirius exclaims.

Isabel glares at him. "Your point?"

While they bicker, I turn and see that James is sitting right across from me is still yet to say anything. His eyes abruptly look up and meet mine, and I smile at him.

"Goodmorning James."

Suddenly our whole group goes silent. I feel extremely awkward, and fight to keep a blush off my face.

"'Morning." He replies shortly, not meeting my eyes.

And for some reason, I feel like I'm about to burst into tears. What the hell's the matter with me?

Why's he being so cold with me this year? Hadn't I had this whole notion that seventh year we could at least be peaceful? Maybe even acquaintances? Nicole's the only one that actively makes eye contact with me, because Peter has already continued his story about Professor Ashford always carrying around his briefcase.

"He carries it everywhere!" Peter insists. "He's got to have something secret in there. It's abnormal. Look, there it is!" He says, pointing conspicuously to where Professor Ashford is sitting at the Professor's area, chatting with Professor McGonagall.

Everyone ignores him.

Isabel is staring at something across the way, and I follow her gaze. Nate and a group of Ravenclaw boys are standing up next to their table, talking. Nate looks over at his and flashes a dashing grin and wink.

I abruptly turn back to the front and shovel in another bite of my breakfast, while Isabel turns around leisurely, flipping her hair behind her shoulder and smiling secretively.

I have to remember to ask her about that.

My eyes meet James' accidentally, and then he looks across the table at Sirius. His jaw is clenched.

_He has an amazing jaw._

I scoff at myself.

_What?_

_From a purely scientific view, the boy does have a nice, strong jaw. Just saying._

Mary nudges me, and I look back at her.

"What?"

"We've got Charms soon, and I want to go up early to ask Flitwick about that essay. Walk me?" She asks, but says the last part more like an order than a question. Her eyes are widened and it looks like she's trying to tell me something, but I can't figure out what it is.

I sigh. "Sure."

We grab our things and walk out of the Great Hall. I have to almost run to keep up with Mary.

She starts walking up the stairs, me following after her. She collects all her blond hair to one side and starts finger combing it, something she does when she's trying to make up her mind about something.

"What's up?" I ask from behind her.

"I told you, I want to see Flitwick. That essay is -"

"No seriously." I interrupt. "Mary, I know you. There was bacon and you never miss out on that unless you really don't want to be there. What's going on?"

She suddenly sits down on the stone stairs, letting her head bow. "Lily, it's Remus."

I sit down next to her. "What's been going on? Are you guys dating, or?"

"I don't know, exactly." She says. "I guess we are. It's just... I don't know. He's not... it's not like I don't like him. I do... I think. I don't know, everything's complicated. Everything in my mind keeps contradicting itself."

"So you don't like Remus?" I ask gently. Personally, I think Remus would be the perfect boyfriend. He had rugged features and decent muscles, and he was polite and smart and incredibly sweet. He'd be one of those guys who would remember you liked treacle tart or your mother's birthday.

"No, I do... I mean, he's sweet and smart and quiet and _polite..." _She says, voicing my opinions of him. "But I'm not. I'm loud and obnoxious and sloppy and don't care about school. And he makes me feel so _gross_ about being like that."

"Mary, you're not -"

"I'm not fishing for compliments here. I'm honestly saying, that's who I am. And I've always liked that, liked who I was. And when he tries to kiss me or hold my hand, I just get this really trapped feeling in my stomach, like I just want to _get away _and be alone." She finishes. She raises her hand to her mouth and starts biting on a hangnail, one of her bad habits.

I pull her hand away from her mouth, and now she just looks ashamed. "So you don't want to be with him?"

She shakes her head uncertainly, but doesn't protest to the statement.

I sigh, trying to formulate what advice I should give her. Honestly, I love Remus and her and it would be so great if they were a couple. And Remus really likes her and maybe this is just Mary second-guessing herself.

"Look, don't do anything now." She looks at me confusedly. "You haven't gone on a real date with him. And Hogsmeade is this weekend, so -"

"Lily, we've been dating for about three months now. It's not like I don't -"

"Just wait." I say. "Try to enjoy the date."

She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but just closes it and starts combing her hair again.

"Come on, we've got to get to Charms. You can't afford to skip."

"Hey!" She protests, back to her normal disposition. "I've got an A, I'll have you know!"

And with that, I help her up off the stairs, and we walk the rest of the way to Charms.

* * *

><p>"Hey Lily." Nate says, coming up next to me on my left.<p>

He caught up with me on the way to Potions, and we walk the rest of the way together. I see Sirius on the way, who rolls his eyes at Nate and takes off the other way, holding a brown paper bag and mischievous grin.

"How's being Head girl?" He asks, adjusting the books he's holding in his arms.

"Exhausting. Stressful. Anxiety-inducing." I say. I look up at his blond hair, simple and neat. It looks like Captain America's hair, a character from the comic books the boys at my old muggle school used to read.

"Sounds like a party."

We laugh. He's got a nice laugh, like one of those laughs you hear on the radio from the hosts. Or a pre-recorded laugh.

"So, Hogsmeade is coming up soon." He says, and looks at me expectantly.

I pretend I don't know what he's getting at. "Yes, it is."

"Want to go with me?" He asks, his blue eyes looking at me hopefully.

I smile. "Sure Nate." I reply, and he grins.

A date with Nate. Ha, sounds like a TV program.

"Great." He says as we walk through the doorway together. Half the class is still there, and it feels like everyone is watching me. I feel awkward.

Nate smiles at me chastely, and takes his seat next to Dorcas, who looks at me curiously.

Randomly, I look straight at James.

He's talking to that girl Ellie Rhodes, who's wearing that same butterfly clip that she does every single day since she came to Hogwarts. He isn't looking at me.

* * *

><p>Patrolling with James for the last few weeks had been literally the most awkward hours of my life.<p>

He's just so... un-Potter-ish. No jokes, no teasing, no inquiries, not even any sexual innuendoes. Just silence. And every time I try to make conversation, ask him a question, make a comment, he only responds in short, no-less-than-four-syllable answers.

Maybe I'll ask him about Quidditch.

"So, er, have you decided the team yet?"

He looks at me, startled. "What?"

"The team." I say, swallowing nervously. "Quidditch?"

He looks even more confused.

"Why do you care? You hate Quidditch." He says accusingly, walking a little faster ahead of me in the corridor.

"Excuse me for trying to make conversation." I spit at him.

We walk for a while longer in complete silence, but I can feel a fire burning up inside of me as each minute passes. What was his fucking _problem?_ I had been nothing but cordial to him this year. I even attempted to be _friendly! _I asked him about bloody _Quidditch_, for God's sake! He pursued me romantically for years, always made outlandish promises, yet when I tried to be coworkers, he didn't even want to chat?

I glared out of the corner of my eye at him. He was just walking next to me, not even looking my way, hand in his bloody hair like that. All I wanted to do was punch him in his big fat face.

He coughed quietly, still not looking at me.

I tried to think rationally. He could be stressed. He could be tired. It could have nothing to do with me...

"Is everything alright?" I ask in the most kind voice I can muster.

He turns to me, looking like I've just sprouted five extra heads.

A moment goes by before he replies. "Yes."

"This year schoolwork hard?" I try.

He suddenly looks furious. His eyes are widened and bright and angry, and his jaw clenches again.

"Despite your sub-par opinion of me, Lily, I'm not completely unintelligent, you know." He says.

I splutter to reply. "That's - I - not what I meant, and -"

"It's _fine_." He snaps.

"What's the matter with you! Why do you hate me now?" I suddenly blurted out with such force that it caused him to actually jump.

I turn to look fully at him, and now that he'd had a moment to take in the words, he's looking at me angrily. I don't fully realize the irony in that statement until it comes out of my mouth.

He looked at me very seriously. It was unnerving actually, very uncommon.

Though James Potter was practically the King of Jokes and Laughter and All-Around Merry-ment, those certain times when all that would fall away and he would become serious had only happened twice. Once after the OWLs, when he'd ran after me and tried to apologize after torturing Severus some more, and one when I basically pointed out every single one of his flaws and basically declared that I would go out with him, quote, "over my dead body" in sixth year (which was the last time to date that he'd asked me out).

"Evans, how could you think that? I could _never_ hate you." He says honestly.

His eyes boar into mine to intensely for me to handle, and I look at the ground. I hear him clear his throat, and I can picture him ruffling his hair right now.

"Why are you not talking to me then?" I push, looking back up at him. He is ruffling his hair.

"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?" He says, back to that cold tone of voice, and walking off slowly again down the hallway.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" I practically yell, running after him, my shoes clattering loudly against the cold stone floors.

"Because!" He suddenly bellowed back, turning around and facing me. "It's what you want!"

_What?_

My entire body seems to freeze up.

"Last year? Last night of term?" He says blatantly.

_Oh._

No words will come out of my mouth. I try to say something, but I can't.

"You said you wanted me to _leave you alone_. I'm just doing what you wanted!" He says, and it sounds bitter. His gaze suddenly turned soft again, and he looked at his shoes.

A long pause happens, and he looks like he's about to turn around and leave.

"But I don't want that!" I say automatically.

He stares at me for a moment, his face unreadable.

"What _do_ you want then?" He asks quietly.

I really thought about it for a moment.

What exactly did I want with James Potter? I don't hate him. I don't necessarily actively _like _him either.

But I didn't know exactly what else. Every feeling I had about James Potter seemed to be muddling lately. During the summer I thought I had it all figured out. Then the whole freezing-me-out bit happened, and now... what did I want? Did I still want to label Potter as a friend? Not an acquaintance, but as a true, eat-together-at-meals, chat-on-a-daily-basis, be-involved-in-each-others-lives friend?

"I think we should be friends." I said hopefully, almost like a question.

Something behind his eyes changed.

"Friends?"

"Yes." I say, firmer this time. "We're Head boy and girl, we've got to get along. We're sharing an office, for heaven's sake."

He looked at me another moment.

Friends with James bloody Potter. God, that thought had actually become reality. Friends with _James Potter_. What would it be like? Pranks. Laughter. Mischief? Probably all.

"I would love to be friends with you, Evans." He says, smilling broadly.

"Yes, well then…" I say briskly, holding out my hand. "Friends?"

He smiles, and shakes my hand.

"Friends."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi! Sorry this is such a short chapter, the next one is much longer. Hope you liked it! Chapter 7 will be up soon, probably when finals are FINALLY over.

Review? Please please please?


	8. Woes Of A Quidditch Captain

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Things are still awkward between Lily and James; Mary started dating Remus over the summer but now thinks she doesn't want to date him; Gryffindor Quidditch tryouts have happened; Nate asks Lily to Hogsmeade; Lily confronts James about his silent treatment and he brings up the almost-kiss at the end of sixth year. The two fight a little but eventually strike up a friendship.

* * *

><p><strong>Woes Of A Qu<strong>**idditch Captain**

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>Being Captain of a Quidditch team is simultaneously a great experience and hell.<p>

Sure, you get glory and praise and access to the Prefect's bathroom. But no one ever mentions the fact that whenever you lose, that loss is directly on your neck. No one mentions that you have to schedule all the practices, even those horrible times when you'd rather just lay face-down on the floor.

That and you have to go through the process of selecting a team. You've got to pick the most talented people who also will fit the team. And that is far from an easy feat, my friend.

So here I am, drowning in paperwork and pressure to make a decision. I think that's my problem. When I give myself too much time to choose a path, I'll never do it. However, if I had only a short time to pick, I probably would be done by now.

The door to the office opens timidly to reveal Lily, clutching a stack of papers and reference books.

She smiles shyly at me, walking into the room and to the couch where I was sitting, inspecting a mess of names, pictures and stats.

"What're you doing?" She asks, leaning over my shoulder. A piece of her hair falls against the side of my face, and something kicks in my stomach.

Swallowing, I reply calmly. "Putting together the team for this year. I've got to get it up soon, the first practice is at the end of this week... but it's so hard putting together a team."

She rounds the couch and sits down next to me, setting down her load on the corner of the table. "Well, who've you got so far?"

This felt positively _surreal_. Lily Evans being civil with me. I work to pull down the corners of my mouth.

I show her my badly scribbled list of possible names.

"I'm set on Ivy Watkins as the third Chaser. She managed to score every time, she was 30 for 30." I say. She nods her head, and begins to chew her lip.

"And everyone else is staying on from last year in their positions," I continue. "The only thing we need is a seeker."

"Didn't Baz try out?"

I scoff. "Yeah. But he's not the fastest flier by far, and the team doesn't like him. He's too cocky, we can't have someone like that."

She raises an eye brow at me.

"Ok, ok, point taken, I'm cocky, whatever. But he's not fast."

We sit in silence for a while, her eyes scan over the page of names.

"What about Elita Day?" She asks, handing the paper back to me.

"Who?"

"She's a second year. Small girl, reddish hair? She's the second fastest flier, but it says here she's got the best accuracy and she managed to catch the snitch more than anyone else in a shorter amount of time."

"But that fourth year Roman... Roman what's his name... he was the fastest."

"_But she's the best seeker_. You're not just looking for a fast flier." She counters.

I grin. "Didn't know you knew or cared so much about Quidditch Evans. I believe you once called it, 'A giant waste of bloody time watching a bunch of cocky blokes throw a ball through a hole'."

Her cheeks redden, and she pushes a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Well... maybe my opinion's changed." She says, standing up and gathering her bundle of schoolwork. "Take another look at Elita Day."

And she leaves the room.

_Her opinion has changed..._

* * *

><p>"Mister Potter!"<p>

I hear McGonagall's shrill voice call after me in the crowded hallway.

"Yes, Minnie?" I ask, turning around and making my way to where she's standing, arms crossed, looking down disapprovingly at me. She's in the middle of the hallway, but the students just go around her frightfully. "If this is about this weekend, I regret to inform you that I already have plans, but I'm sure we could schedule a get together soon -"

"Potter." She says disciplinarily. "I'm here about the team."

I barely hide my sigh of frustration.

"I'm going to need the names of the new players on the team, as well as those who are retaining their positions from last year." She says. "By tomorrow."

I run my hand through my hair stressfully. "Alright, I'll try -"

"Potter, we have got to start training. Professor Slughorn is very adamant about practice this year, and we only just scraped by with a win last year!" She says. "Slytherin has got Regulus Black on the team as well."

Bugger. That ought to cause some problems in the future.

"Ok, I'll post the list tomorrow."

She nods once, and then raises an eyebrow at me. "Shouldn't you be in Potions?"

"I was -" The hall is empty now. "Just going there."

"Good. Can't have the Head Boy skiving classes now, can we?"

"But you -"

"Never mind. Off you go." She says, holding my shoulders and turning me back around in the direction of the dungeons.

* * *

><p>"Is it me, or has Dorcas Meadowes gotten hot?" Tom whispers during Charms. Flitwick is reviewing Charms we learned in fourth year for this practice test we're taking next week. Luckily, I managed to understand Charms all the way up until the middle of sixth. So I'm good.<p>

I lean back in my seat to take a look.

"I suppose. She's always been attractive though, in that skinny girl way." I reply.

Which she has. I mean, she's got really long dark brown hair and nice eyes. But I've never really thought of her in a romantic way, she's more just like that shy cousin I talk to on occasion. She doesn't like Quidditch much, or Transfiguration, or pranks... but on occasion we've talked about other things.

Sitting next to her, however, is the lovely Lily, looking really cute and thoughtful.

Wow I sound like a ponce.

Sirius leans forward on his elbows. "Nah, I don't buy that. She's got nothing _there. _No tits, more like bee stings. And no arse either, she's just a stick -"

"Stop." Remus says so abruptly it gives me a start.

The boys are all quiet for a moment before Sirius replies.

"Well you've got Mary. I'll admit, she's definitely shaggable. Got a real nice chest too."

Remus says nothing.

Tom claps him on the back. "Relax, man. We're just talking."

Flitwick appears in front of our desk.

"Mister Potter, since you've been talking almost this entire lecture, I'm sure you can show us the more advanced version of the spell I just did?"

I groan. "And that spell was?"

He looks at me disapprovingly. "Detention, Mister Potter."

I hear a scoff from the other side of the room where Dorcas is sitting next to Lily.

But instead of the usual McGonagall-esque face, she's fighting a grin and shaking her head. I blink to make sure I'm not imagining it.

"Unfortunately, I will not be able to supervise any detentions for this week, so we will have to schedule it for the weekend."

"But it's the first Hogsmeade weekend! And -"

He stands up a little higher (which, mind you, isn't actually very high at all) on his pile of books and simply says, "Maybe you should have thought of that before interrupting my class."

* * *

><p>"So you've got it?" Sirius asks, trotting along next to me, tie tied around his head and chewing on a licorice. His uniform is always coming apart at the end of the day, and today is no exception.<p>

"Yeah." I reply.

We both walk from the Care of Magical Creatures classroom (which is hardly used simply because we do most of our practical work outside), me holding the final list of the team's names.

With the help of Lily, Tom, and a few scraps of advice from Remus, I finally finalized the team. And I can say that I'm pretty proud. It's a good line up this year, especially since I'm angling to win the cup for Gryffindor (it would be our fourth consecutive win).

"Gringotts." I say to the Fat Lady, who swings open. Sirius bounds through the portrait hole, jumping over the back of the couch and sitting next to a blond head belonging to Nicole.

"Hi." He says, draping his arm across the back.

"Bugger off Black." I hear her ironically feminine voice bark.

I can hear people's conversations dying behind me as I extract the list and go about sticking it up on the notice board. Before I can get out of the way, everyone swarms around it.

"Who's Chasers?"

"Garth's back on for Keeper!"

"Who's Seeker, I've got a galleon on Roman!"

I quietly back out of the way before people can start getting in my face, and up to my room.

Remus and Tom are both there when I enter. Tom lays on his back, throwing a Quaffle up into the air and catching it at the last second before it hits his face.

Tom flicks his hair out of his face and grins at me. "List up?"

"Yeah."

"Ivy's our third?"

I nod. Tom pushes up off the ground and runs out to the common room.

I jump face first onto Remus' bed where he's sitting and writing something.

"I hate doing this." I mutter into the sheets.

"I know." He says.

I turn over, looking up at his calm face. He's hardly ever this healthy-looking and still collected. "Sorry about today in Charms."

He says nothing. "I mean, it doesn't really bother you usually. Sirius and Tom talk like that all the time, and you haven't said much before."

He closes the journal on his lap and looks down at me.

"I think Mary wants to have sex with me."

I nearly fall off the bed.

Climbing back up, I splutter, "What?"

He shrugs, but he's also blushing really red. "I just... I don't know. She always wants to... er... yeah, and sometimes things go a little further and she doesn't stop... but I do, and I don't... I want to be a good guy and..."

I try to cover up laughter with coughing, but I can't hold it in.

"Um, well, if she wants to... why not?"

He leans back against the back of the bed and swallows painfully. "Something feels off."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I mean... I like her. She's pretty. She's... er... _fit_."

"And?"

"When we're together, she just seems far away. And it just feels strange."

I don't know exactly what to say. I've never had that problem. I mean, I have, but it's usually when I'm with other girls that aren't Lily. Not that I have _been _with Lily...

"I don't know." I say. "You like her, right?"

He nods. He suddenly looks uncomfortable. "Let's not talk about this anymore."

I turn back over onto my stomach and smile. "Did you see Lily today?"

"When?"

"Flitwick, during class. She didn't scowl. She... she _smiled_." I say.

He laughs.

"What?"

"Nothing. Congratulations."

I punch him in the stomach. "Arsehole."

* * *

><p>I did not expect breakfast to be an ordeal. It is a time to wake up and gather fuel for the rest of the day.<p>

However, today it seemed to be Criticize James day.

"What the hell Potter?" A voice said from down the table.

It's Baz Harris.

"Hi Baz." I say tiredly. I've never had to deal with vengeful players who didn't make the team, thankfully, but I'd seen many a fight having to do with who was picked. I really hoped this wasn't going to become one of those.

He stood angrily in front of me, blond curly hair sticking out in different ways and fists closed.

"I deserve to be seeker. Put me on the team."

I turned around and faced him. "Baz, you're good. But the seeker we've picked is what we're going to go with. You should try out next year, maybe -"

"I'm better! It's a mistake not to chose me!"

"Well, we've chosen -"

"You're a rubbish captain!" He suddenly yelled. "You've got no idea how to put together a team, muchless coach it! Gryffindor won barely by 20 points last year!"

"Hey! You -"

"You're a fucking bloody prick!"

"Yeah well screw you! Your name is _Baz. _I think that's about enough of an insult right there." I blurt out.

The boy's face turns positively _red _and he marches out the doors. The whole Gryffindor table is staring at me, and I just feel tired again, just before I'm about to sit down, I hear footsteps behind me. Remus gives me a slight encouraging smile while Sirius just stiffens.

"Seem pretty confident in turning away good players, eh Potter?" A hissing voice says from behind me.

Of course I have to deal with Lucinda and the rest of the Slytherin Quidditch team this early in the morning. Of bloody course.

"Says the captain of the second-place team for three consecutive years."

Lucinda Talkalot is actually sort of pretty, but she's got this really long nose that seems to constantly be in the air. Winston Pucey stands behind her, arms crossed, looking extremely put out. Unfortunately, Regulus Black has taken the opportunity to make an appearance as well.

I feel Sirius stand up next to me.

Out of the corner of my eye I glance to the teacher's table. Dumbledore and McGonagall are talking, and all the other professors seem deeply interested in their meals.

"Not for long. We've got Regulus Black as seeker this year. I believe you... know him." Lucinda says, looking sideways at Sirius.

Regulus Black looked entirely too much like Sirius. Both had the same stormy gray eyes and wavy black hair. The only thing was that Sirius' face was seemingly always stretched into a grin or a smirk, while Regulus always looked rather jumpy. Regulus was also slightly smaller. Sirius, however, was a Gryffindor, and Regulus was a Slytherin. Sirius had run away to my house last summer. Regulus had stayed at home. Sirius hated his pureblood status and rebelled against its society and rules in every way. Regulus followed them diligently.

There was also the fact that Regulus had become Snape's little pet, and was rumored to have taken the dark mark.

In attempts to quash Sirius' rising anger, I step in front of him. "Well, with or without him, or team will still leave you in the dust."

Winston Pucey laughs growlingly, and says, "That'll happen when hell freezes over."

"Well then you're not very perceptive. Hell must have become an ice berg about three years ago, when we beat you to a pulp." Sirius spat.

"It's just a game." Remus mumbles from his seat.

Lucinda smirks. "Just another way of proving that us snakes are simply _better _than you."

I see out of the corner of my eye Sirius pull out his wand as everyone else suddenly does the same. Silence falls over the tables, and I grab Sirius' wand.

Sirius glares at me quickly before people start getting up to see what's about to happen. The Slytherins stare at us, wands outstretched.

"Mister Potter, put down that wand this instant!" McGonagall's voice pierces through the silence.

Hurriedly, the Slytherins stash their wands and move away from the table.

"But Professor -"

"No buts. Starting a fight in the Great Hall is... frankly _unacceptable_."

I hear the Slytherins snicker from behind her.

"Detention." McGonagall says firmly.

"What?" I practically yell.

"You heard me." She says sassily. She strides back down the table and up to the professor's table, where Dumbledore is staring down at me calmly.

The hall slowly starts to fill up with noise again, and I dejectedly grab my bag off the floor with means to leave.

"Sorry mate." Sirius says halfheartedly.

Why is it always me? When I used to pull pranks, I only got caught for _maybe half _of them. Now, when I'm barely doing anything, all teachers are giving detentions left and right!

"Um, excuse me?" A little voice says from behind me.

"WHAT?"

I whip around to find little Elita Day standing there, looking extremely frightened and clutching a book to her chest.

"Um, I was, um, just going to, um thank you for picking me for seeker... um, my dad's really proud..." She splutters out, tears welling up in her eyes.

Oh fuck.

"Oh... um..."

Tears start falling, and I watch a fourth year Gryffindor girl get up and take her by the shoulders.

"It's ok, Elita." She says, sending a glare in my direction.

I feel like slapping myself.

* * *

><p>Later, back in the common room, I sit on the big leather couch, watching Peter and a fifth year named Dom play Wizard's chess.<p>

"Knight to E8."

The knight slides across the board and stabs the rook on E8. Dom sighs defeatedly.

"Do you often terrorize small children, or was this morning a special occasion?" A soft voice asks from behind me.

Lily sits down on the other side of the couch, leaning against the arm and looking accusingly.

"Shut up." I grumble, rubbing my face with my hands. "I feel really bad about it."

"You should! Scared that poor girl half to death!" She says.

I groaned.

"But you picked her. You picked Elita Day." Lily says quietly.

I look up at her. Her long hair falls over her face, and she quickly pushes it back, like she can't stand it but she loves it all the same. I love looking at her.

"She was the best choice." I reply.

"Queen to B4." Peter says.

"You going to Hogsmeade this weekend?" I say.

Whoa. She looks as surprised as I feel. Why did I just ask that?

It was almost like a reflex. Like once Lily and I are having a civil, friendly conversation, my mind immediately spits out that question. Oh, hell, now she's probably about to get furious with me.

"I mean, I'm not asking you. I am, but I don't mean like a date, like if you want to go with me." I try to cover. "I've got detention."

"Oh, right." She says, seizing the opportunity to switch conversation topics. "Now is that McGonagall's or Flitwick's?"

"Flitwick's." I say, maybe a little too fast.

"I... er... I've got to go, Dorcas wanted to go over some Potions... stuff... before bed." She says, quickly getting up.

I watch her red hair disappear up the stairs. Must everything go wrong today?

"Damn it." I mutter.

Peter's head perks up. "What?"

"I just accidentally asked Evans out. I'd finally managed to become friends with her, to show her that I've changed and I'm a good human being... " I explain.

Dom offers me an encouraging look and then goes back to the chessboard.

"Well, you just shot that horse in the face." Peter says. "King to C4."

"Checkmate." Says Dom, grinning wildly.

Peter inspects the board for a second before muttering, "Damn it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Ok, well, maybe this chapter isn't that much longer.

Hi reader(s)! So it's summer now, I just got out of school, which means I'm going to be updating more frequently (I hope). I've been struggling trying to get things started, but now I've got the ball rolling and I'm back into writing Jily!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Please review my lovely living beings!


	9. A Date With Nate

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Elita Day and Ivy Watkins get onto the Gryffindor Quidditch team; James' day is rather shitty and everyone picks on him; Lily agreed to go to Hogsmeade with Nate.

* * *

><p><strong>A Date With Nate<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>Breakfast this morning is dreary. Compared to the event it was yesterday.<p>

I feel awkward about seeing James. I know I need to ask him when we can schedule a meeting to go over the prefect's new timetables, but I want to avoid talking to him.

He _asked me out _yesterday. It was really strange. I thought we were having a really nice, friendly conversation. And then after he asked if I was going to Hogsmeade, everything was awkward again!

The truth was I would be going with Nate. But I wasn't in a rush to tell him that. Knowing him, Nate would probably be in the hospital wing Saturday morning with a case of infinitely multiplying boyles.

Remus is here, so James can't be too far behind.

And there he is, walking into the hall next to Sirius, tie untied and slung around his neck.

Letting out a sigh, I stand up and walk to meet him. He stops halfway and meets me, while Sirius passes by waggling his eyebrows.

Prick.

"Potter."

"Evans."

"We need to schedule a meeting. The prefect's new timetables need to be done."

He groans. "Fine. What're you doing Monday?"

"Helping McGonagall. Tuesday?"

"Quidditch. Wednesday?"

"Fine."

"Hi James!" A high voice says from behind him.

Turning around, I see a little girl with short brown hair and a grin entirely too big for her face. She's holding a stack of very large books, and a few girls her age that were with her scamper away and take seats on the nearest bench.

"Hi Carly." He says nonchalantly.

She's about to say something else, but then looks at me. She cocks her head like a puppy. "Who's that? She's pretty."

James grins. "Yeah she is."

I fight off a grin. It's times like this that James' compliments make me blush, when he's actually being sincere.

Looking bashful, he continues. "Carly, this is Lily. She's Head Girl."

"Oh. She's the other president?"

"Other president?" I laugh.

"Um… yeah." He says. "So do you like Hogwarts so far?"

"Yes! It's great! Though that ghost with his head half off is a little scary."

"Nick? Oh, don't be scared. He's really just a big softie. Just don't ask him about the Headless Hunt."

She nods thoughtfully.

"Well, I've got to get back to my friends. We're studying charms together!" She says excitedly, sidestepping me and running off.

"Who's that?" I ask.

"Jealous?" James asks suggestively.

I punch his shoulder, but secretly I'm really glad we're back to normal and not sort-of-awkward anymore.

"She seems nice."

"I know. And you can tell she really loves Hogwarts."

"I bet I was like that." I say. I remember first coming to the castle, being completely overwhelmed with everything, even the massive size of Hogwarts itself. The boat ride especially. I vaguely recall gripping Isabel's hand as I threatened to vomit over the side because of the slight waves of the lake and sheer nerves.

"The first time I met her, I actually thought she sort of reminded me of myself."

I snort loudly. "Yes Potter, I'd actually agree with that. When I think of a tiny, eleven year old girl, I think of you too!"

"Nice Evans. I was just trying to have an actual conversation with you, and _already_ you're insulting me. How will our friendship get anywhere?"

I shrug, and he hits my arm playfully.

"See you." He says, walking off again.

Shaking my head, I take my place again with the Gryffindors.

"Seems like he's behaving." Nicole says, sawing her eggs with a knife. She's got two different plates in front of her, and she's shoveling in food like she's about to go on a hunger strike.

I smile as I watch his form leave the room. "He is."

I catch Mary's eye across the table, and she grins down at her plate.

"Yes I bet he's behaving."

I pick up a grape and throw it at her.

"Ow!"

"Annoying bint."

* * *

><p>I stare in the mirror, combing through my long hair.<p>

Mary is laying on my bed, blowing puffs of air up to keep her hair out of her face. She's been painting her nails with Muggle nail polish she managed to smuggle in for a while, and now she's waiting for them to dry. Everyone always tells her she can always just use a glamour charm, but she insists that it's therapeutic.

"Who're you going with again?" She asks.

"Nate Hogan."

"He's... he's that guy with the hot eyes? The one who Isabel's known forever?"

I nod.

"I'm basically the only person not going." She says.

"Then just come!" I insist, standing up from the stool next to the mirror and up to the closet.

She rolls over on her back. "No. I mean, Nicole's going with that bloke from the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, and Dorcas got asked by Doug Lyons. And I haven't seen Isabel at all today, which means she's probably with Sirius. I don't know where Paige is. And Remus hasn't asked me to go, so..."

"Well I'm sure he just assumed that you'd be going together. Get dressed!"

"Mpf."

I pull on a shirt, a gray sweater. "Mary, just do it."

She sits up. "Lily, I really think Remus wants to fuck me."

"What?"

That's literally the last thing that I expected to come out of her mouth. _Remus? Polite, sweet Remus? _Never. But Mary looks serious, so I try to hold in the bubbling laughter. "Er... Mary, why do you think that?"

"Every time we're snogging, he never stops and he's always really... responsive... and I just really think that's what he wants."

I stop for a minute. "Well... do you want to?"

She cocks her head, and quickly checks her nails. "I mean... yeah. I'm a girl. I have needs."

"Ew."

She rolls her eyes. "Try not to be such a giant prude Lily. Isabel's definitely done it before. And I'm pretty sure Nicole has too. And Remus is attractive. What's the big deal?"

I sit down next to her on the bed. She looks like she's looking for some sort of agreement or confirmation, but I don't give it to her.

"Mary, sex is a big deal. Yeah there are some slags in our class that give it up for nothing..." I stop. "But sex should be special. It should be with someone you love and cherish and... you know, want to be with."

She shuts her eyes, covering her face with her hands.

"This is all too complicated."

"Careful, your nails are still wet. What's too complicated?"

"I don't know. Life? I guess?" She shoved me up to a standing position. "Never mind my ramblings. Put on some pants, get downstairs, and give that...ugh, _Nate Hogan..._ the time of his life."

"Mary!"

"A date with Nate. Ha! Sounds like a TV show."

I roll my eyes, and Mary pouts at me.

"What? You know I'd much rather you'd be with James."

I stop in my tracks.

"What?"

"Come off it Lily." She says, looking at me incredulously. "You know I think you and James should be together."

"W-why? He's... he's not my type... he's not right for me _at all." _I say, stepping into a pair of jeans I found stashed in the back of the closet drawer.

And it's true. I like boys who are... polite. And sweet and caring and kind. And do well in school. James doesn't do any of those things! Plus, I love blue eyes on boys. James has hazel eyes! And... and James positively _towers _over me. Which is annoying.

Why am I even considering this? We only just became friends. Officially.

Mary snorts. "Whatever Lily. Just go and have fun today. We'll talk when you get back."

Shaking my head, I finish getting ready. Pulling on a pair of boots and my robe over, and leave Mary staring at her nails.

* * *

><p>Nate is waiting for me in the Entrance Hall. He's wearing full robes, which is sort of strange, though I've seen some Slytherins do that. Some wizards have a thing about wearing "muggle clothes".<p>

He smiles when he sees me. And you know, it's one of those winning smiles that you can just imagine on a billboard.

"Ready to go?" He asks. I nod.

We walk off together down the path, where it's actually quite cold for the last weekend in September. He keeps waving to other people that I don't really know, which is mildly awkward. They smile but look a little confused as to who I am.

The day is pleasant, I suppose. Nate puts his hand on my back as he leads me down the path. It's very proper and polite, and I smile appreciatively at his gesture.

He takes me down the road, and we enter the pink and frilly atmosphere that is Madame Puddifoot's.

My basic first thoughts are "Um, what?"

"Come on." Nate says charmingly, pulling me to a seat near the window. The table is covered in a giant doily as are the chairs.

My relationship with Madame Puddifoot's has been a rather strained one. Not that I don't appreciate a fine food establishment when I see one, it's just the excessive use of bubble gum pink and flower patterns and giant lace covers over everything sort of put me off. Through the years I have been dragged many a time to have a cup of Madame's special brewed tea (usually by girls that happened to be single wanting to make a statement on Valentine's day), though I hadn't been in a while.

_Suck it up Lily. Just get some strong coffee and you'll be alright._

A strikingly short waitress walks up to the table and smiles forcedly at me. "What'll it be, honey?"

"I'll have -"

"Can I interest you in some heart shaped cookies?" She asks, gesturing to a whole table full of bright-pink cookies.

"Um, no thank you. I'll just have some coffee, please."

"And you sir?"

"A spot of Earl gray would be lovely thanks."

The short waitress toddled away, muttering something under her breath.

When I look up at Nate, he is leaned back in his chair, studying me with a smile. He really is dashing, now that I get a good look at him again. Still tanned from the summer, his hair looks blond and full. I tuck my hair behind my ear and smile back.

"So Lily, how's your year been so far?"

"Good. Though, as you know, classes are difficult."

He shrugs. "They're not that hard. I had tutoring over the summer to prepare. Are you taking any prep courses?"

"Er... no, I haven't taken any yet." I say uncomfortably. Nate is obviously much more prepared for classes this year than I am. Maybe I should have taken up Professor Slughorn's offer to train with him over the summer. I wanted to see my mum and dad, but maybe I just should have waited until next Christmas.

He laughs. "It's alright. I think the official prep classes are starting after winter break."

"Oh. Well that's good!"

"Have you gotten a chance to read that new book, about the life of Laverne de Montmorency?"

"She's the inventor of many love potions, isn't she?" I inquire.

Nate smiles. "Yes, there's a book out by this up-and-coming author... Rita something? Anyway, it's an in-depth biography about Montmorency. Apparently, she had a very different young adulthood. Fell in love with a man who didn't love her. It was all very tragic, and then poof! She created the love potion and the man, I believe his name was Gregor, fell madly in love with her. Then, of course, the potion wore off and he left her. But, that's what you get I suppose. Can't create love when it isn't there."

I sit back in my chair. "Well I suppose that's always how it goes, isn't it? The geniuses of the world seem to always have depressing personal lives."

"Yes, I suppose that's true." Nate counters. "Though that means you've got to choose one."

"To achieve greatness or to be happy." I voice.

The waitress toddles back to our table, setting down a floral-patterned tea cup in front of me and a similar one to Nate. She smiles toothily. "Enjoy, dears."

"Thank you!" Nate replies politely, whipping the excess tea off the saucer.

We finish our drinks, talking mostly about different geniuses in their fields of study, and then more about potions and their different temperaments. I find myself really enjoying my time, the stimulating conversation I'm having with Nate is a nice refresher from the tittering gossip and angsty life-centered conversations I get with the crowd I'm usually with. The sorting hat actually had voiced its consideration in making me a Ravenclaw that first night I came to the castle.

"Ready to go?" Nate asks, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair. Puddifoots is still as crowded as it had been when we entered, full of older students holding hands and sipping cheap tea.

"Yes, lets."

He takes my hand and we walk out of Puddifoot's. Pulling my robes closer to me, I follow him up to the path again.

Nate keeps speaking, looking back at me expectantly. "Just to comment on what you said before, about boomslang skin in Polyjuice potion..."

Oh, hell.

My eyes meet James' hazel ones. He's standing, robes pulled around him, holding one side of a bag from Zonko's, the September breeze ruffling his hair. Sirius holds the other side, yanking it away from him. Remus and Peter are slightly behind them, and Peter's hair is (for some reason) blue. I see Remus sigh when he sees James notice me.

My insides tighten. He looks like he's just been punched in the stomach, his mouth a little ajar and brow crinkled. His hand moves to run through his hair, but drops suddenly. Sirius glares at me, and Isabel steps out from behind him looking confused. She takes one look at me and then back at James.

James' mouth suddenly curves into an uncomfortable-looking smile, and he waves slightly at me.

I smile as much as I can and wave back quickly, but Nate pulls me along before I can see his reaction.

"Come on Lily."

When I look back, his back is to me.

"Now, about the effects of it in Polyjuice potion..."

* * *

><p>"So how was your date with Nate yesterday?" Nicole asks, throwing a crumpled up piece of parchment into the corner of the dorm.<p>

The girls and I are staying in today, having a little girl talk and brainstorming costumes for Halloween. In the muggle world, Halloween is a time where little kids dress up as monsters and magical creatures and_ witches_. However, in the Wizarding world, we only ever get costumes if there's going to be a party. And they're always either rather provocative or just strange.

Mary is laying on the ground braiding Dorcas' hair as Dorcas sketches the view out of our dorm window. Isabel is laying on the bed across from me, and Nicole is sitting on the windowsill with a parchment, leaning on an old Defense textbook.

Isabel is looking at me expectantly, so I reply.

"It was alright."

She rolls her eyes. "Are you guys together?"

"I suppose." I say slowly. I don't actually know if we are "together" as Isabel is classifying it. He walked me back to my room, said he had a great time and that he'd like to see me again. I agreed, and quickly I kissed him on the cheek. That was the end of it. But him saying he wanted to see me again means that we're sort of dating, right?

Isabel's brown eyes stare down at me. Silence rings through the dorm.

"Er... so... Halloween?" Dorcas says, looking in between Isabel and I.

"What about you Dorcas?" Mary asks, hitting the side of Dorcas' head. "And more importantly: Does Doug Lyons slobber?"

Dorcas' cheeks go bright red as she splutters. "I don't know what you're talking about, you tart!"

All of us erupt in laughter, all uncomfortable feelings forgotten for the time being.

"Anyway. What are we thinking for costumes?" Nicole asks, glancing down at her notepad. "We could always just do the thing the Hufflepuffs did last year..."

"What was that?"

"Just get some tails and wear lingerie." Nicole suggests innocently.

"Nicole! You slag!"

"What? We're a group of attractive teenage girls! Shouldn't we be allowed to show that off?"

Dorcas scoffed. "I still can't believe no one said anything about that last year. They showed up, basically indecent, and besides a death glare from McGonagall, nothing happened!"

Isabel pushes herself off the bed and walked over to the mirror, pulling up her shirt and inspecting her stomach.

It was flat and tanned and perfect, of course. Just like she was.

She always tended to do that when she was feeling insecure or down about something. That was just her way. Get upset, look at her stomach, bitch about her body for maybe an hour, and then return to normal life like everything was fine. It was infuriating, because she never seemed to actually want to voice what she was mad about. When she was really cut up, however, all she would do is eat. I've only seen her like that a couple times, though.

"Why don't we do something like fairies?" Isabel says, standing sideways and holding her stomach.

"We could get cute little outfits, use that charm Marlene McKinnon taught me and charm these little butterflies in our hair. It would be simple and pretty!" Nicole says, starting to scribble things down on the parchment. Flipping her hair out of her face, she hopped up off the windowsill and started striding toward the closet.

"We'll need to go into Hogsmeade as soon as possible... when's the next one? The twentieth?"

Dorcas nods, grabbing her hair back from Mary. She pouts angrily.

"Fine, braid your own hair. Hag."

"Oh stop it." Nicole scolds, flipping through all the dresses she has hung up. She stops when her finger graces over a light blue mini dress she bought when we went shopping towards the end of last year.

"We could get something like this, maybe in different colors for each of us!" She squeals, running her hand over the material. "Mary, what color do you want?"

"Orange. Vomit green. Bright fuschia." Mary rants, laying down on the wood floor and spreading her arms wide. "All of them Nicole! All of them!" She says mockingly teary.

Nicole kicks a textbook, and it ends up hitting Mary in the head.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"Will you be serious for one moment? Ever?"

Mary sits up, holding her head and huffing sulkily. "Fine. I don't know color schemes, you pick whatever color will look best. I trust you"

Nicole smiles proudly.

"Sort of." Mary mutters.

If looks could kill, Mary would have been dead by Nicole. Dorcas laughs loudly, standing up and walking over to where Nicole is standing. She takes the dress and lays it down on the nearest bed.

"I was kidding!" Mary insists, hitting the ground with her palm. "Everyone here just takes me too seriously."

"Believe me Mary..." Dorcas says. "No one ever takes you seriously."

"Hey!"

* * *

><p>I glance at my watch. It's about an hour after dinner, and I should get to the office soon for my meeting with James.<p>

I know I said I'd go, and we really do need to organize the timetables so the prefects can stop relying on the chance that they might see us so we can offhandedly tell them that they have to patrol that night... but I'm considering chickening out.

I can't forget his face when I saw him at Hogsmeade.

My stomach squirms uncomfortably, and I shut my book. James couldn't possibly still fancy me, there's no way.

Truthfully, over the years, I always sort of relied on the fact that he fancied me. Though it was obviously a joke and a way to embarrass me, some compliments he'd given me over the years had been rather nice. And whatever happened, James Potter would always be a fixture in my life. He was a constant.

But there's no way he could still. I mean, there just isn't. We're friends. We agreed to that.

There just isn't.

Collecting my books and papers from the dead silent library, I (as quietly as I can) scamper out and walk the rest of the way to our shared Head's office.

I step up to the picture of a forest and murmur "cervos et cerva."

The portrait swings open, revealing James sitting on the leather couch with papers spread out on top of the glass table in front of the fireplace.

"Hi." I say tentatively.

His head tilts up and he looks at me blankly for a second.

"I honestly can't figure out how that portrait works. I mean, there's no one actually there to hear the password. You just kind of shout it into the abyss and it just... opens." He says.

I think he's trying to make it clear that he doesn't want things to be awkward. Which basically means we're ignoring our eye contact moment during Hogsmeade.

And that is perfectly fine with me.

"Did you just actually use the word _abyss_?" I ask sarcastically, stepping fully into the room and depositing my stack of half-finished homework assignments onto my beautiful mahogany desk.

"I'm truly quite intelligent Evans. A genius, some call me." He says, and then whispers, "But don't tell anyone, it might tarnish my bad-ass reputation."

I roll my eyes, sitting down next to him on the couch. He shifts so I've got some space and I get a whiff of something that smells pleasantly of _boy._

Dorcas says I'm crazy because I refer to some males in our class as just smelling like "boy". But you have to admit, while some smell like "ew, boy, gross." some smell like, "yum, that's a manly scent."

Maybe she's right...

"Ok, so apparently all the prefects thought that they would submit all their different scheduling conflicts, so they assume we're going to have to plan around them."

"Potter, we are."

"But why? They're just prefects." He says indignantly.

I snatch the piece of parchment away from him.

"Here, we'll put the two Hufflepuff prefects on after dinner duty for Tuesday, that's when you've got Quidditch right?"

He grinned. "Right."

"How'd the first practice go?" I ask, searching for a quill.

He drops his head. "Could have gone better. But it's always like that. With a new team, you've got different dynamics. Takes a while for the whole team to get to know itself, pick up on each other's instincts. After we've got that down, we should be ok. Everyone there has got a lot of talent though, especially the newbies. They're doing better than I expected."

"Ivy and Elita, right?'

"Yeah. Had some good Chaser bonding time with Ivy today, and Elita seems to be doing well."

"Didn't scare her again, did you?"

He glares at me. "I didn't _mean _to scare her. And yes, as a matter of fact, she's fine now."

We work in silence for a while, matching pairs with nights and times, before he pulls up the schedule again. "Here, I'm putting Ravenclaw's prefects on Thursdays, and that's the last one."

I cross a "t", and put down my quill. "Then I think we're done!"

He nods his head and smiles uncomfortably.

"So... er... did you have a good weekend?" He asks, and I see him immediately cringe out of the corner of my eye.

Oh. So we're not pretending awkward eye contact didn't happen. What am I supposed to say?

"Good." I say, clipped.

He exhales, putting his quill back down on the table. "Good."

He stands up, and turns back to me. "Er... I'm going to bed. We're all done?"

"Yep."

He looks back at me for one second.

And for that one moment, I see the same kind of eyes that stared at me that last night of sixth year. Eyes that look like they're yearning, searching for _something_.

But then he turns, and his body disappears out of the portrait hole.

And I'm left alone, with a pile of quills, parchment, and bewilderment.

Did I really just use the word, "bewilderment"?

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Only a two day gap between updates? I am ON FIRE!

No but seriously, I am absolutely _in love _with writing this story. Though I am about to leave home tomorrow. I'm spending a week with my family, and it requires us driving for two full days. So I doubt my computer battery will last me till then, and it might be a little while until the next update.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one is rather lengthy, just a warning, but I hope that makes you excited.

Thank you to every single person who's read this, and thanks especially to the people who review it!


	10. Jack of the Lantern

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **James accidentally asked Lily if she was going to Hogsmeade and that made things awkward; Lily went to Hogsmeade with Nate and had a great time, James saw them there, but chose to pretend like nothing happened; Mary tells Lily she thinks Remus wants to have sex; The girls make fairy costumes for Halloween.

* * *

><p><strong>Jack of the Latern<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>Dressed in formal dress robes, Sirius and I walk across the uneven grass ground to where a cluster of witches and wizards in black are standing, looking solemn. The sun is relatively hot for November, and I feel like I'm choking in the robes. Mum insisted I had to wear these basically ancient robes that belonged to my great grand dad.<p>

Sirius shoves me to walk faster. I kick him back, and we both stumble.

"Prick."

Every fiber of my being is protesting being here. Ever since I was a kid, I've _hated _funerals. Well, I doubt there's a kid that actively likes funerals (that isn't going to grow up to be a murderer, that is), but I would have rather been fed to the giant ducks that swam in the pond inside Potter manor. All that crying and black and _death, _I could never stay for more than an hour without throwing a tantrum (I was sort of a spoiled kid).

Out of nowhere, my mother appears and starts dusting off my shoulders. Her graying black hair is pulled back within an inch of its life. She's wearing some sort of black dress with an outrageously large black hat, but that seems to be the style with the women my mother is friends with. Whoever has the biggest hat wins.

My father is standing in the background, shaking his head at us, but still grinning. Around him, bunches of Potters and other pureblood families group together in the same deep black robes. They look like a sea of Dementors.

A couple other people turn around.

"Oh, Nate Hogan's here?"

Have I mentioned I despise funerals?

Standing there, to the left is Nate Hogan. Just standing there. Like the asshole he is.

"Where have you two boys been? The ceremony is over, the coffin is being lowered now. Hurry up, come on." She hisses, pulling the two of us along.

Towards the front, my cousin Othella is sobbing loudly into my other cousin Charlus' shoulder. She's wearing black, but a light blue Beauxbaton's collar peeks out of her robes.

Sirius rolls his eyes dramatically, cutting his gaze at her.

"Give her a break, her mom's just died." I hiss to him, even though I'm ready to shove that tissue right up her -

"Please. You're one to talk. Who was the one who shaved her head that one time?"

I shrug. "Point taken."

When we were younger, Othella always used to toddle after Sirius and I, constantly yelling that we were leaving her out and always tattling on us no matter what she did. She's fifteen, and last I heard she was dating Bertram Abbey. Charlus is older, with brown hair and a smug face. He's around twenty-seven now, I think. Working for the France's advanced magical guard.

"Here lies Martha Aetheldreda Edmunda Potter, born from Rodric Gunther and Redrea Girena Katherine Potter, mother of Charlus Harold Barnaby and Othella Lucille Winnifred Potter..."

"Why does your family always insist on having a thousand names?" Sirius whispers.

"You know, for a bloke who used to belong to one of the most ancient, heinous, name-giving families, you're not really one to talk."

"Shhh!" A short, wrinkly old lady hisses at us. She's wearing an elaborate hat, complete with several charmed butterflies flapping their wings indignantly. With a sniff, she turns back around.

"Remind me again why we had to do this?" Sirius whispers.

"Excuse to leave school grounds? Wanting to please my mother?"

"Shhhhh!" The woman spits again.

Sirius growls in my ear.

"Crazy bint."

"Hush!" She yells, causing the women standing around her to take her arms and lead her away from us.

Sirius rolls his eyes dramatically, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking up at the sky.

* * *

><p>The ceremony ends, Sirius and I walk off with my mother, who gives us some extra clothes, a few books Sirius has "accidentally" left behind, and some other things.<p>

We trudge back to the dreaded port-key we used to get here. Traveling by port key always makes me queasy, it's the inner claustrophobic in me. Though apparition I hear is worse. Sirius can apparate, but he can't outside school grounds, so he usually just does it to annoy me when we're at home.

"So... er... mate?" I hear him voice tentatively.

"What?"

"Are you ok?"

I grunt. "When is anyone ever actually _ok_? It's such a transitory state. Like, right now I'm ok. But people rarely just stay in a completely ok state."

He looks at me skeptically. "Why are you talking so cryptically?"

I don't say anything. I can't bring myself to. Because the truth is, I'm tired of saying I'm upset about Lily. Sirius told me, point blank, that I should give up. Everyone else thinks I'm an idiot for still latching on to her.

But I tried getting over her. It didn't work. I'm stuck being her friend. Which admittedly is eons better than having her hate me and yearn to screwer me with a giant fork, but it still is sort of suffocating. One can only take so much time around her without wanting to bury their faces in her sweet smelling hair or wanting to -

Sirius groans. "Mate. I thought we were only friends with Evans now."

"We are. We're friends." I say firmly.

"Then why are you so mad if you're such good chums?"

"She's going out with that tosser Nate Hogan." I say through my teeth.

"Relax Prongsie, you're loads better than him!"

"Well... he's good looking, for a guy."

Sirius is quiet.

He looked up grinning. "You know, once when we were eight, we were playing hide and seek together, and I jumped out from behind a bush and yelled, "surprise!" and he screamed and wet his pants and ran to his mum."

I laugh loudly, and throw my arm around his neck. Times like these are when I'm actually glad I met jumpy first-year Sirius that first day on the Hogwarts Express. Though most of the time I just want to wring his neck.

"You're a good mate, Padfoot."

"Then must you bring back _that_ demon?" He asks, poking the cage I've got Felix in.

I hear him hiss from inside, and Padfoot growls throatily back.

"It's not my fault you two have never got on."

"It's a bloody cat! He's a natural enemy! I'm your supposed best mate! And I was here first!"

"Come on Pads. He's really just a cute cuddly ball of fur." I coo, staring at Felix through the bars of the carrier I have him in.

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Must you be such a pansy?"

"What if I keep him in the Heads dorm?"

His eyebrow raises above his hairline. "You think the Head Girl would be ok with that?"

I shrug. "'Course."

Sirius exhales loudly. "Whatever. As long as that evil feline is far away from me." He says, grabbing the clock that was sitting on the hill. We had the Ministry arrange our port key to leave at exactly four, and we've only got about a minute now.

Sirius flicks his hair out of his face and glares at the cage.

Across the field, I see a figure move out of the corner of my eye.

Lucius Malfoy's angry eyes cut into mine, and he turns back to his companion. The man with him hurriedly takes something that looks like a heavy envelope from him and claps him on the back. Both pairs of eyes glance back at me, and I turn to Sirius.

He stares at the two with animosity. "What do you think that's about?"

"I don't know. But it can't be good."

I feel a familiar tug at my belly button, and with a loud, alarmed "Meow!" from Felix, we're off.

* * *

><p>Surrounded in comfortable silence, I find it hard to keep my eyes open. It's been quite a hectic three weeks, and with October came more essays and assignments. Along with that, the first Quidditch match was fast approaching, and I was hoping that the team and I could have put ourselves ahead with points so we'd have a little more leeway. This meant more practices, which also meant less time devoted to everything else. I've been making a few prefect schedules, leaving the Head Girl to do her half of the work alone. Lily and I hadn't had a meeting since that one the last week in September, when I slipped up asking her about Nate.<p>

Merlin. _Nate. _The fucking bloody wanker. He always waits for her after every single class, it's like they're attached at the hip. Him and his goddamn holier-than-thou air, the way he fucking _sneers_. I don't know what she sees in him.

Not that I'm upset. We're just friends.

I hear the noise of someone ripping open bed curtains.

"Merliiiiiin!" Sirius groans, face into his pillow. "It feels like someone's taken a cheese grater to my insides!"

"Oh stop whining." I yell back, laying flat on my bed. I do have a few aches, especially in my right bicep, but I'll be fine. Mostly I've just got to practice dropping to Ivy, she's still a little shaky about taking shots.

"What happened?" Remus voice inquires.**  
><strong>

Sirius flips over, face screwed up in pain. "Prongs here decided that since he was all butthurt about Evans, he was going to take it out on his poor, innocent Quidditch team!"

"Shut the fuck up Sirius." I yell at him.

He's been complaining ever since yesterday. The team needs to practice, and if I have to be the one to push them to do it, so be it. I'll be the bad guy.

And it is _not_ due to the fact that I saw Evans kissing that prat Nate in Hogsmeade last Sunday.

"Fuck you!" He yells back. "I'm going to be sore for a whole week."

"Oh, so no shagging for you? I know you like it rough. Shame."

"After I heal, then I'll be back on my game. What about you Prongs? As I recall you haven't had the company of a lady in... what? The beginning of last year?"

I sit up slowly. "As opposed to you, sticking your dick in anything that moves."

"Berk."

"Git."

"Plonker."

"Bastard."

"Shitface."

"Dickhead."

"Hippogryff fucker!"

"You both are complete duffers, now can we put this to rest?" Yelled Peter, coming up behind Remus.

"Come on guys, it's time for afternoon classes." Remus says, pulling up Sirius by his arms as he grunts, "noooooooo..."

"What are you all moping about in here for?" Isabel asks, suddenly appearing in our doorway. Her hair's gathered on top of her head and she looks exhausted and annoyed.

"Sirius is blaming me for his lack of game."

"That is false!" He yells as Remus tries to pull him out of bed by his ankles.

"So what's up with you? Why do you look like you've just wrestled a fireslug?" I ask.

She groans, rolling her eyes. "Halloween costume making with the girls. I feel like I've just wrestled a fireslug."

"What's your costume?"

"It's a surprise." She says, a catlike grin on her face.

"Can't you give me a hint?"

"Then it wouldn't really be much of a surprise."

"I'm sure you classy girls will be stunning in whatever you wear!" Sirius shouts.

Isabel rolls her eyes. "He'd be happy if we showed up naked."

"I think everyone is hoping for that, to be honest!" Sirius yelled, making her laugh loudly. "Remus, you can pull as hard as you want! I am not moving from this bed."

Remus drops Sirius' ankles angrily, before extracting his wand.

"_Aguamenti_!"

A burst of water hits Sirius square in the face, causing him to jump up from his bed and onto the floor.

"Ow! Fuck Remus, I'm fragile right now!" He shouts, gingerly straightening up.

"You're a bleeding whiner too." Remus coos, and promptly hits him on the back of the head.

"Oi!"

* * *

><p>Halloween, officially, one of my favorite times at Hogwarts. Not only because of the legendary parties that have happened, not even only because of the costumed, mystery, and dramatics it includes, not <em>even <em>only for the girls in scantily clad clothing, but for the food. Roast beef, chicken, thick tomato and pea soup, bangers and mash, candy-filled pumpkins, apples, black cauldrons of big lollipops, pieces of cake with icing carrots drawn on top with sugar icing, and a multitude of other foods littered the long tables of the Great Hall.

"I've always wondered who thought of the idea to make jack-o-laterns. Why are they even called that?" Peter muses as we all enter the Great Hall, staring up at the floating cackling jack-o'laterns above us.

Remus cuts in. "It actually comes from an old Irish folk tale of a man named Stingy Jack, who invited the Devil to have dinks with him, but then didn't want to pay for them. So Stingy Jack tricked the Devil into turning himself into a coin. Then Stingy Jack wouldn't turn the Devil back until he promised to not bother Jack for ten years. Unfortunately, soon after, Stingy Jack died. But God didn't want such an... unsavory soul in heaven, so he turned him away. But the Devil refused to go back on his word, so Stingy Jack as forced to wander the earth in the dark, using onto a pumpkin latern for seeing his way. Then people started calling him 'Jack of the Latern", or "Jack O'Latern." Then, people started carving out frightening faces on their pumpkins in hopes that they would scare away the ghost of Stingy Jack."

"Why does every conversation with you somehow include a history lesson?" Sirius complains.

Remus splutters. "Well, Peter asked, I was just telling him! It's not my fault you've got the brain of a flubberworm!"

"I resent that!"

The Marauders sit down at the nearest benches at the Gryffindor table. The other seventh year girls are seating a little farther down the table, giggling and whispering about something.

Sirius turns to me and looks at me with accusation.

"I still can't believe we're not doing a prank this year."

"Pads, I'm Head boy. I couldn't." I drone on.

"Moony was a prefect last year, and we still did one! It's tradition!" Sirius says. He leans up close to my left ear. "Come on Prongs."

"Don't do it James." Remus says in my right ear. "You've got a responsibility."

"Fuck responsibility. Last Marauder prank _ever_. Fun!"

"Responsibility."

"Mischief! Tradition!"

"Integrity."

"Last Marauder prank _ever_!"

They both stare at me expectantly.

I grin. "Alright, let's do it." I say to Sirius.

"That's my boy!" Sirius yells, slamming me on the back and jumping up from his seat.

"Ugh." Remus groans, rubbing his face exasperatedly.

"Come on Wormtail!" Sirius calls down the table to where Peter was grabbing some extra pie. "It's on!"

Peter drops his plate onto the table in front of a poor fourth year girl. She yelps and jumps alarmingly as Peter runs away.

"Hey!"

* * *

><p>"McGonagall is going to have your head, I hope you know that." Remus remarks casually.<p>

I scoff. For Marauder standards, the prank this year was spectacularly tame (much to Sirius' disappointment). We'd made it so that as soon as Dumbledore moved to start talking, the sky in the ceiling opened up and rained candy down on everyone. Besides the unlucky few who had gotten bruised, it was all in good fun.

"She can't prove anything." Wormtail insists, combing back his hair. "No one saw us jinx the ceiling, or supply the chocolate in the first place.

Remus looks stumped, but still bristled in annoyance. "Sirius, you better not be planning on doing anything illegal tonight!"

Sirius pokes his head out of the bathroom door, molding his hair carefully. "Does that include possession of illegal substances?" He asks innocently.

"Yes."

"Well then I can assure you that I am definitely not not not not going to do anything illegal tonight."

Remus rubs his forehead tiredly, letting out a grunt of acceptance. He knows that even if he tried, Sirius would find a way around him and break the rules.

"Remus -"

"Oh just let him brood." Sirius says languidly, fitting a pair of fuzzy, black, dog ears carefully over his hair. "Now put on your antlers."

* * *

><p>Of all the years I've attended Hogwarts, I can safely say that this is the first time I, and come to think of it Sirius or Peter, have ever been present at a school-organized social event. Whether it be the ridiculous Slug Club parties or any club celebration or what have you, the Marauders (bar Remus) have strictly stayed away.<p>

However, seeing that no I was Head Boy and rather _required _to attend the Halloween Ball tonight meant that I had to break that record. Convincing Sirius and Peter was done quickly with some firewhiskey and promises of pranks for the next few weeks.

It was a costume party, and much to Remus' chagrin, Sirius had thought up the witty and hilarious idea of going as our animagus forms. That's how I ended up with a large pair of antlers on my head. Sirius himself had a pair of floppy black dog ears, Peter a rat nose, and Remus had wolf ears (this was agreed to only by extreme coercing and bribes by Sirius).

"This is unnatural." Sirius says, trailing after me, itching his arms and looking around fervently. "It's going against every Marauder value."

"What exactly are these values, may I ask?" Inquires Remus, irritated.

Sirius roles his eyes, "Friendship, Loyalty, Booze, Birds, and Mischief."

"Booze isn't a value."

He thought for a minute, and then politely responded with, "Fuck you, Moony."

There are a quite a few people here, mostly fourth years who look excited that they've finally been allowed out after nine. Some fifth and sixth years are starting to trickle in, as well as what looks like the whole Hufflepuff house. The ceiling sky is dark now, the only lights are dim torches and jack-o-lanterns. Girls move past us, wearing tight-fitting costumes, and winking at us. Sirius checks two of the girls out, but returns to looking at us, deciding that they're not worth it. The hum of conversation was slowly vamping up.

"We're even here _early._This is weird, Prongs." Sirius says insistently. I roll my eyes at him, but say nothing else.

"Hey boys."

Isabel stands, looking coyly at the three of us in a furry beige dress. It's short and it clings to her body in all the right places, tight fitting. She's got fur boots on too, and her hair is bigger than it usually is and there are two animal ears coming out of the top. Her tan skin is dusted in something that makes it look gold. She looks gorgeous.

"Damn, Isabel..." Sirius says, pulling her up close to him and grinning. "You look positively _scrumptious._"

"Sirius!" She shrieks, hitting his chest, causing him to stumble. Behind him, Peter rolls his eyes and moves out of the way.

I don't think he's ever been very fond of her.

"And where are the other ladies?" Remus asks, looking around her.

She shrugs. "They're coming. But right now I'm just glad that we actually have a party to go to."

"It was the Heads' last year. They did extra so that there would be a Halloween party this year, and Dumbledore finally agreed. Though I don't really think he was the one protesting." Remus said, gesturing with his head.

Up at the front, Professor McGonagall was standing, arms crossed, glaring down at the students that were currently dancing to the band warming up.

"I can't believe they managed to get the Hobgoblins." Isabel says, looking up at the figures moving around behind the indignant Professor McGonagall.

"Why? They're not that great."

"Stubby Boardman? He's supposed to be amazing." Isabel raves, sneaking glances up at the stage. A skinny man in a strange furry suit and long blond hair winks at her. She giggles and looks away.

Peter rolls his eyes again. "I'm going to get some punch."

"Oh look, there they are."

There, at the top of the stairs, is Lily, Dorcas, Nicole and Mary. They're wearing identical costumes, but they're different in certain ways.

Nicole runs down first, in a light blue swishy short dress. Paper-thin wings sprout from her back, and they almost seem to flap on their own. Her hair is up and she's got blue sparkles near her eyes and up and down her arms. She pulls Mary, who wears the same sort of dress, except it's light purple, and her hair is messily tugged into a bun.

Dorcas comes next, wearing pastel yellow, hair combed over to one side. I rack my memory but I can't ever recall seeing her in a dress. She looks a little nervous, as if she isn't quite settled into it yet.

Remus, beside me suddenly starts coughing, grasping his chest painfully. Sirius slaps him on the back, making Remus glare and set down his drink.

And then there's Lily. I feel like I've been hit in the chest with a bludger, I can't breathe.

Her long red hair curls down her back in spirals, and shines almost like there's gold streaks in it. She wears a dark green dress that falls to half of her thigh, legs pale and soft and look like they go on for miles... the top of the dress strapless and slopping down to reveal two small but rounded breasts. She wears soft brown moccasin shoes, like she just came out of running through the forest. Her persimmon lips curl into a smile and her green eyes sparkle as she scans the crowd.

And her eyes fall on me and I feel like they are glued together. Those green irises stare at me for a second and an hour all at once. Merlin, she looks mouth-watering.

"Lily, you look amazing." A male voice says, and right away I want to punch a hole in the wall. She falls into Nate's open arms, he's waiting at the bottom of the stairs, in some ridiculous outfit that makes him look like he's Prince Charming.

Prince of the Asshole Gits, maybe.

Remus' hand touches my forearm. He shakes his head slightly, his eyes saying that it's not my place to do anything, saying "calm down James".

I shrug him off. Out of nowhere, Mary turns up in our little circle. Remus moves to hug her, but she doesn't see him, practically barreling at Isabel.

Mary grabs Isabel's arm and hisses at her. "Isabel. What're you wearing?"

Isabel steps back. "What do you mean? Isn't it obvious?"

Mary's brow furrows and she looks really confused. "Um -"

"I'm a lion! See my ears." She says, pointing to the fuzzy ears charmed on the top of her head. It's at this point Sirius slides away from Isabel, not wanting to get caught in the obvious wrath of Mary.

"What? We were all supposed to be fairies together!" **  
><strong><br>****"Well I just didn't want to." Isabel says nonchalantly, taking the cup of punch I took for myself and sipping it, looking over the edge at Mary.****  
><strong><br>******"It was _your bloody idea._" Mary says through her teeth.

"Relax. You all look great." She smiles, looking over at Dorcas and Nicole, talking to a Hufflepuff named Benjy Fenwick. It's at this point I decide to make an exit and go find something substantial to drink.

* * *

><p>"Would you look at Amelia Entwistle? What the hell is she wearing?"<p>

The Hobgoblins play for a long time, before taking a break and saying that they'll be back soon to play their new hit song. Around me people are bustling about, and I watch Mary, in the corner of the room, grab Remus' hand and drag him out.

"Dunno. Maybe she's a quaffle."

This was, hands down, the worst Marauder Halloween I'd ever had.

* * *

><p>I meander over to where the punchbowl sits, and get myself a cup. I'm glad Sirius spiked it. Although my Head boy senses are flaring up, I'm too depressed and too in need of alcohol I pretend I don't taste the less-than-subtle hint of firewhiskey present in my throat.<p>

Tom says hello quickly, going back to his conversation with Nicole. Leaning one hand back on the table, I survey the room until I'm unable to keep my eyes from avoiding her.

No matter how many times I've seen Lily with guys, it never gets any easier.

I guess this time because it's an actual boyfriend. She's gone on dates and stuff, but never more than one per boy.

Lily's beauty is no secret. Over the years there've been many other blokes trying to get to her. But I guess after receiving a spiteful hex and choice words from the Marauders and I, no one's had the balls to stick around.

And this is _Nate._

_Nathaniel Hogan. _Fucking tosser extraordinaire.

She's standing there, gorgeous hair shining and eyes twinkling, looking ravishing. She's got this smile on her face that I've never had the pleasure of receiving. And her hands move up to touch his chest, and he grins down at her.

I drink again.

It's like I've made up this humorless drinking game that I play with just myself. The rules are: drink whenever they touch, in a way that makes me want to stab myself in the eyes with a quill.

His hand comes up to touch her cheek.

(Drink)

She touches his arm, her fingers curling around it.

(Drink)

He leans down slowly, and kisses her neck.

(I drink twice as much here)

I watch in horror as his hands move into her back-pockets. My stomach curls in jealousy and anger as he squeezes her arse and brings her closer to him.

Suddenly, I hear the sound of crushing glass, and I feel a sharp pain in my hand.

"What the hell James?" Tom exclaims, and I look down to find that I've broken the glass that I had in my hand, glass everywhere. "Reparo."

The glass picks up and molds itself back to the original glass shape. Nicole looks concerned.

"Thanks." I mumble to him.

She hasn't noticed. She's still looking at him.

Looking at him like he's the best bloody person she's ever met.

Every time his lips touch hers, it's like a knife's been thrust into my stomach.

I should've gotten used to this by now, seeing her be someone else's. But I'm not. I don't think I ever will be.

And now I just feel depressed.

"I'm going to go." I say quietly to Tom. I'm not sure he hears me, but I go anyway.

On the way out, I think I see red hair swish and green eyes pointing in my direction, but when I look back, she's still staring into Nate's eyes.

I don't feel like going upstairs, so I pull open the heavy doors and walk out of the Entrance hall. The cold hits me hard, waking up my senses and pushing back the blurred vision in the corners of my eyes. I shove my hands in my pocket and walk over to the stone bench next to the door.

Sitting down, I can't stop myself from sighing pitifully.

Why do I care so much? _She's just a girl._

A girl I met a long time ago, getting on the Hogwarts Express with a greasy-haired sneering boy, who stood up to me for the first time I could remember, sorted into Gryffindor, and turned out to be best in the class, and the sweetest, wittiest, sexiest girl I'd ever met.

A girl that is painfully obviously not interested in me.

Cold air curls around me. I wish I had some booze.

I wonder where Sirius is now. Probably off with a girl, maybe Isabel, from the way he was looking at her tonight.

"Hey James." A soft voice echos out.

I turn and see Kate McDermott standing in the Entrance hall, silver flask glinting in her hand, and a twisted smile on her mouth.

Kate McDermott is a pureblood, from the McDermott family. They're not very old, but they've been "pure" for more than four decades, so they count in society. I met Kate when I was younger, her dad was sorted into Ravenclaw when my mum and dad were in seventh year. When my family used to take trips to our villa in Lymington in Hampshire, our parents always used to turn up around the same places, and we used to play together. She's one of those girls who always insisted that she didn't want to play and dirty her dress.

Not much is different, from what I'd heard.

"Kate McDermott. How're you?" I ask. She slinks around past me, not breaking eye contact.

I'm not an idiot. She's obviously drunker than I am, and she's looking for a hook up. She's got that sad, self-loathing girl look in her eyes.

She holding her puffy pink skirt up (she told us she was supposed to be a Pygmy puff) and sits down next to me. "Not great, actually."

"Why? What's ailing you?"

She doesn't say anything for a while, mearly uncaps the flask and takes a drink. She wipes off her chin, which would strike me as ordinarily unladylike to her, and says, "Men are total pricks, you know that?"

I snort. "Yep. I know."

She bites her lip. "Sam just broke up with me. Says I'm too clingy. Me? I'm not the clingy one. He's the one who insisted I come home with him last year just because his father recently got back from Albania. Sam's a bit afraid of his father, to be honest. I would be too, though. Right awful man." She rambles.

"Well I'm sorry."

She turned around slowly, looking back into the castle where people are starting to trickle out from the party, and then back to me.

"Oh. I know why you're upset. Why you're all out here, brooding and sulky." She says smugly, taking another drink.

"Why?"

"It's that little red head. Lily... Evans?"

I grab the flask she's holding and take a drink. The liquid inside burns my throat, but in a good way. I set the silver container down on the ground.

"You could do so much _better_, James." She says.

I turn to her. She looks pretty, you know? Her eyes are a little puffy, no doubt because she's been crying. Her hair is nice and she's got a good body, really fit actually.

She smiles at me, a warm smile.

Her lips press against mine.

In the background I can still hear Stubby Boardman screaming into the mike and the thumping of people's feet and the murmuring and yelling and shouting of students in the back.

And I kiss her. She kisses me, her hands wrapping around my neck and pulling me down on top of her.

I don't know why I kiss her. Maybe it's because she's pretty and I'm horny. Maybe it's because I'm sad and she's sad too. Maybe it's because she said I could do better, and I'm trying to find out if that's true.

Liquor through my veins.

Her body moves against mine. Breasts, legs, mouth. Her hand wanders lower.

"Want to go to my room?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi everyone! Hope you liked this chapter, and that it wasn't too long. (but this was about 1,000+ more words than most of the chapters).

Oh, things at Hogwarts are progressing. We'll be seeing more of Kate McDermott, definitely, and of others. I hope this sounds like James, I'm struggling staying in his voice.

I'd really appreciate some feedback, so **please review!** or whatever term is using now!


	11. The Club

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **James and Sirius (and, consequently, Nate) go to a funeral. On Halloween, the Marauders play a "tame" prank, Isabel dresses as a lion instead of a fairy which upsets Mary, Lily and Nate are together, James gets drunk and then has sex with Kate McDermott, ex-girlfriend of Samuel Hoskins.

* * *

><p><strong>The Club<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>I open my eyes that morning to find a seemingly endless supply of blond hair covering my face and neck. Spitting it away and propping myself up on my arms, I look down to find Nicole passed out on the lower half of my body. My head is still a little achy, I knew Black had something to do with all those drunk fourth years. Leaning past the half-naked girl (oh, did I forget to mention? Nicole has no sense of personal modesty), I check my alarm clock. Thank god it's Saturday, and there isn't a Hogsmeade weekend so there's nothing happening around the castle. I let myself fall back onto the pillows, but the bed shakes and I sense Nicole waking up.<p>

She groans, cracking one eye open.

"What?" She croaks.

I laugh. "You speak French in your sleep."

"What'd I say?"

I grin. "Something like '_t__u es trop sexy, maintenant embrasse moi!'_"

She pokes my stomach, grunting, "Shut up."

"Put some clothes on."

She stares down at her naked chest, shrugs, and then grabs a shirt of Mary's that had been sitting right at the edge of my bed for at least a month.

Pushing herself up, she leans next to me against the headboard. "So, how was your Halloween? Did you and Nate get frisky?" She asks, pulling her hair out of the collar.

I finger comb through the ends of my hair, looking at her guiltily. "Lily! You tart! How far'd you go?"

"Just some snogging, promise." I say, nudging her. That was the truth, though it seemed like Nate had wanted something more. We'd been making out in the staircase, and he asked if I wanted to go to his room, and I made up some excuse about needing to make sure that Mary had gotten back ok.

Speaking of Mary, she was no where to be found.

"Good. I'll not have you turning into me or Mary, though she is determined to corrupt your virginal ways!"

I kick her, she yelps. "Well, then Miss Sex Kitten, what did you do last night?"

Her mouth molds into a cat-like grin, and she leans in and whispers in my ear, "I made out with Tommmmmm!"

"_Tom Jenkins?_"

"Why so surprised? Tom's hot." She says. "Bloody brill snogger too. But I'm pretty sure it was just a casual one-off type of deal."

"And you're ok with that?" I ask tentatively. Nicole always talks about boys a little like Mary, like they're not important. She's dated a few boys over the years, but none have ever lasted very long.

She snorts. "I'm fine, Lil. I'd rather have a right good snog than a naggy boyfriend anyway."

I look around the room, spotting Isabel's curtains pulled closed. She must have come back sometime in the morning, I didn't see her before I fell asleep. Dorcas was also in her own bed, but the curtains were hanging open, and it rather looked like Dorcas had just simply fell, and hit the bed by accident. Her limbs were twisted every which way, and her black hair is in a knot at the base of her neck.

A shoot another glance over to Isabel's bed and Nicole groans.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about her right now."

"It was just a costume."

Nicole looks at me incredulously. "Lily, if she had calmly informed us of the fact that she did not wish to be a fairy, then this would not have been a problem. However, she decided that she would not _dane_ to give any of us that information, which was extremely rude and sort of selfish."

At that moment, Mary came padding through the doorway, still wearing her fairy costume, hair matted up and makeup gone. She ripped off the dress quickly, rooting around for a t-shirt and pajama pants.

"And where have you been?" Nicole asks slyly.

"With Remus." Mary replies, pulling a shirt over her head.

"Oooh la la, looks like Mary was the one getting frisky last night." Nicole says teasingly, propping herself up and watching Mary shove her legs into the pajama pants.

Mary stays silent, face blank. Something's definitely wrong.

"Mary what happened?" I ask.

"Lily, really, I'm sorry, I just need to sleep right now." She says, climbing into her bed and shutting the curtains.

* * *

><p>Nate and I walk along the path outside the castle. The air is steadily getting colder, and November is around the time it starts snowing at Hogwarts. That's the best, when there's buckets of snow all decorating the castle, perfect for snowball fights.<p>

"We're going to Hogsmeade, right?" I ask him.

He grimaces. "Well… I told the Club that I'd be at the meeting… and it's sort of the same time…"

I feel my calves stiffen in anger.

"Sorry Lily. I know it's been a while since we've actually spent time together…"

"Why don't I come?" I ask before I know exactly what I'm saying. But then I agree with myself, if he's got these friends that he cares about so much, I should meet them too, shouldn't I?

"What?" He says, sounding a bit bewildered.

"Why don't I just come to that club thing you're going to." I say. "You can be with your friends and we can spend some time together."

He smiles. "Um, well… I don't… um… sure."

I smile back at him firmly. "Good. It's settled then." I say, kissing him chastely on the cheek.

* * *

><p>I'm starting to regret worming myself into this.<p>

I stand in front of the closet, trying to pick something to wear. I've seen the people Nate talks to. The type that wear pastels, always skirts and headbands and such.

I eventually end up with a cliché sort of sweet pink outfit that I feel ok about wearing. I'm sort of nervous though, I know for a fact that all those in "the Club" (the name itself feels elite) are all pureblood. I try not to let it bother me, but this year it's become less like an underlying disapproval to a roaring cause for insults.

I push a pink headband onto my head, staring in the mirror.

My clock says it's 10:50, and I hurry to pull on my white flats before hurrying out of the dorm.

"Good luck!" Dorcas calls from the couch on the common room as I fly by. Mary says it too, but with her it sounds rather sarcastic like it means, _"Good luck Lily. You're going to need it._"

* * *

><p>Nate and I walk down the grass to where he says they meet, and as soon as I see over the hill, I'm so regretting with my overly-fussy outfit choice.<p>

Sitting on a long picnic bench are two girls and five boys, all wearing wizard robes in different colors. I had these things from when I had to go to tea with my mum (she always used to drag me along to all her friends' houses), but apparently I should have just worn my school robes.

Nate is greeted warmly, and then all seven eyes turn to me.

"Um, this is my girlfriend, Lily."

I smile, but they don't stop all staring at me. I'm practically choking under all the attention, so I perch at the edge of the bench where Nate's just sat.

"Hi. I'm Leslie." A boy with an unnaturally high voice says. He's got a shaved head, I notice immediately, and he smiles blandly at me.

"Leslie? Isn't that a –"

"Leslie. It's unisex name." He says tensely. His expression sort of curves into that resembling a duck face.

"Sorry." I mutter, desperately biting back my laughter. Luckily, the boy with the perfectly-coiffed blond hair decides to acknowledge my presence. Really, I should at least try not to be rude. Where are my manners?

"Samuel Hoskins." He says pompously, extending his hand to mine. I shake it awkwardly. He leans until his back hits the chair, studying me for a moment. Then, he seems to snap back to reality. "This is my girlfriend –"

"Kate McDermott." The girl with the diamond bracelet on says. She's got long, chestnut brown hair that looks like she's just walked out of a salon. I notice her eyebrows look meticulously plucked and her skin is tan and smooth. We shake hands for a moment. I notice her fingernails are short but manicured. She's really pretty, but in that prissy chihuahua-esque way. If that makes sense.

"Dempsey, Colin." The boy to the left of Nate says. He turns and just looks at me without any acknowledgement.

"Er… hello." I say, trying to smile. He squints at me for a minute, and then goes back to the book he was reading.

I look over to the girl tapping her foot against the leg of the table. "Oh!" She exclaims, smiling broadly. "I'm Ruthie, Ruthie Caldwell."

Her clammy hand reaches over the table and shakes mine quickly. I smile back at her.

"Elizabeth Burke. Slytherin." The girl with black hair says coldly. I turn towards her, and I notice that she's sort of sneering at me. "Evans. You're in _Gryffindor, _correct?"

"Yes." I say, squirming a little. I sneak a glance over at Nate, but he's not looking at me.

"Oh." She says. The table is quiet for a moment, and it feels like literally_ no one _wants me here.

A boy with dark brown hair and tan skin coughs. "Ray Wolfe. Also Slytherin." He says. "I know you. We've had potions together. You really are quite good."

"Oh, thank you." I say, trying to fight off the awkward blush creeping up on my cheeks.

I watch Elizabeth Burke shoot a glance over in his direction, but he ignores it and continues to talk.

"I find potions quite challenging, but also quite enjoyable." He says, looking down at his nails while he says this. Although he sort of gives off an air of superiority, I'm glad to have an opportunity to speak.

"Yes, so do I. Especially with Slughorn teaching the class."

This, however, seems to be the end of the short-lived conversation, for after I finish my sentence, the boy Colin Dempsey says,

"Have you heard the Minister of Magic is getting chosen soon?

"Thank Merlin. Honestly, it's about time. Guzman has been getting old, it's time for someone new to take over."

"Who would it be do you think?"

"No, Guzman's got a year left of his term. Unless he gets impeached, or steps down."

"Keller's been angling for his job for a while."

It went on for a while like that. Talking about people I had never met. Mostly stuff about the pureblood society circle.

I put on a smile, of course. But it was strange seeing Nate with his friends. He was different. Fake, sort of.

"Nate –" I try.

"In a second, Lily." He says, waving me off. "Now, about Leonard –"

It became obvious that I didn't belong here. They all just kind of forgot about me, including Nate, which makes me furious. Except for Kate kept glancing over at me.

* * *

><p>After about an hour of being outright ignored, I hissed at Nate that I was going to leave, and he just <em>waved me off. <em>What the hell? I offered to meet and hang around _his_ friends, just so _we_ could spend some bloody time together!

I was stomping off up the hill when I stomped face first into Alice Smithson.

"Blimey Lily!"

"Oh god, Alice, I'm so sorry." I apologize, helping her up off the ground.

She laughs. "It's fine, I was just heading to see if Emmeline was down on the pitch. Have you seen her?

I shook my head. Though Alice and I weren't very good friends, we'd always remained mates (ever since I got bitten by a plant in Herbology and she had to take me to the hospital wing second year). Alice Smithson had blond hair and round face, and seemed to always be either smirking or smiling.

"I see you've met the _Club_." Alice says, gesturing down to the group still arguing on the picnic bench below.

"Who?"

"The people you were sitting with?" Alice prompts, snickering. "We call them the Club because they never talk to the rest of us and stay in their little circle. Those girls, Kate and Ruthie? Yeah. They both turn up their noses at me and the other girls in the Ravenclaw dorm. Walk around like they've got a giant stick up their arse."

I laugh loudly at that. "They do seem a bit... pretentious."

"So what do you think of them?" She asks, leaning in.

"They're… nice…" I say, before dissolving into laughter again. "No, no, really, they seem nice, their conversation topics are a bit dry."

"Didn't like 'Guess-who's-marrying-who' game?"

"Not really my style, no."

"Hello Lily!" Frank's voice exclaims over the field. I turn my head and see him walking past us. His eyes keep bouncing over to Alice, and as he came up to us, they exchanged a glance.

"Hi Frank." I say.

"Alice." He says gruffly.

"Frank." She says back, smiling.

A brief pause passes.

"Um… James wanted me to tell you he might be a little late for patrol, but to go without him and that he'd catch up." Frank says, hands in his pockets.

I grit my teeth in annoyance, but I don't want to take it out on sweet Frank Longbottom.

"Alright." I say. "Thanks Frank."

"Well… I'm… er… going to the library! Yes, I'm – I plan to – I'm going to study for a test. I mean – the test on Friday. Yes, Friday. Ok, well, goodbye!" He practically yells at us, and catapults himself over the hill.

"Sorry… erm… what were we talking about?" She asks, still staring at the hill. "Oh! Right: Kate McDermott."

"Do you know Frank?" I ask as innocently as I can.

"Er… yes. Sort of." She says quietly. "We had lots of classes with each other last year."

It felt like she was leaving out something, but I decided by the looks of her reddening cheeks that we'd have to be closer for her to tell me about it.

"Anyway, what about her?"

"Oh, yes, right. Don't mess with her. She's one crazy bitch. Once I borrowed her hairbrush and she went ballistic, running around telling everyone I was a thief and if I ever stole one of her things again there'd be consequences…"

It was hard to imagine the same prissy Kate McDermott that I'd just met doing that, but I'd take Alice's word for it.

"…Anyway, don't get her mad at you. She may look like a perfectly-manicured daddy's girl, but in reality… she's so much more than that."

I laugh a little bit. "Alice. She's harmless."

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Ok maybe I'm overreacting. Just… don't get on her bad side. For me, ok?"

"Alright." I say.

She stands up.

"I'll see you Lily." She says. She moves to walk away but pauses.

She turns. "And… er…tell Frank I say hello." She says, before walking away.

* * *

><p>I trudge into the Head's office, exhausted, but searching for the book I'd left in here a couple days ago. I vaguely registered Potter's dead-looking form sprawled out on the couch.<p>

I moved to look under the desk, and suddenly, my vision locks with a pair of big, bright green eyes.

"Oi!" I yelp in surprise, jumping slightly.

Out of the darkness trots a little black cat, still staring intently at me with its giant eyes. Its fur is shiny, but a bit messy and a little tangled, and its whiskers are comically bent in different directions.

It stops about six feet from me, and stares at me.

It's a bit unnerving.

"Potter!"

His head perks up, and he turns, looking at me over the back of the couch. He's been exhausted lately, working the Quidditch team ragged. He's fallen asleep more than once sitting in front of the desk.

"Yes Evans?" He says, perfectly nonchalant.

"What the _bloody hell_ is that?" I say, pointing at the feline and glaring accusingly at him.

His eyes dart over to the cat, and then back to me.

"Felix." He says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?"

"Felix. He's my cat." I look back over at the cat, who is apparently named Felix. He's still sitting perfectly stock still, black tail the only thing moving as it sweeps across the floor behind him.

"_You_ have a _cat_?" I ask in disbelief. "Named _Felix_?"

He grins. "Yes, I do. He's lucky, like _Felix Felicis._" He frowned. "You're not allergic are you?"

"How come I've never seen this cat before?" I demand, ignoring his question.

"He was sick. Couldn't bring him to Hogwarts in September. Got him back when I went home over the weekend."

"You went home over the weekend? Students aren't allowed –"

"I was an exception. My father spoke to Dumbledore, so I got to leave."

I scoff. Of course James Potter was allowed to do something strictly forbidden by school rules. Though this was different, usually instead of getting permission, he'd just do it himself.

"I had to go to a funeral." he says flatly, turning his head back around and sinking down into the couch.

I immediately regret the scoff. I look down embarrassedly.

"I'm sorry –"

He waves his hands conversationally. "Nah, it's alright. Was my great Aunt Martha. She always hated me."

I felt myself crack a smile. "Why's that?"

His mouth morphed into a full grin again. "Well, whenever Padf – I mean, Sirius would come over, which would usually be in the summer when she stayed with my family, we weren't exactly as… invisible… as she might have wished."

"I can imagine." I snort. "So, why's the cat not back in your dorm?"

He grins sheepishly. "Well, while I love cats… Sirius isn't exactly…er… of the same mindset."

I look at him incredulously.

"He just doesn't like cats. He's a dog through – er, a dog person through and through."

I sigh, putting my hand on my hip. "Alright. Felix is going to stay here then?"

"Unless it bothers you."

I actually smiled. "No." I say, walking over to the cat.

His pupils grow smaller, and he looks at me sort of judgmentally for a moment. I move my hand to pet him, and he stops. I let him sniff my hand for a moment before he rubs his cheek against my hand, fur incredibly soft. Despite myself, I let out a little coo and pet the cat again.

I can feel James' eyes at my back.

"Good." He says firmly.

* * *

><p>"Are you finally ready to tell me what's got your knickers so in a bunch?" I ask Mary, wrapping up my crepe tighter and taking a bite. The house elves have gotten really creative this year with the variety of breakfast meals, yesterday we had a full breakfast of Russian cuisine.<p>

She let out a breath, and cracked her knuckles. "Ok. I had sex with Remus on Halloween."

The crepe slips out of my hands and into my lap. I hurry and retrieve it, luckily nothing's spilled out, but the impact of what Mary just told me is still shocking.

Without meaning to, my eyes skate straight down to where Remus is sitting, currently fighting with Peter over whether or not Peeves could be susceptible to Polyjuice Potion, or any potion for that matter.

Turning back to her, I splutter, "Um... w-what?"

Mary's face remains blank, passive. She's always like that when something's bothering her. Most of the time she's exuberant and outwardly vivacious, but when she's stewing about something she immediately becomes stony.

"Well... well... are you upset about it? Is it a bad thing."

She shook her head.

"Have you guys talked about it?"

"He's tried... I've avoided him."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh... _Mary_. You can't do that."

Another thing about Mary: she can face hundreds of Slytherins, but she avoids personal confrontation like the plague.

"I don't know how I feel about it quite yet, so... yeah."

"Mary it's been two whole weeks since Halloween."

"Look, Lily, not everyone can be as sure and pragmatic about boys as you can." She snaps. I feel like she's punched me in the gut. I'm not... _pragmatic_ about boys. I'm not!

Her face softens. "Sorry. I just... it was good, you know. Like... physically, it felt good. But then after, he sort of... he sort of tried to, you know, cuddle with me, and every cell in my body was telling myself to run, to get out of there. I don't know why."

I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off, "The actual sex was good though, especially since a girl's first time is supposed to be rubbish."

"Wait, how's it supposed to be rubbish?"

"Well, if you've never done it before, you're not... stretched. And that's why it hurts the first time." Mary explains.

That sounded outright _painful. _Everything about sex to me was a theoretical abstract, not a reality. I'd never... been in the position that I could have actually done it, except when Nate asked me on Halloween. Ever since then... I mean, we've snogged, oh yeah, and obviously with that there's been some feeling up. But the reality was that I was seventeen, and seemingly everyone around me was shagging like bunnies. It was rather like a wake up call. Maybe Nicole was right, maybe I did have virginal ways.

"Anyway," Mary continued. "I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure you're actually supposed to _want _to cuddle with your boyfriend, not run the second sex is over. And... I don't think I fancy him much."

"How can you not fancy him? You've been dating since September."

"Well, being together a long time doesn't automatically make you fancy a bloke. And besides, I'd been feeling this way a lot before. I think I should just break up with him."

"But it's Remus. Won't it crush his heart?" Remus seemed to genuinely like Mary, every time I saw them together, it was in his eyes. The idea that Mary (who sometimes, bless her, wasn't very tactful) could seriously hurt him was sad. I always liked the idea of them as a couple.

"That's life." Mary says.

"What do you mean 'that's life'?"

Mary sighs, putting down her crepe. "Well, if you go through life without your heart being stomped on a few times, then obviously you haven't been living. Part of life is pain, and if you're too afraid to inflict that on others when it'll be better in the end, then you're just hurting yourself."

I turn and sneak a peak at Nate, who's sitting with Sam and Kate. He's pouring some strawberries onto his plate, laughing quietly at something either of them said.

He was attractive. There was no doubt about that. Hair, lips, eyes, teeth. He looked a little like a more buff Cupid. His voice was perfect, he had full washboard abs (even though he didn't play Quidditch, which was confusing), incredibly smart, from a rich family background (not that it mattered to me, but all the same). He was also... _talented _at snogging (not that I had much to compare it to). Any girl would agree that he was a bloody amazing catch.

So why was he starting to edge away from a perfect boyfriend in my mind?

"Evans." Potter's voice says, rousing me out of my inner stewing.

He's standing without robes, just his uniform, hands shoved in his pockets and smirking at me.

I gulp, shaking my head and trying to stamp out all inner Nate-related thoughts. "Potter. What's up?"

"Timestables this week. Hufflepuffs say they won't do the after dinner shift Thursday, they have the pitch booked then." He says.

"Just switch them out with the Slytherins."

"Oh sure. Because that'll go over _so _well."

"Fine, have Remus do it."

"He's already doing the late shift Thursday."

"Alright, the Ravenclaws then."

He hesitated, before saying, "You're going to have to tell them, they don't take me seriously."

"And who's fault is that?" I ask with raised eyebrows.

He scowls. "You're lucky you're so pretty Evans. Fine, I'll tell them." He says, walking away towards the Great Hall doors.

"_You're lucky you're so pretty Evans._" Mary mimics into my ear, prompting me to elbow her in the gut.

"Ow! Sorry, it's not my fault the bloke is in love with you."

"He's not in love with me." I say.

She snorts. "Yeah, and I've can juggle while riding a unicycle reciting the ingredients needed in Amortentia."

"He's _not._"

I thought about the last time James and I had talked. It had been in the office, I was reading a passage Slughorn had leant me about moonstone and it's relevance to most modern potions. I sat across the couch, legs stretched out. He'd walked in with a couple of textbooks, spewing some rant about the fact that McGonagall had compared the team to the Chuddley Canons, and had nudged my leg with his knee. I hadn't moved, knowing that he wanted to sit down, but I was perfectly comfortable.

After a long while of trading glares, he'd simply lifted my legs off the couch, sat back down, and put them back, but over his lap. We both worked like that until it was time for dinner.

If anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be calmly reading while my legs were resting in James Potter's lap, I would have laughed myself into next Wednesday. But we were, as it seemed, good friends.

"We're friends." I say honestly. Chums, mates, _friends. _James had actually helped me with some Transfiguration homework when I'd been having trouble (though it was a serious blow to my self-esteem, it had been worth it).

"Alright, alright." She says, holding up her hands in defeat. "Look, I'm supposed to meet McGonagall before class today."

"What are you going to do about Remus?"

She stands, biting her lip thoughtfully. "I have no idea."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi! So wow this is a quick update for this story! I hope you all are enjoying.

I've received a lot of messages on tumblr/reviews/comments disapproving of the fact that James has supposedly "had sex" with Kate, saying that he wouldn't do that if he was in love with Lily.

What you've got to understand is that I'm trying to portray James as who he really was. A straight, horny seventeen year old boy. Though he is also loyal and kind and caring, he had just spent the night seeing Lily get all-up-on a guy that wasn't him, so he's feeling pretty low. Add that to being intoxicated, and it seems like a pretty instinctual moment (not that that excuses it in the least, it's still kinda skeevy).

He might love Lily, but he's still a human, and he fucks up every now and again. This isn't meant to be a cookie-cutter story where James follows her around like a lovesick puppy.

(Nicole's French: _"tu es trop sexy, maintenant embrasse moi!" _is "you're too sexy, kiss me now!") (Translation courtesy of anon reviewer "Victoria")

**Please review!**


	12. And Then Everything Tips

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **(on Halloween) Lily snogs Nate, Nicole snogs Tom, James has sex with Kate McDermott; Lily meets Nate's friends; then she meets James' cat; Mary tells Lily she had sex with Remus on Halloween but is still confused about her feelings.

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><p><strong>And Then Everything Tips<strong>

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><p>(James Potter)<p>

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><p>The Great Hall was busy, as always during lunch, students constantly filtering in and out. Lunch is always the most chaotic, as breakfast everyone is barely awake, and dinner you don't still have the pressure of more classes during the day. All the younger year midgets are here, but besides Sirius and I, no one from seventh year was at the table. Lily, however, was present, but sitting at the Ravenclaw table. The Git was unfortunately attached on her left, tentacles holding her hand.<p>

A group of fifth year girls pass the Gryffindor table, flipping their hair and giggling, winking at Sirius and then bursting into laughter. Sirius leans his head back and his eyes are glued to the steadily moving away arses of the girls.

"You must be getting desperate." I say, taking a bite of a particularly delicious ham sandwich.

Not taking his eyes off them, he replies, "How's that?"

"You're oggling fifth years."

He whirls around and sits down across from me. "Oi! That's Vivian Vaun! Have you looked at her recently?"

"You truly are the definition of scoundrel."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." He says, grinning. "And besides, at least I'm _not_ the one shagging birds with boyfriends."

"What are you on about now?"

"Mate, you've really got to learn to cast a better Muffliato before you bring another girl back." He says, gesturing towards where Kate McDermott was sitting, feeding a forkful of corn to Samuel Hoskins. They must have gotten back together. "Not that I mind, but Moony is always cranky in the morning."

"They weren't together then, you know I wouldn't do something like that. I'm not _you_." His jaw dropped, and he crosses his arms like he's offended, even though I know he gets a perverse satisfaction from having girls chuck their boyfriends for a chance with him. "It was just a drunk hook up, nothing more, not to be repeated."

I roll my eyes, and he goes back to his lunch. "So you're not going to date her in some cliché move to either get over Evans or make her jealous?"

"No, why would I do that?"

Sirius stares at me for a long moment. "No reason."

"I have no interest whatsoever in dating Kate McDermott, I can tell you that."

"So about Evans?"

I don't say anything. Sirius takes this as an answer and nods his head knowingly. "Ah. Ok."

"Morning gents."

"Morning Moony. Wormtail. Have some lettuce."

The two boys sit down among the steady hum of chattering voices. Peter slams a book down on the table that looks like it's about a thousand years old and belongs in my father's library. He glares at it disdainfully, before loading up his plate with food.

"Going to enlighten us why you're carrying around an artifact, Wormy?"

Swallowing down a bite, Peter says, "Divination."

"You still taking that?" Sirius asks amusedly.

Peter rolls his eyes. "It was either that or Arithmancy, and since last year I barely got by a 'Fair' in that class, I figured I might as well just try Divination again."

"Well what're you working on?" Remus asks, wolfing (no pun intended) down his lunch. He's been doing that constantly now, five minute-meals and staying inside reading all night.

"I dunno, some bloody symbolism thing, about the different relationships between animals, and what they represent. Bloody load of codswollop, I'll say."

Remus just waves it off. "I'll see you lot later, I've got to see McGonagall, she said she wanted to talk to me about plans after graduation."

"Still pushing that teaching school?"

"'Course. She said she thought I'd be a 'wonderful teacher, great with children'." Remus says sarcastically, before bounding off out of the Great Hall.

He passes Mary on his way out, whispering something in her ear. She, however, doesn't respond, and the girls sitting around her look worried.

* * *

><p>Should be a good day, all things considering. Wind is at a bit of a weird angle, but that'll be no serious problem. I'll just have to remember to tell the team that when in doubt, lean right. Can't have anyone falling off.<p>

I stretched my arms over my head, walking out onto the still-dark Quidditch pitch. Still wiping sleep out of my eyes, I stood in the middle of the pitch between both goal posts, and took a deep breath.

I remember my first Quidditch game, when I was just a second year. Bloody terrified, I was, almost letting Quaffle drop straight out of my grasp at the last second. We ended up winning the game, but only just barely, and that was only because Julianna Tuttleham, seeker during that year, managed to catch the snitch just in time.

Lost in nostalgia, I barely hear the opening of the locker doors, and then see a figure standing in front of the doorway. I squint my eyes.

"Ivy?" I call out.

The figure faltered for a minute, before coming closer. It was, indeed, the new fifth year chaser. She stood next to me, looking up at the stands. The girl kept tapping her hand against her leg, fidgeting. She was still wearing what I assumed to be pajamas, which were just a T-shirt and long flannel pants, rather like the ones Sirius accidentally set on fire in third year.

"Sorry. I came out here because I couldn't sleep, but I saw you and thought that it was sort of a personal moment." She says. "I can leave -"

"No, it's fine." I say.

She looked at her feet, clad only in socks, wet from the morning dew on the pitch.

"I never sleep well before the first Quidditch game of the year either." I say.

She grins, nudging me with her shoulder. "Don't be scared Captain. I'll try not _completely _overshadow you."

"Watch leaning to your left, then maybe we'll talk."

Over the course of practices, she'd really held her own with Tom and I. She was also a laugh, and genuinely liked talking about strategies and plays. She was a good addition to the team, flew well, and did everything I instructed her to do.

"I'm scared I'm going to screw up." She blurts out, rubbing her arms and staring up at the left goal posts. "I've never had an opportunity like this... ever."

"Better not." I tease, and she smiles wanly. "Don't stress out. We've got a good team, and good strategies and plays. As long as we stick to those, we should be fine."

She looks down again, cheeks coloring a little. "Thanks."

The sun started to peak out from between clouds in the East, and she fidgets. "Well, sun's coming up. Better go change. See you, James."

* * *

><p>The sun is fully overhead, though mildly blocked by some clouds. Proves to be a slight vision obstacle, but no matter.<p>

The crowd quiets it's cheers, and I lock eyes with Slytherin Captain.

"Madame Hooch steps onto the field." Lucas Caldwell's voice echoed through the stands. Sirius told me he got roped into it because no one from Slytherin or Gryffindor was allowed to commentate "due to biases".

"Now, let's try to have a nice, friendly game." Madame Hooch says sternly, looking at both Talkalot and I hopefully. I don't know why she still tries, games between Gryffindor and Slytherin would never be 'nice' or 'friendly'.

She raises the Quaffle up in her hand. Adrenaline pumps through my veins and I feel that familiar rush that I get at the start of every Quidditch game, the feeling that I can do anything. Everything else disappears, and all I see is that red leather ball and my relation to the Slytherin goal posts.

"The Quaffle is released!"

My body speeds into overdrive, and my mind goes into automatic.

"And right off the bat, Gryffindor Captain James Potter snags the Quaffle clean out of the air! From right under Slytherin Captain Lucinda Talkalot's nose! Potter passes to Tom Jenkins, who is retaining his position from last year, - he's flying with it, and he drops it to Ivy Watkins! - Yes, she's going with it! Ivy Watkins is a new addition to the team this year, replacing now-graduated Emma Tyler, and might I say, she is certainly holding her own! - And there she goes, dropping the Quaffle to Potter - And he makes it! GRYFFINDORS SCORE! TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"

The crowd roars, and I grin at Ivy, who smiles shakily back, Tom letting out a victory cry. We fly back into position, wind ripping through my hair and on my face.

"Slytherin's in possession - Talkalot speeds towards the goal posts, followed closely by other Chasers Ernest Higgs and Jasmine Crockett. Gryffindor Beater Paige Olson looks to have sent a Bludger their way - and OH! Higgs ducks just in time. Talkalot looks like she's about to score, though Higgs is - Wow! Great move by Chaser Tom Jenkins! Gryffindor is back in possession of the Quaffle! - They're making their way up the field - TWENTY POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!

Slytherin Beater Harvard McNair glares darkly at me, smacking his beaters bat, and Winston flies up next to him, laughing and muttering something to McNair.

"Higgs takes the Quaffle again, flying steadily... OH! He tried to drop the Quaffle to Jasmine but she missed - now Potter's has the Quaffle, nice dive! - OOOOOH! Potter narrowly avoids a Bludger sent by Slytherin Beater Winston Pucey! Talkalot takes the Quaffle! She shoots - No, the Quaffle is saved by Gryffindor Keeper Garth Welsh!"

Seconds after Garth's Keeper glove narrowly saves the Quaffle, I duck just in time to avoid another speeding Bludger sent right at my head. Glaring up at the smirking Pucey, I fly back to formation, where Ivy is looking more confident, and Tom is glancing around higher in the sky.

I look up to see Elita circling around the pitch evenly, squinting into the sky. Regulus is flying closely behind her, not looking at the snitch, but Elita instead.

I try to put it out of my head. The Quaffle is thrust back into play, and I take off.

"Quaffle taken by the Slytherins - Higgs is back up the pitch - but he's blocked by a Bludger sent his way by Sirius Black - nice play by the Gryffindor Beater, he drops the Quaffle - The Quaffle is taken by Ivy Watkins, dropped quickly to Tom Jenkins - GRYFFINDOR SCORES AGAIN! TEN POINTS!"

The game continues, and by the time about an hour goes by, Gryffindor is in the lead by a hundred points! Though the Slytherin's have gotten steadily revenge-thirsty, Bludgers coming much too often and too close to heads.

"James Potter is in possession of the Quaffle, flanked by the other two Chasers - He's setting up for a close shot -"

I throw the Quaffle full force, and grunt as it soars through the goal posts.

But instead of the familiar "Gryffindor scores!" I hear the crowd scream frantically, and by the time I turn around, I see McNair flying past, and Ivy jerking back on her broom and grabbing her nose.

Tom moves quickly to steady her broom, but in doing so, she slips off the back and her body falls far down to the ground.

"OUCH! That's got to hurt, from here that looked like a foul!"

The team flies down to the ground and circles around Ivy. The crowd is leaning over in their seats, and Garth is standing next to me breathing heavily from running, looking green in the face. The Slytherins swagger their way over to the group, and Tom is shouting something about a penalty.

"Madame Hooch! It's got to be a foul, just look at her nose!"

"It was obviously an accident."

"Oh I'm sure. A fucking accident."

Ivy's eyes suddenly start to flutter open, and she lets out a groan. "Ouch."

She moves to sit up, and Garth leans forward, holding her hand and pulling her up. Blood is running down her face, an equally bloody nose is the source. She smiles weakly at him, and looks around at all of us who are leaning over her. Brushing her hair behind her ears, she squeezes her eyes shut.

Letting out a huge breath, she leans on Garth and stands up shakily.

"Miss Watkins, you can come with me -"

She looks bewilderedly at Madame Pomphrey. "I'm going to finish the game." She says firmly.

"You can't be serious, come on deary."

Ivy looks at me worriedly. "But - but -"

Madame Hooch steps out of the way of Tom and Lucinda, pointing her wand to her throat. "Foul! A cobbing foul! Penalty shot to Gryffindor."

Lucas Caldwell's voice suddenly thundered frantically through the pitch. "The Gryffindor seeker looks to have found the snitch! She's flying after it with what seems to be tunnel vision!"

Everyone's heads turn up to the sky, where I spot a small red blur race after an invisible gold ball. Steadily behind her is Regulus.

"She'd better watch out, Slytherin Seeker Regulus Black is flying steady with her - Oh! And she takes a hit! It's true that while it is an advantage to be smaller in size for speed, you've got to watch out for hits... But she's back!"

Sirius grabs my shoulder tightly, craning his neck up to watch the action along with the team and all the spectators.

"They're neck and neck... YES! GRYFFINDOR SEEKER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

The red and gold side of the stands erupt in cheers and shouts, raising banners and pumping fists.

"Yes!" I shout, accepting a very manly hug from Sirius. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Ivy hug Garth, making his cheeks red, and saying, "We did it! We did it!"

The feeling after you win a game has got to be one of the best in the world. The complete euphoria that washes over you is almost unparalleled. I look up to the stands, spotting one Lily Evans with a grin on her face, shaking her head and clapping.

People come up from everywhere, congratulating the team. Sirius chats up some girls wearing fake lion fur leggings, as Peter tags after Remus. Elita Day becomes so surrounded with fans you can barely see her poking out of the crowd. Doug Lyons shows up, saying that we're bound to have a evenly stacked match against Ravenclaw.

I peel off my Chaser gloves, cracking my knuckles and laughing with the group about something Sirius said.

Next, I see a dark red head of hair push her way through the crowd, and before I know it, Lily's smirking in front of me.

"So Evans, how'd I do?" I ask. I try hard not to think about how adorable she looks bundled up in a Gryffindor scarf and a red knit hat, clashing with her hair violently. Her cheeks and nose are pink, but she's grinning largely, and I can't help be excited she came to the game at all.

"Eh. You were alright." Lily says, shrugging.

"Aw Evans, you wound me. Come on, tell me what you really thought."

She rolls her eyes, but grins. "James Potter, though it absolutely _pains _me to the very core to say this, you were brilliant."

I grin back. I want to hug her, but just as I'm about to, a cough comes from a figure standing behind her.

"Nate." I say grudgingly, shaking his hand.

"Potter." He says. He stares at me firmly for a moment, eyes basically saying, 'I just saw you try to hug my girlfriend and now I'm angry'. Not that it matters, I could take him in a fight. "Good game, even if that foul was uncalled for."

Oh, that was low. He's grinning. _Your move._

"McNair practically broke Ivy's nose, that's a cobbing foul. And it's strange that for a bloke who adamantly stays away from the pitch that you think you've got to authority to call a play." I say through clenched teeth.

His calm stays constant, he holds up his hands in surrender. "Calm down Potter, merely an observation." He says, looking concernedly at Lily.

I nod. "Right. An observation."

He locks eyes with me, and I can almost hear him saying 'Ha ha ha ha ha. Lily is my girlfriend. Not yours. Also, I ate the last treacle tart.' He sticks his hands back in his pockets, and turns to Lily.

"Lily, I'm going up to library, there's a book I need to check out to write the essay for next week. Coming?" He asks.

Lily's face turns almost in slow motion, an artificial smile at her lips. "In a moment."

Nate turns to leave, before leaning down and smashing his lips to hers, essentially slobbering all over her face. He sends one more glance towards me.

As soon as he's out of earshot, Lily smacks my arm and scowls at me. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Be so rude to Nate. He was only making an observation."

"He was the one being fucking rude, and you know it."

She huffs loudly, crossing her arms angrily. "Don't curse. There's no need to exhibit such animosity towards Nate, he was only -"

"Merlin Lily are you fucking _blind?_" I blurt out. The previous joking atmosphere of the conversation vanishes, and now all I can hear is silence.

"What are you on about?" She asks furiously, her grin significantly dropping.

"Nate Hogan is completely wrong for you!"

And this is where everything tips. Her face reddens in anger, and her hands that had been calmly laying at her sides curl into a fist. The image is rather like looking at an old photo album, transporting you back to the times you took the pictures. It has been a long time since I've seen that look. Her eyes burn like an infinite green inferno. I feel the bottom of my stomach drop, but I hold my ground.

_She needs to hear this. She needs to hear this. She needs to hear _me.

"How! How is he wrong for me?" She yells accusingly.

I decide that since I've already came this far, I might as well keep going. "Well… he… he… he isn't funny! The bloke is completely humorless! I'll bet he hasn't made you laugh _once _in your entire relationship!"

"Actually, it's been quite a pleasure being around someone who is possible of an intellectual discussion and isn't rendered incapable of breath after hearing a joke about an exploding toilet!" She yells.

"Exploding toilets are funny! And I'm sure all that talk about boring social circles and class and who wore the most expensive dress at the most boring party no doubt simply _riveting."_

"Maybe it is!"

I groan. "Merlin, Lily he's so… pretentious! All he talks about are himself and his family and wealth and how his head is completely up his arse!"

"He cares about things that are happening in the world! Unlike you, arrogant git who thinks of nothing but Quidditch and pranks and himself and his idiot friends! Messing up your hair because you think you're the King of the world… I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it."

It was a low blow, particularly since that was too similar to the insults that had been traded on a certain summer day at the end of fifth year. She bit her lip and stares at her shoes, her eyes almost hint that she wanted to take it all back. But she doesn't.

I try to plow through. "He hates winter… and… and you love snow! and he doesn't care or know anything about you! And he hates dessert! What kind of person hates dessert? You two have _nothing in common!_"

_More than you and I. _I can't help thinking miserably. I shake the thought out of my head, feeling it weigh on my chest.

Her guilty expression snapped right back to coursing anger. "Who are you to talk! You practically _live _for summer, and you go around like we mere mortals should worship the ground you walk on! Are those the most important differences? Nate and I actually have a lot in common!" She cuts in. "I _like _him James. He's my _boyfriend_. He understands me, he treats me right."

"Blowing you off all the time? Ignoring you when you're talking? Yeah, I see it Lily. You don't deserve to be treated that way! You deserve to be treated _right_, to be cherished – "

"James, _stop._"

"No!" I yell forcefully. "You deserve to be cherished and treasured and _loved_. Nate Hogan does _none _of those things!"

"James – "

"I won't stand idly by while you waste your time with him. He doesn't love you, Lily." I say quieter.

_I do_.

She stares at the ground with a blank look on her face. I desperately wish I could do something to shake her out of it, to make her realize something I know she already has pushed way into the back of her mind.

"Prongs –" Sirius' voice says.

I turn around and see a large group of Gryffindors standing around us , including Sirius and Peter, who is looking at me nervously and chewing his fingernails. It all feels to much like deja vú, another one of Potter and Evans' public spats. But this time, it doesn't feel like a game.

I look once more at Lily, who refuses to meet my eyes. Fine, if she doesn't want to listen, that's completely fucking fine with me. Let her waste her time with a bloke who doesn't appreciate her for every beautiful and extraordinary thing that she is.

With another hard glance at Lily, I make my way out of the crowd.

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><p><strong>AN: **Hello! Thank you so much to everyone for their reviews, it means a lot. Also, I seem to have an obsession for writing meal-related chatting scenes. Don't ask why.

The next update should be soon (but I always say that).

**_Please review my lovely darlings!_**


	13. Dreams and Realities

**PREVIOUSLY IN "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Nicole snogged Tom on Halloween, Mary and Remus had sex but Mary still feels strange about the relationship, the Gryffindor Quidditch team won their first match of the year; Nate picked a fight with James, causing him to tell Lily that Nate was wrong for her (very loudly and publicly).

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><p><strong>Dreams and Realities<strong>

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><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

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><p><em>I'm never leaving this bed. Ever<em>_. _I think as I burrow deeper under the covers. I curl into myself, pulling my knees to my chest.

_I'll eventually starve to death. No, I'll get Dorcas to bring me meals. Yes, that'll be alright. Of course, I'd gain maybe forty pounds. But then at least I'd have a sure guarantee of not having to deal with any of these boys. I'd just be an overweight zombie, and then no one would come near me._

I almost laugh to myself, and pull the covers up over my head. Maybe if I can manage to stay here, I won't ever have to see Nate. Or James, for that matter.

_James._

I ignore the voice in my head. It's late.

Actually, it's probably sometime around late afternoon. But with the bed curtains shut and the covers over my head, it feels like the middle of the night.

And I'm tired. I don't want to have to think about what happened. I don't want to have to think about anything, for that matter.

Sometimes I wish I was a cat. Or actually, any domestic house pet. I mean, a feline's needs are merely provisions. And lots of sleep. That's it. Sleep and nap and slumber, and not give a damn about anything.

They don't have to worry about anything. Not a bad grade, a bombed test, public fights, or boys and their infinitely confusing actions.

_Maybe I can will myself to become a cat._

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to see if I can feel fur sprouting out of my skin. The bed curtains are suddenly yanked open, and I see a girl standing over me.

"Lily? What are you doing?"

"Morphing into a cat. Thought I'd give becoming an animagus a go." I say, voice muffled by the covers.

"And I suppose the fact that you're practically a Troll in transfiguration doesn't apply here?"

The covers lift off my body, but only for a minute before I feel a warm body slide in next to me. They're pulled over my head again and I see Mary's face staring at mine, eyes pitying. No doubt she was there yesterday, the entire whole of Gryffindor was in attendance.

"So." She says.

"So." I say back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She offers half-heartedly.

"No." I say.

A long while passes before she turns over onto her side and curls up into herself, like how I'm laying. I lay, mulling things over to the soundtrack of her heavy deep breathing.

"Mary?" I hear myself ask in a shaky voice.

She grunts and turns back over so she's facing me. Her green eyes bore into mine. "What?"

I sit up angrily. "Who's he to say that? He doesn't know me _or _Nate well enough to know!"

"Yes Lily." She says, exasperation obvious in her tone. She grabs a pillow and sloppily smothers her face in it.

"And he thinks Nate's below him? Ha! Nate is a great guy, you know he got an O in Charms on the OWLs?"

"Yes Lily."

"We've only been dating a few months. I'd be freaked out if he said he loved me! Saying that word is a serious thing! That's not a word you just _throw around _like _he _does, you know."

"Yes Lily."

"…Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes Lily."

"Why did that happen?" I ask, more to myself then her. But she answers anyway.

"You and I both know the answer to that." She says. She pulls her head out from under the pillow, and I hear some rustling and feel her lean over toward my night table.

"It's six." She says.

"Already?" I ask from under the covers.

"Yeah."

She gently pulls the covers off me, making my eyes hurt from the light in the room and my hair static up.

Her face is sympathetic, but strong.

"Look, I'm going to dinner." She says, before reaching down and grabbing my hand.

I nod.

"Whatever happens, I know things will be fine. You'll work it out. You're strong enough for this." She says evenly, before pushing the covers back over my face.

I hear her soft padding footsteps, and then the door closing.

I sit for a while in the dark, listening to the faint woodland noises I can hear from outside.

I don't go to dinner. I am a bit hungry, but my cowardice overpowers that. I wonder if Nate had heard about it by now. I wondered how he would react.

Eventually, I fall asleep, just as I'm hearing the other girls tiptoe into the room.

* * *

><p><em>The forest was dark, thick branches and leaves obscuring the view of the sky and the potential light of the moon and stars. The cause for being present in this forest was unknown, and she could not remember how she got there. Lily Evans carefully took a step, but upon doing this realized that she had no shoes, she was barefoot.<em>

_Yet she started walking forwards, no recollection of the forest itself or where she intended to go. She could hear, just barely, as if the wind were whispering the word, "find the mouse". It came from all her surroundings, the bark of the trees, the ground under her feet. Like a chant._

_She looked around desperately searching for the source of the sound, but couldn't find it._

_Something brushed past her leg, she looked down quick enough to see that it was… it was a cat. A thin, small white cat._

_"Hey!" She called out to the cat, voice coming out as no more than a whisper. The cat ran, and she followed it. The trees steadily turned larger and darker, until her feet only touched tree roots. Suddenly, she entered a clearing, which seemed to be exactly in the middle of the trees._

_There was a heartbeat, almost like she was standing on the heart of the forest itself. But the beat was not calming, rather, it made her afraid._

_The cat turned, it's yellow eyes steadily turning red. It's pupils were dilated to slits, and Lily Evans watched as the cat grew larger and larger, until it was standing on its back legs, staring down at her. It's gaze sent cold shivers up her skin. Around the cat, the darkness sprouted snakes, slithering on all sides. Then the cat, too, morphed into a giant, green snake. She turned to run, but found her previously bare feet being held by thick, black vines._

_She watched as the snake leaned down, and a soft, cruel, spine-chilling voice whispered in her ear, "I am the cat."_

* * *

><p>When I open my eyes, I realize I am sitting straight up in my bed. My bed curtains are still shut, my lower half was still under the blankets.<p>

Cautiously, I lay back down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling worriedly. What could the dream have meant?

I could vividly feel the leaves under my feet, like I was there. The voice echoes around my head. It was the clearest dream I had ever experienced, almost as if I'd been there before... or I would be there in the future. As if my dreams were being bended to reality...

But that couldn't be right. It was probably just a stress dream. Though why I was dreaming about white cat/snake hybrids, I couldn't figure out. Probably just because I was musing about cats before falling asleep.

My thoughts, unfortunately, then turned to James. I couldn't understand why he had said all those things. I had rather got the impression that Nate and James were childhood friends. And James and I were friends, he couldn't still fancy me.

And what if he was actually being honest? Telling me those things _as a friend_? I knew Mary wasn't too fond of Nate, and she had no problem expressing those thoughts. She said she was saying what she thought was best for me.

Could James have just been saying that as well?

I shook my head, pulling the covers over my head. I should try to go back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Classes are rather terrible, quite honestly. Charms, which I used to look forward to, is rather unbearable.<p>

Dorcas and Nicole sit on my sides, which does help. Isabel, however, being rather tactless, sits with James. Mary is still quite angry at her for the Halloween fiasco, even though I keep telling her to get over it. That's just the sort of personal Isabel is, she does what she wants. And she's content to be on her own, if need be.

My eyes do wander to the back of the class when Isabel laughs at something Sirius said and Professor Flitwick shushes them. He's looking down at his desk, fingers shaking out his hair.

It's almost like a car crash, I can't look away from it, I just want to keep staring, no matter how conscious I am of how other people are disapprovingly staring at me. I can especially feel Nicole's eyes on me.

"...Miss Evans?"

"Lily?" Dorcas' voice says.

I turn and see Flitwick standing in front of our desk, holding out a piece of parchment for me.

"Your essay. I've graded it."

I smile and take the parchment, but the smile drops from my face once I see two little numbers in red ink at the top of the essay. Unfortunately, that number is a 70%, along with a "see me after class."

A 70%!? I take another look at which essay this is. All the schoolwork I've been doing has been blending together in my head.

It was one of the only essays given from this class, and I wrote about the origins of the "Incarcifors" charm, and how an earlier form of it was used by the earliest known witches and wizards to trap their prey, and get their meals. I vaguely remembered scrawling it a few nights ago, most likely while still sitting in bed and half asleep.

I put my head down on the desk as Dorcas plucked my essay from my hands.

This was the lowest grade I'd received since fourth year. Usually I was in the high 80s, middle 90s. A few times I'd even gotten 100s. And I almost always scored incredibly high on tests.

This was a problem.

"Oi! Everyone! I just got an 86!" I heard Sirius' voice thunder through the classroom.

I could have cried.

* * *

><p>"Are you ok Lily?" He asks, rubbing the back of my hand with his soft palm.<p>

I sit with Nate on a bench in front of a stained glass window. It is a few minutes until dinner, and I am still thinking about that Charms essay. I could tell that my friends were surprised, and I was devastated. I'd have to try harder.

Nate hadn't seen me since that time I told him I'd be coming in a minute with him to the library, after the match. To my knowledge, he did not know about what James had said.

I was definitely relieved when he didn't bring it up. I had no interest in talking about it, or the fact that James had mentioned every single doubt about Nate that had already been festering in my head.

Worse, I'd unintentionally started keeping a pros-and-cons list.

_Pro: his hands are soft._

I smile back at him. "Yes of course Nate. Sorry."

He seems content with this, and turns back to the Transfiguration book open on his lap.

_Pro: understands how bloody difficult Transfiguration is, similar scholastic faults._

"Do you want to go to the Quidditch game next week?" I ask out of the blue. I can't believe I've been so dumb as to bring that up, I could slap myself.

"Quidditch?" He asks incredulously. "I don't really see the point in it. It's just a silly game. Besides, you hate Quidditch. I still can't understand why you wanted to go to that Gryffindor-Slytherin match last week."

I nod my head slowly. "It was house pride." I mumble under my breath.

_Pro: he isn't bloody obsessed with Quidditch._

I lean back and look at him for a moment. My eyes travel up to his hair.

_Pro: his hair doesn't look like he's just been caught in a tornado._

_Pro: Siberian husky eyes surrounded by thick, striking eyelashes_

_Pro: Good kisser._

Nate was a great guy! I don't know why I'd doubted him. Sometimes he did blow me off, but healthy relationships needed the people in them to have mutual respect for their own time with their friends.

I resolve to put the Head Boy out of my mind. I didn't know where we stood, if our friendship still existed, but I had my boyfriend in front of me. He's the one I should be thinking about.

* * *

><p>"Lily… can I talk to you for a second?" Nicole asks, toweling her hair and stepping out of the steam-filled bathroom. She was dressed in her lingerie-like pajamas and looked a bit worse for wear.<p>

"Sure. What?" I reply, sitting up straighter on my bed. Paige had already passed out and had her curtains pulled closed already, and Mary, Isabel, and Dorcas were yet to return from dinner.

Nicole wrings out the ends of her hair, looking thoughtfully at the tips. "It's something that's been weighing on my head... well, my heart for a while. It's making the fact that I've come to fancy Tom rather clouded."

"You fancy Tom?"

She shrugs. "A bit. I don't know. I like to keep my feelings about males separate from each other, but there's two guys that keep overlapping in my mind."

"And why's that?" I ask.

"You have to promise to just listen to what I say, and not judge too harshly, alright?"

I snort. "Nicole, I won't judge you, whatever it is! You can tell me."

She took a deep breath. "I had sex with Sirius."

I almost fell off the side of my bed. With a yelp, I claw my way back up to a sitting position, in front of a nervous-looking Nicole. "What?!"

She had to be kidding. I mean, I had my doubts that she was a virgin, but I guess we never talked about it.

"Yeah… yeah… oh _mon dieu_…" she says, massaging her temples.

I splutter for a moment. "Wait wait wait wait wait. Stop. Are you serious?"

Her head tilts up, a guilty look on her face.

"What? _How_?" I ask, my head spinning.

She smirks briefly. "Lily. When a man and a woman…"

I scoff. It's time like this that she is a little too much like Mary and Isabel. "Alright _when _then?"

"Um… sixth year…"

"_Oh my god!_"

She took another deep breath. "Well, as you know, I had to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas break. I was upset because all my brothers got to go skiing with my father, and my mother was with my grandmére. And there was almost no one still in the castle, and I felt so alone and he was the only older Gryffindor… and I fancied… actually, practically loved him then…"

What?

"…and he was alone too, and we sat and talked for hours one night. About life and family and just… everything. And then he called me beautiful and kissed me… and… and… we…"

Her face crumbles now, and she looks on the verge of tears. It's unnerving. Nicole Roux is the last person you think you'd ever see cry. That's more of a me thing. Or a Dorcas thing. Or hell, even Mary's likely to cry sometimes.

"And then what happened?" I asked gently.

A flash of anger washes across her face.

"And then nothing. Break ended and everyone came back… and he acted like nothing had happened. And… and he fucking broke my fucking heart into a million little pieces."

No.

No no no.

No more tears.

"Did he know how you felt?" I ask cautiously.

She slowly shakes her head, looking up at the ceiling.

"The worst thing is… he didn't do anything wrong. I… I…" She chokes out a breath. "I acted like it was just a casual thing at first… but then… _after_… I told him how I felt and -"

And she starts sobbing.

"Nicole…" I say, pulling her towards me and into a hug. She leans her head on my shoulder, but stops crying. The ends of her hair are still wet, and beads of luke-warm water mix on my shoulder.

"He bolted, Lily." she whispers. "He left me sitting there, heart in my hands, on the couch. That horrible couch in the common room I have to see every fucking day…"

I open my mouth to speak, but she quickly cuts me off.

"Yes, I know I should have told him… er… _before_… and I know it wasn't smart to do that… but he _left_ with no explanation and then avoided me for almost the entire rest of the year and then suddenly the last night of term, just when I thought I was getting over him, he sat next to me and smiled and talked… and all the feelings came flooding back. But… but then Isabel kissed him and… UGH the way he runs around here sticking his dick in every available - "

"So you still fancy him?" I ask.

She stops. "I'm not sure. With Tom... it's like this really fun, light, flirty, new thing. He's not the type to brood or send mixed signals. And he asked me to the next Hogsmeade weekend."

"Are you going to go?"

"I want to very much. I like the way he makes me feel, and he's smart and funny and _fit_, but I feel as if I'm being unfair to him."

"How?"

"I don't think I've sorted out my feelings for Sirius enough to lead another on. Which is what I will be doing if I go with him." Nicole sighs. "I definitely shouldn't have snogged him on Halloween."

I nod. "That probably wasn't the smartest idea."

She flops down onto my bed. "I'm an idiot. Look at me, sobbing over a boy. What have I become?"

"I know the feeling." I say quietly, but I immediately stop. Why did I say that? I change the subject. "So, have you haerd from Mary, she's been rather off lately."

Nicole flips over onto her back. "She _is _off. Things with her and Remus obviously aren't working, and I can tell you, once sex is into the mix, it's easier to get hurt. It's going to end soon, I can tell. Even though she's with him, her heart isn't in it. I'm not sure she _knows_ what she wants."

* * *

><p>Defense Against the Dark Arts quickly became the favorite class of the Gryffindors, both younger and older students. Professor Ashford was no doubt an amazing teacher. Between his somehow intriguing lectures, dynamic teaching style, and hands-on lessons, he made the already popular subject become more discussed.<p>

He even had a few fourth year fan-girls, which was understandable. As a man himself, he was relatively lean and attractive, with his tamed black hair, dark eyes, and mustache.

The class is antsy and almost full even before the lesson started. There was a rumor that we would be working on full shield charms. The seventh years had spent almost the entire month reading up on them (which were pretty mundane, even I could admit that) and today was the day that we would finally try them out.

Professor Ashford enters, in the same routine, putting his overstuffed black folder on his desk.

"Hello class."

"Good day Professor Ashford." The class choruses.

He claps his hands together. "So, due to the even _more _frantic whispering circling around the room, I can gather that you've heard I've planned something new for you to do today."

Most of the class nods bashfully. Professor Ashford smiles back at us.

"Well. We'll be practicing our full shield charms, which means you'll be in partnerships."

Nicole automatically looks at me and winks, and I wink back. I'm glad she's feeling a little more normal. After she'd told me about her and Sirius, she'd immediately gone to bed early and didn't wake up for breakfast.

"Hey, partner?" Mary whispers to me.

"Sorry, I'm already with Nicole."

She recoils. "Ok, never mind."

"Everyone, please, line up with one partner on the left side of the room, one on the right. Two lines please!" Professor Ashford instructs, rolling up his dress shirt sleeves.

I can't help but notice I'm standing almost right across from James. He hasn't spoken to me since the incident (I guess it's not really an incident. The event? The confession? I'm not sure what the proper title is in this case), and that was _days _ago. I don't know why, but when I look at him, my chest aches a little.

I want to talk to him desperately. There's things I have to ask him. Through the long nights analyzing everything he'd said, questions erupted like mad... about everything. He looks at me for a moment, but then steps over and Nicole takes the place standing across the room from me.

We do begin to practice shield charms. Mine and Nicole's are both pretty strong, so we try some more powerful hexes, but nothing that could actually wound the other.

I can't help but watch him are he practices with Sirius. His shield is by far the strongest in the class, strong enough that even Sirius is almost sweating from throwing so many hexes. Professor Ashford comments on it.

"Mr. Potter, very good. Your shield is undoubtedly strong."

James smiles slightly. "Thanks. My dad taught me it when I was in fourth year. I've been practicing for a while."

Professor Ashford gave a little nod, and continues on walking through the room.

It makes me think about really how smart James is. If he already knew how to conjure a shield charm in fourth year, he must be quite brilliant. My mind constructs a little picture of younger James practicing in his backyard. I imagine his house to be large, probably with a lush and green garden. It has been mentioned that the Potters have a proper manor.

James catches me staring at him, so I quickly look away.

* * *

><p>"Potter fancies you." Snape suddenly says quietly.<p>

My head snaps up. This is the first time that he or I have spoken to one another since the last time he tried to apologize last year. Potions, in the beginning of the year, had made me nervous. Spending that much time next to Snape? I was obviously not looking forward to that painful and awkward class. Though as time progressed, we'd picked up a pattern. He didn't try to speak to me and I didn't have to answer him. We were simply sharing a space, that was it.

At least, that's what I assumed. It's a surprise that he spoke at all, much less mentioned James.

"Not now, Snape." I say, continuing to cut the pile of beans in front of me in rhythm. Slughorn was currently meandering around the room, checking on how students were doing, and it looked like he might come to our table soon.

I see Snape shrug out of the corner of my eye. "Just thought I'd inform you. It's quite obvious you're mates now."

I say nothing.

He gave a humorless laugh. "You really are fickle."

"Well, when my old best friend suddenly decided to turn into a monster, I decided it was time I reevaluate my views on some people." I say cruelly, and his mouth promptly closes tightly.

We work quietly, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I put down my knife with a little too much vigor. "Why would you even say that?"

"His affections were rather obvious when he was listing all the reasons Nate Hogan wasn't a suitable boyfriend for you." He says, a smirk in his voice.

My breath catches in my throat for a moment, but I clear it. "How did you hear about that? Thought you had a thing about hanging around Gryffindors."

"I was just leaving. Slytherin _was _playing in the match too."

I press my lips together and pick back up my knife. "Well, it's none of your business." I say, slicing another bean.

"He still fancies you. It's pathetic." Snape spits out.

Slughorn arrives at our table before I have a chance to respond. While he examines Snape's cauldron, I sneak a peak at James. He's smiling nervously, and he leans over the cauldron of his partner, Ellie Rhodes. She's grinning. He straightens abruptly and gives Ellie a thumbs up before turning slightly and coughing, scrunching up his nose.

"I was actually quite surprised you chose Nathaniel as a suitable beau. Though, against Potter, well... a _toe-rag _would be better, wouldn't it?"

"He'll never be more pathetic than you." I hiss.

Neither of us say anything for the rest of class.

* * *

><p>We're kissing. He's good at it.<p>

I try to match him, focusing on where I'm putting my tongue and the rhythm of my lips and such. He groans against my mouth, and his hands travel down and then up under my shirt.

It's sort of awkward, and I start to think that maybe doing this outside the green houses isn't exactly the smartest plan I've had. But honestly, I felt like I needed reassurance that Nate and I belonged together. And ever since Halloween, every time we start kissing, he always seems like he wants to go further than I do.

His hands descend downwards, fingers curling around the waistband of my panties.

"Nate!" I pull my lips away from his. "Stop!"

He pushes himself against me. "Come on Lily. I need -"

"Nate. No." But he just kisses me again. Hard. "Nate! Stop it!"

He pulls away from me, mouth tight and brows furrowed. "Merlin Lily why are you such a prude?!" He practically yells with frustration.

My jaw actually drops. Things between Nate and I were always light and polite, both in conversation and romance. This was the first time in our entire relationship that I had actually seen him exhibit any extreme emotion. And I wasn't liking it.

"Did you really just say that to me?" I ask in disbelief, pulling myself away from him. I plant my feet into the ground, searching for balance.

His face looks a little regretful, but he says nothing.

"What's my favorite color?"

"What?!" He exclaims

I took a breath. "I said, _what's my favorite color?!_"

He shook his head incredulously, but then straightened up. "Er... green?"

"It's purple." I say. "And what's my sisters name?"

"You have a sister?"

"Exactly." I say. "You don't care about me. You don't know anything at all about me, and you don't care enough to find out."

He groaned. "Lily, why does it matter if I don't know your favorite col -"

"Because you're my bloody _boyfriend!_" I yell. He takes a step towards me, and in turn I step back. Suddenly all the doubts in my mind are so strong, so loud that I almost can't stand to look at Nate anymore. Every muscle in my body is aching in anger and realization.

I turn to leave, because I've got to before -

"I knew I shouldn't have dated a mudblood."

I froze. It was like the breath had been kicked out of me it felt so painful. I turn on the spot and a loud smack is caused by me slapping him. His jaw is set low and it's red from where I hit him, but I don't even have the capacity to revel in it.

I march away, fists balled up and head held high.

Why was it that every relationship I had ended in that word? First Severus, which was painful enough, and now this. Was the status of my parentage really that important? God, it was like I was just reduced to a slur name!

And how could I have not seen this? Of course Nate cared about my blood status! Worse, he didn't know anything about me. I painted him as some great guy in my head just because he was classically attractive. I was so blind. I should have listened.

Because James was right.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **WOW this was a long chapter. And yes, the dream was intense foreshadowing. And no, Nate isn't a complete monster, please understand that he was upset (but that's still no excuse for calling Lily that).

Also, I looked up the grading system at Hogwarts, and the only thing I could find was something saying that Hermione once got a 112% in Charms, and then the grading for the OWLs. So since the essay that Lily gets back is not part of the OWLs, I used numbers/percents.

AND thank you to the anon reviewer "_Victoria"_. I really like the idea that Nicole sometimes says things in French, but alas, I am not French, so I had to use crappy Google Translate. I'll fix it, thank you.

AND AND, "_Potter's New Girlfriend", _I really like that idea of having a summary at the top of every chapter, especially since the story lines can be sometimes hard to keep track of with the gaps between updates. I will get on that ASAP!**  
><strong>

AND AND AND, once again, for those who I haven't mentioned, thank you for reviewing. Seriously, it means so much to me. And just because I didn't mention you doesn't mean I don't know you're not there and being lovely.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	14. The Chase and The Fall

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **James told Lily Nate was wrong for her (very publicly and loudly), Lily started to have doubts about Nate, they rowed and then he called her a "mudblood", Snape tells Lily that James fancies her, Mary and Remus' relationship is crumbling, and Sirius and his brother Regulus are on opposite sides and do not speak.

* * *

><p><strong>The Chase and The Fall<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>You wouldn't be surprised to hear that this was the first time I'd <em>literally<em> run after Lily Evans.

In the beginning of our not-friendship, there had been many "Go away Potter"s followed by a charming (or so I liked to kid myself) chases involving me and said redhead. But soon those turned into full out fights, challenging the other to see which one would back down first. And usually it would go on until a third force (usually a teacher or one of her mates) would step in and end it. That was just our routine.

"Evans! Evans, seriously! Stop!"

I watch her red hair flash around the corner, and I run toward her.

"Go away Potter, I don't want to talk to you."

I huff. "Well I want to talk to you! Bloody hell woman, where did you learn to run that fast!?"

"Go away I said!"

"Evans, when have I ever listened when you told me that?!" I yell up to her. She keeps running. "Evans!" I yell down the corridor as a mop of red hair swishes around the stone corner. "Seriously Evans, slow down!"

She runs out to the staircases, but just as she gets there the stairs change, leaving her with nowhere to run. "God damn it."

"Ha HA!"

"Congratulations Potter. You've cornered me." She says angrily. "Now, what do you want?"

I'm a little afraid now, her eyes have the same crazed look they had in them that time I commented on her arse.

One day in fifth year, I'd told Sirius that Lily's arse was an "apple butt". She's whipped around so fast it made my head dizzy, and punched me so hard she broke my nose. I remember lying in the Hospital Wing, embarrassed, impressed, and to be honest, a little turned on.

Merlin what's wrong with me?

"Uh, nothing. Just… you, er, left your potion book back in the classroom and we have that essay due tomorrow and I thought for sure you'd need it so –"

I'm rambling. She still looks angry. Her hand reaches out and sharply snatches the book.

"Why so pissy?"

"Eloquent, Potter. Your powers of investigation are _astounding_." She says. "I am _pissy_ because just when I thought you weren't a complete ponce, you proved me wrong!"

She acknowledges what happened after the match. It had been somewhere over a week since it had happened, and I'd kept my distance. I rather wanted to pretend it didn't happen, just so we could back to being friends. I rather missed her. I rather wished that if I had just kept my mouth shut then she would have been smart enough to figure out those faults about Nate herself instead of ignoring them just despite me.

Not that I knew she was doing that. I didn't know anything.

"So telling the truth is wrong?!"

"Telling the truth how you did in front of all those people so very publicly and loudly was wrong." She says.

"What was I supposed to do? Watch you rot in a terrible relationship? We are supposed to be friends." I say, voicing my reasons.

She cocks her head. "Really? I was a bit confused due to the fact that we haven't spoken in a solid week and three days."

For a moment I was about to smile. She was counting the days?

"You didn't say those things I said about him weren't true." I say slyly.

She looks down at her shoes. "Some of the issues you brought up did have some truth in them." She says quietly.

My heart leaps a little bit. So she wasn't as daft as I thought.

Well, I never thought she was daft! She was brilliant, after all. But I hadn't expected her to actually take what I had said into stock. She was just that stubborn.

"Are you going to break up with him?" I ask cautiously.

Her eyes flash a warning. "Don't, Potter. Don't."

I keep my mouth shut, just because we're already on shaky ground. By this time the stairs have returned, and Lily takes a step down. Then she looks back, and smiles a lovely sort of half-smile.

"Thanks for the book, though."

* * *

><p>I slipped on a pair of shoes as I hurry out the door with Sirius. It's late at night and the two of us skipped dinner, so Sirius talked me into walking him to the kitchens. When we were younger we always used the invisibility cloak, but now it feels like we know the route so much we don't need it.<p>

Quidditch has been harder lately, and I'll be the first one to admit to almost falling asleep in my oatmeal during breakfast because of the amount of all-nighters pulled in attempts to get a higher potions grade. We both saunter down the darkened halls in silence. There's not many out tonight, only a couple of fifth years we passed snogging in the alcove near the stairs.

It's not until we round the corner that we hear whispering coming towards us. Moving back silently into the shadows, the paintings around us squint at the bright light coming from one of their wands.

They come around the corner, and by the light from their wands, I can see that it's Snape and Regulus, Snape walking swiftly ahead of him and Regulus tagging along behind. I feel Sirius tense next to me, and set a warning hand against his arm.

"But Sev, I can't just go and ask him." Regulus' voice echos through the halls. He sounds distinctly whiney, not like his usual quiet lilt.

"Black, I am your superior. I gave you a task to perform and expect you to follow it through. Do not forget that I am the one Lucius takes his reports from." Snape sniffed. "And don't call me Sev."

"Sorry. But why can't you do it yourself?"

"I will pretend I did not just hear that insubordinate tone. And I prefer not to get my hands dirty."

"But... but why don't you just ask them for it?"

Snape walks with a straight back, purposefully not looking at Regulus. "They take their orders from Lucius as well, but since this is not a direct assignment from the Dark Lord, I do not have any authority over them."

"But won't they just do it as a favor? Aren't you friends?"

Snape snorts. "Regulus, don't be naive. Friendship does not exist in the world we are building. Only power."

The two figures reach the stairs and descend out of earshot. I hold Sirius back a minute after they've gone, and then release away from the wall.

"What the hell was that?" Sirius fumes, starting pace around the hall.

"Snape's planning something." I say. "And he needs help."

"But from who? And why's Regulus getting involved?" Sirius asks frantically.

"Padfoot." I say firmly. He stops abruptly. "You can't -"

"James. He's just a dumb kid. He doesn't know what he's getting into."

"We don't know if he's actually 'getting into' anything." I say reasonably.

"Snape mentioned You-Know-Who. You heard him." Sirius says bitingly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It sounds to me like he's Snape's bitch."

I say nothing. Sirius is funny when it comes to his brother. He acts like he so blindly hates him all the time, yet still makes sure to keep tabs on him. He always had. From snippets I've heard about Sirius' family life before Hogwarts and the rare interactions between the two of them, I'd gathered that they had been quite close. Sirius, leading the way banging pots and pans, and Regulus following along, grinning just to be invited along. They loved each other in their own way.

Then came the separation, the running away, the picking sides. War was stirring, there was no doubt in that. And they found each other on different sides of the battlefield.

Fighting with Sirius about Regulus was futile and exhausting.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Sirius mutters before moving back into the shadows.

* * *

><p>I receive an owl that morning with Lily's side of the Heads work, saying that she apologizes for not being able to attend our meeting. She hasn't been in the office at all and I haven't seen her anywhere out of classes. I can tell she's avoiding me, but her and Nate don't look like they're talking either.<p>

During Potions he walked up to her desk for a moment, but she turned away, and he walked back to his desk. I can't figure out what's going on between the two of them. She'd admitted to him being wrong for her, and she seemed to be ignoring him. What was happening? Lily was smart, why would she stay in a situation that was bad for her?

I asked Remus for advice, but he merely said that sometimes when people are in a harmful situation, they can't see it. Only those on the outside can. But I don't think that's right, or else why would she not be talking to him?

I'd resolved to get over her at the start of the summer. Where had that gone?

Out the window the moment she wanted to be friends. Had I no spine?

To be fair, I had stayed strong for a solid few weeks. Yes, I think it was around that long.

Maybe Lily and I were never going to be together. Maybe I should have just accepted that.

I snort at myself. No matter how many times I'd repeated that to myself, here I was, pining after her once more. I was an attractive-looking seventeen year old boy thoroughly in love with a girl I had little to no chance with.

I shook my head. I wasn't just any seventeen year old boy. If there was one thing I ever learned from my father, it was to never give up and go after what you wanted. It was one of the core Potter beliefs. "_Fortune favors the bold", "the reckless die young but the cautious do not live at all", _all that. And wow, did I want Lily.

Maybe what I should accept was that I would continue chasing lovely Lily Evans until she was mine.

* * *

><p>Sirius stares at his desk, eye brows furrowed and silent. He's been like this since we'd heard the exchange between Snape and Regulus, seemingly normal except for a few dark comments and certain times he would just go quiet for a while.<p>

A quiet Sirius Black was never natural or good.

It was true, I had thought about the conversation, what Snape's plan could have been, who he needed. But it was just Snape, and I had other things on my mind.

It's a practical day in Transfiguration, turning daffodils into ducks. Easy. I transfigure them quickly, as does Sirius. Usually we take days like this to goof off after finishing our work, but he just stares at the desk.

"Padfoot."

He looks up. "Hmm?"

"You alright mate?" Peter asks from behind us.

Sirius closes his eyes for a moment and then turns to Peter. "Yes Peter, I'm fucking _dandy_. Your powers of observation would baffle even the most perceptive." He snaps.

Peter recoils in surprise and moves back to Remus.

"What's with him today?"

Before Remus can shrug, Sirius jumps up.

"Were you even listening when James and I told you about my brother? No, you were too busy stuffing your goddamn face like always." He hisses.

The class quiets, and Peter looks like he's just been burned. Remus is staring down painfully. I move to touch his arm, and he shrugs me off, walking out of the classroom altogether, ignoring the "Mr. Black! Come back here! Where are you going?!" From McGonagall.

* * *

><p>None of us bring up the outburst that happened in Transfiguration for the next few days. Peter and Sirius still eat and sit with Remus and I during meals and classes, but Peter doesn't speak. I tell Sirius to apologize to him, but he just ignores it and leaves the room. Sirius speaks normally, but just to Remus and I. People notice this, and when Isabel inquires about it, all of us are silent.<p>

She's been sitting with us during meals as well, since Halloween. She says Mary is still peeved at her for changing her costume, rolling her eyes whenever she speaks about it.

"Seriously? You boys are acting strange." Isabel says, tilting her head at us. "Something wrong, Pettigrew?"

He says nothing, but stares at his plate. It's full, but cold from the time it was sitting out all morning. I look at Sirius. He juts out his jaw and stares at above Remus' shoulder. It's getting to be as bad as after the prank Sirius pulled in fifth year that exposed Remus in wolf form to Snape, which was a dark time for the Marauders.

Sirius finally looks at Peter. "Look, I'm sorry Pete."

Peter shrugs. "It's fine."

We are all still quiet. Isabel shrugs as well and turns back to her breakfast.

Things do start to go back to normal though, as long as no one mentions Regulus or Snape. Sirius is rather cruel when he gets in a mood, it's a dark part of my best mate that I hate seeing. Peter and Sirius treat things like it never happened, and they're back to spending time together during their free periods while Remus and I are in class.

I know neither of them have forgotten anything.

But it's the Marauders, and we're brothers. Squabbles and spats don't have a way of sticking with us. Though it does leave some unresolved, untouched feelings, it's better, I suppose. It took Remus a long while to trust Sirius again after the prank, and although this was on a much smaller scale, Peter was obviously hurt by it.

I tell Peter that Sirius was just angry and the anger wasn't directed towards him, and he nods his head and runs out of the dorm, still tying his tie.

* * *

><p>The full moon comes sooner than expected. This time we chose to explore a bit more of the forest, which is rather exciting. As a stag, I love to run through the trees, using the branches as obstacles. Sirius always runs behind me, slobbering everywhere. Peter always scampers along somewhere behind us, and catches up when we stop.<p>

Remus was rather cautious as a wolf tonight. He doesn't follow the rest of us quickly or burst out of the door as soon as we let him loose. Luckily, because of this, he only gets a few scrapes and bruises from the transformations, and none of us are even scratched.

Like usual, the night ends, we take Remus back to the Shack, and the three of us go on our way.

The really strange thing that happened was after I visited Remus after classes the next day.

The three of us usually take turns visiting Remus while he's recovering, just to make sure he's alright. He also insists on seeing that each of us are alive (which is something I find a little annoying, simply because I insist that everything's alright and we don't get seriously injured and when we do it's for a good cause and such).

I sit in the stool next to his bed, giving a little wave to Madam Pomphrey before giving Remus his assignments from classes. We discuss trivial things for a while, and then I hear a voice from behind me.

"Oh, hi Remus. And James."

It's Dorcas. Usually no one can see Remus, as he has his own little private partition of the hospital wing that shields him from anyone casually coming up here, but today they're pulled back.

Dorcas stands staring at both of us, clutching her arm.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Remus suddenly asks.

She inspects it. "Spell gone awry. Just a minor burn, I came up to get some lotion... Sirius just told me you'd left to see your ill mother..."

"Yeah, he was on his way but then contracted a nasty fever. Couldn't go." I say before Remus can start blabbering. For a boy who has such a well-kept secret, he is rather rubbish at lying and excuses.

Dorcas narrows her eyes slightly for a moment, before deciding to believe me. Then, Madam Pomphrey comes bustling out of her office, sending a half-glance to Remus.

"Hello dear, what's the matter?"

"I was practicing with Professor Flitwick and I accidentally set it on fire." Dorcas says, laughing a little at herself. "Can't imagine how."

Madam Pomphrey smiles at her kindly, leading her away from Remus hurriedly. I see her look over her shoulder a couple times at Remus, before Pomphrey shuts the doors behind them.

Remus' head lolls back on the pillow and he lets out a deep breath.

Before I can say anything else, the doors open again. But this time it's Professor Ashford. He walks purposefully over to us, and stands next to me.

"Hello Professor." Remus says, always the polite.

"Hello Mr. Lupin." Professor Ashford turns to me. "Mr. Potter, I wonder if Mr. Lupin and I might have a chat in private? If you don't mind? I realize it's terribly rude to force you to leave a sick friend..."

I get up from the stool heavily, nodding at Remus. "It's no problem Professor. See you, Moony."

As I left the wing, I thought about what Professor Ashford would have wanted to speak to Remus about. Surely he wasn't in trouble, maybe he was receiving some grant or award. That would be like Remus.

Glancing out the window as I walk up from the wing on the first floor, my eyes are idly drawn to a head of dark red hair walking across the grass.

Leaning in and staring down, I see that it is indeed Lily, but she's walking with a blond bloke.

Not just any blond bloke. He smiles at her, and I catch a glimpse of his face. Nate fucking Hogan.

* * *

><p>I stare into the fire blindly, letting my mind go blank and my body muscles relax and sprawl out. Sirius says I need to relax more. But considering how tense he's been lately, I don't think he's in a position to give advice.<p>

No, no. No more thoughts about anything. Just blind staring. Mind blank. No happy places where you frolic through a field of daisies with a dark-red haired girl and then end up making passionate love and then punching blond gits in the face, nor sad, depressing, soul-crushing reality. Just... complete nothing

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a pair of legs stand next to couch. They're girl legs, and I'm about to tell Isabel to go away, before she speaks.

"What's got you down chum?" Mary's voice asks.

I don't break eye contact with the flames, but I feel her sit down next to me, and kick her feet up next to mine. I'm not in the mood to talk, but I'm depressed, and misery loves company. And an ear to complain to.

"She's never going to break up with him." I say mostly to myself. It is an acceptance.

Mary scoffs, making me cock my head at her and break my gaze at the fire.

"Have you bloody seen the way she looks at him? She must bloody love him." I say dejectedly.

"Open your eyes Potter. She doesn't love him." Mary says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

She sighs, and pats my shoulder.

"Lily's… complicated. She's dating Nate because he's attractive and good-natured –"

A scoff escapes my lips.

"Sorry." She says, shifting a little in her seat. "Anyway, she's dating him because he's got good qualities, and he seems like the guy every girl should want. Also… he's easy. He's an easy, stable, dependable choice. You, James Potter, are none of those things."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever thought that you maybe sometimes objectify her?" She asks timidly.

"What?!"

_Objectify her? Me?!_

"I'm not saying that you actually think that way! I mean… it's just… sometimes, _in the past_, when you've done the whole grand-gesture-asking her out thing… it just sort of seemed like you were doing that to be funny or to get attention."

I stop. "Well –"

"James." She cuts me off.

"Alright. It does seem like that." I admit. "But that's not –"

"I don't doubt you. I'm just saying… you're not exactly a stable choice. You're a wildcard, and that scares her." Mary explains. "What if she suddenly did fancy you, and then found out that she was just a game to you?"

"Wouldn't she think that after a solid few years of getting repeatedly turned down and rejected, if it was really a game, I wouldn't have just given up?"

Mary shrugs. "Look, I'm not her. I'm just saying, it's definitely a worry."

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask suspiciously. Not that I don't trust her, it's just I don't really see why since Lily and her are such good mates.

"Because we're friends." Mary says, grinning. "And I like you a hell of a lot more than Hogan."

I smile back at her.

"So you're saying I've got a chance?"

She looks up at the ceiling reluctantly. "I'm going to be completely honest. I'm not exactly sure… all I'm saying is that Lily most definitely does _not _love Nate, and that you shouldn't throw yourself out the window."

* * *

><p>It's late at night when Remus is finally discharged from the hospital wing and comes into our dorm.<p>

"So, what'd Ashford want?" Peter asks. Remus sits down at the foot of his bed, leaning his head in his hands. He looks like he's about to throw up.

"Well, first he said that he knew about my lycanthropy." Remus says quietly. "He also told me how he was actually related to the werewolf that bit me when I was a boy, Fenrir Greyback. He was his cousin. His family was pureblood, and he ran away from his money and arranged marriage after he'd graduated Hogwarts. Then, he took his love-of-his-life wife's last name, moved to a muggle suburb, and got a job teaching here."

The room is silent, you can almost hear the suggestion of people speaking from far away. It's lucky Tom and Frank are out cold, with silencing charms around their beds. The Marauders all gather around Remus as he breathes into his palms.

Sirius finally spoke. "Wow."

"He apologized." Remus says, staring at the crack near the top of the wall where it connects to the ceiling. "He said that he was sorry I was one of the victims his cousin claimed. He told me that potion makers for St. Mongo's were working and doing trials for a potion that might help my condition. If it worked, I wouldn't have to transform during the full moon."

I jump up. "Well, that's great isn't it?!"

Remus didn't look the slightest bit happy. "It won't be even tested on human subjects for another ten years, probably."

"But still, it's hope right?" Sirius offers, patting his back.

He doesn't respond, and puts his hands back in his hands and stares at the floor.

"Is something else wrong?" Peter asks cautiously.

Remus groans and shuts his eyes. "Then Mary came in and broke up with me."

After a moment of shock, Sirius puts his hand out on Remus' shoulder. "Sorry mate."

Besides Peter, neither Sirius nor I had ever been dumped, nor had Remus before now. Peter had been dumped by Fern Cresswell in third year after he spilled juice all over her during breakfast, but that relationship had only lasted a few weeks. Cocky as it may sound, any other romantic entanglements we had gotten ourself into over the years ended in each of us breaking the news to them (even Remus, with his one summer muggle girlfriend before fifth year).

Remus sighs. "Yeah, I knew it was coming. I don't think her and I were ever meant for each other, things were bad."

"Hitting your own thumb with a hammer doesn't hurt any less than if someone hits it for you." Peter says.

We all stare at him. "What? It was something my aunt used to say. Though I don't really think it goes with this situation..."

"Anyway," Sirius starts. "At least it wasn't one of those messy, yelling, public break ups, right?"

Remus lifts his head slowly, staring incredulously at Sirius. "Really Padfoot, that's what you're going to say right now?"

"Look, I'm just trying to look at the bright side."

Remus shakes his head, his shoulders sagging. "I'm going to bed. It's been an eventful night."

* * *

><p>"Is there something wrong with Remus?" Frank asks, buttoning up his shirt and motioning over at Remus' still-closed bedcurtains. "Usually he's up before all of us."<p>

"Don't bother him." Sirius says, moving out of the bathroom sleepily. "He's going through some stuff."

Frank nods curtly, and finishes dressing without saying anything else.

I leave the dorm with Tom, Sirius still struggling to button his shirt and Peter passed out against the end of his bed, socks on the floor.

"'Morning Potter. So, have you heard?" Lucas Caldwell asks, falling in step with Tom and I as we enter the Great Hall. Everyone seems to be buzzing today. Though it's always like that, the Hogwarts rumor mill is always turning out something else.

"What?" I answer Lucas.

"Lily Evans dumped that Nate Hogan last night."

My stomach drops. Could he be telling the truth? I scan the room for her head, but don't find it. I do see Nate though, he's eating his breakfast quietly.

"What did you just say?" I ask. Lucas looks a little afraid and shrinks a bit.

"Yeah, apparently he was ranting or apologizing or something and she just dumped him. Around dinner."

"Is that really true?"

"Potter, what's the matter with you?" Doug Lyons says, coming behind Lucas. "What's with the crazy eyes?"

Lucas nods. "I think it's true." He turns to Doug. "Didn't Lily and Nate break up last night?"

Doug shrugs. " I don't know, why?"

"Lyons, did she?" I ask, stepping up closer to him.

"Yeah, yeah, Nate said yesterday. Came up talking to himself about it and shut his curtains up real quick." Doug says.

I grab both his shoulders. "Thank you Doug." I say, taking off back upstairs.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hellooooo all! Thanks for all the reviews you left on the last chapter (14 what whaaaat)!

Sorry if this chapter is mite confusing, but I promise it was all necessary. _Yes _Lily and Nate are finally officially broken up now and _probably _in the next chapter you will find out why she still stalled after he called her a mudblood.

Also, this chapter was long. Just out of curiosity, would everyone reading this rather have shorter chapters (2,000 - 3,000 words) with less time between updates, or longer chapters (4,000 - 5,000(+)) with more time between updates? I probably will just go rogue and do what I want, but I'm just wondering.

And just a note: i had no idea what to name this chapter so sorry if it's the dumbest thing since crocs.

So again, thank you so much for the reviews, they mean so much to me (:

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please review!<strong>_


	15. Realizations and Cake Batter

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Nate called Lily a mudblood, Lily finally broke up with him; Mary dumped Remus in the hospital wing; Nicole started dating Tom; Dorcas saw Remus recovering after a full moon when everyone said he was visiting his mother; Paisley Parkinson told James that she heard Emmeline Vance was pregnant; James slept with Kate McDermott on Halloween, then Kate got back together with her boyfriend Samuel Hoskins after that.

* * *

><p><strong>Realizations and Cake<strong>

* * *

><p>There's a fond saying, "realizations have a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect them to". However, with that being common knowledge, more often realizations happen rather consciously. A sort of collaboration of repressed or dismissed feelings and ideas coming together for at a tipping point in one's head. The worst part of realizations is usually when we discover that it wasn't too much of a surprise after all.<p>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"Nicole!" I shout after my blond best friend as she tugs on boots. I lean over my bed, reaching out for her. "You can't leave me here."<p>

"I'm going to meet Tom, we had a date and I almost forgot." Nicole says hurriedly, pulling her hair up into a ponytail and glancing at herself in the mirror. There's still a hint of morning light making a glare on the top of the mirror.

I pout at her. She sighs and clasps her hands together. "Look Lil, I love you, and you can tell me all about everything when I get back."

She pats my cheek, and lifts her bag off the floor. On her way out, she nearly runs into Mary.

"Oops, sorry Mary. Gotta go." Nicole says quickly, hurrying through the door.

Mary stands looking at me with a tilted head. She's just been out, but since it's a Saturday she's wearing muggle sweatpants and a Gryffindor sweater.

She holds up a large cylinder that looks like something you'd find in the back of a muggle bakery and two spoons. "I stole some cake batter from the kitchens. Want some?"

I grin and nod my head as she sits next to me on my bed, opening the container and handing me my spoon. We both dig into the sugary concoction and take giant bites.

"Yuuuuum." She says, lying back on my bed and licking her spoon.

We continue eating in silence (well, relatively, with a couple "yum"s and "wow this is good") until Mary speaks again.

"So, it looks like we're both single now."

I prop myself up on my forearms, staring at her confusedly. She nods. "Yep."

I lean my head on her shoulder. "Sorry."

She sighs deeply. "Yeah. Well, break ups suck." She says, scooping her spoon around the edge of the container.

I agree. "They sure do."

"Hey, at least Nate was an asshole. Remus was actually a good guy." Mary says, waving her spoon at me accusingly. "_I _was the Nate in our relationship."

I roll my eyes. "Mary, that is _not _true. But if you don't mind me asking, why _did _you break up with Remus?"

Mary groans loudly and shuts her eyes. "I can't explain it, I just sound mad."

"What do you _mean_?"

"It's like, when we were together... we didn't... _click._" Mary explains. "Remus was so polite and kind and sweet, and he's a surprisingly good kisser..."

I shrug. "What's wrong with that."

"There was no passion." Mary finally says. "When we weren't together, I didn't miss him. Or think about him."

I didn't say anything, but took another scoop. That sounded close to what I felt about Nate. Not about the passion thing, I did think about him, but we didn't work together.

He was perfect. Blond-hair-blue-eyes-shiny-teeth perfect. He was almost as brilliant as Snape in potions, he was at the top of the class in Charms, just like me. Yet we were so different in core beliefs, about the things that mattered. I know could see that he did not view us as equals, nor would he ever. Everyone has a common agreement that the only pureblood supremacists were Slytherins, but that was obviously not true. His friends, the people he chose to spend time with, were against muggleborns having power, and by extension, me. That meant he was too.

At first when I thought that, I shook my head. It couldn't have been true, he was dating me, wasn't he? But I realize now. Rooted under those compliments about my charmwork and paragraph essays was his superiority.

Politics had truly come to Hogwarts, more this year then they ever had been.

I move closer to Mary, licking my spoon clean.

"So, what made you finally decide to dump Mr. Perfect?" Mary asks.

I shook my head to myself. "The last deciding factor... er... he called me, er, a mudblood."

Mary shoots up. "I'm going to kick his ass!"

"Mary." I say. She lets out a puff of air, blowing pieces of stray hairs out of her face.

"Fine."

Somewhere outside below our window, someone laughs shrilly. A few birds fly out of the trees, but circle back down.

"But I didn't dump him right after that. I mean, I was angry, and I needed time to cool off. I realized that he didn't really know me at all, and made no effort to. I avoided him for a bit, just because I didn't want to talk about things. I was confused."

"About what?" Mary asks gruffly. "Sounds like a pretty solid reason to dump his sorry arse."

"I started to think I was just dumping him because of James." I say quietly.

"What does James have to do with anything?"

I slap her arm lightly. "You heard him after the match. I thought that maybe he was influencing me. Especially after somewhere around a week after it happened, he ran to give me back my potions book I'd left in class, and I started to compare him to Nate."

Mary raises her eyebrows. "Well, how'd they compare?"

"Everything's mad and topsy turvy in Lily's mind right now." I say, taking a big bite of the batter sloppily. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

She shrugs. "Alright, we'll just sit here and eat an equivalent to two full-size cakes."

"I still can't believe you're cruel enough to steal from the House-elves! You're making me eat contraband sugar!"

Mary laughs. "It's for a good cause though! Whatever, I'll do something good to reverse my Karma tomorrow."

I roll my eyes. Mary had always been a little too into Divination for my tastes, especially when Astronomy came around and she became obsessed with updating various star charts.

"Maybe we should just sit here forever." I say.

"Sounds brill. We'll become a club. No! A society. The Disgusting Overweight Mary and Lily society!"

I laugh loudly. "Core beliefs include eating constantly. That's all."

"We should get jackets!"

We laugh until I can barely breathe, and we end up finishing the entire container by the time Nicole returns all happy and smiley from her date, yelling that while she may have a boyfriend, we have cake.

* * *

><p>Adjusting my pile of papers, I square my shoulders, and step through the portrait hole.<p>

I'd been avoiding one-on-one time with James since the entire Nate issue. It's true, maybe I did agree to myself that James would have been a better boyfriend than Nate. But that was just James' way, and Nate was (to borrow Mary's words) an asshole.

James was a mate, and I missed him. I missed our banter and our playful fighting, and his advice.

I'd told him that we needed to go over schedules in person, because I needed help with it. He's reading something when I come in. But he looks up from his book when he hears my footsteps.

"Hey." I say.

He grins. "Fancy meeting you here."

I roll my eyes, and come to sit next to him on the couch.

Setting out the partially blank schedule for next month's rounds, I take out a quill.

"So, what needs to happen?" He asks, leaning over the table and staring at the schedule.

I explain to him how I needed to somehow schedule prefects around the different house's Quidditch schedules, which was confusing. That Hufflepuff couldn't do Thursdays, nor could Ravenclaw, and the Slytherins would complain if we gave them that shift.

Halfway through, Felix jumps up onto the table, and we spend almost ten minutes trying to still look at the schedule from around him until he lays out over the entire schedule and James has to lift his furry self off the table.

Felix still comes and rubs up against my leg, and I pet him for a moment.

"Well." James finally says. "I think we've got it."

I high-five him.

"You've got something in your hair." I blurt out suddenly. There was a little piece of parchment or some paper product in his hair, but I don't know why I said that then. Something is seriously wrong with me.

James looked up, cross-eyed, and a piece of his hair that flopped near his face.

I snort, and just move closer to him on the couch. My knee touches his, and I put my fingers in his hair, picking out the little piece of parchment.

But I don't want to let go yet.

_His hair. His soft, tousled hair. Why is it so bloody soft?_

My hands keep running through his hair. I try to pull my hands away from it, but I just can't. I keep raking them across his scalp.

My eyes flick down to his face. His eyes are squeezed shut tightly, and he's biting his lower lip.

It's like a shot of fire shoots into my stomach, and I suddenly rip my hands away from him.

He opens his eyes slowly, and stares at me. They're dark with something I can't recognize.

"I – I'm sorry –"

He doesn't say anything, just swallows thickly.

"It's fine… um, did you g-get it?" He asks.

"What – ? Oh, yes." I say. I start gathering up my papers, which are inconveniently scattered all over the table.

I can feel his eyes on me as I'm doing this, and it makes me squirm. Once I gather everything, I stand up and turn back to him.

"I'm going to bed now. Goodnight." I say hurriedly, before practically running back into my room.

I shut the door behind me and fall up against the castle wall outside the office.

Did I really just hair-fondle James? What was wrong with me?

_It's not like I could help it! His hair feels like a puppy's fur!_

* * *

><p>I should focus. Yes, I <em>need <em>to focus.

_Focus Evans._

_Focus._

I hear a cough from his general direction, and me head snaps to glare at him. Instead, it's Black, and he's staring back at me.

I quickly glance away.

I try to focus on McGonagall, and her neatly written directions in front of me on the blackboard. The classroom is particularly quiet, it being a note-taking day on a complicated spell we've yet to learn, but is promised to likely show up on our tests.

When I look back (totally unconsciously, I promise!), Black's not looking anymore. Instead, he seems to be drawing some sort of picture on the wall next to his desk.

_Focus!_

I tried to focus, really, I did. But for some reason, my eyes kept falling over to Black and his seat partner.

He's sitting there, slouched over, legs stretched out… and his hand in his bloody _hair._

He must be mocking me. Mocking the fact that I can't touch that deliciously soft hair…

_Stop it! Stop thinking about Potter's hair!_

It's not like I could help it! It was like… as soon as I started touching it, I couldn't stop. Like I physically needed to touch it.

I shook my head vigorously as if trying to shake the thoughts straight out of my head.

"Lily? You alright?" Dorcas asks from next to me, touching my arm.

I smile blankly and nod my head once, and move my head back down to looking at my notes and attempting not to stare at Potter.

_Transfiguration is a hard subject, especially for you! You should be paying attention. You're never going to be ready for your N.E.W.T.s if you keep this up._

But after a few minutes, I just give up. I figured I'll read the chapter on it later, maybe take out a few reference books.

I start rotating my prolonged stares from my desk, to the board, and to the window. After about twenty minutes, I couldn't take it anymore.

Five seconds. That's all you're allowed. And why must you stare at him anyway? I ask myself, even though I know perfectly well why.

My eyes slowly shift over to where he's sitting, but as soon as they finish they're journey they snap back to the window.

He was staring at me. He just saw me attempting to stare at him.

Now he's talking to Sirius.

Oh, just kill me. Someone stab me, please.

The bell rings, and the class springs to life. I jump up from my chair and begin frantically cramming my books back into my bag. If there's one person I _don't _want to interact with right now, it's –

"Evans!"

I think I growled.

"What Black?"

He saunters over to Dorcas and I's desk, hopping up and sitting in front of me.

"I said, what? Have you got anything to say?"

He's twiddling his fingers and leering at me in the most awful way.

I have the strong idea to shove him off the desk.

"Nothing important… but –"

"Is anything you _ever _say important Black?" I ask, sneering at him.

He just looks at me pointedly.

"I just came over to ask you when you developed a strange hair-fetish…"

I'm pretty sure I turned ghost-white.

"What?"

"Nothing." He said airily, but grinned widely at me. "Just that last night, apparently, you basically hair-molested poor Prongs over there. Now, come to think of it, I can't help but think that you have less-than-hate feelings for my best mate!"

People are listening. Merlin's beard, what am I to say?

_"Did Potter tell you that?" I ask in a tone that I hope sounded cavalier. I'm trying desperately to think quickly… the room is starting to get quiet._

Black nods his head.

"Well… er… that's a lie. I'd never touch Potter. Not, unless, of course, to hex him."

_Not your best, Evans. _I say internally, even cringing at myself.

Black just continues to look at me with raised eyebrows and a slight smile.

"Of course." He says sarcastically.

He leans into me.

"Don't worry Evans." He whispers. "No one's discovered your secret crush on Potter… except yours truly. It'll be our little secret."

I shove him with full force off the desk, grab my back off the chair, and walk briskly out of the room.

I see Black sprawled out on the floor, and Potter jumping over him.

I continue walking until I'm a while away from the traffic of most of the students.

Black's a wanker. No one will believe him. Besides, I don't even like James like that. We're mates. So it's fine.

I turn a corner and arrive at a little alcove, blocked off from the rest of the hallway.

Yeah, I did sort of "hair-molest" him last night... and I couldn't stop thinking about him and looking at him... but that was just because...

I sit down on the bench, drop my bag against the side, and run my hands through my long, tangled hair.

_I didn't fancy him. I couldn't!_

_"Evans."_

I look up and see _him_ standing over me, face a little red and hair wind-swept.

_No!_

"Potter?" I ask in my most vicious voice. I hate that he's making me feel vulnerable. I can tell the voice does the trick; he winces.

"Um, whatever it was, er, I'm sorry about what Padf – er, Sirius said to you…"

"He didn't say anything."

I'm actually an idiot. 'He didn't say anything'? Really? Is that what I came up with?

"I-I mean... er... anything bad. It's fine. Just being a prat." I say, grabbing my bag and trying to move past him.

_He grabs my wrist, and I stop abruptly. He wasn't expecting it._

And being the clumsy girl I am, I lose my footing. I expect to fall hard on the floor, but I fall against his body. His chest is firm, I think idly, and the realization makes me blush.

I look up and suddenly; all I can see are his eyes. I can't believe I hadn't noticed them before. God, they were so deep… light brown with flecks of gold and green… I feel like my heart just leaped into my throat, how cliché is that?

His lips were thin and pink… and looked extremely soft… and he smelled distinctly like chocolate and parchment and fresh leather, and that one distinct smell that all boys seem to smell like.

My nose is so close to his that I'm touching his wire glasses. My one hand was pressed against his shoulder, the other on his stomach. When I looked back up at his face, his eyes were still staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen before.

Suddenly, as if someone had turned on a switch, my mind came back to reality.

I was laying _on top of _Potter, my body pressed into his… His eyes, staring into mine…

There was something hard sticking into my thigh.

I jump off of him quickly, trying to cool my burning face. I sit up, pulling myself into a standing position with help from the bench. A second later, I watch his face fall, and he scrambles up to standing in front of me.

"Lily, I'm sorry… I… You…" He stammers. My eyes follow his hand as it flew up to rumple his hair. I think he remembered that I said I hated when he did that, because immediately, it flew back down.

"You… I… er…"

His cheeks were turning pink and he looked extremely flustered. And at that moment…

I realized. I _liked _James Potter. Not as an acquaintance, not even as a friend. As…

"It's… it's fine…" I stuttered back. And then I took off down the corridor.

_And Sirius Black was right._

_I _do_ fancy James Potter._

_Bugger._

* * *

><p>I accidentally sleep in, and my mates, like the great friends they are, didn't decide to wake me. This morning, of all mornings. The morning we hear McGonagall talk about new possible career choices and, most importantly, takes roll because the meeting is mandatory.<p>

Quickly pulling my hair out of my shirt collar, I run at top speed to the Great Hall.

By the time I pry open the enormous door, my mates had already sat down, far away and close to the teacher's table, so I quickly grabbed a seat on the bench near the back of the room and try not to be noticed.

Behind me, there's only two other girls, from Hufflepuff, I think. They've got their heads together and are speaking quietly. One has a mole on her cheek and the other has short brown hair, I remember they're friends with that Vivian Vaun who Tom used to date.

I smooth my skirt out and turn my attention to McGonagall, who is standing in the front of the room, saying something about possible jobs for those interested in Herbology.

"So, if you could pick one Marauder to fuck, no strings attatched, who would you pick?" I hear a high voice say from behind me.

I roll my eyes, and try not to pay attention to their conversation. It's easy to grow tired of the same topic constantly harped on by those of the younger grades. It's rather infuriating, actually, how they idolize them.

"Sirius. Definitely." The girl with brown hair says. "He's positively _shaggable_, and he definitely has a lot of experience. He'd obviously be the best of all of them."

"Nah, that's not true. Potter definitely is." The other girl, with the mole says knowingly.

What?

My ears perk up.

"What?!"

I hear a scoff. "Well, duh."

"How would _you _know _that_?"

"Kate told Viv, who told me. And him and Viv went out for like... a second in fifth year."

Kate? How would Kate know something like that? Kate McDermott?

"What'd she say?"

"Just that James Potter _certainly _knows what to do to please a woman. Oh, and also apparently he has a _really big d –"_

"Would you be quiet?!" I suddenly spit at them, whirling around to look at them. Both girls' heads turned to me, their faces challenging. "If you _don't _mind, I'm trying to listen."

I turn my head back around, and focused on McGonagall's announcements.

"…also, N.E.W.T. students will be able to apply for advanced training sessions, that will most definitely come in handy in June…"

I hear one of them whisper "That's Lily Evans." And the other says, "Oh."

"Anyway," I hear the girl whisper quieter. "James Potter has got to be a way better shag than Sirius. Or than anybody."

"Viv's really lucky." The other girl whisper back. "She said James wanted to take her on a date, but she rejected him because she didn't want to get too tied down…"

I suddenly have the urge to choke myself with my shoelace.

"The tutoring courses offered will be: Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts…"

The girls giggle.

"…and that will be all. Please proceed to your next class." McGonagall finishes, and the people start moving again. The girls get up and walk away, still giggling. But I find I don't move.

_"James Potter certainly knows how to please a woman…"_

"Evans? You alright?" A low voice says from next to me. I turn my head and come face to face with James, making me jump almost a foot in the air and yelp.

He laughs.

"Yes, _fine_." I quip. James' hand travels up into his hair, ruffling it and looking down at me with glittering, amused eyes.

Without thinking, my eyes travel down his body.

"Lily?"

I squeak. Yes, I actually _squeaked. _

"Seriously, are you ok?" He asks concernedly, looking down at me.

I gulp. "I'm fine. I'm fine." I say sharply, pushing my hair behind my ears, and he jumps a little.

He shrugs, and slowly walks off with the rest of the group. Dorcas approaches me after he'd gone, playing with the ends of her hair idly.

"So, I guess Sirius was right." She says.

"What?!" I exclaim, louder than I should have.

Dorcas looks at me like I'm mad. "Nothing, he just told me that Remus was eventually going home to visit his mum, and he did. At least, he's not here."

She stops, and sits down next to me. "You know he was in the hospital wing recently? In that one bed that's always curtained off. But James said he had a fever, and Sirius told me he'd be seeing his mum when he was cured."

I reply vaguely, still thinking about the conversation I'd overheard.

"Well, don't you think it's rather strange? He seems to be ill a lot. Almost every month!"

I shrug. "I don't know. Look, Dorcas, we've got to go." I say, getting up from the bench. Almost everyone has cleared out to their classes, and I beckon her to follow me.

She does, but she still looks like she's pondering something. Though Dorcas does seemingly always have something she's thinking about. Always reading, always writing, always studying. Girl should have been a bloody Ravenclaw if you ask me.

But the look is different this time.

* * *

><p>Rubbing my face tiredly, I walk into the girl's lavatory to the sound of someone hurling their guts out.<p>

"Um, hello?" I call, the vomit continues. "Are you alright?"

I open stall doors until I come to the one on the very end.

It's Emmeline Vance. She's leaning across the toilet bowl, her hair stuck to her forehead, breathing heavily. Her gaze lifts up to me, and she moves a hand to roughly wipe her mouth.

Flushing the toilet and walking out past me, she says nothing.

"Um, Emmeline?"

She stops rigidly.

"Shouldn't you go to the hospital wing? I mean, you're sick." I say meekly.

She turns around to me, and her eyes are filled with tears. She looks like she's about to explode, but she bites her lower lip and says nothing. She cries.

"Dammit!" She suddenly yells, slamming one of the stall doors. "I'm so fucking weak."

"You're not weak." I say, leading her over to one of the stalls. Emmeline and I have only ever talked a couple of times, but I wouldn't be able to just walk away from her like this. She obviously needed help.

She turns on the water and splashes some on her face, spitting out a little back into the sink and rubbing her eyes.

"No, no, Lily, you don't understand." She says, slapping off the hot water. "What got me in this mess was the fact that I was weak."

She looks up at the ceiling, leaning her hands on the sink. "I just... I couldn't just say no. I mean, it wasn't him. I was willing, I didn't stop him, I didn't..."

"Emmeline, what are you -"

"Lily, I'm pregnant."

She closed her eyes tightly and starts to roughly finger comb through the ends of her hair. I open and close my mouth like a fish, I have no idea what to say. What could I say?

"Yeah, yeah I know. I know you're judging me. I can feel it."

"I'm not judging you, I promise." I tell her, searching for something else say. "Have you... I mean, if you don't mind me asking, do you have a plan?"

"No." She says.

"Does the... um..." I remember Petunia's best friend had been pregnant a couple summers ago, and I'd listened to their conversation. I try to think about the things she talked about and what she'd asked. "Does the father know?"

She gulps. "No, no he doesn't. And he can't, _ever_."

"Well -"

"He's got this perfect girlfriend. He cheated _with _me, I was... well, I don't want to say mistress, I wasn't official enough for that." She laughs humorlessly. "More like one-night-stand dirty whore."

She stops. "You know, I really cared about him. Fancied him. And one night at a party over the summer, he _wanted _to... and I just..." She swallows thickly. "I just went for it. And then I get the 'it was a mistake you can't tell anyone about what we did' speech. So I can't. I can't tell him."

She wiped her eyes one more time, adjusting her shirt in the mirror and fixing her hair. She took one more deep breath, and then exits the room with no more words.

* * *

><p>My organizational skills have obviously completely flown out the window.<p>

What happened to fifth year Lily studying for her OWLs, with her color coding and separate folders? Seventh year Lily just has a messy heap of papers shuffling around in her bag.

I sit down on my trunk at the foot of my bed and pull off my shoes, throwing each one fully across the room and hitting the wall with a satisfying smack. Paige's and Isabel's curtains are closed, and Mary and Nicole are nowhere to be found.

Dorcas appears, hugging the bedpost and looking at me hazily.

She sighs. "This past week has been hard, hasn't it?"

I turn slowly to face her, teeth gritted. "_Yes_ Dorcas. This past week has been _hard_. I found an old banana peel under my bed, I ran out of shampoo, and my favorite necklace broke. And hey! We've all been basically shunning one of my oldest best friends over a fucking Halloween costume! And I can't forget the huge gigantic scandalous secret that was just recently dumped on my conscience that I shouldn't even know. Oh! and I also broke up with a boy who called me a mudblood, which just proves the fact that all boys I have significant relationships with will eventually be ruined with that two-syllable word, and came to the realization that I passionately fancy the boy that my younger self described as 'a complete arse hat'."

She opens her mouth to speak, but then stops.

I jump up from my trunk, dumping out the contents of my bag all over the floor and picking up a piece of parchment from the wreckage. "And oh look! Look at the potions essay I just got back from Slughorn. Yep, hey, look at that, there's a giant steaming 67% on that! Wow, that is just the fucking cherry on the top!"

I stand there, breathing heavily, standing in the middle of a mess of parchment, quills, stamps, and food wrappers touching my socked feet.

She looks at me, bored. "Are you done?"

I drop down to the floor and begin to slowly pick up pieces. "Yes."

She sits down next to me, hands folded, a smile creeping onto her lips. "So, you finally came around. You know, for Potter."

"Shut up."

She giggles. "No, no, I'm proud of you. And him, for that matter. I always knew you'd come around."

I stare at her for a long moment. "Just shut up Dorcas."

* * *

><p>Kate McDermott stops me in the hall, dismissing her friend Ruthie. I'm not sure what she wants, but she's looking fabulous and leggy and gorgeous, and it makes me feel rather troll-like.<p>

Summoning up the last ounce of patience left in my body, I turn and ask her what she wants.

"So, Lily." She says. "You broke up with Nate."

I take a deep breath. "Yes I did, Kate."

She touches my arm lightly, a flawless smile stretched across her face. "Well, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you."

"Er... what?" I say, leaning against the pillar down the hall from the entrance to the Hufflepuff dormitories. I'm on my way back to my dorm before dinner, and though it's only Tuesday I'm ready to collapse.

Add that onto the fact that that was literally the last thing I was expecting to come out of her mouth.

"I'm proud. I know it must have been hard to except, especially for a little spit-fire like you -" She says, poking my arm and smiling broader. "- but it's all for the best. For everyone."

"Why would you say that?"

She smiles down at me, the most condescending smile I've seen in a long time. "It's just best you realize your place. You realize that you and someone like Nate Hogan could never be successful."

"What do you mean 'someone like Nate Hogan'?" I say, trying to force the anger out of my voice.

She touches the pearls around her neck, curling her fingers around it. "Someone of his stature and bloodline."

She scoffs. "Oh, come now, don't look at me like that. It's not like I'm some muggle-hater. It's just a simple fact of the world we live in. Muggleborns and purebloods are not destined to be together."

My hands are fists at my sides, and I can feel my muscles tensing from my toes to my jaw.

"Don't be angry, Lillian. Just... think of this as one girlfriend giving another advice." She says, squeezing my shoulder and smiling. "See you around."

She turns and leaves annoyingly gracefully, leaving me standing in the hallway in shock.

* * *

><p>Nicole is just getting ready to go to sleep by the time I get back, and immediately I fall into bed next to her, pulling the sheets up over my head and groan loudly and angrily.<p>

"Hi Lily." Nicole says quietly, lifting the blanket off my face.

"I hate Kate McDermott." I say into the pillow.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."

Nicole just shrugs tiredly. "Ok, sleep it is then."

"Goodnight Nicole."

"Goodnight Lily."

I turn over, laying on my back and staring into the darkness. "I'm going to stab Kate McDermott in her annoyingly symmetrical face."

"I'll be right behind you when you need backup."

I grin. "See, this is why we're best friends."

I shut my eyes, and try to let my body completely relax. All this week I've been feeling my body stay tense, it felt like an almost painful release when I finally relaxed.

Turning over towards Nicole, I push her hair out of my space and hug my knees to my chest. I could sleep forever, after the week I've had.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi! First of all, I'd just like to THANK everyone that reviewed the last chapter.

Secondly, this chapter turned out extremely long. That always seems to happen with Lily's chapters. The next chapter should be up soon, I've got nothing to do almost all week but entertain what I like doing (namely, writing this fanfiction).

And once again, everyone, _**please please please REVIEW!** _They mean so much to me.

* * *

><p><strong>NOTE FROM 816/12: Within a few hours I made some changes to this chapter as it was not to my liking. Some things you may find tweaked or deleted, but I needed to fix certain things that made me cringe.**


	16. Progress

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS":** James slept with Kate McDermott on Halloween; Mary dumped Remus; Nicole lost her virginity to Sirius in sixth year but is now dating Tom; Sirius' brother Regulus started shadowing Snape; Lily realized she fancied James after accidentally falling on top of him.

* * *

><p><strong>Progress<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>"You should be thanking me mate!" Sirius insists, running after me with a grin on his face.<p>

"No, I should kick your face in. She looked _traumatized._"

"Hey, it's not my fault you can't control -" I elbow him in the gut. "Ow!"

"Shut up Padfoot."

I told him about what his little harassing did to Evans, and then how she fell on me and...

Ugh. Why am I such a monumental asshat? I was good with girls. Well, all except Evans.

Something weird had been going on with her lately, though. I could tell. All of a sudden, during classes... she would look at me. Actually _look _at me, though in a much more subtle way than how I look at her. But she did.

And then the whole hair thing. Merlin, it wasn't my fault I'd spent hours fantasizing about how her fingers would feel raking through my hair. Granted, in said fantasies she wasn't wearing bothersome clothes, but all the same. It was hot, nonetheless.

We enter the Charms classroom just before the lesson starts. Remus motions us over to the desk next to his and Peter's and we quickly sit. Across the room Lily sits with Dorcas, her quill scribbling something.

I wonder if she told anyone about it. I wonder if it was anything of note.

Of course it would be, wouldn't it? There was something in her eyes. I could always see the wheels and cogs working in her head, her eyes always betrayed her. She had thought something. And I expected her to jump off as soon as she had fallen, but she stayed there for what felt like the longest fifteen seconds I'd ever experienced.

Ever since then, every time we came in contact, she was... jumpy.

"Since when have Nicole and Jenkins been together?"

"What?"

Sirius motions over to his left, where Nicole and Tom are sitting together and holding hands under the table. I shrug.

"Didn't know. Why?"

Sirius returns the shrug. "Just curious."

The class is just as if not more demanding than the others, simply because I mildly suck at Charms. Too much exactness, just like potions. I thumb through the textbook, taking in the tiny print yelling at me mockingly to read it. The reading work alone for this class was just unbelievable.

I sneak a peak (very inconspicuously, I swear!) back at Lily.

She is, uncharacteristically, _not_ scribbling down notes. Instead, she is staring out the window to her left, playing with a piece of hair idly.

I've always loved her hair. Dark red hair coming down to the small of her back billowing around her like some sort of fearsome wood nymph.

I am mad. What kind of bloke says "fearsome wood nymph"?

I burry my face in my hands, shutting my eyes tightly. Almost a solid four years of lusting after this girl, two of being rejected by her repeatedly at every occasion. But I'd long stopped asking myself about the sanity of my thoughts about Lily.

I look back. This time meet her eyes, and she looks away quickly. But a small smile blooms on her lips.

* * *

><p>The fourth Quidditch game of the season is about to start as I grip the wood of my broom firmly.<p>

The team is in the locker room, waiting for it to start, but I popped out for a little fresh air. The air cold, but it wakes me up a little more. People pass me, saying good luck. I'm about to go in before I hear someone call my name.

"Potter!"

"Evans." I say, shifting from foot to foot. I always get antsy before a match, and having her here isn't doing me any favors. Especially when her cheeks are pink and she smiling at me slightly like that.

She stands there for a moment, and then her hands reach out. She grips both my arms, small hands curling around them. She bites her lip and my stomach drops.

Something's whirring in her mind, and she looks back up at me.

"Good luck, Potter." She says in a small voice. "I… I know you'll do great."

She says it like she can't believe these words are coming out of her mouth.

I don't fully believe it either.

Her hands still on my forearms, I pull her a little closer to me. I hear her inhale sharply.

"Thanks." I whisper into her ear.

I expect her to push me away, slap me, insult me… do _something._

But she doesn't.

She pulls back and her face is blushing a beautiful pink. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks at the ground.

I feel a familiar lump forming in my throat.

"Get Gryffindor a win, yeah?" She finally says, looking back up at me.

I swallow. "For you Evans, anything."

We looked at each other for another moment before I felt someone pulling me from behind.

"Prongs, come on, the match is about to start!"

I feel invincible. Like nothing, not even a raging bludger could stop me now.

Because Lily bloody Evans is standing there, wearing Gryffindor colors, looking after me as I walk away.

Lily _never _comes to Quidditch games. Besides the first Gryffindor/Slytherin match.

But there she is, hair long and red and _flowing_, wearing the jersey of my team. Yeah, it is for Gryffindor as a whole and she might be here to watch Paige…

But it's progress.

I pump my fist into the air and get on my broom, flying out onto the pitch with the rest of my team.

* * *

><p>Sirius, as a human, is dually a confrontational and non-confrontational man.<p>

On one hand, he would be the first to punch a bloke that said anything against him or one of his mates. That's just who he was.

On the other, say life sends a curveball by way of a (new) family problem, he will be the last to acknowledge it. No, Sirius Black would shut himself up in his room and brood in the dark, thereby making his mates feel like shit.

"Padfoot?" Peter calls through the opening of his bed curtains. "Prongs and I are going to raid the kitchens, want to come with?"

There was no answer.

We had managed to pull him out of the Regulus-inspired funk with some heavy liquor and late night explorations, and the added elation of winning our most recent Quidditch game, though he had sadly reverted back to it when he'd seen Regulus trailing after Snape once again through the darkened dungeons after a potions class.

Peter and I set off toward the kitchens, and I tell him about the strategies and new plays I've been planning to introduce the team next practice. Peter grins and nods along with me, though I'm not sure how much he retains. Bloke's not so great with coordination and doesn't know too much about practical plays.

The bustle in the kitchens is slow, and the house elves don't even acknowledge us anymore.

Sometimes I really like hanging around with just Peter. He's a good bloke, even though sometimes he can be a bit of a pushover. He talks about this pretty sixth year girl he's been looking at for a while, and then about how he failed the last Charms test.

We walk back, after we've had some of the leftovers from lunch. I'm right in the middle of explaining why pumpkin juice came out of Frank's nose a couple days ago, when I hear someone moan raggedly.

Peter almost jumps, and looks at me excitedly. I roll my eyes at him, but I peer around the corner.

Mary MacDonald is practically on top of Doug Lyons, and it's obviously getting hot and heavy. I pull Peter away by the collar, trying not to react until we're out of sight. He bursts out laughing in sort of nervous laughter.

"Real mature Wormtail."

Peter suddenly looks serious. "Should we tell Remus?"

"No, of course not." I say automatically. "I mean, they're broken up."

Peter shrugs, but looks at me uncertainly.

* * *

><p>The Heads office itself, in appearance, was rather comic. It had been built like the Gryffindor common room, with the same colors and fireplace and cushy leather couch, but in addition had two desks for the two Heads. Large, mahogany, and important looking. The desks themselves, in contrast, were almost comical. There was Lily's side, tidy and organized. Then there was mine, which rather looked like a hurricane had ruffled up all my papers and strewn them about. But Lily was mad about things like that - a clear space made for a clear mind, or some rubbish like that.<p>

The office is quiet now, the only residents being Lily, Felix, and I. The fire is crackling, but the only other sounds are our individual breathing.

I told the guys I needed a study night, and Remus just rolled his eyes and looked at me knowingly.

Lily sits on one side of the couch, her legs tucked up under hear, leaning on the arm. She is doing the reading for Charms, which I had been meaning to do (well, I say meaning when I really mean avoiding it until the last possible moment).

She flicked her hair off her neck, exposing creamy pale soft skin.

I wanted to kiss it, bite it, nip it. I wanted to cover it with my mouth, leave no part untouched. I wanted to taste that soft skin… I wanted to suck on her pulse point and watch her squirm under me…

"James?"

I gulp and turn my eyes to hers.

"Are you alright?" She asks, tilting her head slightly. Her hair falls over the piece of neck I'd been staring at moments ago.

"Mhm." I murmur, and she shrugs and turns her attention back to her book.

As she reads, her tongue comes out and moistens her lips… soft, pink inviting lips… her teeth bite down slowly on the bottom lip and run slowly across…

Her lips on mine… Her lips on my skin…

"Are you sure?"

This time I have to bite back a groan.

"You look a bit flustered."

I shake my head.

"No, 'm fine." I say, feeling my trousers tighten.

She looks at me in obvious disbelief, but returns again to her book.

Every single pervy thought was surfacing, from any random musing or to deeply constructed fantasies. The time when I could visibly hide my attraction to Lily (if there ever was one) was gone. All I saw was red now.

I was a pervert. I was a randy pervert who should be reprimanded multiple times.

This couldn't continue. She gave me an inch and I ran a bloody marathon. I want to slap myself. Get a grip! So what if she stares at you back now? So what if she came to your Quidditch game? She is Evans the untouchable. And she is still Evans, even if she isn't with Nate.

I force myself back to my Defense reading.

* * *

><p>"You like the Evans girl?"<p>

I almost drop the potions text book into the boiling caldron in front of me. "What?"

Ellie Rhodes, my partner in potions, had not said more than a few sentences to me since the time we got paired together. I'd gathered she was a rather antisocial bird, and our class was usually a quiet one. I didn't mind, she was smart, and so far we'd been getting above average grades.

It was the longest sentence I had ever heard her say.

She looks at me, saying slowly, "Lily Evans? You fancy her?"

"We're just mates." I say quickly.

"And?"

"Well, we're just... _mates, _now how much moonstone do we -?"

"She keeps looking over here."

I glance back, and see that she was looking. Her eyes flit back to the page in front of her, the one she's sharing with Snivellus. I'd like to keep an eye on him, but during this class I need all the attention I can muster to scrape by with a good grade. Still, I hate that they're partners.

But she was looking. Again.

"Oh."

"She looks at you like you're more than mates." Ellie says coolly, dropping a few pellets of something into the cauldron. It spits up a few bubbles, but then calms to the light blue the textbook says it should be.

I feel fingers on my back, and I jump.

"Hey, relax, your collar was just twisted." Kate McDermott's voice says.

She comes up on my left side, looking interestedly into the cauldron. "Looking good."

"Yes." Ellie says curtly. She doesn't look at Kate, and Kate in turn doesn't look at her. I stare straight ahead.

Without another word, Kate leaves abruptly. I'm not sure what just happened.

When I look at Ellie questioningly, but she's back to saying nothing. She is silent for the rest of the class, packing up her things and leaving as soon as it ends.

* * *

><p>Rounds have become both my favorite and most dreaded parts of the day. On the one hand, I get to walk around an empty, dark castle with Lily. On the other, she keeps saying things that boarder on... well, very <em>friendly<em>.

Especially yesterday. We'd been walking along the fourth floor corridor when we'd heard some noises, and discovered two fifth years snogging in the alcove. Lily had sent them off to bed and docked points. I'd smirked at them, saying that they'd have to be pretty dumb to snog in such an overused and patrolled corridor. She'd replied with, "Well, the fear of getting caught makes it better, doesn't it?" and then her lips curled into a small, feral smile and Merlin I just wanted to shove her up against the nearest wall and snog her face off.

But I hadn't, I'd just coughed or spluttered or done something equally flustered as I did usually when she said something racy. That supposed to be my role, saying something scandalous to rile her up, having her come around at me yelling and screaming in frustration.

Oh how the tables had turned.

I walk a beat behind her, hands in my pockets, trying to think of something else besides the ample dark corners where we were. I try not to look at her arse too much either, but it's fighting a losing battle.

She had been quieter tonight than the previous night, I'd suspected it had to do with the question she answered wrong in Transfiguration that day.

"Hey, so I heard the Ministry is passing out application forms for internships, you think you'll do it?"

She shrugs, ducking her head into a classroom. Finding it empty, she closed it once more. "Dunno. I'm not even really sure what I plan to actually _do _once this is all over." She turns back to me, grinning. "Though I'm sure you are. You've got your whole Auror training."

"Yeah, that's the plan." I say. She walks a few steps backwards, staring at me amusedly.

"I can just imagine you fighting dark wizards everywhere, brave and reckless Auror James Potter." She says, exaggerating 'brave and reckless'.

The hallways are so far deserted, and her shoes make echoing clacking noises as she walks.

"And your was an Auror, so you'll be a shoo in for the program." She adds monotonously.

I falter a little bit at that. "That doesn't have to do with anything."

She scoffs. "Potter, that has everything to do with everything. You could have any job you wanted. Hell, you don't even need a job for the money, you can do whatever you want."

"Maybe I don't have financial pressure, but I have to make my own way in the world. I've got to earn my place just like everyone else, I don't have everything handed to me on a silver platter."

She actually laughs. "Yes you have! I doubt you've had to work for anything in your life!"

"That's not true." I spit out.

She stares down at her shoes. "Sorry. I know, that's not fair, sorry."

The air is thick. Her words made me angry, it sounded far too much like some things Snape had said a while ago.

"I just... The whole prospect of trying to get a job right now is kind of scary. Especially because of the prejudiced public opinions right now... I dunno, I'm just a little on edge."

I take a breath, and try to smile. "It's alright."

We walk in silence for a while. I don't know why she suddenly said all of those things, sometimes I forget she doesn't know me as well as I know her. I _have_ worked for things. I have!

"So, can I ask you a rather random question?" She asks, hair swishing back and forth across her back.

I reply, "Sure."

"Um..." She looks down for a moment, almost blushing. "What's my favorite color?"

"Purple." I reply automatically.

Her head snaps up, and her jaw drops. "How did you know?"

"Er, well, I know you wear green a lot because it looks good with your hair, but your favorite is pale lavender."

She stares at me in disbelief, before laughing shortly. I wince. "That definitely made me seem more like a stalker than I was before."

"To give yourself some credit, I already thought you were a pretty big stalker before this." She laughs.

I grin. "Aw Evans, don't pretend you didn't enjoy my stalking." I say jokingly, nudging her with my shoulder.

She just grins back up at me, with something suggestive behind her eyes. I raise my eyebrows at her, making her break away from me and laugh.

"I really love talking to you, James." She suddenly says.

We both freeze. She looks a little bashful, but doesn't say anything else. I grin to myself, letting her words wash over me.

"Seriously." She adds. "You're actually a good bloke."

"I love talking to you too, Lily." I reply, letting myself smile. She smiles too, punching my shoulder and taking off down the corridor toward the stairs, dark hair flying behind her.

* * *

><p>Hogsmeade is crawling with couples this weekend. It snowed the night before, an early snowfall (only late November, after all), leaving the ground and all the ledges covered in fluffy white. Sirius and Isabel had ditched the rest of us, opting to try to score some booze off the beaten trail.<p>

I saw Lily in the morning, putting on a green winter coat before hooking her arm around Nicole's and leaving the castle. But besides then I hadn't seen her all day. I wasn't going to kid myself and say that I shouldn't care because it wasn't my responsibility, because I would always care if I didn't know where Lily was.

Remus, Peter, and I had left Zonko's with heavy bags in pursuit of beverage. The snow makes it hard to get anywhere fast, so we spend a while padding through badly magic-shoveled walkways.

"Now see, what I don't understand is how he expects to pull off that move when he's over 250 pounds! Seriously!"

Remus scoffs. "James, do you realize that neither Peter nor I know anything about what you're saying? Only Sirius gets these Quidditch rants you go on."

"It doesn't matter." I say jovially, staring up at the white sky.

"Ah yes, because you just like listening to yourself talk. Big head."

I shove him roughly into the Three Broomsticks, following him in. The warm air hits my face.

"Oi Moony, I think I'm having a craving for some butterbeer."

"Speak for yourself, I just want to get a seat!" He replies, moving through the thick crowd. I grab a table near the bar from some fourth years getting up, motioning Remus and Peter over. They clamor over, Peter almost knocking into a tray of six cups of amber liquid.

Out of nowhere, I spot Lily's green coat. It's slung over one of the chairs, her bag as well. Without thinking, I walk over.

But she isn't there.

"Snape?" I ask in disbelief. He sits across from the empty chair, two mugs of butterbeer sitting on the table.

"Hello Potter." He said, twiddling his fingers. He sneers.

"Where's... Lily?"

He laughs quietly. It's unpleasant, too close to a hiss. "Wouldn't you like to know."

My fists clench. "What're you doing here?"

"Having a quick chat with an old, _dear_ friend. And you Potter?" His voice is hissing.

Do not hex him. Do not hex him. Do not hex the greasy git who's probably been trying to get into Lily's knickers since day one. You are the better man. Listen to Remus, be the better man.

"Where is she?" I repeat.

"Just in the loo." He finally says nonchalantly. "I don't think she'd be very pleased to see you here. I'm surprised your swollen head could even fit through the door."

I swallowed thickly. I can't hex him. I can't hex him. My hand itches to take my wand out from my robe pocket.

"She mentioned she might be here, so I thought I'd come see her." I lie.

"Don't see why. She _hates_ you." He said, sneering.

At that exact moment, a head of red hair starts darting back to the table.

"Oh. Um. Hello." Lily says, staring down at the table but not taking her seat.

"Hi." Snape and I say at the same time.

The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm fuming inside, why is she here with him? Why are they sharing a table, and why does it look like a date?

"Um, sorry Severus, I'm feeling a bit under the weather, I'll have to take off." She says, gathering her coat.

"You're going to leave because he's here?" Snape asks angrily.

She finally looks at me once, her eyes unreadable.

"I'm feeling a little sick, I said -"

"Bullocks!" Snape suddenly yelled, slamming his hands down onto the table. This is not like Snape, he's more the creepy planning plotting bloke. Now Lily looks scared.

"Hey! Don't talk to her that way!" I say firmly, putting myself in front of her instinctively.

Snape glares. "You are nothing to her Potter. I am her best friend."

The statement lingers loudly in the air, a call of the past. I wonder if I am nothing to her, I hope it's not true.

Lily shook her head slowly, stepping closer to him. "Snape. You are not and never will be my best friend. You are cruel. We have nothing more to say to each other."

She turns on her heel and starts out, me following her closely, before Snape calls, "Then why did you come?"

She stops rigidly for moment. The entire room is silent.

She keeps walking.

I follow her out of the Three Broomsticks. "Why were you in there with him?"

She says nothing.

"Lily."

"It's complicated, ok." She says quickly.

She turns back to me, her eyes shinning and her face red. "Look, Potter, I'd like to be alone right now."

I don't know what to do. I don't even know what's happening right now, I'm so confused. I stand there for a minute, no doubt opening and closing my mouth like a fish. I want to be there for her, I'm scared to let her walk off by herself.

But I don't say anything as she walks away from me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hello everyone! I don't know why this chapter ended up so lengthy, it didn't seem that way when I was writing (especially since James' chapters are always shorter than Lily's).

I just wanted to say that during school (that starts three days from now) I'll be updating less regularly. I've got a lot on my plate this year with my school schedule and a pretty big part in this play and a new job. I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS STORY, and I doubt that I'll be more than a month before an update (but don't trust me on that).

But for this chapter: Yay James/Lily sexual tension! Progress is finally happening.

Again, thanks to all that review (especially you regulars that review every chapter, i love you guys bunches!)

* * *

><p><strong><em>PLEASE REVIEW!<em>**


	17. Competition and Tension

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Kate told Lily it was good her and Nate broke up because she shouldn't have been with him (because of her bloodline); James and Lily are getting closer; Lily, Mary, Nicole, and Dorcas were mad at Isabel for wearing the wrong costume on Halloween; Lily met Snape at the Three Broomsticks and James interrupted it, making Snape angry and Lily leave.

* * *

><p><strong>Competition and Tension<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>I pass elves throwing Christmas wreaths away into trashcans and groups of Hogwarts students milling about in the streets.<p>

I couldn't say why I'd agreed to see Severus. He'd come up to me after a potions class, saying there was something he needed to discuss. He'd said it was important, something not to do with... us. But he'd never gotten the chance to say it.

I don't know why I went. Maybe it was curiosity.

Maybe I missed him.

My face is most definitely red, and not from frostbite.

But the way he looked when I said I had to leave, the anger in his eyes had been frightening. He was cold and dark inside, and I'd forgotten that. I felt so stupid.

I just needed to be by myself, clear my head. Part of me wanted James with me a little bit, but then I would just end up saying something about Snape that would make him angry.

I feel myself bump into someone. I mutter "sorry" and start to go around, but a hand roughly grabs my arm.

I look up, irritated and frightened, and see a man in black robes and a metal mask twisted into a cruel smile.

I inhale sharply, and the man behind the mask laughs.

It's a cold, humorless laugh and it sends chills down my back.

I look around, and I see about six other men dressed exactly like the one holding me. I've walked right to the end of one of the outside streets, and there's only a few people around, no one I recognize.

"Better watch where you're going, girl." a voice says from inside the mask. "Wouldn't want to run into any _trouble_, now would we?"

Two men standing behind him laugh.

And it all starts.

I see a white light blast the man next to me away, and his hand comes off my arm. He's pelted far into the snow on the side of the road.

It's James. He's standing there, wand outstretched, face a mix of anger and terror. I'd never been so relieved to see him.

Suddenly, curses start flying everywhere, and I feel James' hand grip my wrist and pull me behind a dumpster for cover. He holds me closely out of the line of fire as other people duck for cover as well.

A girl who looks about eleven screams, and James yells, "Carly!". She turns and is about to run to him when a man grabs her by the arm.

It's as if it's in slow motion. The man drew his wand, shoves the girl to the ground, and points down at her.

"_Crucio._" And she screams again. Horrible screams are heard everywhere, and the girl curls and writhes on the snow-covered ground. A woman in a red coat runs over screaming, and another man grabs her roughly, shoving her into the ground as well.

Out of nowhere, men in different black uniforms, who I assume to be Aurors, starting apparating in. The men in masks start retreating back to the forest, turning and apparating away. The man holding the girl apparates away, and the girl looks unconscious.

James jumps up from behind the dumpster and runs over to where she lays. The woman crawls over to the girl, whispering, "No, no, no."

I recognize her. It's the little first-year girl that calls James the president. She looked so lifeless, limbs contorted. The only evidence she was alive was her eyes slowly blinking open and closed.

"Carly? Carly?" He whispers. His hands grasp her face, but she doesn't move.

* * *

><p>"Lily?" Nicole's voice calls into the darkness of the room. I sit cross-legged on my bed, unable to tear my eyes off a blank spot on the wall. It feels like if I look anywhere else, if I move in any way, I might just fall apart.<p>

I feel the bed sink down next to me, and she leans her head on my shoulder.

I exhale deeply, like I've been holding my breath for a while. Maybe I have.

Minutes pass. The other girls enter and exit the room. I spent the past hour answering questions, giving accounts, trying to stop breathing so quickly. I tried as hard as I can to give them information, to help them try to catch the _monsters _who attacked her, but every time I opened my mouth, information comes out in strangled whispers.

A red light keeps flashing in my mind's eye as I desperately try to think of anything other than her face… before…

I wonder what James is doing. Where he is.

Before I can register what I'm doing, I'm walking out of the dorm and out of the common room and down the corridor.

I don't know where I'm going. I don't really care.

I see the person I was subconsciously looking for on the fifth floor corridor alcove. I'm happy I did, I probably would have wandered the corridors the whole night if I hadn't.

He's sitting on the floor, staring out the window opposite him. His legs are bent, and he's hugging them to his chest. He frowns.

"Hi." He says after a while. His head turns to look at me. His hazel eyes look a little dulled.

I smile weakly.

"Hi." I say. My voice sounds strange to my own ears.

I sit down next to him. The moment my back leans against the wall, I realize how utterly exhausted I feel.

Neither of us says anything.

"It wasn't your fault, James." I say. His face is blank. "There was nothing else you could have done."

He still doesn't say anything.

We sit there in silence for what feels like years, but at the same time, it feels like I can't feel time passing.

The trees outside the window shutter in the breeze, and it begins to snow again.

It feels like the whole castle is silent, that there's some sort of spell on it that stills everything. The soft patter of the snow on the walls fills me with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and fatigue.

I feel James' arms wrap around my waist, and he pulls me closer to him. I snake my arms around his back, and his head falls into the crook of my neck.

Maybe this isn't mate-behavior. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I hug him anyway.

He sighs a little. A few hot tears fall against my skin, and I realize he's crying. Not sobbing, no noise. Just a few tears.

It feels like it causes me physical pain to see him this way. I'd never seen James cry, not once, it's a little scary. But it isn't long until we're both crying, leaning against each other for support.

I don't know exactly why I'm crying. The image of cruelty has now stared me straight in the face. All those stories, things that sound like nightmares, in the back of the paper and whispered around at school, were now alive.

The danger was real. And it scared the shit out of me.

James holds onto me like I'm the only thing in the world, it feels like. I can tell he feels guilty about not saving Carly, though he has no reason to. But that's just him, he'll just feel guilty anyway, even if it was beyond his control.

And then, he picks his head up and looks me straight in the eyes. It's chilling how purposefully he's looking at me.

Then again, I always get chills when he looks at me.

I feel his warm hands take my cold ones.

And I just feel so _overwhelmed_. I want to make his pain go away, but I can't.

I don't care that it's awkward, that we've barely ever touched this much. Because right now I'm just a girl, and he's just a boy, and I'm ok with that.

Slowly, I press my lips to his cheek.

Maybe a minute goes by, and something like realization passes through his face. And his mouth curves into a little lopsided grin for a moment, and I want to remember it forever.

* * *

><p>James tells me Carly was taken to St. Mungo's, and that she was going to be fine. She had been in Hogsmeade with her mother, by special permission of Dumbledore. Her mother had been preparing for a trip around the world and would not see her daughter for at least a year, and wanted to spend a day with her before she left.<p>

Besides that, neither of us speak about that day. Not the crying or hugging or kiss. I want to, just a little, but he doesn't bring it up. I don't know if he's embarrassed or something, so I decide not to mention it. Maybe it was just some comfort, and that's all.

But James starts to do little things. Like he left a new quill sitting on my desk in our office to replace the one I'd snapped a couple nights ago. We started talking a lot more too, less banter back and forth and more serious conversations.

He's brilliant. Smart, witty, capable of conducting a real conversation.

Nicole squeezes me excitedly whenever I sit next to him during breakfast, and Dorcas just looks at me in this knowing way that makes me want to punch her and hug her all at once. I don't see Mary as much anymore, but then again I have been spending a lot of time in the Heads office.

I become almost obsessed at collecting information about him. He's just... there was so much more to him that I knew. He broke his leg when he was nine when he fell off the roof of his house. His favorite subjects were Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, but the only class he'd ever failed was Divination in third year. His favorite dessert was treacle tart, and he was afraid of being trapped in small spaces or being restrained and unable to move.

And there were other things I noticed, like the freckle on his chin, and how he always used the same quill only when he worked on potions essays.

I loved it, learning these little facts about him.

Now I sit with James, across the couch. We are both reading the same passage from different textbooks (James called it "competitive studying", where we race each other to finish reading something), but he's sort of distracting me.

His hand reaches for the sleeve of his shirt, and he rolls it up absently as his eyes fly across the page.

His forearms were sort of vein-y, but nice. Like a man's, mature.

They looked strong… rough but soft, somehow… I feel my breath hitch.

Dear God, James Potter even had sexy _forearms_.

"Done!" His voice says, cutting through my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"I'm done! Ha! I win!" He exclaims, jumping up from his seat. "Ha!"

So much for mature.

"Whatever, rematch, let's do Defense next." I say, careful not to be distracted this time by any sexy part of James Potter.

* * *

><p>"<em>Bullitus.<em>" I voice, pointing my wand. A bubble forms around Dorcas' chin up to above her nose.

She grins through the bubble and gives me a thumbs up, and I watch her breathe. I give myself a little inward pat on the back, I was one of the first in class to achieve a successful Bubble-Head charm.

"Wow Lily, that's so cute!" A condescending-sounding voice says behind me. Kate McDermott approaches Dorcas and I, looking at my Charm work with a seemingly encouraging smile. "You finally got it!"

That bitch.

"Yeah, did _you_?" I ask.

Kate smiles coolly and points to where Samuel, her boyfriend, is standing. He's moving his head around really fast and watching the bubble follow up while a couple of his friends laugh.

"Oh, and just a tip, you might want to work on elongating the survival time." She says, pointing to Dorcas. The left side of the bubble is fading quickly, before it gives a little "pop!" and bursts.

I clench my fists, but take a breath. "Thanks Kate, I'll keep that in mind."

"Don't mention it!" She says, flicking back her hair with a manicured hand and sauntering back over to Samuel.

Dorcas is at my side, glaring with me at the pretty brunette's retreating figure.

"You could probably take her in a fight." Dorcas says. I scoff, but I'm wondering in what situation could I get the chance to smash her face into a wall.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lily!" Isabel's voice rings through the empty common room.<p>

I sit up from my curled up position on the leather couch. She looks happy, her hair pulled back in a loose plait and still in her uniform, despite it being much past dinner and bedtime.

Seeing her makes me sad. I haven't been a great friend to her this year so far.

"Uh, hi Isabel."

She stops in front of me, putting her hand on her hip and looking annoyed. "Come on, I'm done giving you space. Are you done pretending to be mad at me?"

I pull away. "Isabel, I _was _mad at you."

"Yeah, ok." She took a deep breath, sitting down next to me on the couch. "Fine, I'm sorry for being a shitty friend and sabotaging the Halloween costumes."

I smile. "That's better."

She smiles slowly back at me. "I just really missed you, you're my best friend. I just... I love you, you know that right?"

"I love you too." I say, hugging her. Her hair smells like cinnamon, and she laughs.

"Good, so, are you going to this holiday party the Marauders are putting on?"

I look at her warily. "What?"

"Oh Lily, we've all gotta go! It's going to be great, it's just down in the common room! Just us Gryffindors!"

"And a whole lot of spiked punch, I presume?"

Isabel grins evilly. "So it's decided, we're going."

I roll my eyes. "Alright fine."

"Great. Coming to bed?"

I reply no, and she leaves. I feel light, it's nice to have Isabel back again. I stare at the ceiling for a while. I don't know why I didn't go up to the dorm, as I was in my nightgown. I'd changed after dinner, but then came back down to the common room to wait for Nicole to get back so we could talk. She still hadn't though.

The couch was just so comfortable...

* * *

><p>"Lily?"<p>

I blink my eyes open.

James Potter is standing in front of me, wearing only plaid pajama bottoms, staring lazily at me.

And I become aware. Of everything in the room, as if every single fiber in me could sense everything. Of the fact that the fire had gone low, that it was dark navy outside...

But mostly of the fact that the boy that I've been thinking about for weeks is now standing in the glowing firelight in a pair of pajama pants, his chest fully and totally _bare_. And I'm in my nightgown.

It felt awkward, like he wanted me to look away, but I couldn't. It's like my eyes were trying to memorize him, drink in every single detail of this moment.

His delicious-looking collarbone, the slight contours of his stomach muscles… The way his body seemed to radiate warmth and light. I can almost imagine myself running my hands over him.

Lily Evans you are a slag.

I swallow thickly.

"James." I almost whisper. It's been hours since I've talked.

His hand immediately goes into his hair when he sees me. He glances around the room swiftly, his eyes coming back to land on me.

"Ev – Lily. Hi, sorry, I er…" He took a deep breath, though I didn't know what for. "You fell asleep."

I sit up, smoothing down my hair. His eyes skate down my body. He's looking at me almost _hungrily, _and it makes me shiver.

"Yeah." I manage to say.

He looks back up at my face, looking flustered and ruffling his hair again. "Er, I just... I thought I should wake you up, because it's the middle of the common room and that might be uncomfortable, I don't know -"

"Oh, yeah, thanks." I say.

We stare at each other for another minute. My throat feels incredibly dry and my tongue feels thick, I can't say anything.

"Well, I'm just..."

"Yes, I should get to sleep, you should too." I stand up, there's not enough space between us for me to feel comfortable. My hands want to touch him, I fist the sides of my nightgown.

"I just needed..." He leans over. My breathing feels shallow, is it hot in here? He grabs a paperback book from the table next to the couch arm.

He gestures to it. "I forgot this."

"Oh." I reply, voice sounding more high pitched than my usual one. Calm down, Lily.

He stands there for another minute. I try desperately not to look at his chest.

It's narrow, he's lean, tall. But it's a lot more filled out than I anticipated. I shake my head at myself, stop it!

"Er, so, good night." I say finally, turning to leave. I'm sure my face is a violent shade of red.

"Night." I hear him say faintly.

* * *

><p>I sit down the next morning in the Great Hall. My Gryffindor girls sit down next to me, talking animatedly, eating, drinking, studying. The hall echoes with early morning conversation. I help myself to some breakfast. But my mind doesn't register what I'm doing.<p>

I swear, it must have been a dream. I just had a bad Potter dream, and it was so vivid I thought it was real. That's it!

Because honestly? I fall asleep in the common room, conveniently in my skimpy nightgown, then Mr. Sexy enters wearing no shirt, coincidentally? That sounds like a scene from some smutty romance novel. Things like that just don't happen in real life.

Right?!

I get up, walking with Nicole to our morning class together.

"Hey, Lily…" James says, his hand momentarily touching my shoulder. I visibly jump. I feel like an idiot.

I turn towards him. "Oh, hi James."

"So, erm, have you got those schedules done yet?" He says, running his hands through his hair. This simple action that I used to insist I despised manages to cause a lump to form in my throat.

"Almost."

He pauses for a minute. He looks like he's about to walk back to his seat, but doesn't.

"I mean, I could help you if you need –"

"Oh no. It's only a few more." I say. He looks at me for a moment, then at the ground.

"Oh, and, um, Dumbledore wants to see us after dinner tonight." He says, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Alright, yeah, cool. I'll see you then." I say.

Jaw line... mmmmm...

"Yeah, I'll see you."

As we walk out of the Great Hall, I can feel him staring at my back. The hair on the back of my neck bristles, and I almost shiver.

God, what was wrong with me?

When I look back at Nicole, she's smirking at me.

"That was the most sexual tension I've ever seen in a conversation about schedules."

I hit her. "Shut up, nothing's happening."

__"And why the bloody hell not!?"__

"It's complicated."

"God Lily, why does everything with you always have to be complicated?"

"Because it just is!" I snap. "It has to be handled delicately. I have to be rational."

"It looked like it was taking every once of your will power to not hurdle over the table and rip his clothing off." She says, snorting.

I don't say anything.

She smiles triumphantly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi! Slightly shorter Lily chapter, just because I had a really long, plot-y scene written but I decided that I could either have a really long Lily chapter and then a less than 2,000 word James chapter or I could end this one early and put those two together. So the next chapter with be both Lily and James' POVs (gasp).

And yes, I know Kate seems like 100% bitch, but everyone's got a reason for how they are.

Also, for those of you that follow this story and were confused when you got an email saying I'd updated but there was no chapter there, it's because there wasn't. I accidentally published this when I'd only written half of it, so I deleted it so I could finish. Sorry for any confusion that caused.

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed that last chapter (especially Eldar-Melda, deathlyhallowsalways, WerrnogWeasley96, peacock33, moonlitperfection1231, awesomeness33. you guys are just some names I keep seeing a lot, THANKS!). I sort of hate singling individual reviewers out because there's always someone you miss, but I just thought I should say a special thanks to those that seem to review every chapter.

Also, I made up the incantation for the Bubble-Head charm (used by Fleur and Cedric in GoF for the second task). I went on the Harry Potter wiki and it said the actual incantation was unknown, so I just used _bullitus_, which means "bubble" in Latin.

THANKS EVERYONE! I hope you liked this.


	18. Christmas

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Lily dated Nate Hogan, an old friend of Isabel's; while in Hogsmeade, Death Eaters attacked, and James saved Lily but Carly, a first year, was hurt badly; James and Lily find comfort in each other; Lily falls asleep in the common room and her and James have an awkward moment; Isabel convinces Lily to go to the Christmas party in the common room.

* * *

><p><strong>Christmas<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"Come on Garth, no fifth years." I hear Sirius say quickly to the Gryffindor Quidditch Keeper, who dejectedly trudges up the stairs.<p>

Everywhere sixth and seventh year Gryffindors were talking and drinking and laughing. The lights were low, the fire being one of the only sources. Girls wore short and tight things, and boys noticed. How this was a Christmas party, I didn't know. It just seemed like an excuse for everyone to get drunk. Which, I guess, is sort of what we all needed.

As the past half of the year had been so stressful, the second half to come would be undoubtedly more. For just one night, I think everyone just wanted to relax. Myself included.

I lean on the back of the couch next to Dorcas, taking in the scene. She always takes some prodding to get her down to these parties, but she's been just as stressed as the rest of us (because even on top of her schoolwork, she took the assistant job with helping out Madame Pompfrey in the hospital wing during free periods). She twists her finger around one of the tendrils of hair that has come loose from her single braid, silently looking around at everything in her burgundy dress.

Remus, uncharacteristically with drink in hand, sits down on my other side wordlessly. He leans against the couch as well, mirroring our observation.

"Remus." I say in greeting.

"Lily." He says back. He pauses, and then adds, "Dorcas."

I watch her smile to herself out of the corner of my eye before replying back, "Hi Remus."

I scan the crowd for James, and find him laughing with Sirius. He's wearing muggle clothes, a red flannel and a pair of jeans. Next to him, Sirius plunks down three cases of firewhiskey and then takes another out of his sleeve and walks off in the other direction.

James meets my eyes and smiles, and starts walking over to me. My stomach, unfortunately, drops.

Things have returned to normal between us, fortunately, no more awkward feelings about that night I saw him shirtless. When I saw his lean, filled out chest...

"Hey."

"Hey." I watch him rake his eyes over me for a second before he smiles back up at me. I'm eternally glad Nicole roped me into wearing this green dress I've had for a while, that look from James was worth the hassle of wearing a strapless bra.

"So, enjoying the party?"

"Now that you're here, yeah." I say bravely. Both Remus and Dorcas turn and look at me, but all I can see is James' slightly surprised, pleased face. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from grinning.

"Wanna get a drink?" He asks after a moment, his hand ruffling the hair on the back of his head.

"Yeah sure."

He takes my hand and I work to pull down my smile. We move through the crowd. People might be staring, but I don't care. I like holding his hand.

* * *

><p>"Potter, you're full of shit!"<p>

"I'm not, I swear. Ask Sirius!" He insists, knocking back another swig of firewhiskey and laughing.

"No. Professor Sprout has _not _written a book about herself."

"Lily, _please_! It is a _fine_ piece of literature, the chronicles of a Herbology teacher who falls in love with the handsome new professor and learns a little about love, life, and plants." He says, stroking an invisible beard. The two of us dissolve into laughter. I lean for support on his shoulder.

James is a happy drunk. Not that he's exactly drunk yet, more tipsy. "Seriously, during detention Padfoot and I were cleaning her office and a big stack of papers fell, and the first draft was in there. All two-hundred something pages of it!"

He laughs loudly, drinking again.

"Hey... guys." Nicole suddenly says, coming up to us. James and I had been sitting on the wooden table at the corner of the common room, watching everyone get progressively drunker. He'd been telling me about the strangest things he'd ever experienced during a detention, and he'd let me in on Professor Sprout's _"Seeds of Love"_

"Nicooooole." I say, still laughing a little. I've drunken enough so I feel light, and talking with James makes me want to laugh more too. He always makes me laugh.

He grins at me. "You are drunk."

"_You're_ drunk!"

Nicole smirks at me. Somewhere across the room people call over James, so he jumps off the table. He bows exaggeratedly before sauntering over to wherever they need him. I watch him as he walks, giggling a little bit when he almost walks straight into the couch.

"Sounds like you're having fun." Nicole says smugly, crossing her arms.

"I am." I say happily, picking up my glass from the table. She laughs, and with another smirk, disappears back into the crowd of people. I start walking through the crowd, moving my way past a few laughing sixth years, wondering what James is getting up to wherever he is.

And then suddenly, it's like it all happens in slow motion.

I see her arms… her bronzed, toned arms reach up into his perfectly tousled hair, and pull his head close to hers.

And then their lips touch. No, smash into each other.

Isabel.

I think I'm about to pass out. It feels my heart dropped out my butt. It feels like a giant invisible hammer has smashed into me, crushing me into oblivion.

Isabel. James. Isabel.

I can't move. Like when you see a flaming car wreck on the side of the road, and you know you should look away, but you just _can't_.

And then he pulls away. His lovely hair mussed up by _her _hands. His lips are in that "just been kissed" state by _her _lips. And just like that, I feel jealousy and anger bubbling up inside me. There's a scream in my throat, bubbling and pushing to get out.

She locks eyes with me, smiling that damn perfect smile I've been jealous of for years.

There's a loud shatter.

Suddenly, all the eyes are on me. Hazily, I stare at the ground. I notice I've dropped my glass and it shattered across the floor. I feel sick.

As calmly as I can, I turn away from the crowd and walk out of the common room, through the portrait hole.

Isabel. James. Isabel. James. _Isabel. _

I walk out of the party, past the people, past everyone. Then I run and run and run and run until I'm not even sure where I am. Somewhere in the castle, maybe the eighth floor, but it doesn't matter. I won't go back to the common room, but I've got nowhere else to be.

My feet ache from the bloody high heels I wore. I don't care.

I run and run and run until I feel like I can't run any more and I throw myself down onto a bench along the windows of the corridor.

And then the tears come. The silent sort of surprised, overwhelmed tears. Like you don't even notice you're crying until you feel them on your face.

* * *

><p>I don't know how long I spent thinking on that bench, but when I finally gathered enough courage to go back to the common room, everyone is gone. I'm immediately thankful for this, maybe I won't have to face anyone until morning. No doubt people will be wondering why I smashed a glass.<p>

But I turn my head, and _Isabel _is _there_.

She's sitting perched on the couch arm, as if she was waiting for me. Her hair is still long and loose, and she's still wearing the show stopping tight red dress she was wearing to the party.

"Hi Lily." She says cheerfully. "Where'd you go? We missed you!" Her eye makeup is still perfect, and she looks at me in a concerned way. For a second, it almost looks a little like Kate for a moment. I shake that thought out of my head.

I stare at her for a moment, before mumbling, "I just needed some air."

Isabel sighs, and pauses before chirping, "Well, did you at least have a good time at the party tonight?"

I muster up a smile. "Yeah. Great night, loads of fun."

"What was your _favorite _part?" She asks, gracefully raising up from the couch arm and walking closer to me. Her tone scares me, it's cold and I don't recognize it.

"Um… dunno. Whole night was... pretty great." I say, lying through my teeth.

Her face hardens. "Oh, come off it Lily." She barks. It makes me jump a little, unconsciously gripping the sides of my green dress in my fists.

"You like James." She says, stating it as a fact, as one would a correct answer to a test.

I reply automatically, "No I don't. Isabel, what's wrong with y-"

"Yes, you do." She says harshly, right up in my face. I have the overwhelming urge to start crying again, but I want to stay strong. "You like him. And _I _kissed him."

"If you think I like him so much, _why _did you kiss him then?" I shoot back angrily. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she fancied James and they'd been friends since they were little, so maybe...

"Oh Lily." She says, starting to back away now up the stairs. "Lily, Lily, Lily. I've always _knew_ you were too trusting for your own good."

"Why would you say that?" I say impatiently. She's acting like a bitch.

"You want to know why I kissed him?" She asks, leaning in closer to me. The end of her hair touches my shoulder, she's always been taller than me, and I resent this fact a lot when she stands over me. "_Payback's a bitch, isn't it_?" she hisses.

My mouth falls open. "What are you _talking _about?!" I yell angrily. I don't care that it's well past midnight, and I don't care that I might wake up the castle.

Suddenly, it all dawns on me. _Nate. She's talking about Nate_. The reason she was so cold when I met him, the reason she never wanted to hear about our dates, the looks she gave me when we were together - it all clicks into place. She fancied Nate. She kissed James _because_ I fancy him.

She draws back. "You know very well what I'm talking about." She says quietly but clearly.

"Isabel, if you fancied Nate, you should have just told me!"

She sneers coldly, her beautiful face marred by the rotten expression. "Would it really have stopped you if I had?"

"You should have just been honest with me! Why do you have to manipulate everything?!" The words are out of spite and anger, but it's been a long time coming. When we were younger, Isabel was always the bossy one that chose what game we would play. "You're supposed to be my _best friend_!"

"Stop acting like a such a scared little baby. _Grow. Up_." She spits at me, before turning and walking up the stairs. Her heels clack coldly as they fade out, and the sound of the door closing echoes behind her.

Grow up?

What the bloody fuck was she playing at? Was it such an immature thing to do, to trust in a friend? Was it so juvenile to believe the best, and not immediately assume she's kissed James for revenge?

I feel myself almost shake with anger. Was there a reason the two people I'd been best friends with since first year turned out to be terrible? God dammit, was there some sign on my head that said, "Please shit on my life"?

I stand, alone in the common room inches from the arm of the couch for an undeterminable amount of time.

I can't stay here. I can't go upstairs, _she's _upstairs. Before I know it, I find myself striding off to the only place I could be alone. The Heads office.

James isn't going to be in there, but still, I'm cautious just in case.

The portrait hole opens quietly, and I slip inside the (luckily) empty room.

I don't know what to do with myself at first. I pace back and forth for a while, trying to work out the energy that was currently coursing through my veins. A vengeful sort of adrenaline fills me, and moving is all I can do to stop from screaming.

I stop for a moment, stilling my feet, as I feel my eyes droop.

Still in my stupid green party dress (I wore it because it matched my eyes, and he always used to talk about my eyes), I curl up on the couch and try to will myself to sleep. Unfortunately, as much as my eyes want me to fall into slumber, my mind is too full.

I sense Felix jumping up onto the couch, padding around in a circle before nestling himself into the open spot and leaning against my belly.

I absentmindedly begin to pet him, before I tear my hand away.

I stare down at the mess of black fur purring next to me and immediately feel the urge to cry again.

I was angry at Isabel, angry at James... but mostly angry at myself.

But I was tired… Exhausted, actually. So I start to pet Felix again, and let his warm purring lull me to sleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning with a stiff neck. Felix is nowhere to be seen, probably back in his lair in the closet.<p>

I look around the office, annoyed. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I stare blankly out the window diagonal from me. It's daytime, Sunday, I think. I debate for a while whether I should venture back to the dorms to get some new clothes (the ones I'm in smell rather like vomit and stale whiskey), but eventually end up rolling back over on the couch, clutching a pillow.

_He kissed her._

No. No, I couldn't let myself be confused by that. She kissed him.

Right.

Even if she only kissed him to "get back" at me, did he have feelings for _her? _He didn't pull away immediately.

I thought... well, I thought he might have still fancied me. With the hungry stares, the jokes, the studying... but maybe not. Maybe I was wrong.

He probably fancied her. She never humiliated him in front of the entire school by insults and rejection.

Both purebloods, family friends. He'd formally court her, they'd fall in love, have some obscenely big and fancy wedding, he'd work as an Auror and she'd tend the house. The Potter and Bryant family manor.

She'd be perfect for him. And what was I to her? To her mile-long tanned legs, I had slightly stumpy, pale ones. To her trimmed glossy brown mane, I had awkwardly long, thick red hair. To her flirtacious, easy-going personality, I was overemotional and obsessively organized and analytical.

I sigh angrily. I don't want to think about it. The thought (and now, unfortunately, the image) of James kissing another girl makes me want to stab things.

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>I always imagined if Lily Evans was ever jealous of another girl for being with me, it would be glorious.<p>

It isn't.

Things were going so well. I'd... well, it seemed like Lily really liked me. Even fancied me. And last night, when we were just laughing and talking, it _really_ seemed like she did. We had become such good mates, but it felt different.

_'Now that you're here, yeah.'_

She flirted with me. She let me get her a drink. She laughed with me. Everything had been great, with her flowing red hair and fitting green dress, with her eyes sparkling, her putting her hand on my shoulder. I'd walked away for a second because Isabel had called me over, and then the next thing I knew, Isabel was kissing me.

A loud shatter had prompted me to break away.

Lily stood in front of the crowd, an empty hand and a glass shattered at her feet. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but didn't. She didn't look at me, but moved back into the crowd. Then she was gone.

"What the hell?" I asked Isabel.

She'd said, "Merlin James, sorry, I'm _so _drunk." And then walked away.

I had stood there, in the same spot, stilled, thinking, _what had just happened?_

I stare out the window of the train, watching the countryside pass by. The compartment is silent, Remus is reading and Sirius is staring at me with a bored expression. Peter's nowhere to be found. I know they probably are trying not to bother me.

The trolley cart was bound to come around soon. I rub my eyes tiredly, yawning a little as well. I hadn't had much sleep last night.

I can't speak. I haven't seen Lily all day, and when I asked Nicole this morning where she was, she'd just kept walking with no answer.

I turn my gaze to the slightly darkened hallway outside the compartment, staring at the dark wood paneling and carpeted floors.

Suddenly, a head of unmistakable red hair walks by quickly. Without thinking, I jump up from my seat and bound out of the compartment, seizing her wrist and making her jump in surprise.

"Lily, please, I've got to talk to you." I ask almost breathlessly.

She turns slowly, smiling weakly at me. She looks almost as tired as I am, and her tie is uncharacteristically crooked. I notice briefly that her hair is out, and the regular impulse to tangle my fingers in it plagues my mind.

"What is it, James?" She asks, her voice light and not the usual strong tone she uses. At least she calls me James, not Potter.

I take a breath, trying to think of what to say. My mind turns up annoying blank, and I start to even stutter. "I didn't… _she_ kissed _me_."

"Yes I know, I was there, congratulations. I'm sure you two will be very happy." She says, starting to walk away, wrist dropping out of my grip.

"Lily!" I call after her half-heartedly.

She keeps walking. I yell at myself to go after her, convince her it didn't mean anything, confess that I fancied _her _not Isabel, that I wanted to be with her, and finally kiss her.

But I couldn't do that, because what if she actually didn't fancy me? Then our great friendship would be severely tarnished. No more lightning-round study sessions or long conversations during rounds. There was too much to loose.

This scared me maybe more than anything. Risks were when I flourished, but something about being on such shaky ground with Lily and possibly losing her forever were even too much for my ignore-the-consequences mindset.

She enters another compartment with no look down the hallway to where I was standing.

* * *

><p>Faint winter sunlight breathes through the window, snowflakes falling lightly outside. My eyes open lazily, blinking through the light coming into the room.<p>

I can visualize the scene downstairs, the entryway still charmed to be seemingly snowing but not actually ever falling on anyone, elves scurrying around taking down the decorations. My dad will probably be complaining that there's no need to take them down so soon, and my mother will scold him and say that if we don't take them down now, they'll still be up by Valentine's day. But she'll tell the elves to stop anyway.

Sirius is no doubt still asleep in the room next to mine. I can hear the snow pattering on my window next to my bed. It's still morning.

I turn over in bed, eyes catching the new broom and cleaning kit given to me for Christmas this year, along with the gold pocket watch given to me by my father. A few unopened presents given to me at the party last night sit in a pile in the corner of my room. My father had me networking with all the Ministry-hired Aurors last night. My stomach hurts from all the food I ate yesterday (the elves made a Christmas ham that might even put the staff at Hogwarts to shame).

Mostly, I feel depressed. My mum said there was this article in the back pages of the Prophet about how cold weather has an effect on wizard personality, and how everyone gets cranky and sad in the winter. But I don't think it's just the cold that's the cause of my wanting to stay in bed all day.

She fancied me. I could feel it. I knew it now.

Why else would she have acted like that at the party? Why else would she have stared at my bare chest that night in the common room? She wanted me. She had to.

I should have told her on the train. I shouldn't have let her walk away. I'd blown my chance.

I slam my face into the pillow.

Last night Sirius and I had gotten piss drunk after most of the guests at the party left. It had been an interesting conversation, where he'd basically pointed out all the faults in Tom Jenkins that were imaginable, and then proceeded to yell about how he'd date Nicole himself if she didn't break up with him soon. But then he'd passed out in the garden, and I'd levitated him to his room. I doubt he'll want to talk about it any again, so I wasn't about to bring it up.

There's knock at my door, and my mother pokes her head in. She's still in her robe, hair wrapped up.

"Hi honey, breakfast is ready. Coming to eat?"

I smile at her and nod. "In a second, mum."

She smiles back. She's been seeming a little slower lately, things are harder for her to do. I always knew my parents were on the old side for kids my age, but it's still surprising and sort of sad watching your parents get old.

"Ok." She says, closing the door quietly.

Across the floor was some littered Christmas present wrapping paper and dirty clothes, along with an invitation to Ruthie Caldwell's New Years Eve party. Sirius and Remus had cajoled me into agreeing to go, if only to just get drunk. I welcome the distraction.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **THAT BITCH ISABEL.

Anyway, hi! hope all my lovely readers have been doing well. School has been very busy so far, along with everything else I'm doing. So I'm quite proud I actually got this out.

Once again, thanks to all my lovely reviewers. I literally squeal at my computer screen every time I see that blue little number go up. I LOVE YOU ALL.

And I know many were anticipating the James/Lily snogging that might have been in this chapter. Sorry, maybe I'll just have you guys wait a teeny bit longer for some action!

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	19. New Years

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Dorcas and Remus have been close lately; winter break has started; Isabel kissed James at the Christmas party as revenge against Lily for dating Nate.

* * *

><p><strong>New Year's Eve<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"Lily! I thought we'd agreed!" Nicole whined. She stood at my door in a icy blue dress, a black winter coat hastily bundled around her, shifting from foot to foot in the cold. Outside, the remnants of a Christmas snow still litter the ground, and I see her breath in the night air.

"No, _you _agreed. I said no." I say, but I let her into my house anyway. I'd gotten into a cozy pair of fleece pajamas and prepared for a night of quiet reading. Apparently, my best friend had other ideas.

Behind her, Tom also follows her in. "Hi Lily." He says cheerfully, walking in and plopping into a seat in my kitchen. He's wearing dress robes too.

I stare incredulously at Nicole. She just stomps her foot. "Lily you're coming to this party tonight! I even brought you a dress!" She says, extracting a black, fitted-looking dress from her winter coat, holding it up to me and smiling slyly.

"Nicole, I am _not _going tonight." I hiss at her.

Tom, moving into the kitchen, holds up the salt and pepper shakers curiously, one shaped like a cat and the other a dog, shaking them up and down experimentally.

I open my mouth, but Nicole takes my hand, pulling me up the stairs. "I'll be right back Tom, try not to break anything!" She calls behind her.

Surprisingly, she pulls me right into my room without a moment's hesitation.

"How did you know where my room was, you've never been inside my h-?"

"Lily, you are coming tonight, and that's final." Nicole says firmly, taking the dress off the hanger and throwing it at me.

I catch it clumsily, watching her riffle through my dresser.

"Nicole, I'm not. It's _Ruthie Caldwell, _she's like Kate's best friend. Why would I want to go to a party that guaranteed me seeing Kate?"

Nicole huffs. "Because it's a party! And you've been moping all break."

I wince at her truthful words. I hadn't been in contact with anyone from school and hadn't left my house for anything other than a run to the drugstore and Christmas tree shopping.

"I don't know, maybe buy me a cake or something?" I mumble.

Her face softens, and she moves over to me and holds both my hands firmly. She looks at me knowingly. "Lily, I _was _at the Christmas party."

I stare down at the floor.

"I saw Isabel kiss James, and I know you're upset, but that's no excuse to -"

"To what?!" I snap, pulling my hands away. Nicole keeps her calm, though.

"It's no excuse to become withdrawn and pull away from your friends." She says. Sitting down gracefully at the end of my bed, she rests her feet, pulling off her high heels quickly and dropping them in a pile.

I exhale, letting my hair fall in front of my face. I stand dumbly in front of her searching for an excuse, before finally asking honestly, "But what if he's there?"

Nicole shrugs. "So what if he is?"

"Nicole..." I stop. I'd been thinking about him all break, unfortunately. Well, more accurately, he'd never truly left my mind until the end of sixth year. I wanted to see him, but I didn't. I was conflicted.

"Lily." She says back with a blank face.

"I guess you brought the dress so I couldn't say I had nothing to wear?" I ask lamely.

Nicole puts her hands on her hips sassily. "Come on Lily. It'll be great. Please?"

I know she won't let up until I agree. She'll probably sit down with Tom and take apart my kitchen, and when my parents get home they'll think a hurricane hit us.

I sigh. "Alright, fine."

She squeals in a really uncharacteristic to Nicole way.

I pull on the dress - it hugs every curve of my body. I've got to thank Nicole, seeing myself wearing this dress does make me feel better. It's got thick-ish straps connecting to a sweetheart neckline, and is jet black, stopping just at my knees. My hair is just left out and natural, and I quickly put on some mascara.

"So things are good with Tom?" I ask, twisting my finger around a tendril of my hair and watching it unfurl.

She smiles, sitting down on my bed in the corner of my room. "Yeah. They really are." Her voice is content and calm.

I smile back at her. "Good."

I look at myself in the mirror quickly, taking a deep breath and pulling down the end of my dress automatically.

Suddenly, I hear a loud, piercing shriek from downstairs. I thunder down the steps with Nicole at my heels to find Petunia holding an unplugged curling iron at Tom's chest.

She whips her head around frantically, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Petunia!" I shout, batting the curling iron out of her hands. Her hair is up in rollers and she's wearing a floor-length bathrobe, so she looks rather insane. Tom looks terrified, holding his hands up in surprise.

"Lily, who the bloody hell is this strange man and why is he playing with our salt shakers!?" She hisses, taking hold of my upper arm and letting her claw-like nails sink into my skin.

I extract my arm from her vice-like grip, saying calmly, "Petunia, this is Tom. He's a friend from school."

"Is he... like you?" She asks accusingly, staring also at Nicole standing behind me.

"Well, he is from Hogwarts." I say obviously.

"Don't say that word here." She snaps. Her eyes narrow judgmentally, giving me a once-over. "And _what _are you _wearing?_"

"It's a dress." I say bitingly, grabbing Tom's shoulder and pulling him up from his seat. He yelps slightly. "And me and my friends were just leaving."

She sneers. "You're not going anywhere. I'll tell Mum and Dad. They're bound to get home in an hour from now."

She thinks she's gotten me, but I smirk. "Than I'll tell them about the time you snuck out and spent the entire night at your boyfriend's house."

She stares beadily at me for a moment, her eyes challenging. I don't back down.

She glares again at Nicole and Tom, and stomps her fuzzy bunny slippers up the stairs once more.

I stare after her, ignoring the concerned and surprised looks from Nicole and Tom.

"Let's just go." I say finally, yanking open the front door and walking out into the snow.

* * *

><p>I can't believe I gave in so easily.<p>

I should have put up a fight! Some kicking and screaming and maybe Nicole would have just left and gone on her merry way.

She and Tom hung out with me for a while before they stole away into some dark corner. I can't blame her, though it did made me feel even more like a third wheel. I found Dorcas and she talked to me for a bit, but Remus showed up and she left to go talk to him. They've been talking a lot more lately, and her face lit up when he'd enter a room, so I didn't protest.

Nicole said that almost everyone from our grade had been invited, and it certainly seemed that way.

And everyone meant _James, _and despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop scanning the room for him.

I gather the Caldwells are a pureblood family, as their house is really more of a large mansion and though their estate isn't huge, they've got house elves working. The room I currently stand in looks like a sitting room, but it's large and airy, and there are tiny white lights glittering above the guests' heads like tiny stars. The lights are dimmed and so far I've seen almost everyone I know from Hogwarts. Everyone is dressed nicely, in suits and robes and dresses. There are large windows, but it's dark outside so you can't see much in the way of a view.

It's a while before I spot him at all, and when I do, I see hazel. His eyes cut through the crowd, staring unwaveringly at _me. _He looks dashingly handsome, in his proper black suit and dress robes, hair as messy and sexy as ever. His eyes make my stomach churn. I break eye contact, moving to the bar and away from the side of the room he's on.

I order a firewhiskey - that way, if James flirts with any other girls, I'll be too drunk to remember.

I hate how he makes me feel. I hate that I'm not in control. He holds my emotions in his hand, it's not fair how perversely effected I am by him.

I feel like an arse, standing here in my tight dress and my curled hair _alone._ Dorcas is over talking to Remus, I've barely seen Mary all night, if she was even here.

Kate stands over where James is, with Peter and a few of Nate's friends I recognize. She glances over at me, smiling as beautifully as always, before touching James' shoulder and laughing quietly.

The bartender looks at me worriedly, but puts another glass of firewhiskey down on the bar. I take a drink, letting it burn it's way down my throat.

I can't help noticing the total reverse in our roles.

Tonight I am the one standing across the room, glaring and knocking back shot after shot.

I almost laugh at the irony of it.

_Almost._

"And he says, 'it's a hippogriff!'" I vaguely hear Kate say, and the group laughs. James laughs too.

That joke wasn't even funny. Why is he laughing?

"You alright there, Evans?" Black suddenly asks, sliding up next to me on the bar. He's wearing black dress robes as well, and he smells like cigarette smoke.

"Sure." I grunt unattractively.

He looks at me for another moment. "Take it easy."

I simply glare back at him and but down the empty glass, looking at the bartender expectantly.

"Seriously Evans. You're worrying me. People only drink that much if they're depressed."

I snort. "You drink this much usually." I say, staring at the empty bottom of the glass.

"Exactly." He says. "Stop. You're freaking out Prongs."

"How am I freaking him out? Am I that bloody disgusting –?"

"Evans, if you drink any more he's going to make me look after you, and frankly, I've got more important matters to attend to."

I say nothing. In a strange way, I love the idea that James is actually worried about me. I shake my head at myself, taking the now-full glass from the bartender. I begin to feel dizzy - I'm not much of a lightweight, but I don't drink a lot often.

Sirius watches me, rolling his eyes, and finishing the rest of his drink.

"I'll see you Evans. Try not to get too plastered." He says, setting down his glass next to mine and walking away from the bar.

"Going off to fuck Greengrass?" I call after him. He stops rigidly. "Or some other random slag?"

He looks blankly back at me. His eyes look sad but guarded.

I smile cruelly. "Have fun with that."

He stares at the ground for a minute, barking a humorless laugh. I might feel bad, but I'm too far into my self-wallowing to care. It's not fair, if I can't be happy, no one can.

The party is getting a little louder, it must be some time around eleven thirty by now. I know there's bound to be one of those countdowns, and then everyone is going to kiss each other. I bite down spitefully on my tongue, straightening my dress. I wore the stupid black dress Nicole leant me, but now I just feel dumb wearing it.

I've seen a few boys look at me tonight, but I'm in no mood to flirt. Besides, pathetically, none of them would come close to James in my mind.

I really feel like bludgeoning myself. When did I become this whiney, dependent girl?

Paige Olsen leans over the bar next to me, saying, "Butterbeer, please?" to the other bartender.

It really surprises me that she's even here, she's usually never at these parties. But I'm happy to see her. She looks pretty, she's actually wearing a dress. It looks nice on her, even radiant.

She glances at me, before smiling and asking, "So, Lily, any New Years resolutions?"

"Still thinking. What about you?" I say.

"Win the Quidditch cup." She says, taking a warm glass from the top of the black-counter bar.

I nod. "Sounds like a plan."

She grins. "See you." And she walks off toward some other Ravenclaws I don't know.

The space she previously stood in is suddenly replaced by James. My breath hitches when I see him, and my gaze immediately turns to the bottom of my glass. I fight the urge to lean into him, which is all I really want to do right now.

"Having a good night?" He asks in a low, private voice.

I bite my lip. "I'm over here at the bar getting drunk by myself and all my friends ditched me. Other than that, it's been a _great_ night." I say, inwardly. wincing at myself. I hadn't meant to say all that. I was planning to say something quick and witty, but instead I just sounded pathetic.

I am pathetic.

James barks a quiet laugh. "Yeah, I'm not having such a great night either." He looks up at me, meeting my eyes. "Want to get out of here?"

"Where would we go?" I ask breathlessly. What's the matter with me?! Just because I fancied a bloke didn't mean my wits were supposed to fly out the window whenever I talked to him!

"There's a beautiful garden outside." He says. Consciously, his big hand slips into mine, and he leads me away from the bar. Why am I letting him do this?

I'm excited. He's taking me somewhere. James Potter is taking me somewhere where we will be alone. Together.

What about Isabel? What about him kissing her? And it's cold outside!

...I _want_ to be alone with him.

He leads me out the door, past a couple snogging in the entryway, and a few people talking and laughing opposite them.

The garden is to the right of the front door, a small area held together by four currently un-blossomed trees. There's a few bushes that managed to survive in the winter so far, but mostly everything is dead.

James laughs nervously. "Well, I guess it's not that beautiful right now."

I laugh too. Honestly, at this moment he could have taken me to a junkyard and it would have made no difference.

The air is cold outside, and my dress is sleeveless, so I shiver. He quickly sheds his outter robe, leaning into me to pull it around my shoulders. His fingers skim my shoulder, making me shiver for a different reason.

I pull the cloak tighter across me, briefly enjoying the fact that it smells powerfully of _him. _

"So... er... there's just some things I wanted to say." He starts. He ruffles his hair nervously.

"Everyone! Everyone shush!" Ruthie's squeaky voice echoes from inside the house. She must be using a Sonorus spell or something. James stops. "It's almost the new year! And it's time to start the countdown!"

His hand drops from his hair.

"Ten!" Her voice starts

"Over this year, we've become good mates, and I'm so grateful for that..."

"Nine!" The crowd starts with her.

"...And I've learned so much about you, gotten to know you so much better..."

"Eight!"

"...You're really brilliant, definitely not as uptight as maybe I'd thought previously..."

"Seven!" The crowd is full volume now, echoing into the night from inside.

"...No, I didn't mean - never mind. I know we've been through a lot, what with the fights and the yelling and the whole Snape issue..."

"Six!" He gulps.

"...well, ok, that _was_ my fault. I was a giant prick, yeah?"

"Five!"

"...it's just that now we're friends, mates, and I love that..."

"Four!"

"...Sometimes I just can't believe that you actually don't hate me anymore..."

"Three!" He suddenly seems really close to me, my breathing is shallow.

"...And I love spending time with you, and our study sessions and doing patrol together..."

"Two!"

"And..." His eyes suddenly darken, my heart is pounding, the countdown is about to end, is he going to - ?

"_One!_"

And then we're kissing. And his lips crash into mine and I feel my heart bursting and exploding and ricocheting around in my ribcage, like my insides are on fire.

He backs me up against the wall of the house. His hard, masculine frame is completely against mine, hands hotly clutching my hips. I can feel myself automatically press against him, my hands going around his neck and pulling me closer to him. His lips move against mine. I can't remember anyone ever kissing me like this, like their life depended on it. The wall is cold, but his body is warm. My mind is blank, devoid of any thoughts except for _James, James, James!_

My body desperately needs oxygen, needs to cool down and _breathe, _god damn it.

I _can't _breathe. My heart leaps up into my throat. It's like I'm falling, falling, falling and my heart is into overdrive.

And with the only ounce of strength I have left, I manage to push away. He opens his eyes blearily, a look of uneasiness moves over his face.

"What?" He says in a low, husky voice.

There's a giant lump in my throat. I don't know what to do, my mind is going to fast, my body is screaming and suddenly everything's too much. I have no control - I _need to gain control!_

I still can't breathe. I can't even think.

So I do the only thing I can do.

I run. Run back inside the house, slamming the door so hard behind me that the couple of people previously there jump alarmingly and vacate the area. My chest is heaving, my cheeks are flushed, and I feel like I've gone and melted into a puddle.

Calming myself, without even leaving the house, I turn on the spot and visualize home, waiting for the resounding "crack!" of apparation.

I land in the middle of my kitchen, stumbling and catching myself on one of the kitchen chairs. I let myself fall into it, breathing heavily from the shaky apparation trip.

My face falls into my hands, I finally breathe normally. Slowly, in and out, air filling my lungs, yes.

I can't be with him. I _can't_.

It would never work. No matter how much I wished. If not only because he was a pureblood and I was muggleborn, if not only because we would probably fight all the time and make each other miserable. He would grow to resent me, and I him.

That, and the way he made me feel terrified me. Deep down to my bones, whenever our eyes met I felt a surge of power flooding through me.

With him, things are too messy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Heeeyyyyy. Short but eventful chapter I'd say, yeah?

Thanks again to everyone that reads this! Hope everyone will let me know if I did J/L justice?

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><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	20. Tempers and Embarrassment

Additional A/N: this chapter may seem like it's going one way, but i hope those who are disappointed at first will read through until the end (:

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><p><strong>PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": <strong>Nicole is dating Tom but lost her virginity to Sirius last year; Mary and Remus dated; Everyone went to a New Year's party at Ruthie Caldwell's house; James and Lily kissed but Lily ran away after.

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><p><strong>Tempers and Embarrassment <strong>

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><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

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><p>I pull my suitcase along the drab but familiar King's Cross station. My dad dropped me off this morning, sharing a quiet car ride with me. He kept asking why I seemed so down, why I was being so quiet. I felt bad, I missed him already and didn't like that he would have to see me for the last time until summer sad, but I just couldn't bring myself to act genuinely happy. So I had just smiled and replied, "You know, dad, just girl stuff."<p>

I brushed my hair for longer than usual this morning too. It feels puffed up from the dry winter air outside. The trains honk and whistle as people move up and down the platforms, businessmen in crisp suits staring at their watches, pulling black suitcases behind them as they run to catch their trains, and big families haphazardly but lazily returning from long vacations.

But then I move through to Platform 9 3/4 and it's all the same as it always is, parents and smiles and farewells, and heavy trunks.

I can see Dorcas' outline up ahead, but she's too far away for me to catch up to her or call out.

I wish I could just stay curled up in my bed at home.

I bite my lip and step over the gap between the train and the platform, tugging my trunk behind me. I've already changed into my Hogwarts uniform, there seemed no point picking out a separate outfit just for a few hours.

Moving as stealthily as I can, I shrink past some Slytherins and into the compartment where Nicole and Tom sit, her on his lap snogging him without restraint.

Dorcas sits across from them as well, legs tucked under her and nose buried in a book. I sit down next to her, and Nicole releases Tom with a smack.

Nicole smiles. "Lily!"

"Hi Lily." Tom says jovially.

I smile at both of them meekly. "Hi."

They return to their previous activities. Nicole has never been one for personal boundaries.

I try my best not to think about the prefect's meeting I have to conduct in a few minutes. With the Head Boy.

Who I hadn't spoken to since New Years.

I briefly close my eyes, making myself breathe. It's not a big deal. So you kissed James in a drunken state over the holidays. I'm sure plenty have done it. It's not a big deal. It's not.

"Hey Lil." Dorcas finally says idly, eyes not leaving the page.

But I'm glad to see her anyway.

"Hi Dorcas." I reply. "Are you wearing makeup?"

Dorcas' head perks up from her book, and she looks bashfully at me. "Um, yeah."

I nod my head, admiring how darkened lashes make her eyes stand out. She goes back to her book, but her cheeks are still pink.

The view outside the train window starts moving away from the platform, waves and smiles passing by, train gathering speed. For a while I resign to just staring out the window and picking at my cuticles, something I've been known to do when I'm nervous (by the end of OWLs, it looked like someone had mutilated all my fingers).

I watch greenish-brown fields come into view. The train ride in was always pretty, and the scene outside was doing a little to calm my slight nerves.

But there was no reason to be nervous. Because it wasn't a big deal. Right.

After somewhere close to an hour, Sirius materializes at the doorway of the compartment. "Oi Evans, the prefects meeting is now so -"

He stops, staring at Nicole, who was playing with Tom's hair. With his gaze, her fingers freeze, and her hand drops into her lap. Their eyes meet, Nicole and Sirius, and Tom looks at Nicole.

"What?"

Nicole shakes her head. "Nothing."

And then Sirius is gone.

Though I don't have the energy or the mental capacity to analyze it, so I let it go.

I rub my face tiredly, getting up from my seat and sliding the compartment door shut behind me.

I finally see Mary, but she's far down the hallway, laughing with Lucas Caldwell, a Hufflepuff. I wonder why she didn't come to the compartment we were all in right away.

But I don't have time now.

I square my shoulders, pull my cardigan nervously, and open the compartment doors.

Inside are all the prefects, who come to silence when I enter. James sits on a mostly empty bench, looking up at me expectantly.

"Hello everyone." I say tightly, sitting down on the same bench. Our bodies are exactly six inches apart, and I sit with a straight back and fold my hands in my lap. "I trust everyone had a good holiday?"

There are some nods and a weak "yes", before I launch into the regular review of the rules and the announcement that prefect schedules will be handed out tomorrow morning. I'm conscious of James' eyes on me as I speak, and struggle to keep my voice steady.

After I finish, I force myself to also say, "James, do you have anything to add?" though I can't look at him.

He takes a breath, before saying, "Nah, nothing else. Meeting adjourned."

I stand up, brushing off my skirt. There's a clogged line of people filing out the door, but I don't want to have to talk to James. I don't want to have to look at him or watch him smile or hear his voice.

I just can't do it right now. Not when my emotional self is the equivalent of a scribble monster.

I make it out, surprisingly. I walk back down the corridor, but bump my shoulder into someone else's by accident.

"Oh sorry!" I look up, and it's Emmeline. "Hey."

She doesn't look at me in the eye, but replies, "Hey Lily."

I can't help flickering down to her stomach. There's definitely a visible bump there, and she pulls her robes over herself as she sees me looking.

"Good holiday?" I ask.

She half-smiles. "Suppose so. Told my parents about the fetus growing inside me and they didn't take it so well. But the Christmas pudding was ace!" She says bittingly.

I reach down, and squeeze her hand briefly. She smiles sadly at me, and barks a humorless laugh.

"Sorry for getting you all tangled up in this Lily. I know we're not the best of friends, but thanks for being there that day."

I smile. "You're welcome. I'm always here, you know, for anything."

She shifts. "Well, you're not going to see me here for too much longer now. Another month and I'm getting transported to St. Mungos to spend the rest of the month before I'm supposed to pop this baby out."

I breathe a laugh. She grips my hand now, giving me another squeeze back. "Anyway, I'm off. See you at the feast tonight."

"Bye." I reply, returning to the compartment that I know Dorcas and Nicole to be in. Tom is still here, but Nicole's reading something as well and Tom's just resting his head on her shoulder, staring into space.

The trip in is uneventful, besides a second year almost getting his fingers blasted off during a game of Exploding Snap two compartments down from me. I sleep for most of it, on account of not getting much last night.

It's the usual feast after the winter holidays for dinner. I sit between Dorcas and Paige, cutting everything an extra time before taking a bite. It's all I can do to keep busy.

I can feel James' eyes on me the entire time.

* * *

><p>I decide to speak to him. I have to.<p>

I pull myself together and reach out to tap him on the back.

"Um, James?" I call tentatively. He stops as the crowd thins even more, students meandering upstairs to bed after a hefty welcome back feast.

He looks a little tired, though I suppose he looks good compared to me. His tie is crooked, I notice. He looks handsome, though.

"Hi Evans." He says calmly, the corners of his mouth tugging up. I gulp.

_Evans. _

_'Evans and Potter, they hate each other.'_

_'Potter's such a prick.'_

_'Evans is a wicked bitch.'_

_'Wash your pants, Snivellus!'_

_'Go out with me, Evans, and I'll stop.'_

The words come out without meaning to, the comforting excuse. "I just… I just wanted to discuss the er… well, as you know, during New Years I was quite inebriated. I was in a state where I wasn't exactly thinking clearly and... and –"

"Shut up." He suddenly says harshly. He looks like he's just smelled something vile.

"What?" I pull back, flustered and confused. I lace my own fingers together nervously, looking for something to grab onto.

"Just shut up with that bullshit Lily." He barks. The hallway never seemed to quiet. "Just stop."

"Stop _what_?"

"Don't act like that kiss meant nothing to you." He says, his voice uncomfortably sliding into a familiar one I never found appealing. "You can't fool me Lily. You can go back to pretending that we're just acquaintances, or even that you still hate me. You can try to fool yourself, but you can't fool me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say automatically.

"I know you want to be with me. I _know _it. But you're just afraid to be vulnerable. But, bloody hell Lily, I've been vulnerable to you for almost five years. So it's your turn. Because I can't anymore." He mutters.

Before I can ask what he can't do, he starts.

"Lily, I can't keep dancing around this anymore." He takes a deep breath in. "I want you. Wholly and completely. It's not an act. I've wanted you ever since fourth year. You're beautiful and funny intelligent and fierce, and a multitude of other adjectives that still don't do justice to describing you. I want to know every little thing about you, every fact, every freckle. I really like being your mate, and getting to know you as friends. But I want to have something real with you. And I can't stand just being a mate anymore. Because when it comes to you, that will never be enough for me." He says.

I try to say something, but my tongue feels thick and my throat is dry. His expression changes into one of resignation.

"Find me when you find some courage. I'm done waiting." He mutters.

I stand in the middle of the hallway, hands still intertwined, and watch him walk away.

* * *

><p>"You bitch!"<p>

I wince at the shrill voice assaulting my ears so early in the morning. Turning on instinct, I almost bump into Nicole, who has stopped to see where the sound came from as well.

"Fine, take your ugly shoes! I don't even want to wear them anyway!"

A pair of yellow shoes come flying out of one of the staircases as a girl with long braids comes running out after them, picking them up gingerly. She glares up the stairs, but exits the common room quickly and silently.

"Well. That was strange." Nicole says primly, stepping out of the common room while sliding on her tie.

"I guess." I reply.

"The fifth years have seemed extra touchy lately. Were we like that, do you think?" Nicole asks, watching the girl who previously ran away with the shoes move down the hall away from us.

"I don't think so."

From out of nowhere, Tom appears and hugs Nicole from the back. She squeezes his arm, and locks her fingers through his. Tom nods a greeting to me, and I reciprocate.

Before too long, it's time for potions.

I settle into my seat, as Snape's already there when I arrive. He looks sideways at me snidely. For a moment, I remember what he looked like hanging upside down in the air, with his pants all on display. I almost feel bad for him all over again, but then he says rudely, "Go get a vial for this."

I roll my eyes, and move over to the front counter where the supplies are.

James isn't in class today, and I can't help noticing his absence. I wonder where he is.

As I pick out the correct size, I feel Kate slide up next to me, bumping me slightly. I glare at her, but even as I do that, I end up dropping the glass vial. It shatters, glass nicking the back of my hand.

"Ouch!"

Kate's eyes widen. "Oh my Merlin! Sorry Lily! I'm just so clumsy, I'm so sorry!"

I narrow my eyes as she keeps up her innocent facade as Slughorn comes over.

"Oh dear me. Miss Evans, I suggest you visit Madame Pomfrey. She'll get you fixed up in a jiffy, then you might be able to finish the rest of class, hmm?"

I nod mutely, throwing a death glare at Kate. Kate _shrugs_.

Just as she turns to move away, I stick my foot out in retaliation. She trips, but catches herself on a nearby desk. She whips her head back at me, eyes blazing angrily, and I shrug back.

Bitch.

* * *

><p>I stomp upstairs to the hospital wing, where I have to wait as Madame Pomfrey is attending to a first year with an unfortunate hex gone awry.<p>

I look around idly, until my eyes land on a familiar head of dark, dark brown hair.

"Dorcas?"

Sure enough, Dorcas turns around quickly on the bedside stool she was sitting on.

"Oh, hey Lily."

I walk over to her. "So here's where you were! Why aren't you in potions!?"

"I had to talk to Madame Pomfrey about something." She says tightly.

I peer past her to the bed she was sitting next to.

"And... Remus?"

"Hi Lily." The brown-haired boy croaks nervously. He looks pale and sickly, not to mention uncomfortable.

I squint at the both of them. I didn't know Remus had gotten sick. And why was Dorcas - ?

"Miss Evans, what's your ailment?" Madame Pomfrey asks impatiently.

I show her my hand, and then follow her to bandage it up. It hurts a little, but I'm still considering Dorcas and Remus. They could actually be cute couple, probably.

Before I leave, I look back at them. Dorcas is back to sitting on the stool next to his bed, and from her posture I can tell she's relaxed. I can see Remus' face though, and he smiles up at her.

Hmm.

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><p>The weather has stayed at a consistent temperature of below freezing for the past few days. To make everything bleaker, after the Christmas snow, there was no more. Instead, the slush left turned dirty, and the trees were noticeably bare. Sharp, cold air seemed to tear at everyone and made people meaner.<p>

Or maybe the weather was just an excuse.

I sigh as I continue my way down the cold hallway, passing younger students chatting loudly. Maybe I should resign myself to life that consists of simply avoiding obstacles.

Actually, isn't that really all life is anyway? Avoiding obstacles thrown into your path, monkey wrenches in your plans. And then you end up shooting yourself in the foot since you're so paranoid about other people fucking things up for you.

My traitorous mind keeps replaying the unfortunate encounter I just had with none other than the new Queen Bitch Isabel herself.

It was all but completely verbal abuse. Isabel didn't call me a mudblood... but Pansy Parkinson did. And Isabel had laughed.

I felt tears prick under my eyes, and shook my head. I enter the dorm, knowing that the only person who might be in there is Dorcas. She is, sitting on the edge of her bed, a pile of pieces of parchment spread out around her.

"Did Professor Ashford say two feet or three?" She asks me idly when I walk in.

"I don't fucking know." I snap.

She finally looks up. "What's got you so cross?"

"Well, if you must know, I just got verbally abused by Isabel." I say, unwinding the scarf from around my neck. I slip out of my shoes to, kicking them lightly under my bed. My bag is dropped next to my trunk.

"Yikes. That sounds unpleasant."

"Yes Dorcas, it was _unpleasant."_

She holds up her hands in surrender. "No need to yell, I haven't done anything."

"Bloody hell, am I ever just allowed to be fucking angry?! I'm only seventeen for God's sake! Is it so bloody unbelievable that I don't have my emotions totally together!" I explode.

Dorcas looks at me defiantly, as she always seems to when she becomes the brunt of my own frustrations. "Are you quite finished acting like a twit?"

"Sorry."

"It's alright." She replies briskly, collecting up the scattered parchment.

"I think it was only two feet, but I did three." I tell her, fumbling around in my bag for a quill. I finally extract one, inspecting the bristles.

"Ok." She says, nodding. "So, quick question, did you do something to upset James?"

The quill in my hands bends, until it gives a little snap and breaks. I stare down at it blankly.

Dorcas' head nods understandingly. "What have you done now?"

"What have _I _done? Nothing! Saved myself from a downward spiral, that's what!"

"What - ?"

"He kissed me!" I yell. My chest feels lighter, now that I've actually said that out loud. "He kissed me on New Years Eve."

She nods slowly. "And?" She says slowly.

"And it was brilliant." I blurt out, letting myself fall back onto my bed. "Amazing."

"So why aren't you snogging him right now?" Dorcas asks cheerfully.

"Because! He's..." I stop, searching for the right words. Excuses and reasons whirl around my head, things like _"He's James Potter, he's a total prick!" "He's a bully!" "He'll only break your heart!" "He kissed Isabel!"_. But now that I try to voice it out loud, they don't seem so important.

And I think of how James has been this year. I think about his smile, that makes me smile every time too. I think of how responsible and intelligent he is, how selfless when he needs to be. I think of how much Carly's injuries from Hogsmeade affected him. When I'm tired, he cares. He's strong and is opinionated, and frustratingly stubborn... I think of his hot hands and enticing scent. I remember our late night conversations, our study sessions, and his lips on mine...

"Dorcas - I've got to go."

I fly out of the Gryffindor tower carelessly. I run through the halls, hair flying around my face as people look at me strangely. I vaguely remember I'm not wearing shoes, but I don't care. All I know is that I need to see James.

I scale floors quickly, running up them two at a time. My heart is filling up with anticipation.

It was time to stop being, as Dorcas put it, a "whiney twit". I wasn't going to let myself lose something so good. I just hoped it wasn't too late.

I stop suddenly in front of the entrance to the Head's Office.

I know he is in there. There's no Quidditch practice outside tonight, and I know for a fact that he goes into the office when he needs quiet study time as he hates the library. Just right on the other side of this portrait. Probably sitting on the couch, feet probably up on the table obnoxiously. His hand running through his hair idly. Probably working on schoolwork. Probably procrastinating.

I have to do it. I have to tell him. I can't just let myself push something as great as him away.

I say the password hurriedly, clamping my eyes shut and running inside.

With my eyes still shut, I speak, trying to not make my voice shake. "I wasn't being truthful before. James, I was being stupid and I'm sorry. The truth is, I do want to be with you. So here's me, being vulnerable. Every time we're together, I never want it to end. I do fancy you. And I want you, too."

I wait with baited breath for a reply, a sound, _anything_. After a few seconds, I'm still left standing in silence.

I open my eyes cautiously and find myself face to face with the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team crowded around the small wood table with parchment scattered across it, next to the couch, staring at me with varying expressions of shock. Sirius looks like he's going to burst into laughter, and Paige looks at me with raised eyebrows. I find James' face in the crowd. He's sitting farthest away from me. The corners of his mouth are turned up slightly

I gulp. With as much breath as I can muster up, I say, "Oh. Um... hi."

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><p><strong>AN: **I know, I know, another Lily chapter. And it's relatively short. But it just worked out like this. The next chapter is from James' POV, promise.

I know some people might be mad at me because of the beginning and Lily originally wanting to brush off the kiss on New Years and not want to be with James, and having a little mental breakdown. But remember, she's just seventeen. And spent most of her life hating James Potter. I think she's allowed some emotional turmoil.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I took them all into consideration. I hope you don't give up on my Lily because of her actions in the beginning of this chapter.

The next chapter will be soon! (I think!)

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><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	21. Raspberry and A Carriage Ride

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS":** James and Kate had sex on Halloween, then Kate got back together with her boyfriend Samuel; Lily caught Dorcas visiting sick Remus in the hospital wing together; Lily and James kissed on New Years; James told Lily his feelings; Lily eventually confessed hers (unfortunately accidentally in front of the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team)

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><p><strong>Raspberry and a Carriage Ride<strong>

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><p>(James Potter)<p>

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><p><em>"I... I didn't realize you were having a meeting."<em>

_"Yeah, we were supposed to have practice out on the pitch, but we couldn't, so we were just going over some plays inside. I... er... probably should have let you know."_

_"Oh, no, it's alright -"_

_"Sorry."_

_"__It's alright."_

_"So... um..."_

_"Yes, well, what I said -"_

_"Hogsmeade this weekend then?"_

_"... um... yes. Sure, yes, as a date?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Well, then, it's a date."_

_"Brilliant."_

_"Great__. Oh, stop grinning like that."_

_"Can't. It's not every day Lily Evans confesses that she actually doesn't detest me in front of my whole Quidditch team, now is it?"_

_"You're an idiot."_

_"An idiot that gets to take you out on a date, so I must doing something right, yeah?"  
><em>

_"Fine then. You're a charming idiot. But an idiot, nonetheless."_

Sirius groans loudly, "Would you stop bloody whistling?"

I grin. "Can't help it." I say, threading my Gryffindor tie around my neck.

My feet feel freezing against the wood floors of the dorm as I dig in my drawer for a pair of socks. The windows in our dorm are still frosted over and frozen shut by the cold outside, but there's a mysterious draft coming from an unknown source. I hop from foot to foot before I finally grab a pair.

"Just let him. He's been waiting years for this." Remus says, running a comb through his hair once. He stares at himself briefly in the dirty mirror in the bathroom, before walking back out and tripping over a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Sirius, clean up your dirty clothes!"

"I haven't been waiting _years -"_

"Who are you, my mum?"

"You make it sound like I've just been sitting around, pining for her -"

Remus snorts. "Well, isn't that what you've been doing?"

"That's not what I've been doing!"

"_Oh Lily, I love you so, please come to Hogsmeade with me!_" Sirius sighs dramatically, falling onto his bed.

I scowl. "I've never said that."

"Now _finally _you've actually got a bloody date with her and we can put this whole Lily Evans infatuation to rest." Sirius says, sitting back up and buttoning his shirt. "_I _made arrangements yesterday as well. I'm taking Vivian Vaun... for one reason. Well, no, two very_ big _'reasons'"

Remus makes a face at him. "Could you be any less vulgar?"

"Not everyone romanticizes everything like pratty princess Prongs over there."

_"_Oi! I don't -"

"At least I've got a date. What about you, Moony, going _stag_ again this weekend?"

"I'm starving." Remus says shortly. "Breakfast."

He picks up his bag, standing ready at the door frame while Sirius finishes tying his shoes.

"Someone should wake up Wormtail."

Sirius nominates himself, ripping open Peter's bed curtains noisily, making the occupant of the bed groan and turn over.

"Wormtail, we're leaving, and if you don't get up, breakfast will be gone and I'm not saving your lazy arse any."

The three of us leave the dorm, me retying my tie as we go.

"So _are _you taking anyone?" I ask Remus as Sirius lags behind lazily winking at girls whispering in a group next to the wall.

"Me?"

"Yes you."

Sirius catches up just in time for Moony to reply, "No, no."

"What about Dorcas?" He asks loudly.

"What about her?" Remus replies cagily. Sirius and I both raise our eyebrows as he starts to walk faster ahead of us.

"Why not ask her?"

"Why would I do that?"

Sirius shrugs. "She's nice enough. Pretty. Probably could put up with your lengthy orations on various ancient tomes the rest of us couldn't care less about."

"Well, I'm not going to Hogsmeade at all today, actually." Remus says, adjusting the books in his arms.

"And _why_ not? Re-organizing your sock drawer again?"

"One prefect has to stay behind when everyone else goes to Hogsmeade. This weekend is my turn."

"I could have sworn I had some Hufflepuff doing that this week - "

"Well, you didn't. It's my turn, and I intend to get some extra work done anyway. Practice NEWTs are soon, and - "

"Whatever you say Moony. Oh, look, they've got eggs today." Sirius exclaims, making his way quickly down the benches of the Great Hall before taking the empty seat next to Paige and digging into the platter of eggs in front of him.

Remus and I join him quickly, and across the table Dorcas wrinkles up her nose, watching Sirius eating eggs at record speed.

"That is _unnatural_." Nicole says, sitting down next to Dorcas. Tom quickly follows, sitting right down next to her and grabbing her around the middle, kissing her on the cheek.

Sirius looks up from his plate, staring between them, before grunting, "This is how a real man eats."

Nicole rolls her eyes, taking Tom's hand and taking some food from the plates in the middle of the table.

"Hi." Lily says, stepping over the bench on the other side of Dorcas.

"Hey Lily."

"Hi." I say.

She smiles, looking up at me as she drops her bag next to her. "Hi."

"Hi!" Sirius says with a chipper grin, chewing loudly. He smirks at me, and I kick his shin under the table.

"Ow! What the hell - ?"

"Stop being a prick - "

"_You're_ the prick - "

"Now boys, stop fighting." Mary says as she joins the rest of us at the breakfast table. She shoves her hair out of her face irritably.

"Um, hi. Where have you been?" Nicole asks, leaning her chin on her fist.

"Sleeping."

She raises her eyebrows. "I mean these last few weeks, we've barely seen you -"

"I've been busy." She says shortly. "Things to do, people to see, you know."

Nicole purses her lips. "Ok, whatever."

The group of us are silent. Sirius shoves my foot under the table and I glare at him.

The eggs are too salty today.

Lily looks back up across the table at me, and her mouth curves into a little smile. I grin back at her. My hand automatically goes up to my hair, and she shakes her head and turns down to her plate.

"More eggs anyone?" Sirius asks cheerfully, holding up the plate to dump the rest of it onto his. "No?"

* * *

><p>"I should shave my head." I say, shoving my hands through my hair and staring at the mirror we had nailed into the wall between Sirius' bed and mine.<p>

"You'd never shave your head." Tom calls as he grabs his jacket off the doorknob and leaves the dorm.

"Prongs, are you nervous?" Peter asks

"I'm not nervous - Moony! have you seen my shoes?"

"No. But Prongs, remember, this is just a first date. Just be friendly and casual. No big deal." Remus says, handing me my jacket. I duck under my bed, looking for a pair of shoes, but with no luck.

"Try not to stare at her tits too much." Sirius chimes in from his reclined position on his bed across the room.

I stand up quickly, hitting my head on the bottom of the bed. "Fuck!"

"Don't be too all over her." Peter says matter of factly. "Keep your hands to yourself -"

"Unless she's into that sort of thing." Sirius says, hopping off the bed and pulling my jacket closed.

"Oi!" I say, shoving Sirius away. "Shut it!"

He grins, and disappears out the door. Remus and Peter stand back, inspecting me. I run my hands over my hair in attempt to flatten it even a little bit, but it pops right back up.

"It'll have to do." Peter says aside to Remus. I glare at him, zipping up my jacket and throwing some money in my pocket.

"I've got to go." I say shortly.

I run down the stairs to the Great Hall where I said I'd meet her. I'm worried, as it's already two o'clock and she's always early.

When I finally spot her, she has her back turned to me, talking to a girl from Hufflepuff, I think.

She's all bundled up in her green winter coat and knit hat, her dark red hair falling down her back in those waves I've always wanted to run my fingers through. She's wearing warm brown boots as well, and white patterned wool stockings tucked into them, her coat edge falling just above the line of a skirt.

As I approach her, she turns and meets my eyes. She smiles at me warmly, like she's really happy to see me. I can't help but grin.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

We start out the door. I'm wondering if I should take her hand. I want to, and the sides of our hands keep brushing as if she's trying to get me too, but I'm wondering if that would be too forward. I don't want to freak her out.

A few minutes pass of us walking in silence. All words have dropped out of my head. It's like I've forgotten how to have a conversation. Lily looks at me curiously for a moment before asking,

"So...er... what's the plan?"

"Dunno. Thought we'd just go to the Three Broomsticks." I reply. "You don't really seem like the Madame Puddifoot's type of girl."

She shakes her head quickly.

"Uness you want to - " I backtrack

"No, no, the Three Broomsticks sounds great. Madame Puddifoots is overpriced and entirely too warm inside, and full of couples only snogging for attention."

We continue down the path to the carriages, footsteps crunching loudly on the left-over snow from Christmas. For a minute I'm expecting to wake up with Sirius standing over me laughing and saying I've been making kissy faces in my sleep (it wouldn't be the first time). But I'm actually here, in Hogsmeade, with Lily Evans, voluntarily.

"You look really pretty." I tell her.

She blushes. It's beautiful. "Thank you."

We're a little later than everyone else, so the path is relatively deserted. But we reach an empty carriage the same time as another couple does as well.

Samuel Hoskins and Kate McDermott, hands intertwined, stare at us challengingly. They are both wearing comically matching blue winter jackets that look like they were custom made at the clothing store my mum buys from.

I glance at Lily out of the corner of my eye. She's staring straightly at Kate with no small amount of contempt, which surprises me.

I wasn't exactly aware Kate and Lily even knew each other.

This can't be good.

Kate is staring back with a malicious smile on her face, grip tightening on Samuel's arm.

Samuel looks at me coolly, raising his blond eyebrows at me. What a prick.

It's a couple standoff, the pairs of us just staring at each other. It's almost a solid minute until Lily's face finally wilts, and with an exasperated sigh, she breaks the silence with, "Let's just take the next one, alright James?"

"Nonsense Lily!" Kate cuts me off, "There's no need to wait around for another carriage to show up on account of us! Let's _share_."

Fuck. A carriage with _Lily_, an irresponsible one night stand partner, and her boyfriend isn't exactly the ideal situation for the beginning of a first date. And from the way they were almost snarling at each other, I'm guessing they aren't _chums_.

Lily looks back at me blankly, shrugging, but her jaw is clenched and I can tell she wants nothing less than to go along with this.

But Samuel Hoskins is already inside the carriage and Kate is grabbing my jacket shoulder, and before I know it Lily and I are sitting on one side of the darkened carriage and Kate and Samuel are on the other.

The air is thick between us. Lily's obviously really pissed off. She looks down at her jacket sleeve, tugging it and then staring out the half-opened window.

"Samuel, where are we going today?" Kate asks, trailing her hand down his forearm but looking straight at Lily.

"Wherever you want, honey."

"That's so sweet!" She says, hitting his chest lightly. "But have you nothing planned, then?"

"Well, we can go to Madame Pudifoots, that's your favorite place, after all?" He says.

I glance over at Lily. She meets my eyes, and presses her lips together and looks like she's trying not to laugh. I have let out a bark of laughter, but cover it with a cough.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all...

"Oh, that would be perfect! Thank you Sammy."

Kate leans over his arm and kisses him firmly on the mouth, before Samuel pulls her back quickly. They start snogging pretty revoltingly, and the noises seem magnified. She's very obviously almost in his lap.

I shift and my eyes instinctively cut to Lily, who looks to me at the same time.

Immediately, we both look away, I stare at the ceiling at wonder when this bloody carriage will finally get to Hogsmeade.

Kate pulls away finally, settling herself back in her seat smugly. "So. You two are on your first date?"

I nod, seeing as Lily is staring out the window purposefully.

"Oh! How cute! Everyone always knew Lily would cave eventually. You two have been quite the story, all these years. What with the yelling and fighting and names. Since the beginning, really, I can't remember a time when Lily Evans _didn't _hate James Potter. I remember when Lily actually said she would rather have dated _the Giant Squid _than you!"

I struggle not to shrink in my seat. I try not to think of the way Lily originally tried to brush off the kiss we shared on New Years, and how fragile this new thing is between us.

She doesn't look at me, but stares down at her hands in her lap.

"But look at you two now. Riding to Hogsmeade for your first date. Congratulations!"

Neither of us say anything. Kate continues to smile sharply at both of us.

For the first time since November, I start to think that messing around with Kate McDermott was a serious mistake.

Blessedly, finally the carriage pulls to a stop. Lily yanks the door open, and I follow behind her quickly. She walks fast, splitting off on the road going towards the Three Broomsticks, but the long way that doesn't pass Puddifoots.

I finally catch up to her, and she slows down, walking evenly with my strides. It's a while before any of us say anything.

"Sorry about that." She says quietly.

"What?"

"Back there. With Kate." She exhales loudly. "She's not _terribly_ fond of me."

I breathe a laugh. "You don't seem to be terribly fond of her either."

"I'm not." Lily says. "But I'm sorry anyway."

"No need to apologize, she didn't say anything that wasn't true." I say, forcing a smile onto my face.

I immediately regret saying it as soon as Lily's face falls a little. She looks almost guiltily at me. This isn't a great start to what was supposed to be a game-changing date.

"And I'm... er..." She stares down at her shoes, biting her pink lips thoughtfully. "Well, I want you to know that I really did want to come on this date. Not for any ulterior motive, but because I genuinely _wanted_ to go. On a date. With you."

She looks embarrassed, her cheeks pink and her eyes wet from squinting in the winter wind.

I can't help smiling. "Good. Let's get something to eat."

* * *

><p>She stirs her spoon slowly in the frothy hot chocolate, hand resting on her chin, and staring into the mug.<p>

It's hot inside the Three Broomsticks, and crowded too. I'm lucky enough to get a table of our own, in a secluded corner away from the crowds looking for seats.

It is nice. Her conversation is biting and witty, but warm as well. The casual feeling I have around her is... well, different. It makes me think about how things would have turned out if we hadn't immediately been at odds that first day of school on the Hogwarts Express seven years ago.

"My parents had a summer home in Italy. We'd go every so often, and it was right on the beach. I would swim every morning before lunch."

"I'm not terribly fond of swimming, myself." Lily says. "When I was ten, my parents took my sister and I to the seashore for a week during the summer, and I was swimming by myself out in the ocean. It was a bright sunny day, I remember, but suddenly the waves got big and rocky and the sky started clouding. I tried to swim back to shore, but the current became too strong. I got pushed under by this enormous wave, and I remember opening my eyes and seeing only darkness. Though by then I was exhibiting accidental magic, and I managed to propel myself out of the water and onto the shore, I'll never forget almost drowning."

She stops for a minute, clears her throat, and then finally meets my eyes again. "I don't even go in over my head anymore, if I'm in water at all."

"What did your parents think?" I blurt.

She looks up, startled. "Of my almost-death? Naturally, they were - "

"No, no, I mean your magic. Did they know what it was?"

Her mouth crumples a little. What the hell was I thinking, asking her about something sensitive like that?

But she answers. "Severus explained it to them."

I dig my thumb into my palm in frustration, but keep a stable expression.

"In the beginning, they thought it was just him and me making up imaginary worlds. I mean, for a people who've only ever seen people fly around on pieces of wood or turn a cup into a cat in storybooks for children, it's impossible to believe. But as my magic got more and more transparent, they looked for explanation. Then McGonagall showed up one afternoon, and... well, now here I am."

I look for something to say. She's been honest with me, and looking at me expectantly like that. "It must have been strange." I say.

She smiles a little. "What?"

"Well, I've grown up with magic from the day I was born. I can't imagine what it's like to _not _know." I say honestly.

She shrugs. "I can't imagine living without it anymore."

"You kids want some dessert?" Our waitress asks gruffly, whipping out a pen and paper and stopping in front of our table.

"Er... I think I'll just another hot chocolate, thanks." Lily says.

"Butterbeer, and a raspberry tart. Thank you."

Once the waitress moves away, Lily leans her chin on her hand and looks at me with squinted eyes. "Raspberry?"

"What?"

"Raspberry?" She asks, wrinkling up her nose.

"Yes. Got a problem with my dessert choice, Evans?" I ask, grateful for the change of mood back to casual.

"Raspberry is literally the worst flavor of anything." She deadpans.

"What are you on about?! Raspberry is great!"

"Raspberry is terrible. It's a fact."

I say in disbelief, "It's not a _fact. _You're mad, raspberry is ace."

"When have you ever heard anyone say that their favorite flavor is _raspberry_?"

"_My_ favorite flavor is raspberry!"

Her head falls back a little and laughs. It's a laugh that makes me warm from the inside out, a laugh that lets me know that we're only playing and that she's enjoying herself.

Things wind down. People start to clear out as it starts to get a little darker outside.

"That prank just made everything incredibly inconvenient! What was the point of it?"

"Well, some people just got annoyed with taking the long way and would try to walk across. You haven't lived until you've seen Professor McGonagall skate from one side of the corridor to the other without falling."

"I remember being so furious with the lot of you, always standing by the corridor with smug faces as people tried to lift the hex." She glares at me for a moment, before cracking a smile.

"You have to admit, it was impressive." I grin.

She rolls her eyes "Oh... alright. But only the strength of the spell, not the way you chose to use it."

She takes a sip of her hot chocolate, foam collecting on the top of her lip.

The image of me leaning over the table and sucking it off comes into my head. I shift, shoving the thought out of my head.

Friendly. Casual.

She looks at me cautiously. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Just some foam. On your lip."

"Oh." She wipes it off with her napkin daintily, and I stare back down at my hands.

The Three Broomsticks becomes almost deserted, and the waitresses started to put the chairs up on some of the empty tables. Lily looks around for a minute, before looking back at me.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

She nods. "Yeah, I think."

We get up. She pulls on her coat, and I leave the money for our meal on the table. We thank Madame Rosemerta and leave through the front door, Lily walking one foot in front of the other on the Hogsmeade streets. I catch up to her and we walk together down the path towards the carriages.

"So you've never been to a concert? Not ever?"

"Well, my mum had _the _Myron Wagtail play at my fifteenth birthday, so -"

She laughs. "I mean like a _real _proper concert, with a proper band, with - "

"No! Fine, no, I have not."

She shakes her head, biting her lip and grinning. "You have not lived. This summer I am taking you to a concert. A proper one."

"Does that mean there's going to be a second date?" I ask

"Possibly." She says, smiling coyly at me before letting out another laugh.

I grin. "That's good to hear."

There's a bit more until we reach the carriages. Her hand hits mine again, briefly, and I finally take it. Her fingers close around mine.

I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She stares at the path in front of us, a tiny smile on her face.

We get to the common room. She stands in front of me rocking back on her heels, cheeks and nose red from coming inside the warmed room.

"I'll see you at dinner?" I say.

"Oh, actually, no, I'm spending dinner in the library. Extra project for potions, you know." She says.

"Well, alright." I say. Merlin, she looks gorgeous. She pushes her hair behind her ears, bites her lip, and looks up at me expectantly. Like she wants me to do something. I shove my hands in my pockets. "Goodnight, then."

I won't attack her. It's friendly. It's casual. Even if she's gorgeous and smells like cinnamon and hot chocolate.

I turn away and take a few steps away, but I feel her hand grasp my shoulder and turn me back around just in time for her to smash her lips into mine.

She presses against me hotly, her fingers curled around the collar of my shirt pulling my face down to hers.

My insides feel like they're on fire as her lips move against mine slowly. I finally catch up and kiss back, my hands move to her lower back, and she's flat against my chest with her hands on my shoulders.

She sighs into my mouth, but breaks the kiss quickly. She keeps her lips up right next to mine. I lean in to kiss her again, but she resists.

"I've been wanting to do that all day." She whispers in my ear, before swiftly pulling away and up the girls' staircase, leaving me with a dropped jaw and the feel of the end of her hair tickling my fingers.

I bark a laugh, shoving my hands into my hair. I adjust my glasses, staring around at the empty common room before I finally move.

"So how was it?" Remus asks as I come in.

I shut the door, dropping against the wall.

"I think it went good."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **HELLO! So first of all I am SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT BEFORE AN UPDATE. I've been super busy with school and clubs and a new unhealthy obsession with the TV show Friday Night Lights, but I hope this makes up for it.

I know after reading this it seems like my Lily is sort of bipolar, but I think it'll be explained in the next chapter. Please review and let me know if I wrote James right, because I feel kind of weird about him in this.

And I'd just like to thank everyone that reviewed last chapter. THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO REVIEWS THIS MAKES ME SMILE!

I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out sooner than this one was.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	22. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Nicole and Tom are in a serious relationship, Dorcas and Remus obviously fancy each other, Kate and Lily sort of hate each other, Mary has been acting distant and avoiding the Gryffindor girls, James and Lily went on their first date.

* * *

><p><strong>Grilled Cheese Sandwiches<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"Zip me up, will you?" Nicole asks impatiently.<p>

I pull myself up and trudge over to her. She stands in front of our only full-length mirror in a blue billowing blouse and an unzipped black skirt. I zip up the zipper, and she turns to the side, admiring herself.

"You look fine." I say, moving back into my bed. I trip over a pair of Isabel's shoes on the way over. Glaring down at them, I kick them across the room and out of my path.

"I can't just look _fine. _I'm meeting Tom's grandparents today." She sucks in her stomach. "They're coming into Hogsmeade specially for today, and Tom got a pass from Dumbledore. They've been traveling the world, and they've just returned home."

"How long have you two been dating again?" I ask.

"Not sure. Sometime around November?"

She starts to pull on her boots.

"You'll want to wear tights with that." I say.

She stares down at her bare legs for a moment, before disappearing behind Mary's bed and riffling through the bottom drawer for a pair of not-ripped tights.

"I've already met his parents and sister, but he says his grandparents will be the difficult ones. He says they care a lot about his life, and they insisted they meet me since I guess we've been dating for a long time now." She says exasperated. "Hey, I forgot to ask you about your date yesterday! How was it!?"

I sit against the backboard, staring up at the ceiling and feeling a smile creep over my face.

"It was great, actually."

"And...?"

"It was... strange. It was like we were normal, just two people on a date. But it was nice." I pick at the stray thread on my pillowcase. "_He's_ nice."

"Oh! Will you double date with Tom and I next weekend?" She pulls on her shoes, rolling her eyes. "He keeps talking about wanting to go to some place in Hogsmeade that's off the map, and I'd rather not weather that sure-fire disaster alone. That way him and James can run off exploring and you and I can just - "

"Er, yeah, sure."

She gives me a smile and rushes out the door.

It's still early, and only Nicole's bed curtains are open. I crawl back under the covers and close my eyes lazily.

James finds his way into my head, just like last night. I could barely sleep after I pulled him into a kiss last night. He had completely _wooed_ me, as embarrassing it was to admit to myself. The way he spoke, and the smile as he left.

Though that annoying tugging feeling in my heart that this relationship was only going to hurt was still unfortunately ever-present, it was overshadowed by these new feelings for him. I push the thought out of my head, focusing only on yesterday and the good.

Of all the times I pictured a date with James, the reality was wonderfully different.

I turn over onto my stomach, letting myself fall back to sleep.

* * *

><p>My hair sticks to the back of my neck in the heat of the greenhouse. The windows have steamed up from the cold air outside, and the greenhouse is empty being right after lunch.<p>

I look forward to Tuesdays every week, mostly because of the free period I have in the afternoon. I usually spend it reading, or sluggishly catching up on sleep, but today I left my dormitory after dropping off my books.

It makes me think of my mum, and how every spring when I was younger we bought flowers at the Farmer's Market in town and planted them in our backyard. I smile as I remember the memory and listen to the faint whirring of the plants shifting back and forth slightly on the windowsill.

"What are you doing?" Dorcas' voice asks me. She appears at the door, closing it slowly behind her with a flush of cold air.

"Just some gardening." I say, pointing my wand at the potted mallowsweet plant on the side window and watering it.

"You don't take Herbology." Dorcas says matter-of-factly, hopping up onto a nearby stool sitting next to the long wood table in the center of the room.

"Can't I just garden without having ulterior motives?" I ask her, pushing up my sleeves.

"I didn't even know you knew how to garden." She remarks.

"I got an E in my Herbolgy OWL, I'll have you know!"

She scoffs. "That still doesn't explain why you're spending your free period in humid Greenhouse 2."

"How it can manage to be this temperature in here this early in February is certainly a testament to the charms on this school." I say cheerily. Dorcas raises her eyebrows at me.

I laugh, and shrug. "I don't know, I'm just happy. I'm stopping to smell the roses."

"Those are belladona buds."

"It's a muggle expression. I was trying to make a pun."

"You're not very good at making puns." James' voice says, almost making me jump. His arms encircle me briefly, before turning around the table and leaning on both his elbows staring at me smirkingly.

"And you're not nearly as cute as you think you are." I reply.

He grins, pulling out a seat across from where I stand. "And you're not very good at lying."

I stare into his eyes that twinkle behind his wire frame glasses as he grins back at me.

I've always heard people talk about how the only off-putting thing about James Potter was the fact that he wore glasses (though I always used to just reply with a long list of other worse-than off-putting things about him). But truthfully, I think his glasses make him almost more attractive. The way the crookedly are set atop his nose, the way they glint in the sun when he smiles. They're just... him.

"Um... Lily?"

Without taking my eyes from his, I say, "Dorcas do you think maybe we could continue this conversation later?"

"Was it really even a conversation?" She says dejectedly, jumping off her stool.

"No, more like you prodding me about my afternoon gardening."

"Fine, good talk, Lily. Since all my best friends seem to be busy snogging at all hours of the day, I'll just resign myself to a life of uncomfortable third-wheeling."

James finally breaks eye contact and turns to Dorcas.

"I think Remus is in the library. He could use a study buddy." He says smugly.

Dorcas suddenly stutters, face turning pink. "Well, I - Charms, I need to study Charms, so maybe I will - maybe I will head over there, maybe."

She trips over a table leg, stopping and steadying herself before running out and closing the door quickly behind her.

Before I can say anything he leans right over the table and kisses me, almost knocking over a stray potted belladona plant, but I don't object. Instead, I pull away quickly, moving around the table to meet him.

I stand right up against him, stomach touching his, but I won't kiss him. I just pause closely face to face, looking at the tanned part of skin under his eyes somehow still present from long days out flying in the sun.

"Hi." He says softly against my lips.

"Hi." I reply.

He pulls away for a moment, hand coming up to touch the outside of my forearm. "I want to take you out again."

"Yes." I reply impulsively.

He grins. "I haven't even said where I'd take you - "

"I don't care." I say honestly.

"Sorted, then." He says happily, leaning in so his nose is touching mine.

I can't wait any longer, and I'm happy, and I give in and initiate a kiss, pressing my lips against his. They're soft and warm, like hot chocolate in the snow. I smile into the kiss, lazily dropping my arms around his neck to help me breach the height gap in vain. I'm on the balls of my feet, and he's already leaning down, which can't be comfortable on his neck.

He pulls away after a moment, ducking out of my arms and taking steps backwards.

"Though, Evans?" He says, moving towards the door, leaving me holding onto the tabletop for support. the prospect of another date with him makes me smile like an idiot, but I don't care.

"What?"

"Take a shower before. You're sweaty and you kind of reek." He says cheekily.

"Prick!" I yell after him. I take the balled up piece of parchment from across the table and try to throw it at him, but he grins and dodges it before running away yelling, "Nice aim!"

The door closes, and I can't help my hand from flying up and touching my lips.

* * *

><p>"Did you see that sixth year Vivian Vaun today?" Nicole asks loudly, putting her stuff down onto the nearest desk. I drop my things next to hers, sliding into the seat.<p>

"What about her?"

"I saw her this morning at breakfast she was walking past the Ravenclaw table, and as soon as she got right in front of Doug Lyons, she stopped and dropped the quill she was carrying and bent over slowly so that her skirt rode up so far you could see her knickers!" Nicole says, sitting down in the seat next to me.

She leans her cheek on her hand, looking at Tom talking to Frank across the room. "I can't believe Tom dated her."

I shrug, but my eyes follow James, who enters to room with a loudly laughing Sirius. He looks a little askew for so early in the morning, with his tie crooked already, but I can't help sighing at the way his shirt stretches over his broad shoulders when he sits down.

"Today we are going to start our first practical lesson in Patronuses." Professor Ashford says, laying his briefcase down on his desk.

The class erupts into a dull roar. Dorcas looks a little wide-eyed, and Nicole jabs me in the side with her elbow, whispering, "Finally!"

I steal a look over at James, who's grinning excitedly at Sirius. He meets my eyes, giving me a grin. I smile back at him, then turn to Professor Ashford as he tells the class to quiet down.

He instructs us all to get out of our desks and push them against the wall to clear a space in the middle of the room. We do, Nicole running over to Tom to jabber about the task ahead of us. Everyone stands with their wands at their sides, looking with anticipation at Professor Ashford.

But he is as calm and serene as usual, telling us collectedly to spread ourselves out so we have some space around us. The class scrambles to different sections of the classroom.

"You all, of course, know about the basics and theory behind the Patronus charm, as we have been discussing it quite extensively throughout this month. I am quite confident in this class' abilities, so I deduced that first I should just allow you to try it."

The classroom is silent.

"Well, go on, then."

There's a lot of shuffling around, preparing, getting into a stance. No one actually seems to want to try first.

But eventually people start to close their eyes and point their wands out. I review the lesson in my head, plant my feet, raise my wand, and say, "Expecto Patronum!"

Nothing happens.

"Now, it is very important that you keep focus. Hold onto the memory, let it fill you up from your toes. Let it consume you, don't lose that feeling. If you have a lot of trouble keeping it, you might want to use a different motivation. Patronuses can only be fully conjured if the happiness inside you is enough to fuel it." Professor Ashford narrates as he circulates around the room.

"Like a reverse dementor?" Doug Lyons asks from his spot. Professor Ashford smiles, in his mysterious, all-knowing way.

"Yes, I suppose like that. I've never thought of it that way, brilliant, Mister Lyons." He says. "Yes, the reason you need a certain memory for this spell is because that is what causes it to work."

I look over at Nicole. Her and Tom both seem to be trying really hard, but neither have them have had much success either. I glance at Dorcas just quick enough to see whispy thread-looking magic come from her wand before it vanished.

"Very good Miss Meadows, an excellent start. That was the beginnings of a Patronus." Professor Ashford says.

She smiles, and I watch her steal a glance at Remus across the room, who was looking at her. Upon meeting her eyes, though, he looked back down at the floor, returning to the Marauders' tight-nit group in the corner.

James has also managed to produce some sort of "beginnings", much to my chagrin.

I try a couple more times, switching the memory of my parents and Petunia on my eighth birthday to the first time I saw the Hogwarts castle from across the lake, but I can't even seem to get a start.

I sigh frustratedly. Potions, I do great with. Charms, I ace. I don't know why I couldn't do this.

James meets my eyes again across the room. I watch him smile slowly, and without his eyes leaving mine, he says, "Expecto Patronum!"

His hazel eyes and the spectrum of everything I see in them make my throat tighten and breath catch. From his wand comes a beaming, almost blinding white light, so bright that everyone in the room stops and a few people exclaim.

He breaks eye contact with me to see it, and it begins to fade rapidly.

"Brilliant, Mister Potter!"

"Oi Potter, that was great!"

"James, how did you do that?!"

He smirks at me, and I roll my eyes, but secretly I'm extremely impressed. To produce that strong of a Patronus is brilliant.

When class ends, Dorcas, Nicole, and I clamor out of the room with everyone else, chatting about their progress so far.

"I didn't manage to get anything!" Nicole complains shortly.

"Don't be cross, I didn't get anything either yet." I say, following her out the door. Dorcas clutches her sketchbook to her chest, smiling to herself.

I feel someone pull at the back of my shirt, so I whirl around. I find James right up next to me, his breath near my ear. We're in the middle of the hallway right in between classes, and people are definitely staring at us. I try to stay indifferent, but the feeling of his warm breath washing over part of my neck is hard not to shiver at.

"It was you." He says softly.

"Hmmm?" I reply with what I hope sounds like calm.

"You. You were what I thought of. Looking at you made me produce that Patronus." He says.

I swallow, feeling something pull pleasantly deep in my stomach. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." James says incredulously.

"I couldn't seem to manage to get anything." I say, continuing walking. He follows me, falling into step.

"Well, what were you thinking of, what was your memory?" He asks.

"The first time I saw the castle. In my first year."

He snorts. "Well, that sounds like a rubbish memory."

"What?!"

"You've got to have something stronger than that!"

"It was the first time I had hope! The first time I ever had a hope I could belong!"

"But I mean, does it fill you up inside? Does it make you feel like you're just going to burst, like your entire heart is full and you think that you could live on that feeling, that it could fuel you run across oceans?" He says earnestly.

"No, I suppose not, I guess." I glance sideways at him, watching him watch me. "I make your heart fill up?"

He chuckles.

"Oh Lily. You know you do." He smiles once more at me before taking off to catch up with Sirius, leaving me clutching my bag strap as the stairs start to change.

* * *

><p>"Lily?" Mary voice calls down the hallway just as I'm about to run up the stairs. I stop on the second step, waiting for her to catch up with me. As soon as I see her golden curly hair, I smile. I haven't seen her in weeks, she always seems to be out or doing something or asleep.<p>

"Hey Mary - "

"Paige told me you and James went to Hogsmeade last weekend?" She asks breathlessly.

"Yeah, we did."

"Oh." She says, sounding hurt. "So you didn't bother to tell me?"

I drop my foot down onto the second step as she leans against the railing defensively.

"Mary, this is the first time I've seen you in weeks. When would I have gotten a chance to tell you?"

She crosses her arms, staring at me blankly. "Well, I just thought this would be a big thing that you would run and tell your best friend about the moment it happened."

"I would have told you if you'd been around." I say.

"You know what, never mind." She says harshly, almost completely knocking into (guess who) Kate McDermott.

"Friendly spat?" Kate asks brightly as Mary runs up the steps. I turn, deciding to take the long way to Defense today. Kate continues after me. "So, how was your date with James?"

"Great, actually, and thanks so much for sharing that carriage with us."

"It was a pleasure. Though I'm not quite sure we'll be having that pleasure again, ever."

"I hope not." I mutter.

"Hmmmm?"

I plaster a fake grin on my face. "Nothing, why wouldn't we?"

"Well, you and James aren't really built to last, now, are you?" Kate says matter-of-factly. She smiles. "I'd say you'll last... maybe... a week or two?"

My mouth falls and I stop walking. I feel the back of my jaw clenched hard. I take a breath.

Kate looks at me, arrogantly happy.

"Look Kate. I put up with you before because I was dating Nate. Then, I did it to be polite. But I've got nothing holding me back now. I think you're a malicious bitch who seeks happiness through other people's pain." I lean in close to her. "You don't scare me."

"You're quite cocky for a _mudblood_."

My nails dig into my palm as I keep my face set.

"Do you think you even deserve to carry that wand you have in your pocket?" She laughs. "Do you even know how to properly use it?"

Before I can even think I pull out my wand and the cast the first jinx that comes to her mind. Kate's face is covered in boils.

She screams.

Before I know it, I'm sitting with my hands folded in Professor McGonagall's office with a disgruntled but corrected Kate McDermott.

"Miss Evans, your actions today have been completely unacceptable. You used a jinx against another student! You are supposed to act as a role model for all the students at Hogwarts, yet instead you have acted irresponsibly and erratically. I've decided that as punishment you will be attending a month of detentions -"

"Only a month!?" Kate whines. "She's turned my face full of - "

"I am aware of the events that took place tonight, thank you, Miss McDermott. You are free to go."

Kate narrows her eyes once more at me, seizing up her designer one-of-a-kind Madame Vladmire's bag, and stalks loudly out of the office. McGonagall raises her eyebrows, but doesn't say anything else, like she's silently yelling at me. It's worse than the actual words, the way she looks so disappointed in me.

"Alright, Miss Evans, I suppose you're free to go also. But don't get into any more trouble like this, please." She says, gesturing towards the door.

I stand up heavily, purposely not meeting the Professor's eyes as I exit.

I trudge into the common room, finding James waiting on the couch. He stands when he sees me, and I almost burst into tears right then. I throw myself down next to him, pulling a pillow up over my face.

"Evans, what happened? I hearing from everyone you got into some fight in the hallway - "

I sigh, pulling the pillow off my face and sitting up. "I did."

His eyebrows shoot up, and he looks as if he's trying very hard to suppress a smile.

"Oh don't look at me like that."

"Like what!? I'm not looking at you like anything!" He insists, but he's smiling that devilish prankster grin.

I rub my forehead. "I shouldn't have done it, it was completely immature and rash."

He looks expectantly at me. I sigh tiredly.

"I jinxed Kate McDermott."

"Oh." He says.

"To be fair -" I say in my defense. "I was provoked."

He nods, but doesn't say anything else. I groan, my head lolling back on the couch.

"I'm Head Girl, why did I let myself do that?"

He stares at me for a moment, a slow smile blooming on his face.

"Let me give you something to cheer you up." His hand grabs mine and he pulls me off the couch. I follow him out the portrait hole.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He says enigmatically. We walk through the quiet castle, footsteps identically echoing on the stone floors. It's not quite curfew yet, but most students have already congregated in their respective common rooms and dorms for the night as it's after dinner. I, however, didn't get to eat because I was too busy being yelled at by Professor McGonagall.

"What jinx was it?" He asks. I glare at him. "Just curious!"

"I made her face sprout exploding boils." I say out of the corner of my mouth.

He snorts, but quickly covers it up.

"James, stop laughing! It was terrible, a bunch of younger students saw, they'll never look at me the same!"

"Well, maybe they'll listen to you more now, being afraid to suffer the same fate." He says jokingly.

I stop angrily, letting go of his hand. "It's different for you. No one ever has any doubts about you and your character. You're a Potter, a _pureblood_ - " I catch myself saying that word with no small amount of contempt. "No one doubts that you don't deserve to be in a position of power."

"What are you talking about?" He says in disbelief. "Lily, everyone doubts me! I spent almost five full years pulling pranks and breaking every rule I could! And then suddenly I'm Head Boy?"

I bite my tongue. With a sigh, I say, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry too." He says, gently taking back my hand in his. "Now, come on."

We keep walking through the castle. I regret picking a fight with him, just because he seems to be being so nice and cheering me up, but I'm still left with the feeling of frustration at myself for giving into Kate's cruel taunting. Though she deserved to have her face covered in boils, the

There were already many I knew of that hated the fact I had the position. I knew always that there would be some jealousy over me getting Head Girl, but it wasn't only that. It was the word, that hung around ringing in my ears.

Mudblood.

James stops abruptly in front of a painting of fruit that is right next to the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorms.

"Er, James. What are we doing at the Hufflepuff hallway?" I ask him.

He just shakes his head. He steps right up to the painting and proceeds to... to _tickle _the pear in the painting. To my utter surprise, it starts giggling.

I let out a confused laugh. "What - "

Suddenly, the portrait swings open, and James turns back at me, cocking his head towards the open frame.

"Well, come on then." He says simply, disappearing into the room. I run after him.

I find myself in an enormous, high-ceilinged room that looks almost identical in structure to the Great Hall. There are five long tables in the center. Pots and pans line the walls, and there are what looks like hundreds of bustling House Elves cleaning up plates, washing, and generally running around.

One house elf abruptly stops. The creature grins toothily at James, shouting, "Master James!"

"Hey Giggles." He says. He gestures to me. "Miss Evans here has had a rough day. I was wondering if you could get her something to eat, she unfortunately missed dinner."

The house elf nodded rapidly. "Yes, of course! There are some empty seats back near the pantry if you will be wishing to not be in the way."

James grins. "Thanks."

"This is - these - " I start, but I can't help but be amazed and take in the sheer complexity of the room.

"The kitchens. Yep." James says proudly. He leads me through the large room between the tables that are where Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw would be in the Great Hall.

We finally reach a sort of alcove - area with a table countertop and drawers. No house elves are over in this area. James leans against the countertop, looking at me priggishly.

"This is a pretty wicked surprise, if I do say so myself." He says.

I lean against the counter next to him, my shoulder touching his.

"I guess." I say as cavalierly as I can manage. He hits his shoulder against mine playfully. I shove him back.

The house elf swiftly returns with a plate with a hot grilled cheese sandwich on it. She holds it up to me, looking down bashfully. "I hope this will be satisfactory Miss, we only had some bread and cheese left over and a bit of butter - "

"Thank you so much, I'm sure it will be delicious." I reply quickly, smiling down at her. She wears the house elf Hogwarts uniform and almost trips over her feet as she turns to leave.

"I can't believe you actually did this." I say softly.

I know it sounds barmy, but I really was touched. He didn't have to do this for me. He could have just laughed at me and ran away. But he noticed that I'd skipped dinner and snuck me into the kitchens to make sure I got something to eat. He cared.

I take a big bite of the sandwich. It's hot and heavenly, cheese the perfect melted amount and bread just burnt enough to be crunchy.

"Grilled cheese, made especially for Head Girl Miss Lily Evans!" James says pompously. I roll my eyes at him.

"This was really nice. Thank you." I say finally. As I take another bite, I feel his eyes on me. When I put the sandwich back onto the plate, he takes it from my hand and sets it down on the other side of the table counter.

I'm about to protest, but he steps in front of me and his hands come up to cup my face. The words die in my throat.

He kisses me sweetly, like a follow up for the grilled cheese.

But it quickly escalates to a sort of kiss like the one he gave me on New Years, the type of kiss that feels like someone set your entire body on fire. My mind goes hazy again, like all my thoughts have been blocked out except _James, James, James._

His hands slide down under my thighs, gradually picking me up and my legs wind around him. I'm startled to be picked up off my feet, but I don't care as long as he kisses me like he is now.

He sets me down on a surface that I vaguely identify as the counter so I don't have to keep straining up to reach his lips. He's standing in between my legs, leaning forward against the storage units under the counter, his fingers curling around my outer thighs, kissing me hard. We smash our lips together, and Merlin if it isn't the best feeling in the world.

When he kisses me, my entire self reacts, like he's kissing everywhere, every cell, every molecule.

I wind my fingers through his hair, then to the back of his neck, his shoulders, his back. My face hits occasionally against his glasses, but I don't want to stop for him to take them off. His thumbs, from their spot on my hips ghost up under the hem of my shirt tentatively, touching my bare stomach. Something twists in my abdomen, making me need to squirm.

He pulls away for a moment, his lips skidding down my cheek to my neck. I lean my chin on his shoulder, nuzzling my nose into his neck, letting out a breathy sigh when he gets to the spot right at my jaw. He jerks against me, moving his hands to the kitchen counter as his knees almost buckle. I would be smug, but I know if I were standing right now I'd be in the same position. I pull his lips back up to mine, and quickly his hands move back to my thighs as my hands move down over his chest -

"Would you like me to clean this plate now Miss Lily?" a voice chirps.

I pull away quickly holding back a gasp. James' hands are back to the counter and instead of standing between my legs he moves to standing next to me. He stares the other way, biting his lip hard.

A house elf looks up at us expectantly.

With as much breath as I can muster, I reply, "Er, yes, thanks."

The house elf nods twice and takes the plate, scurrying back into the main kitchen.

James opens his mouth as if he's going to say something, but closes it quickly. His left hand flies up to ruffle his hair as he looks at the kitchen floor nervously.

I put my hands in my lap, staring down at them instead of looking at him. He looks far less pleased than I am.

Maybe things did go to fast. God, I haven't even gone on a second date with him. Maybe he thinks I acted like a slag.

But he was the one who kissed me in the first place!

He looks at me cautiously, like he's looking for the right way to approach me. He licks his lips, then coughs.

"I'm, um, I'm sorry."

Of everything I expected him to say, that had not crossed my mind. "Er, what?"

"Well, you're upset. I didn't mean to take advantage, I took you down here for some food, honestly, I didn't have the intention of -" He says fervently, pointedly not looking at me.

"Of what?"

"Of..." He ruffles his hair again, apparently finding something on the floor very interesting. "Of snogging you like that."

"Well... it cheered me up." I say cheekily.

He barks a laugh. "Good, I guess."

"Trust me James, you have nothing to be sorry about." I reply, my fingers moving along his arm. He finally looks up at me, and I grin. "I rather liked it."

He splutters for a moment, but seems to regain his composure and I jump off the counter.

"Come on, let's get back to Gryffindor tower." I say, this time taking his hand. The same callused hand that slid up my thighs, thumbs that brushed my bare hips -

"I'd rather not get yelled at by McGonagall a second time tonight." I finish hurriedly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Um... hi!

Please don't throw things at me! I know it's been a _very _long time since I updated, so do please forgive me. I did have an enormous amount of schoolwork, including a bunch of work for my playwriting class that took up a lot of my creative juices, along with me being really sick for a solid week (but no worries, I seem to be fine now!). I know those are just a multitude of excuses, but though I love fanfiction it does need to be a little low on my list of priorities._  
><em>

Anyway, I'm back. Hopefully this update will make up for the time I took writing it, I know Lily's character has been annoying some people. She is a strong person deep down, but she's gone through a lot of shit, what with Snape and Isabel, and I think she has a right to feel somewhat guarded about her heart. But James is helping her open that up, and she's taking a chance. Please don't be too harsh on her.

Thanks as always to everyone that reviews, they really do mean the world to me (and they keep me motivated to keep writing and that there are people out there actually reading this besides me and my cat!). The next update will be much sooner (and I know I always say that but this time I think it might actually be true).

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	23. Girlfriend

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Nicole and Tom have been dating for a while, Ivy Collins is the Gryffindor Chaser and Elita Day is the Gryffindor seeker, Nicole lost her virginity to Sirius, James and Lily have started dating and snogged in the kitchens.

* * *

><p><strong>Girlfriend<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you going to spend the entire class mooning at your girlfriend or can we actually get some work done for once?"<p>

Ellie Rhodes' voice cuts through the haze of morning Potions class. I turn to her, her hair all piled on top of her head and almost elbow-deep in a sticky green substance.

"Can't help it. She's too pretty." I say, mostly to myself. Ellie scoffs.

I watch Lily walk back from the ingredients cabinet. Her hair is messily up, she always puts it up for this class so it doesn't fall in anything. Her cheeks are a little flushed, probably from leaning over a boiling cauldron. She catches me staring at her in mid-walk, and grins toothily. I grin back at her, and she rolls her eyes, reaching her desk and hopping up onto the stool next to the desk. Snivellus, in all his greasy glory, follows her gaze to me and shoots me a withering glare.

Sirius is still adamant about whatever he's been up to, especially what he's been plotting with Regulus. Because whatever it is, it can't be good.

Slughorn starts talking animatedly to the students at the desk next to mine, so I force my eyes away from Lily and onto whatever is making our potion bubble like that.

"Dammit." Ellie curses under her breath, noisily paging through her potions book. I lean my head back, looking up at the ceiling.

I hate Potions.

Across the room, someone loudly yelps, and Slughorn immediately breaks his usual checking route to assist them.

"What's the matter with it?" I ask.

Ellie shrugs, staring back and forth between the words on the page and the potion on the fire.

Finally, she throws a few stray gemroots in, and the color turns from an angry maroon to a calm crystal blue. She sits back on her chair, throwing the book back onto the desk.

"Nice." I say, turning to high-five her, but she just shoots me a look.

I drop my hand, turning back again to lovely Lily. Her back is turned, silently working. The barmy girl actually enjoys potions - why, I'll never know.

When I look back to Ellie, she's staring at something too. A desks ahead of ours, Doug Lyons and Lucas Caldwell are watching their potion boil silently.

"Are you going to send the entire class mooning at Doug Lyons or can we actually get some work done for once?" I throw her words back at her mockingly, grinning as she reacts.

She turns to me, silently glaring a glare that could wither a daisy.

"I wasn't mooning at him." She says defensively, hand flying out and hitting over a glass vial of charred leaves. Before it hits the ground, a hand shoots out to grab it.

Doug puts the vial on the table, smiling at Ellie. She doesn't look at him, but chokes out a, "Thanks."

He doesn't look at me, but leaves back to his seat. She keeps her eyes trained on the cauldron and won't meet my sight.

"'Course not." I say smugly, and push up off the desk, running to meet Lily just as she leaves.

I grab her sleeve and we exit the classroom into the filling hallway.

"Is there a reason you have to moon at me every potions class?" Lily asks with a cheeky smile, shrugging my hand off her.

I laugh. "Why do you care? Is it distracting?" I ask, bumping my nose up against hers. She shoves me away, but takes my hand and we walk.

"In fact, it is. And more than a mite creepy." She replies.

I shut her up by covering her lips with mine. She doesn't resist, but kisses me back. The memory of my hands on her thighs jars me, and I'm grateful when she pulls away, because I remember we're in a very public hallway.

"So, are you doing anything tonight?" I ask.

"Unfortunately I have detention. But we have rounds tonight..." She trails off, looking up at me like she's the cat that ate the canary. I feel my chest fill up at the prospect of finally getting to snog her again. Kissing is great, but it'd been a week since we went to the kitchens, and since then I'd been training the Quidditch team for the Cup every spare night I had.

She leans up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek, before leaving in the opposite direction with, "Don't forget to feed Felix today! I had to do it last week!"

* * *

><p>"Saturday." Sirius suddenly announces as he busts through the door.<p>

I lift my face up from the pillow it was buried in. My entire body is aching from the one-on-one practice I just had with Elita Day, the Gryffindor seeker.

Sirius crashes through the dorm, knocking over my carefully stacked Quidditch equipment.

"Sunday!" Peter chirps from the floor. Sirius doesn't laugh.

"I heard Snivellus talking to my unfortunate brother again. They're having a meeting of some kind this weekend, while everyone's at Hogsmeade. We've got to - "

"I've got a date." I interrupt.

Sirius rolls his eyes, scoffing meanly. "Just snog Lily later, this is _important_."

"Padfoot. I told Lily I would go. And we're going on a double date, so I can't back out of it - "

He stops. "With who?"

"Er..." I bury my face back into the pillow, shutting my eyes as my head starts to ache. "Nicole. And Tom."

"You're turning into a right twat, you know that?" Sirius demands angrily, hitting me on the back of the head.

"Oi!" I yelp. I reach out to hit him back, but he swerves out of the way at the last second.

"Tom?!" He asks in disbelief.

"Yeah - "

"Tom's a dick!"

"Tom's great!"

The room is silent. Peter looks back and forth between the two of us, ceasing his loud chewing on whatever snack he nicked from the kitchens after lunch today.

"Never mind." Sirius amends, still angry. He sits down on Remus' bed next to mine, crossing his arms and looking at me accusingly. "I just can't believe you're passing up a prime opportunity to find out whatever Snivellus is cooking up for a stupid date."

"I already told her I would go!" I insist.

He looks at me for a long moment, like he's deciding whether he's going to kick me or yell. And for a moment, I think I see his mouth quiver, almost like...

I sit up, concerned, but he turns away from me.

"Alright mate?" I ask carefully. But I know he'll never tell me if I ask, and he never does.

He just gets up silently, shrugging his jacket back over his arms, and kicking the Quidditch gear out of his way. Peter looks at me with inquiring eyes, but I just shove my face back into the pillow.

* * *

><p>Skies in the winter are non-existant. Like they're a blank, smudged piece of paper, and the artist of the sky forgot to draw anything that day.<p>

It's clear today, though cold, and wind shouldn't cause too much of a problem. If we win against Ravenclaw today, that means we'll face Slytherin in the last game for the Quidditch Cup this year. We need to win it - it's my last year and my legacy.

Lily hands me my Quidditch gloves, and I pull them on as she leans against the back wall behind the locker rooms. She buries her chin in her fluffy white scarf, and then hugs me, her arms around my neck, giving me a kiss.

"Good luck. Try not to get your ass kicked so terribly." She says with a smug smile. I force a laugh.

Her face changes.

"I'm just kidding. You'll do great." She says, tucking the collar of my sweater underneath my Quidditch uniform. She lets her fingers linger for a moment, before shifting them up to my cheek.

"And I'll be right there front and center to watch you win today." She says confidently.

I pull her close to me for a quick kiss. Her lips and skin are cold today from the temperature outside, but her smile is warm.

"I've gotta go. It's time to make the captain speech to the team before the game starts." I say, backing away a few steps toward the field house. "I'll see you after, ok."

She nods, disappearing into the crowd of latecomers moving to find their seats.

I take a breath, entering to where the team is anxiously waiting.

Sirius won't look at me. Paige is staring at the ground, tapping her foot rapidly, and Tom is throwing a Quaffle up and down in the air. Ivy is biting her nails, but when I walk in she quickly starts putting on her Chaser gloves. Elita Day looks like she's about to vomit.

I stand in front of them, resisting the urge to ruffle my hair. I'm nervous, but I have to be unwavering right now, for the team.

"Ok team. We've been training hard all month, won almost all of our games so far. We're prepared, we've got our strategies, and a great team. Just remember to keep the ball moving, don't hold onto it for too long unless you've got a clear shot. Paige, watch throwing with your left hand, alright? And remember our formations. With a bit of luck and a lot of Gryffindor lion strength, I know we can win this."

Sirius nods. Paige smiles, and we disperse to individually prepare. The game commenter should be announcing our names soon, and the game will start.

"Hey, Elita."

The little girl looks up from her shoes. "Yes?" She squeaks.

"Don't be nervous." I tell her. "Just play the game. Don't worry about anything else."

She nods slowly, forcing a smile. I pat her back once more, hoping that she's not half as nervous as I am.

The blur of colors surround me - half blues and bronzes, half red and golds. The air pinches at my cheeks and skin like a thousand tiny knives.

I quell the nerves festering in my stomach, and take control.

"The Quaffle is released - and the game begins!"

Left. Right. Pass. Swerve.

"20 points for Gryffindor!"

Block. Around - around to -

"30 points for Ravenclaw!"

Catch. Forward. Avoid - around, shoot

"20 points for Gryffindor!"

Duck!

"Ooooh, nice shot by Gryffindor Beater Black. That'll leave a bruise."

Pass. Under-swerve.

"Foul on Jackson!"

Around. Forward. Forward. Faster!

"Ravenclaw takes the lead, but only by 20 points!"

Forward. Catch. Forward. Forward. Shoot.

"Gryffindor following up with another 30!"

Left. Left. Forward -

"And - Yes! Gryffindor Seeker Elita Day has caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins!"

My voice is horse from shouting, and the muscles in my hands ache from gripping my broom so tightly, but none of that matters. We won.

I fly down to the ground, my feet making contact hard and clumsily.

Sirius' hand slaps me hard on the back, with a, "We won, mate!"

People swarm, all swathed in red and gold and cheers and congratulations.

I spot Lily, screaming and throwing her hands up in the air, running heavily onto the field. She jumps up into my arms, smelling like the cold air, and holds me tightly.

"We did it!" I tell her dumbly.

She giggles deliriously, saying, "I always knew you would."

I grin at her, and I can't help but let out a victory cry.

* * *

><p>"Those stairs have got to violate some health and safety issue." Peter says, after stumbling up to the landing just as the stairs started to move.<p>

"They almost never do that."

"Ah, key word: _almost_."

In the after-aftermath of the victory at the Quidditch cup, Sirius, Remus, Peter and I decided to seek out some food to soak up the alcohol still cycling in our systems from the raging party directly following the match. The hoots and hollers of the Gryffindor common room still echo in my ears, along with the thump of the amplified wireless' music, and the begrudging praises Lily sung for the team.

"Oh Pete, stop whining." Sirius says, but luckily it's in good nature. After the game, he'd seemed to have forgotten his unexplainable anger towards me about this weekend. He seemed happy.

That is, until Regulus crosses our path.

Sirius stops still, in front of the other Black brother.

"Hey." Regulus says. It's supposed to sound cool and collected, but there's an uneven quality that suggests otherwise.

"What the fuck do you want?" Sirius asks harshly.

Regulus' expression does not change.

"I'll ask again, since I do not wish to engage in any longer a conversation with you than needed. What do you want?"

"Mum burned your old things. I just thought I'd let you know." Regulus says tightly.

Sirius' fists start to ball up, and Peter shoots a look at Remus.

"Why would you think I'd care?" Sirius asks, his face stone and unchanging.

He's always on the offense with Regulus. They were like this before Sirius broke away. Sirius was always the ringleader, and Regulus the follower. At least, that what it seemed like during first year. Their relationship rather deteriorated from there, with Sirius being a Lion. Then Regulus came, a Slytherin, and nothing was the same. I always knew he was different from his cold and dark family. While Sirius was loud and bright and _red, _Regulus was quiet and dark and green.

Yet still, when he spoke to Sirius, he seemed the same little brother he always was.

"I didn't. Nothing, I just... I mean, no." He realizes himself, face hardening considerably into a cold sneer. "We've burned you out of our lives forever, blood traitor."

Sirius looks like he's just eaten a lemon.

"Kindly not sully our hallway again. Get back to the slimy dungeon where you snakes are meant to be."

* * *

><p>When I finally find him again, he's sprawled out against the wall of the fourth floor corridor. It's after curfew, and he hasn't got the cloak, so he doesn't care about getting caught.<p>

"Prongs." He says calmly.

"Padfoot." I slide down next to him, wincing as my hands hit the cold, darkened stone floor. "You smell like the underside of a table at Hogs Head."

"Thanks." He says gruffly.

Both of us do not say anything for a long while after that. I place the cloak in a pile on the other side of my legs, stretching out and letting my head slide against the wall.

Sirius' hands curl stiffly around the neck of a glass bottle. It's from the endless stash he keeps in his night-table drawer, an emergency drawer for hard nights. The bags under his eyes are more pronounced, and from the dim light I just now notice he looks like he hasn't slept in days.

And not the excited, party-high that makes covered yawns and pounding headaches, but the sunken, black nights that make your muscles sag and your bones crack.

He takes a drink, taking his time. Slowly, sluggishly.

"My brother is gone. And she is too." He finally mumbles.

"She?"

"No one." He affirms, "It doesn't matter."

I don't pry again. But he decides, in his drunken stupor, to tell me anyway.

"She's with Tom now." He mumbles.

And it's obvious - Nicole. The blatant hatred and distaste of Tom, the lingering looks, they weren't all for kicks. He fancied her.

He continues, not meeting my eyes. "I don't know, I thought - I mean, I fancied her. Then I buggered it all up by shagging her too soon, and then everything went wrong. I couldn't... I didn't know what to do. And now she's shacked up with _Jenkins_, that tosser."

I don't say anything. There's nothing I can say. Except that I know firsthand how absolutely monumentally painful it is to watch the girl you want parade around with another bloke.

I take the bottle out of his hand, gather up the cloak, and offer to help him up off the ground. He takes it, and unsteadily rises to his feet. We walk back to the dorm in the silence of the night.

* * *

><p>"Ow, Felix." I exclaim quietly. The black cat looks up at me, but continues digging his claws through the fabric of my sweater. He sits on my lap, and I pet the back of his head. His fur is matted in the back, Lily will probably insist on me brushing him soon. She'd begun taken quite a liking to the cat.<p>

I glance over at the date on the calendar that sits on the wall next to the portrait hole.

February 11.

Four days until Valentines day.

And I've got nothing.

But I figure I'll just wing it, take her somewhere incredible and unknown at Hogsmeade, bring a picnic. Girls like that sort of thing. I hope she does, at least.

The portrait hole opens, and the girl I was thinking about enters, dropping her bag at the foot of the fireplace, and immediately walking to the couch.

She flops next to me, making Felix meow and jump off my lap and onto the couch arm indignantly.

She giggles softly. "Sorry Felix." She says, reaching over and petting the crown of his head softly.

She retracts her arm, and leans over to kiss my cheek.

"Hi." She whispers. The crackles of the fire almost steal her words away, but I'm too focused on her lips to miss them.

"Hi." I say, pushing my forehead against hers.

Her fingers crawl their way across my palm and intertwine with mine. They're soft and small, like her.

"I'm so bloody tired I can't even think straight." I confess.

She looks like she's going to reply, but closes her mouth instead and pulls away from me. Her hand still holds mine, but she stares at the wall opposite me.

"James?" She asks, her voice a little higher than usual.

"Yeah, love?" I reply.

"What..." She trails off, looking down at her shoes. When she meets my eyes again, she says shyly, "What are we?"

"Uh... humans. Well, humans with magical properties. Are wizards considered their own species?"

"No you prat." She hits my chest roughly, a giggle escaping her mouth. "I mean, we've gone on a few dates, snogged, and you took me out for Valentine's day..."

She trails off, but picks up again. "Does this mean I'm your girlfriend?"

"Yeah you're my girlfriend!"

She laughs. "Ok, you just never asked, so I assumed - "

I laugh too. I explain, "I assumed that you knew how mad I was about you and how I wanted to be with you forever."

"You're turning out to be a lot dimmer than I thought." I say, poking her. She crinkles up her nose at me, but then smiles.

"You want to be with me forever?" She asks timidly.

"For as long as you'll have me." I say, not bothering to force down my grin. "And even after you don't want me, I'll probably still be with you. I'm quite persistent."

"Oh, I _know._" She replies, laughing loudly this time. It's tinkly and beautiful, and I can't help kissing her soundly when I hear it. Because she gave me a chance and because she smells delicious and she's gorgeous and she's my girlfriend.

She responds gladly, moving her lips against mine. The way she does it now is different, though. Fervent and hot, and within what feels like a second, I'm on top of her. The couch creaks beneath our shifted weight, but I prop myself up on my elbows and keep kissing her.

Her fingers close around the collar of my shirt, winding around the fabric. Her nails briefly lightly scratch against my neck, and it doesn't take long for me to momentarily bury my face in her hair. I can't help it - it's silky and long and always smells like cinnamon. I hear her scoff impatiently.

"Stop smelling my hair and kiss me, you tosser."

I do as she tells me.

* * *

><p>Hi everyone!<p>

Long time no update! But I just finished this up and decided to post it this morning. The chapter is rather short, I know, but much more happens from Lily's POV in the next chapter from the way I planned it out in my outlines.

I hate writing full Quidditch scenes, and sometimes when I'm reading fanfiction, I know they're boring and end up scrolling through them. So I figured I wouldn't really bother. I hope no one minds. And I seem to always end chapters with snogging!

But, then again, who doesn't love snogging?

Oh, also:

WARNING: Smut in the next chapter. I've upped the rating because of it.

(well... not exactly smut. But a "steamy" scene. anyway...)

I hope not everyone who was reading this has given up, as I've been completely consumed in real-life shit lately (I suddenly got a life when I wasn't looking). I really do enjoy writing these, and do feel terrible when I don't update for a while. I'm not making any promises about a next update, but I do estimate it will come sooner than this one because I've already got half of it written.

I love you all!

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


	24. Impulse

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Sirius fancies Nicole, Nicole lost her virginity to Sirius, Nicole is dating Tom, Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup, Dorcas and Remus fancy each other but neither will admit to it, James and Lily are smitten with each other.

* * *

><p><strong>Impulse<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>The afternoon light fell through the clean window panes of the Charms room as I struggled to keep my eyelids from closing. Charms was the last class of the day, after lunch and before dinner, in that terrible time period where all you want to do is curl up with your boyfriend and a blanket and hot chocolate and sleep forever. Because of the winter season, the sun sets far before dinner, and it feels like I'm always almost falling asleep.<p>

Sometimes, everything feels like too much lately. With all my mountainous piles of homework, still serving detentions with McGonagall (which Kate brings up every time I'm around her in mixed company) and Head Girl Duties, I seem to be always exhausted. It doesn't help that James has been keeping me up late, sneaking off to the Head's Office to snog. Though I don't really mind losing sleep for that...

Our date last weekend had been almost perfect. Since Hogsmeade was crowded with couples, James took me to this place just outside the village (and technically out of bounds, but I was a bit too awed to care) where the pine trees almost obscured the winter sky, and made us a picnic.

My fingers close around the delicate emerald pendant I'm wearing over my sweater today. I insisted that I couldn't take it, that I'd only gotten him chocolate in return, but he countered that he was going to give it to me on my birthday anyway, but we weren't speaking then.

He said it reminded him of my eyes. I actually had to fight back the urge to swoon.

What is it with him that makes me turn into a jellyfish every time he says things like that? From any other guy it would have warranted a badly-covered laugh.

I prop up my chin on my left hand, turning to watch James play some stupid paper game with Peter involving animating tiny crumpled up parchment balls and a whole lot of whispered arguing.

Next to me, Dorcas isn't even paying attention. I follow her gaze, and see smugly that she's staring at Sirius' unfortunate desk partner with sandy hair and a scar on the back of his neck.

Professor Flitwick's voice finally changes tone in minute pitch as he clasps his hands together and says, "Alright, today we'll be working in partners to make sure everyone remembers the _Avis _charm. From there we'll progress!"

The class starts to mumble. I already know I'm going to be with Dorcas so there's no use in contributing to the hum.

The professor starts rambling off names, and desk chairs squeak and feet shuffle. I groan inwardly, I hate when Flitwick chooses our partners.

"Sirius Black."

Sirius' head perks up, almost knocking over the stack of paper on Remus' side of the desk. But Remus manages to catch it deftly.

"I think it would be rewarding to put you with… hmmmm… yes! How about you, Dorcas?"

"Hmmm?" Dorcas squeaks, looking from the professor to Sirius.

"Yes that will be splendid. Sirius will partner up with Dorcas for this project."

She starts going about collecting her things as Sirius leans back in his chair and grins at her. Remus does not turn his head.

"Sorry." I whisper to her jokingly.

She laughs a little, leaving her spot and going over to Sirius' desk. Remus quickly scrambles to get up for her, leaving her his seat. She smiles appreciatively at him, and I watch him smile back.

"Hi Sirius." I hear her say.

"Hello to you Miss Meadowes. Tell me, do you know what we're supposed to be doing, because frankly, I was paying no attention - "

"Yes, and Lily Evans and Remus Lupin!" Professor Flitwick chirps.

Remus smiles halfheartedly at me, filling Dorcas' place.

"Hey Lily." He says, but his eyes dart back to his old desk, where Dorcas sits with Sirius.

"Hi Remus."

* * *

><p>"James, stop."<p>

"James, seriously."

"Potter, I'm going to hex you!"

He finally rolls away from me with an exasperated groan, his face half squashed into the couch pillow and his arms hanging deadly next to him. The both of us are sitting in the Head's Office, setting up the partnerships for prefect rounds this month. At least, _I'm _trying to do that. James is just procrastinating and distracting me by poking my arm every time I try to write another word.

"This is so boring!"

"I know it is." I say. His face lifts up right next to my cheek, but before his lips can kiss me, I shove his face back away.

"You don't have _detention_ tonight, do you?" He asks hopefully, grinning in that priggish way like he just loves the fact that I've got detention at all.

I roll my eyes. "No, not tonight. After that, I only have a week left of it."

"And what about rounds?" He asks, nudging his chin against my shoulder.

"Ravenclaws have the after-dinner shift tonight."

"Hmmmm." He says thoughtfully. "And homework?"

"Mountains of it, actually." I say forlornly.

"Then I guess I'll just have to soak up this time with you now..." He says cajolingly, his fingers creeping up my shoulder. He's annoyingly messy, his tie already discarded and collar askew.

"You're making me very cross right now, Potter."

"Mmmm, I like it when you're cross."

"Quit distracting me, you _tosspot_." I reply firmly, keeping steady with my writing.

"Can't we just have some prefect do this?"

"It's our job." I shove him away again, not lingering my hands on his chest.

He reels back, but only just moves closer again. "Can't we just snog instead?"

"That wouldn't be very responsible, now would it?" I say, mostly to myself. It's get progressively harder to focus on the words in front of me when his thumb is rubbing circles on my forearm and he's pressing himself up against me like an entirely-too-attractive cat.

"Who gives a shit about responsible." He whispers, before nipping my ear with his teeth.

Sod it.

I grab the back of his neck and smack his lips down on mine, the hot pressure of his hands reaching out and holding me enough to make me sigh. The stack of papers sitting on my lap drops to the ground with a dull shuffle.

His hands skim across my thighs, feather-light. I push myself closer against him, the feeling of the hard line of his chest making me kiss him harder.

He smells his usual blend of chocolate and parchment and leather, something sweetly, distinctly _male_. A lump grows in my throat as I lean my head back and his lips attach to my neck, teeth lightly scraping against the skin below my jaw. Then down to the right side of my neck, brushing my hair out of the way.

My eyes flicker open and closed erratically, and my hands reach out to grasp the back of his neck, the shorter hairs prickling my hands before reaching the skin covering the bone at top of his spine. And all of a sudden, everything is 0 to 60, in the annoying way it always is when James kisses me.

"Mmmm, _James_." I blurt out. Ok, maybe it's a little on purpose, with every bit of coherency I have left, just to see how he'll react. His fingers grip my thighs hard, like he's fighting the urge to jerk against me, and I hear a muffled groan from deep in his throat.

I'm desperate to feel _more_, so I lift myself up and climb on top of him, straddling his hips. He gulps, his hands still holding my thighs through my tights. I wish I wasn't wearing them, so I could feel the rough pads of his fingers brush against my actual skin.

Without thinking, I capture his lips with mine, pressing myself against him. His hands slide from my thighs up to my hips, and then to my lower back, forcing me even closer to him. There's no room, no space between us - and it's delicious.

I grind up against him, feeling something hard against my inner thigh. It's jarring, for a split second, but I can't seem but want to press myself against him still. And I do.

Before I even realize it, the top buttons of my shirt are open, and I clumsily pull it out of my skirt, and leave it billowing around me, held together by only two buttons. His hands skim my hips, then across my bare stomach. The sensation makes me shiver.

I silently thank god I decided to wear a nice, lacy white bra today instead of the ratty blue one I was going to.

Slowly, his touch travels up so that his thumbs are on the bottom of my bra. I deduce he's expecting me to stop him.

And I should.

But I don't. No, I _can't_.

His hands palm my chest, and I find myself bitting my lip hard to keep from moaning aloud. All my hair is pushed over my left shoulder and obscuring his hand from my view. I squeeze my eyes shut and he adds more pressure, hands slipping under the white fabric and onto my skin.

I suck in a breath of air, and his hands freeze. I open my eyes, giving him the most obvious "go-ahead" look I can manage. His grip slowly moves around inside my shirt to my back, deftly unsnapping my bra completely.

The air is cold against the sensitive skin, but his warm hands cover it in a second. I don't even have the time to feel self-conscious. His thumbs are rough, but in a way incredibly soft. My eyes shut again, and I can't think about anything else except the feeling he's giving me. I find myself automatically rocking against him rhythmically, and a groan escapes his lips that affects me in the most primal way.

My hands shakily make their way down his shirt, the every-day task of unbuttoning buttons almost impossible by distraction. But eventually I get it open, and I push my hands flat against his chest.

Tanned, subtly muscled, and lean. Narrow, but in a perfectly sexy way only he could pull off. My fingers drift down around his belly button. A short pant escapes his lips, and makes me almost bite my tongue.

I finally look at him in the eyes. The laughing hazel is darker now, serious and unwavering behind his spectacles. It stirs something deep in my stomach, a tug at my abdomen that's stronger than it ever was before.

Before I can even blink, he switches our places. My bra-less back hits the warm leather of the couch through my flimsy school shirt, and I'm underneath him. He brings his lips down to suck at my collarbone, but migrates down to my bare chest. He kisses my nipple, sucking and hesitantly scraping the side with his teeth.

My fingers grip his hair hard for support, and before I can stop it, a ragged moan explodes out of me impulsively. He freezes for a moment, shifting, and gulps audibly. The room is silent, and I hear nothing except the crackling fire and the pounding beat of my heart in my ears.

But in a moment, his lips find their way back to mine again, and his chest hits against my tits, skin against skin for the first time. It's a strange feeling, but I never want it to end. The two of us sigh together, his deeper and mine softer.

He pulls away, his gaze meeting mine fully again. I feel like I'm gasping, but as much as I try to slow down my breathing, my chest keeps heaving in attempt to take in more air. He always makes me unable to breathe.

He props himself up, still half on top of me. His hair is even more a mess than usual, all shoved to one side and sticking straight up in the back. He's breathing hard too, his chest rising and falling shallowly.

James sits up, pushing himself now completely off me. My skin is cold without him covering it, and I search around for my bra. I see it, discarded on the floor almost completely across the room. I stare at it, considering if it would be awkward if I stood up and walked over to get it. It's impossible to believe he could throw it that far while… preoccupied, but I guess he's not dubbed the best Chaser in school for nothing.

I pull my shirt up onto my shoulders, still completely unbuttoned and hanging around my skirt.

When I feel like I can breathe again, I look back at him. He's staring at the ground intently, as if he's just looked into an eclipse and he's trying to get his eyes back to seeing again.

"Er… James?"

My voice sounds rough to my own ears. He finally looks back at me, eyes wide and mouth tight. He breathes what sounds like a laugh, and runs a hand through his hair.

* * *

><p>"And then what happened?"<p>

"Well, we just sort of went back to organizing the schedules until dinner. And then I came back here." I say sheepishly.

Nicole pauses in her nail-polish routine to cringe.

"Awkward." She says. "Well, was he any good?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, wishing that I wasn't blushing as hard as I was.

"I mean, was he good? Did he drive you mad with _lust, _did he get you - ?"

"Ok! I understand! Stop!"

She laughs, wiggling her toes as she put the glass bottle of Muggle nail paint on the table next to her bed. I rest against the wooden frame, thinking back to last night.

It felt amazing. Though I've never gone that far before, so it may have felt great regardless of James. The closest thing I'd had to that was actually with Nate, but that was only clumsily over the shirt, and not appealing or nice at all. Besides some heated snogging, I hadn't really done _anything_. Though somehow it feels like James was above the rest.

The way his rough but nimble fingers touched my skin, and the sound he made when I said his name...

"Yeah, I guess he was."

A smirk takes over Nicole's mouth. I shove her shoulder, and she giggles again.

Everything that happened with James last night was amazing, yes. But it also made me consider how far I would have gone before I stopped. If James hadn't pushed himself off me, would I have taken off all my clothes? Would we have - ?

"Nicole?"

"Yes love?"

"Did it hurt?" I blurt out.

She freezes, staring down at her toes. "Did what hurt?"

"When you... er, when you had sex for the first time."

Her head shoots up, eyes wide. "You're going to have sex with James!?"

"Not now! But I'm just..." I feel my cheeks warm. "I'm thinking about it."

She looks like she's suppressing a laugh, but says, "Well, a little. Mostly just... you feel stretched. But you need to make sure you relax. And after a bit it stops hurting and it starts to feel _brilliant_."

"Is that how it was with you and Sirius?" I ask impulsively. It's a touchy subject, and I shouldn't have said anything. But her face stays constant.

"Yes." She says honestly. "He was... well, he was different. Sweeter, that night. Like he cared about how I was feeling."

She pauses, silence filling in between her words. For a moment, it's as if she's not really looking at me, her eyes are almost glazed over. But she recognizes herself, and reverts to her calm, guarded Nicole expression.

"But now when I think about it, I don't think I was ready, and that made everything rather uncomfortable, afterwards."

"How can you know for sure when you're _ready_?" I push. Wizards don't have sex education, like Petunia did through secondary school, so this was the most information I was ever going to get about it. "Is there a set time?"

"I don't think so. But I think when you are, you'll feel it. And however awkward it is… it'll feel _right_."

I want to ask her more, but I can tell talking about Sirius is upsetting her. So I leave it alone, and offer to paint her fingernails as we move onto different topics.

* * *

><p>The mirror glints sharply with the beginnings of morning light as I try again to wrestle my frizzy mane into a bun. It gets so staticky during the winter, but it's been ages since I've got it cut and it's nearly down to my waist now. I used to wear it this long when I was younger, but in fourth year I chopped it all off because I got tired of it.<p>

But I love it now. And James does too.

Finally managing to get it up off my neck, I take my bag and prepare to leave the empty dorm

The portrait hole opens at the exact same time I go to exit through it.

Isabel walks into the common room hurriedly, carrying her bag on her outstretched forearm and nose in the air. The worst part about her entire bitch-transformation is the unfortunate fact we share a room still. Though she spends most of her time blissfully away from the rest of us, there are the uncomfortable times she's here that make everything terrible.

Today, surprisingly, she deigns to speak to me.

"Nice hairdo." She says smugly, dropping her bag on the large red chair near the fire and kicking off her shoes. My hand

"Not going to classes today, I presume. Learning too much work for that pea-sized brain of yours?" I say vindictively.

She does not reply, and I leave.

The sight of another newspaper obscures my view as I travel through the hallway. Everyone's been glued to it since this morning.

Apparently, there was a break in at the Ministry. There are whispers and speculations that it was an organized group, the Death Eaters. This is the third occurrence in this year that mentions their names. I shudder, turning my gaze away from the group of fourth year Ravenclaws discussing it and waving the paper around like a flag.

I manage to run straight into Sirius, who seems unsurprised to see me. I stumble back, and he grabs my elbow.

"Look Evans, I've been meaning to talk to you." He says, leading me onto the ledge of the window at the end of the hall. I can see down to the grass below from here.

"What is it?"

He looks calmly at me for a moment, his stormy gray eyes analyzing me unabashedly. I can't tell what he could possibly have to talk to me about, besides something about James. Maybe it's something about his birthday.

It isn't.

"James is like a Gibbon ape."

"Excuse me?" I splutter as a reply.

He rolls his eyes exasperatedly. "Honestly Evans, you're a muggleborn. You should know what an ape is."

"I _do, _I'm just confused as to why you are relating James to an ape. Surely you can't think so low of your best mate!"

_"Because_, Evans, I'm trying to tell you something. James is like a Gibbon ape. He mates for life." He says seriously.

"And how do you know this?"

"He's my best mate. I know him better than anyone in the world."

I stop for a minute.

"Why're you telling me this?"

"Evans." He says knowingly. "He's my brother. And no matter how much he likes you, I'm still looking out for him. Honestly, out of all the birds at this school, you're one of the good ones. Barmy - but altogether good."

I scoff at his underhand-compliment.

"You know how much power you have over him. Don't crush his heart, alright?"

"I won't." I promise. "Hey, have you talked to Nicole lately?"

As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I know they're exactly the wrong thing to say. Something changes in his eyes, and he powerfully reminds me of a dog whose owner left them because they had to move to a house with hard wood floors.

Luckily, Remus shows up, and I take the opportunity to engage him in conversation about the project Professor Flitwick intends to launch us into after we've finished our write-up on the _Avis _charm. And before I can say anything else to him, Sirius disappears down the corridor.

James shows up before too long, smiling a devilish grin as he gives me a bone crushing hug and a kiss, ignoring Remus completely. It makes me relieved - I was worried things were going to awkward between us because of the night before.

Remus coughs pointedly, and James finally turns, saying, "Oh Remus, sorry, didn't see you there."

He rolls his eyes, but it's in good nature. "I'll see you both in class."

James nods at him briefly, and I try to smile at him apologetically. Remus looks amusedly back at me, before adjusting his bag on his shoulder and walking away.

He kisses me again, his hands moving up to touch my hair carefully.

He pulls away, his lips pulling into a pout. "You're wearing your hair all tucked away."

"It's called a bun, you git." I stick my tongue out at him. He pulls my books out from under my arm and tucks them under his, taking my empty hand. We walk down the hallway, almost tripping other each other from walking so close.

* * *

><p>The moment I enter, I'm roughly jostled by a group of fifth years running to grab the last available table.<p>

The library has been positively swarming today, due to the rain.

I sigh halfheartedly, deciding that instead of braving the crowd and finding some tiny rickety table in the back, I'll just head back to my dorm. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be empty.

I'm halfway through the outer hallway when a hand darts out from an alcove and yanks me, hard.

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry." A familiar voice says. The alcove is darkened, and I whisper, "Lumos."

It's not James. It's Severus, standing in the blue light looking at me coldly.

"What the hell do you want?" I ask venomously, rubbing my upper arm where is bony hand had grabbed me.

He looks more run-down than usual, his black hair falling carelessly in front of his face, the bags pronounced under his already deep-set eyes.

"I just wanted to talk." He says, in a condescending tone that might come from a zoo keeper trying to feed a lion.

"Well, I don't." I say shortly, moving away.

But his grip holds me once again.

"Lily." He says tiredly. Every second more I stand here with him is making me more and more inclined to put this wand to good use.

It's painful, every time I see him. I don't need him wanting to "just talk".

"Things are going to start changing here very soon. And when things do, You are to be on _my _side. On the strong side."

"Excuse me?"

He leans in, like he used to when we would tell secrets behind the tree outside my house. The memory sends a pang into my chest. "I can't give away much, but a power shift is imminent. The world is about to completely change soon, and luckily for you, I'm willing to forgive your little indiscretion with Potter."

"What the hell are you playing at?" I hiss. "I don't know what you're on about, but me dating James is not an "indiscretion", _Snape_. I care about him."

His face changes, like something's bubbling violently beneath the surface. He looks like he might hit me. It frightens me a little, but I stand my ground.

"You can't just randomly pull me aside and expect me to go along with you like I did... like I did before. Because I won't."

He says nothing. I rip my wrist out of his grip and leave the alcove.

I feel sick, disgusting, dirty. I don't like talking to Severus. It hurts too much.

I struggle to hold my tears back, and almost immediately walk straight into James.

"Whoa, hey." He says jovially, catching me by my elbows. I bite my lip, making sure my gaze is controlled. He leans down a little to meet my eyes, asking concernedly, "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yes." I say. James looks past me and at the alcove I've just returned from. My chest squeezes painfully, and I follow his eyes. Luckily, Severus doesn't show himself. Maybe he already left.

"What were you doing in there?" He asks.

"I thought I dropped an earring." I lie, so smoothly that I'm disgusted with myself.

"Oh." He accepts this, and takes my arm. "Come on, the common room is less crowded than the library."

I follow him, and push Severus' words far away. I do not think of them again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Whoa! What's this? I've updated in less than a week?

FUCK YEAH I DID

Alright, so this chapter was a bit steamier than others. I hope my semi-smut writing didn't make too many people cringe, I tried my best to make it as anti-Fifty Shades of Grey as I could.

And for the reviewer asking about Sirius/Nicole, I hope you enjoyed the hints I've dropped so far!

As for the Snape interaction, I know lots of people won't like reading it (I know I didn't exactly love writing it) but it's critical to the story. Ugh. I tried to make it as short as possible and add in as much fluff between James and Lily as I could.

Anywho, thanks to all that reviewed the last chapter. I do enjoy reading each and every one of them, and it made me smile to see not everyone had given up on this story after that long break between updates.

I hope everyone has a fantastic New Years, possibly with a James/Lily-esque kiss (you lucky ducks!). I'll update as soon as I possibly can! I love you all!

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><p><em><strong>Please review!<strong>_


	25. A Doe and A Stag

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Sirius was depressed because Nicole dates Tom, James and Lily had some fun time in the Head's Office, Snape told Lily something cryptic and mysterious about a power shift at Hogwarts, Dorcas and Remus fancy each other.

* * *

><p><strong>A Doe and A Stag<strong>

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>I wake up sweating and breathing hard, like every other night this week.<p>

I am greeted by the darkness of my maroon bed curtains and the coldness of the air outside my blankets. I turn over onto my stomach, shoving my face angrily into my pillow, forcing my eyes to shut.

Merlin's pants, I had to get ahold of myself. My entire mind, all my thoughts were _her _- different from the usual 2/3 of the time.

The way she smiled at me, curling her lips, batting her eyelashes wickedly, like she knew exactly what she did to me.

Pathetically, the sight and feel of Lily's breasts had been burned into my head, and every time she would flip her hair back over her shoulder idly, it was all I could do to not pull her on top of me again. Sounds of her sighs echoed in my ears. And her hands, her bloody fingers, how they just barely curled over the waistband of my pants. Tiny details come at me all too fast.

When I'd finally confided in Sirius and Remus about that night, Sirius, eerily back to his usual self, was appalled that I hadn't gone any further.

"You had the perfect opportunity!" He insisted. "You've been lusting after the bird for years, and then you _stop_?!"

I wanted to. Everything below my neck was screaming at me to keep going. But my damn conscience had been yelling that I shouldn't go any further right then.

Unfortunately, I did not know the full extent of Lily's sexual history. If it was lengthy, I didn't think I wanted to. It was bad enough, the way that Snivellus so obviously still lusts after like a wounded, greasy puppy. I couldn't stand to think about anyone else touching her.

But regardless, I wasn't sure if that was new for her. She was a phenomenal kisser, and hadn't blushed a bit when I'd - but still, I didn't want to any further than what she was ready for, even if she hadn't stopped me herself.

And the way things went, it took a whole lot of self control not to rip off her skirt along with her bra.

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, trying to will myself to go back to sleep and stop thinking about her. Then maybe I could get some rest and the aching would stop.

* * *

><p>Breakfast is a tired and zombie-like affair. My tie is tied wrong and my glasses are slipping off my nose, but I barely notice. My eyes droop as I find my usual seat next to Sirius at the Gryffindor table.<p>

The light shinning through the high arch windows in the Great Hall force me to strain my eyes to see anything. I tiredly rub my face, dropping both my elbows heavily on the wooden table in front of me.

I help myself to some bacon, the smokey smells of hot food peaking my appetite.

"Having trouble sleeping?" Peter asks.

Sirius looks sidelong at me smugly.

"Distracted by anything Prongs?" He asks, pointedly looking down the hall to the door. In a mob of students, Lily stands towards the front, talking animatedly to Dorcas about something important. "Any _flowers_, maybe?"

I shove his shoulder hard, but he only laughs and continues wolfing down food.

"I thought if you finally started dating her, all the moaning in your sleep would stop. I was sorely mistaken - "

"Oi! Shut up!" I hit the back of his head hard. He winces for a moment, but then just barks a laugh, continuing to wolf down his porridge in record time.

"You seem happy." I say.

Sirius smiles, but it's the sort of smile he gives when we're out in public or talking to an adult.

"It's my natural morning glow." He says debonairly, snickering to himself.

"Alright." I consent. Something has happened since the night I found him drunk in that corridor, talking on and on about his brother. He, unlike me, looks like he's had good night's sleep.

But he won't tell me if I ask him.

"Have you seen the headlines today?" Remus asks from behind the open Daily Prophet obscuring his face from view.

"You know reading gives me a headache." Sirius says loftily. Remus folds down the paper, rolling his eyes at him.

"What's happening?" Peter inquires.

Remus reads off the front page, "Second break in at Ministry: suspects include Rudolphus Lestrange and Bellatrix Black."

Sirius gives a dramatic shiver at the mention of his cousin, but doesn't comment more.

"What was taken?" I ask.

"Confidential files, it says." Remus squints at the words. "Though I don't really see how they'd be of much importance, they were from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."

"They could always be looking for places to get wild animals." Sirius suggests sardonically. "My cousin would be into that sort of kinky shit."

A pair of arms wrap around my shoulders, and a few strands of red hair fall in front of my face.

"Hi." Lily says, sitting down on my right, dropping her bag lazily on the floor next to her feet.

"Oh, Evans, you'll never guess what - "

I punch Sirius' arm hard under the table, and he silently mouths, "Ouch!"

"Hmmm?"

"He's drunk, don't listen to him." I kiss her cheek chastely, and she smiles. "How are you this morning?"

"Fine." She says, gingerly grabbing a piece of toast from the platter in the middle of the table. "Tired. Not looking forward to classes at all today."

"At least today's Friday." I remind her.

"Thank God." She groans. Sirius smirks at me and waggles his eyebrows, and I kick his shin hard under the table.

I stare at the crumbs on my plate instead of at the girl sitting next to me. Every now and then her elbow will brush my arm.

My fingers move across the table to intertwine with hers, holding her hand. She smiles at me, squeezes once, and then goes back to eating.

* * *

><p>Winter melts into spring. The common room is empty today, as many have taken the opportunity to get outside for an unusually pleasant day of early March. Though Lily had stayed inside after the last class of the day to do homework, and she was better than any random beginning-spring day.<p>

She sits across from me in a lumpy, maroon chair, leaning her knees against the small table separating us. She brushes her hair back every few pages she reads out of the textbook, and I have the overwhelming impulse to cover it with my mouth.

I blink rapidly, trying to curb my seemingly one-track mind. Quidditch was over for the season, and I found myself with free time I wanted to fill with Lily. Of course, it was a double-edged sword, because although I relished spending time with her, every time she would sigh or or lean over, I'd have to shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and grabbing her.

I was a bloody pervert, basically. Almost of age, and still having the urges of a thirteen-year-old git.

In vain, I try to focus on the half-written potions essay sitting in front of me. The words are boring and dull.

"So… you've had sex before, right?" Lily suddenly asks, breaking the soft quiet of the room.

Such a loaded question startles me, coming out of the blue. I cough.

"Er... yes." I reply honestly, shifting in my seat.

She nods definitively, eyes going back to her book. I take the opportunity, and ask her, "have you?"

Lily looks up, mouth tight, and she says flatly, "No."

Sickly, a weight is lifted from my shoulders. I knew it was wrong, but some part of me would hate to know that some other bloke had known her in that intimate way. A way that I hoped to be the first and only one to have that part of her.

"Why are you grinning?" She asks skeptically.

"No reason. Sorry."

She turns back to her book, not speaking again until almost a quarter of an hour has gone by.

"Who?"

"Hmmm?"

She repeats, "Who have you slept with?"

"Lily - " I try, but she interrupts.

"I want to know. If you don't mind my asking. Please?"

It'll be strange if I don't tell her. Like I've got something to hide.

"Er... Astrid Gardener, Freya Nowen from the year above, Sophia Chavez, and a girl named Poppy Reinbach that goes to Beauxbatons."

The space around us is dead silent, only the muffled voices from the dorms are heard in the background. I struggle not to shift as she stares at me.

"Oh. That's quite a lot." She says bluntly, but after a moment she catches herself and looks regretful. "Sorry, that came out much more judge-y than I intended."

"It's alright. I suppose it is a fair number. It happened during fifth year and the beginning of sixth." I tell her. "The peak of my prat years." I add, trying to defuse the tension.

She laughs, and I feel my shoulders relax a little more.

I should have told her. I should have just said it. So what if she hates her? It was in the past.

I take a breath. "And - "

"I really didn't mean to make it such a big deal." She amends, fingers winding around the longest piece of red hair on her left. "I was just curious. It might be rather awkward if you had... er... _been with_ someone I was acquainted with, and I didn't know."

I try not to gulp. Shit.

"None of them matter at all to me, alright?" I blurt out. "I mean, I didn't care about them. At least not the way I care about you."

My hand darts out and grabs hers from its grip on the hardcover, pressing my thumb across her palm.

She smiles beautifully, and says, "I care about you too."

Something jumps in my chest, to hear her say that about me. After years of "I hate you"s, this is a change. A wonderful change.

"Besides, what kind of a name is _Poppy, _anyway?" She scoffs lightheartedly.

"Jealous?" I reply, leaning over the table so that my chin rests on the tops of her knees.

She bits her lip, stares down at her book, and then back at me. Lily leans in and kisses me soundly, but before I can really respond, she pulls away.

"A little."

* * *

><p>What I wouldn't give to Remus right now.<p>

He's laughing at something she's said, and she joins in, her red hair swishing between her shoulder blades.

Instead, I've got Peter as a partner for this blasted Charms project, and he's too busy digging around in his enormous bag for something to focus on what we're supposed to be doing.

My mind drifts back to our snogging right before this class. She has on these lace-print stockings today that make me want to rake my fingers up and down her thighs -

"Prongs."

How are those even allowed by the dress code? They're practically screaming to be touched -

"Prongs!"

To be ripped off in the heat of the moment -

"PRONGS!"

I finally whip around to yell at Peter to calm down, but I see him wildly gesturing at the ball of crumpled up parchment he's managed to enchant to whir around his head at top speed.

"Finite Incantatem!" I point my wand at him.

Finally, the parchment stops in mid air, falling almost soundlessly against the stone floor.

Lily's staring at me now, with a puzzled look on her adorably gorgeous face, nose crinkled up -

Shit, I was thoroughly fucked. I couldn't focus on anything except for _her_ and her body. And the little minx has the audacity to flip her hair and smile and laugh and stand and _breathe_.

When class was finally over, I nearly upturned a desk to get to her. I slip my arms around her waist, hugging her closely as we both walk out.

"Hi gorgeous."

"Hi yourself."

Her hands are already playing with my hair. My grip closes around her hips, and I kiss her. Slowly, softly, but hotly. She responds in kind, with the bloody enthusiasm that makes me so goddamn randy.

This time though, I am the one who pulls away. Her eyes are still closed when I open mine, and she takes a moment to open them again.

Slowly, a grin slides across her face.

"Doing anything later?"

I resist the urge to say, "_hopefully__ you_", and tell her no.

"Could we maybe just... I don't know, could you meet me at the Head's Office tonight? We could talk..." Her nails lightly scratch against the skin behind my ears. Her breath ghosts over my neck. "Or _not talk_..."

Merlin's fucking saggy tits. I dig the nail of my thumb into my palms to keep from reaching out and grabbing her and shoving her up against the wall and -

"Yeah, that sounds good." I manage to say. Her fingers trail down my chest, lower... until they stop right above my belt buckle.

"I look forward to it." She says shortly, then breaking apart abruptly and walking off with her head held high.

Heat creeps up the back of my neck, and I run a hand through my hair, leaning back against the archway onto the grand staircase.

* * *

><p>My hair is sweaty when I get back to the dorm. I took a run today, thinking about the next Quidditch season and feeling stoic when I remembered I won't have one. The days are becoming longer now, more light and closer to summer.<p>

I peel off my shoes, dropping them next to the bathroom door.

"Oi, Prongs. Leave those outside, they reek." Sirius says obnoxiously. Frank Longbottom laughs from where he's sitting. I glower at him.

"And you smell like wet dog most of the time. But we manage to put up with it somehow." Remus says, and Peter squeaks a laugh.

I glance down at the parchment Sirius has scattered across his night table, shaking a hand through my matted-down hair.

"What's this? Are you actually doing schoolwork?"

He scratches the back of his head. "Yeah, well, Dorcas insisted she wasn't going to do my half."

"You know her name." Peter teases. "That's a step up."

The book that was in Remus' hands fall to the ground with a silencing thud. We all turn towards the sound, and find him standing in front of the closed window with his shoulders high and his back turned.

"You're not." Remus finally says.

Sirius sits up. "What?"

"You're not trying to get her, alright? Not her." Remus says slowly.

"What are you on about?"

"I just... not her, alright Padfoot? Any other girl, I don't care. I'm asking, please, don't go after her."

"Merlin Moony, I'm not!" Sirius laughs. "Don't get in a tizzy."

"I'm not in a tizzy." He says shortly.

I stare back and forth between them.

"You fancy her then?" Sirius asks smugly.

Remus says nothing, but picks up the book off the floor and puts it on the small wooden table across the room. Frank raises his eyebrows at me, but I just shrug. I slip into the bathroom, away from embarrassed Remus and grinning Sirius.

* * *

><p>It's another day in Defense practicing making Patronuses. I've already produced one today, and has Sirius, so we lean back in our desks talking as everyone else around the room squints and points their wands in concentration and generally looks constipated.<p>

"I swear, his head is the size of a Bludger."

I tilt my head. "It's not _that _big."

"It's freakishly large." Sirius insists, his hands gripping the side of the table in mock astonishment. "I wonder how he doesn't topple over all the time."

Evan Clark turns at that moment to find both of us staring at him. I look away, but Sirius doesn't bother. Instead, he waves. Clark waves confusedly back.

A little while later, Ruthie Caldwell approaches our desk, leaning over comically far in front of Sirius.

"Hey Sirius, could you help me? I can't seem to get it." She says with a pout, hand poised on her hip.

Sirius snorts. "I'm a little busy right now." He gestures to the blank piece of paper in front of him.

She's undeterred. "Come on. Please? You're so... _good_."

I stifle a laugh, and duck my head down over my arms.

"Maybe another time." He replies.

She finally leaves with an, "Ok."

"She seemed friendly." I say, watching her walk away swinging her hips exaggeratedly.

Sirius nods casually, dropping his head and yawning.

Almost a minute later, Nicole passes us, but Sirius doesn't even seem to notice.

But I don't ask him anything about it.

Instead, I turn my attention over to Lily, standing next to Dorcas a few feet away.

She's standing in hyper-still stance, looking a bit frustrated and a lot determined. But she turns, just in the exact moment to meet my eyes. I feel myself smile into the emerald, and her face completely softens, in a ripple.

And then her face almost splits from such a big grin, and out of nowhere, she says hazily, "Expecto Patronum."

Powerfully, her wand shoots out a large fountain of white, whispy light followed by a large form taking shape.

It's a doe.

She stands stock still, her wand still outstretched, staring blankly as her doe gallops around the room.

"Expecto Patronum." I say, almost inaudibly, and the familiar stag takes shape. It only takes a moment for my stag to spot Lily's doe, and once it does, it starts chasing it.

All around the room they fly, my stag chasing her doe, until finally, _finally_, the doe stops. The doe lets the stag catch up to her, and they nuzzle each other. Lily's concentration breaks, and her doe starts to fade away, as my stag does as well.

I can barely breathe. A stag and a doe. Our patronuses... match.

Lily's standing, mouth open, staring at the place where her doe evaporated.

I knew what my father always told me it meant. Him and mum had matching patronuses, a lion and a lioness. They were soul mates, and their physical forms of happiness took the same shapes because their happiness was each other.

I always wished, hoped, _knew_ that Lily and I were meant to be together. Forever.

And now the sign was staring me in the face.

I resist the powerful urge to take her in my arms and kiss her until I can't breathe, because Professor Ashford has come over and is congratulating Lily on her extraordinary progress.

She doesn't look like she hears him.

* * *

><p>And now I'm running - and I mean <em>running<em> to the Head's Office. Unfortunately, everywhere I turned today after dinner someone had a problem only I could fix, including McGonagall. It was very dark now, almost curfew.

I thought of Lily. Her face, her hands, her lips - our matching patronuses, the way her eyes widened like she couldn't believe it, the way she'd kissed me after class. I couldn't wait for her to be in my arms again -

"Where the hell are you going?" Sirius asks harshly, pulling the back of my shirt collar. I yelp, almost choking from the strain on my throat. Sirius and Peter are anxiously looking at me, my cloak and the map in hand.

"I've got to go meet Lily!" I say.

They both stop cold. Peter's jaw almost drops, and he says, "You _do __know _what night it is, right?"

And then I remember.

"Fuck. It's the full moon."

"Prongs!" Sirius exclaims confoundedly.

I'm royally fucked now. Lily's sitting in our Office, eagerly awaiting my company.

"A-alright, I'll be there soon, let me just - "

Sirius and Peter keep walking, quickly speeding up.

"The moon will be completely risen in less than an hour, and we've still got to get everything in order. We've been looking everywhere for you!" Peter insists.

"I've just got to tell her, I can't - "

"No, Prongs." Sirius says rigidly. "You're coming with us, now. You're the only one big enough to completely hold back Remus without getting scraped up. We all need to go. Now."

I pull out of his grip, but keep up the jogging pace as we run through the darkened passageway towards the Shrieking Shack. We're late, and without preparation, this full moon is going to be a hard one.

Peter's surprise and Sirius' disappointment hit hard in my gut, and I push my running speed faster, berating myself at the massive shithole I've lead myself into.

Merlin, Lily was going to kill me.

* * *

><p>The pine trees covered the sky, only a few stars glinting through the leaf canopy for light. A howl rips from the werewolf's throat, echoing throughout the forest. No being will bother us, warned by the primal cry of danger. The dog runs ahead, jumping through the trees with exuberance.<p>

Legs stretched, fresh, cold air in my lungs. Purer thoughts.

Yet still, a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I push it away.

The night is us running together, running as a pack of sorts. The werewolf and the dog and the rat and I. Running as fast as I can, hooves barely touching the ground as I jump over the roots between the trees.

The transformation is hard tonight. The wolf does not want to go yet.

Blood. Wound by claws against my shoulder. I hold him back by my antlers, until he finally, finally crumples back into the boy.

The rat is Peter again suddenly, muttering something about needing to get back before the dawn.

Dawn is not soon, but he leaves. The boy is steady, out cold, laying on top of the ripped up couch. The dog barks, and somehow I know he means to go after Peter.

I need to be back before the nurse comes to check on Remus. I carefully clomp out of the Womping Willow. I am not ready to be back just yet. Back to worries and cares and that awful responsibility feeling. But I must, and I could sleep for a few hours before morning classes started. I am close enough to the castle so that it looms over my four-legged body.

I must go.

Hurriedly, without even stopping walking, I transform back into myself. I roll my left shoulder tentatively, wincing when I find it almost impossible to move any more without sharp pain. I fumble around in my pocket for my glasses. I shove them onto my face clumsily, just in time to walk straight into another body in the dark.

When my vision refocuses, my stomach drops.

Standing right in front of me, eyes wide, is Lily.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hi! I hope everyone had an awesome New Years (and are having an awesome year so far). I was going to wait to post this because I know I won't be able to update again for at least another three weeks, but I just couldn't wait. The next three weeks for me are going to be a giant clusterfuck of tests and extra credit projects and rehearsals (and eventually shows). I've been really stressed out and although I love writing this, I do need to focus on the things that are (unfortunately) higher on my priority list.

And ok, I get that James' thoughts when he was a stag might have seemed weird, but I feel like he would think a little differently when you're an animal. Obviously it's still him and his thoughts, but there's also that animal instinct that pushes away the complex human feelings. Sorry if it seemed weird to anyone anyway, though.

As always, thanks bunches to everyone that reviews. I love hearing feedback from people reading this, and it just feels nice to see that people _are actually reading it _and liking it. So thanks!

I'll update sometime after three weeks (or maybe less. maybe I'll cave and write anyway. whatever)


	26. Parties and Mornings After

**Parties and Mornings After**

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>"Lily!" He chokes out in surprise.<p>

My mouth doesn't move, I can't form words. I had to be imagining things. There was no way that what I thought I saw could have been true. All the petty anger and confusion over being stood up tonight flew right out the window, replaced by raw surprise.

"James Potter, you've got a lot of bloody explaining to do." I say, crossing my arms across my chest. The night is still cold, though spring is blossoming, but I forget to shiver.

"W-what are you doing here?" He asks shakily, taking a clumsy step back away from me.

"I came after _you_, now explain to me what the hell that was?"

His mouth opens and closes like a fish, his eyes searching the ground for an excuse.

But I don't want an excuse. I want the truth.

"Lily, it's cold, why don't we go inside - "

"Show me." I say.

He looks around uncomfortably. "Lily…"

"Show me." I repeat. "I don't believe what I just saw. Prove to me I'm not going mad."

The air between us seems thick as soup. He clears his throat, and shuts his eyes for a while. I shift from foot to foot, the cold at last catching up to me. He looks up.

"Fine." He says finally.

He takes a deep breath. And right before my eyes, James Potter is not James Potter anymore.

"You're a stag?"

He's quite beautiful, this stag. His coat is a brown, and seems to almost shimmer from looking so shiny. Large, dark brown antlers rise out of the crown of his head. Such a noble animal, such an obvious choice for him. Strong and confident, a leader, maybe even too-proud. The very outward reflection of himself.

My mouth laughs in disbelief. This all feels unreal, like a fantasy cooked up while staring out the window during class.

I walk cautiously toward him, and he trots a little forward until his face is level with mine.

I reach out a hand tentatively and touch the fur above his nose.

I lock eyes with Stag-James, and I'm relieved and stupefied at seeing the familiar twinkling gold-hazel eyes staring back at me. I'm not touching some wild animal. It's really him in there. I watch him blink at me, thoughts flying through a mile a minute.

He's an animagus. He did it. Years and years of study and attempt and practice to do, but he's done it. It's impossible.

And then in a moment, it's James again.

He stands in front of me warily, his now-human hand running through his hair nervously.

"You're... you're... how?"

"I... er..."

He stares around, having an internal battle with himself.

I want him to trust me. I want him to tell me the truth. I want to know things like this, bloody hell, that he can turn into a sodding _stag_ at the drop of a hat!

His face is blank and resolute. "I can explain this all to you later."

My jaw drops. "James!"

"Lily, please, I'm exhausted, and - "

It's now I take time to realize what a state he's in. The jeans he's wearing are newly ripped at the bottoms, and there's blood soaking through the left side of his white t-shirt. He almost sways on his feet.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?!" I blurt out as I reach and grab his arms. I keep him steady.

He says nothing. Clamps his mouth shut tightly, like he does when the Slytherins jab at him in the hallway. I try to lead him into the castle, but he doesn't budge.

"Come on, I'll help - "

"Lily, it's fine." He says, and tries to pull away from me. I don't let him.

"James. This isn't just a scratch. Please, I have some healing potions in my room." I press my forehead against his, feeling his labored breath against my face.

"Let me help." I plead.

He drops his gaze, and swallows. "Alright."

* * *

><p>"Ow! Fuck!"<p>

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I dab more of the healing potion on the wound. It's shallow, luckily, but over an area of muscle that'll be sore for days.

James sits on the edge of the giant bathtub in the middle of the dark, deserted prefect's bathroom. His shirt lies, crumpled up in a ball on the floor next to his mud-caked shoes. I stand behind him, tending to the wound that stretches from his back to the top of his shoulder. I don't think it will scar, but it looks like it hurts immensely.

I clean it, and wrap it in the bandage I brought with me. James refuses to see Madame Pomfrey, so I do as much as I can.

After I'm finished, I kiss the skin around it.

He reaches back and grabs my hand, holding it tightly.

When I finish, I come around in front of him, sitting next to him on the ledge. He looks at me for a long moment.

"I became an animagus in fifth year, after studying it for a couple years and through trial and error." He explains, like he's giving a report in front of class. Clean and analytical.

"You learned it all by yourself?"

He exhales loudly. "No. Sirius and Peter... they're animagi too."

I blink. I'm not surprised, the Marauders were tight-knit, and it wouldn't make sense for one to do something as immersive and difficult without the others.

"We're unregistered, of course, being as we're underage."

Illegal and dangerous, right up their alley.

"It's incredible." I say. "But I don't understand what prompted you to do it."

His face is hard, mouth tight. "I..."

"Tell me. Please. Trust me."

His head shoots up and he looks at me with wide, sad eyes. "It's not _my_ story to tell."

And everything clicks into place. The wound, the rips, the dirt, the full moon tonight. Only Sirius and Peter being animagi. And in the textbooks, how they said that werewolves weren't spooked by other animals. And Dorcas in the hospital, and Remus being gone all the time or sick. And the wounds and cuts and scratches and scars all over him. And everything I'd dismissed as coincidence.

"Does it... er... does it have to do with why Remus is sick every month on the full moon?" I ask gently.

He stays silent, his eyes trained away from mine. I nod slowly, standing up and brushing myself off. I move to collect the empty bottles sitting on the ledge behind him, but he stops me.

His fingers close around my wrist gently, feather light. Like he's afraid he'll break me, or something.

"Please don't be upset, Lily. Understand."

And my heart can't help but soften towards him. The Marauders are brothers, they have a bond that I will never understand. And if Remus is... if he has what I think he does, it's not a secret to be told lightly. I try to respect James' loyalty to his mates and force a smile.

"I do." I tell him. I lean down, kissing his cheek. "And you could use a shave, scratchy."

He laughs. "No way. Birds dig a bloke with a beard."

I roll my eyes. "I'm going to bed, alright? You stay. Take a bath."

He grins. "Care to join me?" He asks, his fingers dancing up my arm.

"Cheeky." I say, shoving him away from me.

* * *

><p>Nicole, Dorcas, and I sit on the ledge of the window outside the library doors, pouring over books but not really studying. N.E.W.T.s are getting closer. The library is packed, despite the lessened bite in the air and the changing season.<p>

James' birthday was fast approaching, and I was in trouble.

"I have absolutely no bloody idea what to get him!" I confess, dropping my head into my hands.

"You already got him something!" Dorcas says.

"I got him new Chaser's gloves. That's the most unoriginal gift in existence."

"It's thoughtful." She counters.

"It's boring!" Nicole singsongs.

Dorcas scoffs. "What did you get Tom then? For his birthday?"

"Lingerie. For me." Nicole says with a devilish smile.

She rolls her eyes. "Your gift is fine, Lily."

"Well, 'fine' isn't James. 'Fine' isn't secret picnics and gorgeous emerald pendants." I moan.

"Strangely, I don't think James would much like a gorgeous emerald pendant. Then again, you know him better than I do."

"Ha." I supply faintly. "I'm serious, though. I want to get him something special. Something that will make him... surprised."

Nicole bumps my shoulder. "Exactly why you should run down to Hogsmeade and to Lady Lavinia's Lingerie and - "

"Oh, shut it."

"You think there's going to be a party?" Dorcas asks, folding over the page of the book she's opened to.

"Of course there is." Nicole says obviously. "It's the Marauders. And James is turning of age. Sirius will probably be busy running around in secret tunnels and under trapped doors digging up as much illegal and inappropriate things he can get his grimy hands on."

"Nothing too bad, right?" I reply, and Nicole snorts.

"Alright Miss Head Girl." She teases.

"Come on, we'll be late for Defense if we don't get up now." Dorcas says, starting to gathering up her things. "I think _today's the day_ I'll finally get my patronus past its blobby-shape."

"What's so different about today?" I ask.

"Don't patronize her. Not everyone can whip out a full patronus at a moment's notice like you, missy." Nicole affirms, roughly pushing her bag up her arm.

"I wasn't!" I insist. "And I didn't just _whip it out_."

"Didn't you see?" Dorcas goads with a grin. "She was looking deep into Mr. Potter's eyes..."

They both crack up, jumping from their seats and stumbling down the hallway.

"He has nice eyes." I say flatly, and they both turn and raise their eyebrows at me.

Out of nowhere, a strong arm flings around my shoulder, accompanied by a jubilant, "Evans!"

I shrug out of Sirius' hold. "Marauders."

"Not doing anything next Saturday, are you Lily-Petal?" Sirius asks, seemingly clicking his heels as he trails after the three of us with Remus and Peter in tow.

"First of all, don't ever call me that. Second, no. What are you three terrors up to?"

Peter chortles. "Just a party in honor of dear Prongs' day of birth."

"Where are you having this insane, very not-allowed, rule-breaking party, might I ask?"

Sirius grins wolfishly. "Room of Requirement. It's going to be - "

"The Come and Go Room? That's just a Hogwarts myth." Nicole interrupts haughtily. Sirius rounds the group over to where she's walking.

"It's not! It's right near that tapestry of Barnabus the Barmy." He insists.

"But it moves around a lot, so it's unplottable. That's why no one's ever put it on any maps. And everyone thinks it doesn't exist." Remus supplies.

"But it does." Peter ends.

"Have you gotten him his gift yet?" I ask Sirius.

"'Course." He scoffs.

"Well? What is it?"

He shakes his head and waggles his finger annoyingly at me. "Can't trust you with that confidential information Evans. It's a secret."

I fight the urge to stamp my foot as a group of Ravenclaws pass us. Kate McDermott is, of course, at the helm, waving her hand around as she tells some story. Her hair is pulled back in literally the bitchiest style imaginable.

Peter has to stop short to let her pass. She shoots me a look, but I glance away. Nicole almost snarls.

"Merlin, I hate her." Dorcas mutters to me.

"Preaching to the choir, honey." Nicole says through her teeth.

"Alright, we've got to get to Defense." Sirius claps his hands together, and the boys split off down the hallway. "Remember, Saturday!"

Nicole watches them leave, tugging hard on the strap of her bag. "Come on, we'd better go too."

"As long as we can get some _food_ after this." Dorcas says, and we walk down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Everyone in the Gryffindor dorm is getting ready. It's been empty every time I've been in here since the new year, as we know each others' schedules and when to avoid the dorms during free periods. I don't believe I'd seen Mary in weeks, ever since our fight in the hallway.<p>

But here we all are, six pairs of feet moving across the wooden floor. Paige is even coming tonight. Mary's humming This Is The Night by the Weird Sisters. Things are placid now, no one is yelling or glaring. But it's not the same, not really.

"Those are my shoes." Dorcas says, breaking the silence. Mary freezes, her hands on a pair of black flats.

"Oh." She says quietly, walking over and placing the shoes on the corner of Dorcas' bed. Dorcas smiles appreciatively, but Mary doesn't.

I glance over, but the bathroom door is still closed. Isabel's been in there for a while, but the shower stopped running.

I pull on a long-sleeved tight black dress. It hugs my body closely, and I smile when I think of how James might look at me. He always makes me feel like I'm something of a grand beauty when we're together.

"The blue tonight?" Nicole asks Dorcas. Dorcas is standing in front of the mirror tacked to the wall between the beds, wearing a lovely azure dress that collects at her hips and flares out into a pleated skirt.

She nods, securing her hair up out of her face with the pins sitting on the table. She smiles a secret smile, and I wish I could ask her why, but there are too many people in the room right now, so I keep my mouth shut.

Isabel bangs open the door, her trademark cinched blood-red dress clinging to her curves. Her hair is stick-straight, heels clacking on the ground. I suppose she looks... pretty.

But she doesn't look soft like Dorcas. She looks sharp and angry.

I step out of her way, and she leaves, the door almost hitting her on the way out.

Mary isn't too far behind, probably off to meet other people she's been with lately. I don't know who.

Nicole pins my hair over to one side, the waves falling down my back. The dorm empties out as we finish getting ready and leave. I like the way I look tonight.

* * *

><p>When we finally manage to enter the daft room, after what feels like forever trying to find it, I can't help but be surprised.<p>

It's a huge, darkened room that seems to go on forever, filled with seemingly everyone from Hogwarts between the ages of fifteen and eighteen. The ceiling is high, dimmed light coming from somewhere above. Strobes of fire-colored lights shoot down in erratic patterns. The floor is stone and the walls are dark maroon, a cry of Gryffindor pride. There's a bar far to the left, with Sirius standing behind it grinning as he pours an amber liquid into someone's drink. There's nondescript thudding music coming from nowhere, and everyone's moving along with the same heartbeat. There's even a snitch flying around above everyone's heads.

Dorcas ducks as it flies too close to her.

If the Marauders know anything, it's how to throw a party.

"Firewhiskey?" Sirius asks as Dorcas, Nicole and I finally fight our way successfully to the bar. He's dressed in a suit entirely too dapper, and it makes me laugh.

Dorcas looks at me uncertainly, and I shrug.

"What the hell." I say. Sirius raises his eyebrows at me, but gets out a glass and starts pouring. Ice clinks. I figure it's a Saturday night, and all I'll have to do tomorrow is sleep.

"Yeah, me too, actually." Dorcas says.

His eyebrows disappear under his hairline.

"Miss Meadowes, I am appalled at such behavior - !"

"Stuff it." She scowls, but takes the glass with both hands. She takes a sip, but then slams it back down onto the bar and starts coughing.

When I look up again, Remus is standing behind the bar too, his hand on Sirius' shoulder, looking concernedly at Dorcas. His hair looks a little askew, but overall much more healthy and lively than last week.

She straightens up, and looks like a deer in the headlights when she sees him.

"Hi, Remus." She squeaks.

"Hi Dorcas." He says in his always-calm baritone voice. "Didn't know you drank."

"I don't. I mean, I don't usually, but... But what the hell, right?"

Remus nods, his eyes laughing.

"Drink, Roux?" Sirius asks cavalierly, holding up the bottle by its neck.

"Don't mind if I do." She says, leaning over the bar until her feet don't touch the ground. "What else have you got?"

"Er... White Rat whiskey, red currant rum, mead..."

"White Rat. Don't be stingy." She replies finally. I look around for James but can't seem to see anything. Sirius extracts a clear bottle and Nicole's eyes are trained on him.

"Why's it so bloody dark in here?" I ask Remus, who comes out from behind the bar and leans next to me.

"Adds to the mystery." Remus says sarcastically, holding out an empty glass to Sirius. But he doesn't notice.

"And where is the birthday boy now?" I stand on my tiptoes, looking into the dark mess of people.

"Not sure. He disappeared somewhere a while ago. Probably looking for you. He should be back soon, though." Remus reassures me.

I turn and look at him. The scar across his eye. The cut on his cheek. The way he looks like he's graying even though he's barely seventeen. I remember studying lycanthropy before the O.W.L.s. It was abstract, like reading about cancer and thinking 'how tragic' when you've never seen or known anyone who's been a victim. The instructions to stay as far away as you could, how they couldn't even recognize their own mothers when they transformed.

"Is everything alright?" He asks, a reassuring grasp on my elbow.

"Er, yes. Yes, sorry." I say, staring back at the enormous crowd in front of me. Ruthie Caldwell brushes past my arm hard, with a glare, and is followed by a few other girls I don't know.

When I turn around, I see Tom approaching Nicole, hugging her from behind.

She smiles and kisses his arm, spinning to face him away from the bar. Sirius' hand freezes, holding out her drink, with a blank expression. After a moment, he slams the glass down on the bar and retreats to the other side, where Ruthie is tossing her hair and laughing.

"There you are!" James bellows, squeezing his way out of the crowd and running up to me. He kisses my cheek, threading his arms around me.

"Were you surprised?" I ask with a laugh, and James looks at Remus fondly.

"My mates can't keep secrets from me for long." He says, and Remus shrugs guiltily.

"It's Sirius' fault, he's been grinning like the cat who ate the canary for a week." Remus insists, his eyes moving from us to where Dorcas is standing with Tom and Nicole.

"Why don't you go over there and keep Dorcas company?" I tell him. "I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"Oh, well, no, she's talking to Tom right now, maybe I will later." He trails off, leaving the other way back to the front of the room.

"Don't be discouraged, I've been trying to get him to talk to her for months." James whispers into my ear. His front pushes completely flush against my back, his fingers trailing up my arm. I shrug him off, and laugh at the disappointed look her gives me.

I crook a finger as I descend into the technicolor light of the crowd. He follows me with a devilish look, sidestepping drunk girls hanging on each other and screaming about something.

He catches me quickly, securing me in his grip as we fall into the steady back and forth of the music. And it feels like his hands are burning holes right through my skin, and I love it.

"You look really pretty." He whispers to me, fitting his head down into the crook of my neck. Well, he just says it, but over the noise it comes out like a whisper.

I want to say so do you, but I don't feel like yelling. So I just hold him closer.

Everything's blurry and sweaty and lazy and moving all at the same time. And he's there and it's his birthday and he's beautiful.

"I'm so glad you're so persistent." falls out of my mouth.

"It's a gift and a curse." He laughs.

The music changes. It's slower now, heavy, but still moving. Hotter, closer.

His breath slides down my neck like the tracks of a hot ice cube, and my forehead rests against his. The light in the room is fluctuating, and it glints off his glasses a little.

James. Potter. James Potter. My boyfriend. The boy that makes me angrier than anyone else, so angry I see red, and makes me so happy I feel like singing. The boy with the glasses and the Quidditch show-off and the animagus, the stag.

"What?" His words pull me out of my inner monologue.

"Nothing. I just like you." I reply.

He grins and kisses me.

The night continues, everyone dancing and laughing and yelling. The night of debauchery promised is delivered, complete with fireworks and ghosts flying through walls and more shirtless drunk girls than I would ever care to see.

A giant cake rolls out onto the middle of the floor, pushed by a delighted Peter and grinning Remus. Everyone makes room, and James steps to the front.

Remus mouths I'm sorry, and before I can ask him why, he taps the table twice.

The top of the cake bursts open and Sirius' head pops up. He smiles smugly like the ring leader of a fantastic circus as people yell in surprise.

He holds up a glass of some alcohol, and says in a pompous declaration, "A toast, to the man of the hour! To my best mate, James Potter!"

The crowd yells its agreement and a hundred drinks raise into the air. I watch James' mouth grin in his stupid all-white suit he wore as a joke and his mussed hair and his glasses that keep slipping down his nose.

I grab his hand and squeeze it hard.

"To James!" Echoes everyone. I look around the circle, at everyone, at Tom holding Nicole in her pink dress, at Remus fading back into the crowd, at Dorcas' hand around his wrist and the happy smile they both wear, at Mary's face bobbing in the background with a few Ravenclaws, even Isabel with Paisley Parkinson laughing with sharpened teeth.

In the glow of the room, everything seems nice tonight.

After the toast, Sirius takes a bow, still halfway inside this enormous cake. James steps up, as if to say something close into his ear, but instead takes a fistful of cake and shoves it right into Sirius' face.

There's a collective shout, before Sirius obviously retaliates.

And then everyone is grabbing fistfuls of cake and it's flying everywhere. I cringe and hold my hands up in defense as James turns to me with two handfuls of cake and a face that tells me I should run away as fast as I can if I like this dress sans frosting.

* * *

><p>My eyes open with my face half-smashed into a boy's chest. Said boy is shirtless and snoring like a foghorn, and smells exactly like my boyfriend. I sit up slowly, aching from the invisible hammer pounding into my forehead.<p>

I look down at myself dazedly. I'm wearing a pair of blue checkered boxers backwards. Hanging off my shoulders is James' dress shirt, but it's unbuttoned, revealing my bra with a strap missing.

His thick comforter sits kicked away at the bottom of the bed. I stare back at James, who's laying against his pillow propped up on the headboard with his head. He's still wearing his dress pants and shoes.

His eyes blink open, and he meets my gaze, running a hand through his hair.

"Are you dead?" I ask, climbing on top of him.

"Yes." He groans. The hair on the back of his head stands up in random directions as he leans up on his elbows and looks around.

"Did... did you sleep here?" He asks.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

His eyes widen. "So... so you were in my bed for hours, and I wasted it by _sleeping_?"

I shrug. "Yep."

He drops back onto the bed, and I pull back the curtains. White light blares through the dusty windows of the boys' dormitories. I stretch my back until it cracks, and stare around the room.

"The light! It burns!" He whines, clapping his hand over his eyes.

I laugh, stepping off the bed and onto the floor. Peter's and Frank's beds are made and their curtains are opened, and there's a Daily Prophet sitting on the floor.

"I feel like I've just been run over by a heard of wild centaurs." James gripes.

"You're bound to. You drank almost an entire bottle of firewhiskey last night." I tell him, tiptoeing over and picking up the newspaper.

"Couldn't let Sirius have all the glory now, could we?" He says with a grin.

Across the front in silencing, black letters reads "_Death Eater Attacks kill 3, wound others._" Under the headline, there's a wizard picture of flashes illuminating a building with smashed windows.**  
><strong>

"Yeah..."

He sits up. "What's the matter?"

"Have you seen this?" I ask him faintly.

"What?"

"The headline of the Prophet. There's been attacks. From the Death Eaters." I hold up the newspaper, and he squints to read it.

"That's the pureblood supremacist group. The one Sirius' cousin is in." He says flatly. "Where?"

My eyes scan the article as my nails scrape the weathered paper.

"Denholm, Newcastleton, and Roxburgh. So far. Ministry Officials are looking into it, but it says they can't seem to connect it to the break-ins or this graffiti they've been spreading around as their 'mark'."

I drop the newspaper on the ground, tired of the harsh facts.

In a moment, his warm body covers mine. He smells like morning and everything I've come to look forward to

"Don't worry. Stop worrying. Today shouldn't be for that. Today, I just want to spend the entire day in bed with my girlfriend." He says, tugging me back over onto the bed.

"Don't even mind my morning breath?" I ask jokingly, sliding my body against his, shivering when my cold bare stomach meets his.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything but..."

"Oi!" I smack him across the chest, and he shoves me off of him, but keeps his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm just joking. You always smell of roses." He says. "I mean, _lilies."_

"Oh, I hate lilies."

He nods vigorously. "I know. I've got the bruise to prove it."

I laugh, letting my head fall into the crook of his neck. "I remember! You tried to fill the common room with lilies in fourth year for Valentine's Day."

"It was the most romantic thing I could think of!" He protests.

"I'll tell you a secret though." I whisper.

"What?"

"I _might _have _slightly _thought it was _sort of _romantic." I admit, and he grins. "But - "

"I knew it!" He yells, flipping me on my back and laying on top of me. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"Shut up you prick!" I shout, scrambling to get out from under him. But he doesn't let me go, he just starts kissing my neck and face and cheeks and laughing.

And that's all I hear, in the dull silence of the room, is his laughter, deep and rumbling in his chest. And I love him.

Wait... what?

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Oooooh snap.

Hey everyone! The clusterfuck has passed (thankfully) and I've emerged mostly unscathed. It's nice to get back to writing for fun again, and I whipped up this chapter in a few nights of not much sleep and lots of tea and a huge fluffy white comforter (basically heaven).

Thanks to all that reviewed. It's always great to hear from everyone!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please review!<strong>_


	27. The Trouble With Bras

**The Trouble With Bras**

* * *

><p>(James Potter)<p>

* * *

><p>"You've got to apologize to him." I tell her firmly.<p>

Her gaze finally comes up from the book in front of her. Exasperatedly, she says, "Are you serious?"

We've been sitting in the library for a while now, but to the librarian's dismay, things were a little rowdy for a Thursday afternoon. I throw a ball of paper up in the air and catch it with the other hand.

"He takes it very seriously!"

"It's just a passing idea. It's not like it'll ever actually amount to anything. Besides, isn't it just plastic wrap?" She asks archly.

"What?"

"It's exactly like this muggle product. This see-through material you wrap around food to keep it fresh."

"Well... I guess." I supply. "But he thinks it's really great. And he's been cross and sulky ever since you laughed at it. So apologize."

A few days ago Peter was describing his long-winded future business venture in food storage. Lily, thinking it had been a joke, had laughed. Peter, to say the least, had been very offended. None of us had the heart to ever discourage him before, and it had been quite a blow to his ego.

"Alright, I will." She says with finality. Then she sighs. "Will you put that away?"

I fold up the newspaper sitting out on the table and drop it onto the floor next to my chair.

"Sorry." She amends. "It's just... I can't stand to read another one of those articles. All those terrible attacks are getting worse and it makes me so..."

"Angry?"

"Immensely." She says fiercely. "Before it seemed like only theft, and there were... well, whispers of it last year, but ever since September there've been more, more crimes, and now it's escalating to homicides. On _muggles_. And it's disgusting."

"The Ministry says they've been working, but there's been no one arrested yet." I reply. "Aurors have been out as well."

"I know." She sinks back a little in her chair. "It's just... they're attacking people who can't defend themselves. Just because they think they're above them and that they're just... nothings."

"That's why I'm starting in the auror training program as soon as school ends. To stop people like that." I tell her. "I've known that since before I was at Hogwarts."

"You'd be a great auror." She says quietly. A smile spreads over her face, and quickly she leans over and gives me a kiss.

"What was that for?"

"I love - I just love that about you. The way you care so much about right and wrong." She replies, her fingers brushing my knuckles, my arm resting across the table. "And you're not afraid to defend it."

"You're beautiful." I blurt out. She blushes, leaning over and kissing me again.

A loud snap echoes through the murmur of voices. We break abruptly, and find Madame Pince standing a few feet away with her judgmental, pinched face and wagging finger. She shakes her head, and disappears back through the shelves.

Lily bites back a laugh.

"Bloody ancient bird is just jealous." I say. She laughs again, but remembers her open book.

"Now will you be quiet so I can study?" She pleads.

"No."

"You're infuriating, you realize that, yeah?" She groans.

"I've been told." I tilt my head sideways, looking at the assignment description under her hand. "Hey, don't you need Toadstoy's Potions Anthology for that essay?"

"Yes." She says surprisedly. "How - ?"

"I wrote it last night. Pince has got to have a few other copies." I say, eager to get up from the uncomfortable wooden chair and stretch my legs. She follows me.

"You've got something there. On your neck." I say, looking down at a mark poking up from the purple scarf she has slung around her neck today.

She just rolls her eyes, moving past me along the ceiling-high shelves of books.

"I know. No thanks to _you_."

"What?"

"You gave me a hickey." She says indignantly, sending me a hateful glare.

"Sorry." I grin.

Her eyes narrow. "Go ahead, sit there and grin, you little prat. But you're not the one having to wear a winter scarf _inside_ all the time to hid it."

"Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it while you were getting it - "

We turn the corner, running right into an enthusiastically snogging couple.

They detach, with an annoyed scoff. The boy is Ray Wolfe, a Slytherin from morning Potions. The girl is Mary. She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at Lily.

"Er...sorry." Lily stutters out, pushing me back around the corner again, pushing us out of view.

My back hits against a front shelf. She takes a breath, and asks flatly, "Er... do you still have that copy of Toadstoy's?"

* * *

><p>"Oi fleebag! Padfoot!" I shout. The dorm is empty during lunch, except Sirius in the shower. He does this every other Tuesday. It's barmy, and I've tried to have him explain it, but he just calls it his "private time". It's all rather mysterious and possibly gross, but the other blokes and I have learned not to question it.<p>

"What?!" He yells back through the bathroom door.

"Have you seen a Toadstoy's Potions Anthology around?"

"No." He says indignantly as the door opens sharply. He pads out barefoot, toweling off his hair.

"Mate, you're naked."

"And?"

I just shake my head. This shouldn't be normal mate-behavior. But it is. No sense of boundaries, he has. I duck under his bed, sifting through the trash and parchment. My hand hooks something that feels like -

"Whoa. What's this?" I ask, holding up a bright pink bra. For a split second I think it might be Lily's, but it isn't. And it's under Sirius' bed. His hand jumps his forehead for a moment before he drops it.

"A bra." He says coolly, leaning over and snatching it from me. He wraps the towel around him finally.

"Yeah, I know. Who does it belong to?"

He raises his eyebrows and moves back towards the bathroom. "None of your business."

I beat him to it, slamming the door shut and stand in front of him. "Who have you been shagging in here?"

"No one." He says firmly. He slips under my arm, opening the door stealthily and sneaking inside, slamming the door in my face.

"Are you really not going to tell me?" I ask, banging on the door angrily.

There's no answer.

* * *

><p>"Queen to D3." Remus says calmly.<p>

The stone piece slides across the board and Remus looks at Peter with an eyebrow raised.

Peter wipes his hands on his pants, taking a drink of the cold pumpkin juice perched on the arm of the chair.

Remus rolls his eyes. "Quit stalling."

"I'm not." Peter quips. "Queen to F6."

Remus smiles smugly. "Knight to F6."

Peter groans and leans back dejectedly in his chair. With a laugh, Remus asks, "So, are you going to give me those five galleons now or...?"

"Prick." Peter mumbles. "I swear, you cheated."

"You're just cross I've beaten you."

Lily falls next to me on the couch, dropping a stack of papers on the table next to the chess board.

"How much did he win from you this time, Peter?" She asks.

He gives Lily a glare and stands up from his seat to leave. Remus catches the glass of pumpkin juice before it upturns, and Peter mumbles a "sorry".

"Don't mind him." Remus says quickly after he's gone upstairs.

Lily doesn't say anything. She leans over and tightens my tie, and I almost choke.

"Merlin, woman, are you trying to strangle me?!"

"No, but you're Head Boy. You should look at least a little presentable." She insists. She turns back over onto her back and leans against my chest, looking at Remus sneakily.

"So, Remus, I heard you're taking Dorcas to Hogsmeade next weekend." She says casually.

"Er... yeah, I am." He replies, cleaning up the chess board and not looking up.

"Mate!" I exclaim. "That's brilliant! And about time too!"

He nods. Bashful sod.

"I heard they kissed at your birthday." She adds with a grin. She knocks against my shoulder, and I feel myself grinning like a cheshire cat at Remus.

"Really?" I ask. Remus doesn't meet my eyes or acknowledge he's heard us, and I laugh. "Well alright!"

"It's... did she tell you that?" He asks meekly.

Lily opens her mouth to answer, but then shuts it quickly, looking over her shoulder.

I turn my head around as far as it can go on the couch. Dorcas rounds the couch, leaning on the arm next to Lily.

"Hi Dorcas." Remus says quietly.

"Hey Dorcas!" I reply loudly. Remus shoots me a look.

"Did you hear about the practice tests we're taking for the N.E.W.T.s tomorrow?" She says.

Lily sits up. "Practice tests?"

"Yeah, McGonagall just put up a bulletin about it. Apparently they're supposed to tell us what we have to improve and how we're likely to score and the like." She explains.

Lily looks at me, but I shrug. "In all the classes?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'm going to go study." She looks down at Remus and bites her lip, and asks with the small smile, "Do you want to come with me, Remus?"

"Yes." He says quickly. "Yes, yeah, let me just get my books."

He jumps up from the half-put away wizard chess set. He moves towards the stairs, and Dorcas follows him.

Lily and I stare at each other until she shouts a laugh and buries her face in my chest.

"They are so adorable." She squeals.

"I think we're cuter, though." I reply, kissing her softly.

"You're both ghastly." Sirius says rudely, flopping into the chair across from us.

I pull away from Lily and glare at him, but he just holds up the half-full glass of pumpkin juice and asks, "Is this Peter's?"

I nod, and he takes a long gulp.

"If you're not going to tell me who that mystery bra belongs to, then don't talk." I say. He coughs into Peter's pumpkin juice, dropping the glass back onto the side table.

"Mystery bra?" Lily asks with a puzzled expression. "What?"

"Nothing." Sirius says quickly. "Look, I've got to go. You two go back to whatever it was you were doing."

And he disappears.

Who could he be shagging that he couldn't tell me about? I was the only person that had ever seen the bloke cry, and took care of his repugnant ass when he was ill. We were brothers. So why was he holding out on me?

Lily's lips land on my jaw, trailing up to my ear, and my hand grips the couch cushion.

"We're in the common room." I manage to get out.

She coolly detaches from me and retreats to the end of the couch, crossing her arms.

"Fine." She stands up, brushing herself off. "I've got to go study as well, anyway."

"Lily." I whine, pulling her back to me.

"I'll see you later, then?" She leans over, and whispers and bites my earlobe. She pushes away off my chest, standing back up and walking away.

* * *

><p>On any given Thursday, a few things are constant. For example, if there's going to be a pop quiz in Charms, it will always be on a Thursday. You know if Flitwick introduces a new concept on a Tuesday, there will most definitely be a parchment full of questions waiting on every desk two days later. There's always corn as a vegetable at dinner. And every other Thursday, Sirius and I always take the free period in the afternoon to take the trapdoor passageway to gather some supplies from Hogsmeade.<p>

But today he was nowhere to be found.

Lily and the other Gryffindor girls had been holed up in the dormitories, Remus was at that annoying little study group he's got with a few of the Ravenclaws, and I haven't seen Peter all day.

So here I am, wondering around the halls, looking for something to do. I hope I'll run into Tom or Frank, or Doug or Lucas. But the hallways seem deserted, and the only people I do see are little first and second years, scurrying by without a word.

It isn't until I come to the fourth floor corridor where I hear a rhythmic knocking from multi-purpose classroom 2. I check out the situation, and I start to hear something else.

"Help. Help. Helllllllllp." A female voice calls with the knocks.

I lean up to the door and call, "Er, hello?"

"Yes! Hi - "

"Prongs, is that you?" Sirius' voice shouts through the door.

"Sirius? What - ?"

"Just open the bloody door, will you?" He snaps.

"What's wrong with it?" I ask.

"Locked." The female voice says. It sounds like Dorcas.

I step back, taking my wand out of my pocket and pointing at the knob. "Alohomora."

The door clicks, and Dorcas comes bursting through, throwing it open. Her hair is everywhere and I almost get some in my mouth when she runs and hugs me. I stagger back, and Sirius comes out after her.

"Thank _Merlin. _We've been stuck in that bloody classroom for hours!" Dorcas cries.

"How?"

"We don't know. It managed to lock from the outside." Sirius says, leaning exhaustedly against the outside wall next to the door. I finally look at him, seeing his Oxford shirt flaps open.

"Why is your shirt open?" I ask slowly.

"It got really hot. The windows wouldn't open, you should feel it in there, it's a sauna." Dorcas says quickly.

I look past her to Sirius. In response to my skeptical brow, he shakes his head almost imperceptibly.

I swallow a relieved sigh. I always wondered what it would be like if two of the Marauders fancied the same girl. It almost happened back in fourth year with Remus and Peter, but Remus ended up stepping back. Peter asked her out, she rejected him. Remus didn't pursue her. And that was the end of things.

But Sirius would never, and he knew how much Remus fancied Dorcas. So I follow Dorcas and Sirius back to common rooms, calmed that Dorcas is not the owner of the mystery bra.

* * *

><p>"All of this talk about the N.E.W.T.s is making me completely break out." Nicole whines to Lily as we all walk to the Great Hall. She's staring into this little circular mirror I've seen Lily carry around in her bag, focusing it on a red dot on her face.<p>

"Oh relax, babe." Tom says, grabbing her hand. "You're still gorgeous."

"Thanks." She replies quickly with a smile.

With a thump, Lily's bag falls to the floor, the strap still on her shoulder. Everything falls out across the corridor.

"Shite." Lily says, dropping to try and collect her things. I stoop down to help her, and Tom and Nicole stop.

"You two go on ahead, we'll catch up." Lily says quickly.

Nicole and Tom both shrug and nod respectively, and continue with the flood of seventh years heading to hear the lecture about practice N.E.W.T.s. I pick up everything I can reach, handing it to her. She puts everything back in.

Lily stands up, holding her bag by the top and stuffing the broken strap in the outside pocket.

"Alright, let's go. We're late already."

We start back up the hallway, and I recognize some Slytherins behind us. Regulus is there, along with Winston Pucey and some sixth years. They stop talking when they see Lily and I, and I can't help giving them a dirty look over my shoulder.

My hand lands on Lily's lower back protectively. I can hear them murmuring and I try to walk faster down the hallway.

"Mudblood." One of them says in a clear, mocking voice.

They laugh an ignorant, followers laugh.

"Mudblood." Another chimes in as they walk behind us.

"Mudblooooood." A few others chorus.

And I can't stand it. I whip around and step up to Winston's face, my nose almost touching his. My fists are so tight they ache, but I don't care. I'm so angry I'm seeing red.

"Say it again." I say. "Go ahead. I _dare_ you."

"James." Her voice teeters warningly. Her fingers touch my arm, but I don't move.

"Well she is one. Dirty blood." Pucey says confidently, but his voice wavers. I clench my jaw, drop the hand that was over my wand.

"I'm going to give you five seconds to get the hell out of here." I say quietly.

"Or _what_?" One of the sixth year Slytherins behind him says.

"You'd better hurry up boys." McGonagall's voice booms through the hallway. The Slytherins fly around to see McGonagall standing with her arms crossed and her mouth set. "The assembly is starting."

The scurry away behind her, and her eyes land on me.

"You two as well. Head students need to set a better example." She says strictly.

She gestures for us to go ahead of her, so I step inside the Great Hall. Lily follows me.

We take seats towards the back, as everyone else has already been seated. McGonagall leaves us and moves to the front of the room near Professor Flitwick.

"What the hell was that?!" Lily hisses, swatting my arm.

"What?" I ask gruffly. I know she's going to try to scold me, say that she can take care of herself. She's a Gryffindor, after all, and that's one of the things I love about her. But I can't help it, and I wish she didn't have such a problem with me protecting her.

"What if McGonagall hadn't showed up? What would have - ?"

"I don't like them belittling you like that. It's not right for them to use that word." I whisper firmly.

"N.E.W.T. tests will be the scores that will determine what jobs you will be eligible to apply for in the future, so it is imperative that everyone takes them seriously. They effect not only your overall grade for this year, but according to your scores, will suggest where and for what you will be most suited. For example - "

She bites her lip, shrinking back a little from her usual angry in-my-face stance. "I don't need you to defend me. I'm - I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't have to be - "

"But I am." She interrupts. "It's the world we live in now. Everyday, the difference becomes more and more black and white. And I'm not exactly on the advantageous side. And I just... I care about you. And I don't want you getting hurt on account of me."

"I won't be. Not really. I can't stand hearing idiots like them call you that. And I know it bothers you, and I want to spare you as much of that as I can." I reply.

"- Because of the margin of variation in Potion-making, the written test will only count for 40% of your overall grade, while the practical test will count for 60% - "

I feel her hand grab mine. She's not angry anymore. Her eyes are misty and she's got this look on her face that makes me want to kiss her forever.

I lean over and give her a quick kiss on the cheek before anyone can notice. She smiles, and she drags my hand (still in hers) over to her knee. Then up her leg farther, until both our hands are resting on her inner thigh.

She looks me dead in the eye and pulls my hand so that my fingers are touching the top of her knickers under her skirt.

My eyes widen. "Lily?" I manage to choke out.

But she doesn't say anything, just pushes my fingers past the fabric and -

Bloody fucking hell. Is this a dream? Am I going to wake up in a sweaty panic while Sirius stands over me laughing his head off?

Soft. So sodding soft, like the inside of rose petals. I don't - I shouldn't be doing this, we're right in the middle of a bloody assembly, and at any moment McGonagall could walk back here and see my hand up Lily's skirt under the table...

"Let's get out of here. Please?" She whispers urgently in my ear.

"Er... what?" I ask dumbly. My mind feels permanently slowed, like everything is happening a minute later.

"Let's leave."

"They're not done - "

"I'm alright with missing it, to be honest." She hisses quickly, her hand already pushing my shoulder to get up.

"Really?"

"_Yes_, James."

"Fuck yes, let's go."

So we leave through the back door, and no one seems to notice us.

She's pulling me through the halls, and finally we stumble into this broom closet.

She pushes me backwards until my back hits the wall and presses into me. She grips my forearms, pulling my arms around her. Something falls from one of the top shelves, knocking over something else, but only somewhere in the back of my head to I realize this. All I can feel is Lily now, her body molded into mine through layers of treacherous clothes, and the way that her fingers are unbuttoning my shirt as fast as they can.

I feel like I'm bruising her lips, but I can't get enough of her.

I almost rip open her shirt, hands cupping her bare stomach and running around to her back. Sliding up, to the hook of her bra and -

And -

Why the hell isn't it unhooking?

I twist it a different way, but it refuses to come loose.

Lily's mouth pulls away from mine and looks at me quizzically.

I try again, but it's not budging. What the hell kind of bra is this?

"Front, James." Lily says impatiently.

Oh.

I unhook it easily and toss it to the ground, not caring where it goes, as her mouth closes over mine again. Her tongue licks my teeth as my hands go to her chest, slowly, and she presses into me.

"Come on." She says hungrily.

So my thumbs brush over her nipples and she sighs again, her hands brushing up my chest and curling around my shoulders.

My hands brush over her belly button before they jump down to her thighs. Perfectly shaped, my fingers shift up her leg until they get to her bum. I push her roughly against me, and then suddenly she hooks a leg around my waist.

And something rips through me, from my chest to my stomach, and I flip our positions, shoving her back against the wall, my hand pulling her lacy-feeling knickers down her legs.

My finger slides into her, and she sighs into my ear, her leg still half around my waist.

We've gone exactly this far before. The night of my birthday, but we were drunk, and I shouldn't have done it then. I want to make up for it now.

I want to be slow at first, build up the pressure, but I can't seem to control it. She bites down on her lip hard, and I resist the urge to jerk against her. No, I have to focus on _her. _I push up another finger and she gasps loudly and... bloody fucking hell, she is riding my fingers. And her hands claw at my shoulders, making little red crescents, but it's hot.

She chokes out something, and I have to ask, "What?"

"Nothing. Just keep - Keep - "

I add my thumb, remembering Sirius' advice once.

She makes a keening sort of noise and her fingers pull on the hair at the back of my heart in a highly too-hot way. I bury my face in her neck, feeling her building up.

Her forehead falls against my shoulder, her entire body wracks against me and then relaxes, and she smiles at me.

"Bloody hell Potter." She says between kisses. And before I know it, she's back on top of me.

The loud unbuttoning of my belt magnifies in the dark room, and her hand is snaking down my pants and I have to grit my teeth to keep from moaning.

"Fuck."

She kisses down my stomach, pushing my pants down with her left hand and Lily Evans' hand is around my cock in a broom closet in the middle of an assembly this cannot be real.

And she's licking her lips like that and this bird who everyone thought was a prude is apparently not at all.

She replaces her hand with her mouth and I have to struggle not to come already. I open my eyes for a moment, and she looks up at me and closes her mouth around my cock and I can't believe this, I'm not thirteen! I should be able to -

Frogs. Frogs... Snape. Snape's hairy back. Grandmothers -

My hands wind through her hair, her fire-red hair. It might have been twenty seconds or twenty minutes since we fell in here, I have no sense of time right now.

"Lil - Fuck, Lily - that's - "

The pressure builds in my abdomen, and I manage to growl out, "Lily, I'm going to - to..." I gulp. "Come now."

But she doesn't stop, her mouth warm and wet and fucking brilliant and no amount of wild fantasies could ever compare to the real thing. And I finish, and she pulls away, wiping her mouth discreetly, in a way that makes me smash my mouth against hers again.

"Do you want to go to - go somewhere else?" I say in between kisses.

"Can we?" She gasps out.

"Let's... we can go to my room."

And she leaves my lips, quickly threading her arms through her shirt, grabbing her bra and buttoning up.

"Come on, then." She says with a feral grin, crashing out of the door.

And we run through the hallways, still blissfully empty, my shirt buttons buttoned wrong, with the promise of more time with the sweet-smelling, infinitely sexy girl holding my hand running to my bed.

* * *

><p>The practice N.E.W.T.s are set to start in about an hour, and I've forgotten my quill like the blind sod that I am.<p>

We aren't really supposed to be walking around outside our classrooms, because they're worried about cheating and the like, so I broke out my invisibility cloak for the morning.

As I jog up the stairs, practically skipping. It doesn't even matter that I'll have to sit in silence and answer questions on parchment all day. Nothing matters except Lily today.

Having her wake up in my bed. Her hair splayed out across my chest, leg hooking around mine, tangled bodies. My sheets smelled like cinnamon after she left.

I saw her this morning, her shy smile cutting through the crowd of Professor Ashford's defense class and warming me from the inside out.

If I'd thought that my life would be where it is back in December, I would have laughed harder than Sirius when Peter accidentally drank that hair-growth potion. But it is. My mum and dad were great, my grades were up, I was with Lily, Remus was with Dorcas, Sirius was happy, Peter was Peter. Everything seemed to be working out.

I round the corner and stop short.

Nicole and Sirius stand facing each other in the middle of the deserted hallway.

"We shouldn't even be talking. What do you want?" Nicole asks irritably, crossing her arms.

"Take it. You left it." He says vacantly. He holds out a _bright pink_ bra.

Nicole's eyes widen, and she snatches it from him. "Thanks."

Oh... shit.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Womp. Hi everyone!

I hope the smut I wrote came across alright. It's kinda awkward in first person, but I figured, what the hell? But regardless, I hope it didn't make too many people cringe, as I still giggle when I write the word "cock". That's probably why it's so fast as well. They'll be more talk about sexy time from Lily's perspective next chapter.

As usual, sorry for the delay in updating. I had it all written out and then half of it decided to disappear. So I had to rewrite this second half, and then there were some things I fixed that work better now in the first.

Thanks to everyone for reviewing, and a special separate thanks to DerangedDynamic for that in-depth (and positively glowing) review! It made me squee.

Oh, and for the reviewer commenting about James' birthday party on the last chapter: yeah, honestly, I took some creative license for that scene. But I figure, it's the Marauders, and if anyone could pull a rule-breaking party, it's them, right?

Anyway, I'll try to update as soon as possible. I hope everyone reading this had been good!

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><p><em><strong>Please review!<strong>_


	28. What Goes Up Must Come Down

**PREVIOUSLY ON "LOVE AND OTHER DISASTERS": **Sirius and Dorcas were paired up as partners for a school project and consequentially becoming friends, and then got locked in a classroom together by accident; James and Kate hooked up last Halloween; the owner of the bra left under Sirius' bed was Nicole; Nicole lost her virginity to Sirius; Isabel hates Lily because she went out with Nate, Lily hates Isabel because she kissed James (before Lily and James were together) for revenge; Lily and Mary haven't been speaking; Lily and James have been dating for a while now; Remus and Dorcas fancy each other.

* * *

><p><strong>What Goes Up Must Come Down<strong>

* * *

><p>(Lily Evans)<p>

* * *

><p>When I wake up the next morning, I'm lying trapped in a prison of deliciously muscled arms and legs.<p>

I squirm a little, but he doesn't move. He's completely out, the prick who kicks like hell in his sleep. I've stayed over in his bed twice this week before last night, and it's becoming far too much of a habit, but I like it too much to stop.

I've got a feeling this morning.

I can't explain it. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, but it's still here. It's unsettling. Something shifting in my stomach, like a storm is coming, like things have been up for too long.

I shift out from under the covers, leaning down to pick up my clothes, when I feel a hand brush against my lower back.

"Hi." James whispers, his voice heavy with sleep. His hair is sticking out in every other direction and straight up in the back. I run my hand through it, but it pops right back up.

"Good morning." I say, I kiss him quickly and finish gathering my stuff together to get back to my own bed. "Do you think anyone's awake yet?"

He shrugs. "Maybe Frank. He's always up before everyone else. But probably not." He says, his fingers dancing across my back in gentle patterns.

I smile at him, and he smiles back at me. "What?"

"Nothing. I picked which concert I'm taking you to this summer."

"Who're we seeing?" He asks indulgently, sitting up against the headboard and leaning his arm behind his head.

"Deep Purple." I say. "They're brilliant."

"Alright. If it means I get to spend the summer with you." He riffs, nudging my thigh with his foot.

I shove him back, pulling on a soft cardigan over my bra and threading my legs through some thread-bare pajama pants.

"I've gotta go." I tell him, leaning over and kissing him once more before I slide out of the bed curtains and into the dorm. Frank's bed is made and his curtains are open, but no one else's are. I tiptoe down the stairs and back up to the girl's dorm.

The room is quiet and untouched, save Paige's and Isabel's beds, which are empty. I take a breath and drop my shoes as softly as I can next to my bed post.

The scrape of a curtain opening makes me turn around, and Nicole is sitting on the end of her bed, still in her lacy bedclothes, staring at me with a smug raised eyebrow.

"What kind of time is _this _young lady?" She asks crisply. I grin guiltily at her.

"I'll not have my best mate become some common slag_, _sneaking around in the dead of night!"

"Shut it. I'm not sneaking around." I reply, throwing my cardigan at her roughly. I grab the folded white shirt and red sweater sitting at the foot of my bed and thread my arms through the sleeves.

"Those are Potter's pajama pants, you know that, right?" Nicole replies tartly, pointing with her red-polished toes at my pants. I look down at the maroon checkered pants that hang too low on my hips.

With a glare, I pull the sweater over my head.

"How was it, at least?"

"Things have been... _great_." I say, running a brush through my hair swiftly, but it gets stuck on the ends of my hair where the tangles are.

"He's good in bed, then?" Nicole asks, dropping her feet off the side of the bed. I say nothing, but work hard to bring the corners of my mouth down.

So what if I am a slag? I'm a happy, fulfilled, satisfied slag with a very attractive and willing boyfriend. A boyfriend that I care about... that I may in fact -

"Look at you, smiling like the cat that ate the canary!" She squeals, jumping up and down and clasping her hands to her chest.

"I am not." I move over to the mirror, brushing off my skirt and inspecting how I look from the side. Nicole's arms hug me from behind, and her chin rests on my shoulder. We look at each other's reflections through the mirror.

"I'm really happy for you, Lily. Really." She says softly.

I smile at her. "Thanks."

She nods and moves to the closet, taking a skirt off its hanger and pulling it up over her legs.

"How are things with you and Tom? You haven't talked about him in a while." I ask.

"Things are fine." She says shortly. She grabs a headband off the dresser, sliding it through her shiny blond hair.

I turn to her, leaning against the wall. "Fine? I thought - "

"I'm going to Paris for the summer." She interrupts with a grin. "Mother worked it all out, owled me yesterday. I'll stay with Grandmére in the cottage right outside the city."

"That sounds amazing." I say. "I, on the other hand, will be in sweaty Cokesworth dodging insults from Petunia."

"Didn't you apply for that two-month healers auxiliary training program?"

"Yeah. But I don't know if I got in yet." I remember the stressful information sheet I had to fill out, including checking a box saying that I was of muggle birth. "And to be honest, I'm not even sure if I want to be a healer at all."

All the lectures from McGonagall and the other professors circulate in my head as I push them away. I knew I wanted to do something with potions, but I didn't want to work at the Apothecary. Professor Slughorn had introduced me to a few researchers and inventors over the past few years, but I hadn't heard from any of them about internships so far. And on every single form or application, there was always that bloody box I had to check. And it might as well have been the mark of Cain, the way it stared at me like the fat, red X it was.

"What do you want to do then?"

"I've always wanted to become a ballerina." I say, twirling around Nicole, thinking about my short-lived dreams of being onstage at the ballet. Nicole shoves me, and laughs.

"You could never last in a real dance school. Look at your form. Sloppy." She says archly, picking up her bag off the messy desk in the corner of the room. "Ready?"

"Almost." I say, shoving the make-up essay I had to write for McGonagall (with James' help).

* * *

><p>Breakfast is breakfast as usual, except for Dorcas sits next to Remus and Nicole doesn't end up sitting with us at all. Tom was sitting down at the end of the table, so she broke away from Dorcas and I as soon as we got to our usual spot.<p>

Sirius has his eggs. Peter is absorbed in something he's copying. Dorcas and Remus hold hands under the table.

I push the newspaper away from me when Frank passes it along the table. The pancakes are dry, and I drown them in syrup.

"So, are you two a thing now, or what?" Sirius asks through a full mouth, waving his knife at the boy and girl sitting across from him.

Dorcas and Remus both look at each other through the corner of their eyes, and then looking away.

Peter finally glances up from his parchment. James puts down his fork loudly.

"Yes." Remus says finally. Dorcas' head shoots up and he looks at her for approval, and she smiles slowly.

"Yeah, we are." She adds.

Sirius nods, chewing thoughtfully. "Just thought I'd clear that up for everyone." He says quietly, going back to his food.

James glances at me out of the corner of his eye. He's been saying Sirius has been acting strange since last week, and he keeps asking me if I've noticed.

I'm not really sure what to say. Sirius and I have always had a strained friendship. What with me hating him and him hating me and James fancying me and then me fancying James back finally and him finally warming up to me... I think. I'm not really sure where I stand with Sirius, because we haven't really spoken just the two of us in a while, but I hope we're friends. That said, Sirius always seems a little moody to me, so I always say that he's probably just tired or something.

Breakfast ends awkwardly, Remus and Dorcas leaving together and Peter following Sirius blindly, still reading whatever he was. Sirius strides out, looking irritated about something.

James and I are two of the last people to leave, just as the house elves came up to clear the dishes. He holds my hand warmly, but stares at the ground and only nods when I start telling him about the Charm Club trying to organize a dance sometime next month.

That is, until we're in a mostly empty corridor and his hand breaks from mine to my lower back, pulling me into a searing kiss.

"James!" I push him away from me, catching my breath.

"Merlin I love it when you say my name." He groans jokingly, his hands cupping my thighs and pulling me back up against him.

"I'm going to kick you." I threaten him, shoving his chest to get him away from me. He smells far too good, and I really can't miss class today. They're having individual meetings with students today, and I need to know where I stand what with my grades.

"Come on, we've got a solid few minutes before our next class. There's an empty broom cupboard right across the hall…" He whispers huskily in my ear, his fingers shifting through my hair at my neck.

"You and your bloody sexual tunnel vision." I scold him. He laughs, but it's deep in his throat, like a muted lion roar.

Before I can stop, I'm pulling him into that broom cupboard and unzipping my skirt.

* * *

><p>I lay my head against James' chest, after classes have finished for the day and we're free to relax until dinner.<p>

The trees flower brilliantly, the sun casting an orange-yellow glow over everything. The grass tickles my elbow. A bird chips from above, its call answered by two others from different directions. Far away laughter collides with his steady breathing. I let out a loud exhale, my eyes threatening to close from the laziness of it all.

But under this perfect moment, I felt tense.

I had such exact plans in, say, fifth year. I don't remember when it all got so disjointed. Everyone else seemed to know exactly what they wanted to do after graduation. Dorcas was to be a healer, she'd been training for it since the O.W.L.s. Mary arrived at the conclusion she was going to be an Auror in the beginning of this year. Isabel would be married off to some rich pureblood and live out the rest of her life on some grand manor and throw extravagant parties. Nicole was going to be permanently off to Paris. James was getting a place with Sirius and training to be Aurors together, like James' father.

I used to know exactly what I wanted. A suppressed memory resurfaces over Snape and I, sitting together during lunch back in fourth, discussing how we were going to open up our own potions shop. And people could order right from their houses, by owl, and we would have them delivered within the day.

I shut my eyes tightly. There was no use thinking about that, as Snape had obviously changed his plans. I didn't know who exactly he'd allied himself with, but it seemed like a hop skip and a jump from the Death Eaters.

The name makes me almost shiver despite the warmth from the sun.

That was another reason my future seemed unclear. The box I had to check on every form seemed to be becoming more and more important. Attacks were happening more and more, and the only interview I'd been on for a possible apprenticeship turned me away and made some noise about N.E.W.T. scores, even though Hogwarts' N.E.W.T. testing had to be pushed back this year on account of a mistake on the test itself, and something about unfair scoring. The magical world that I was to become an adult in seemed to be turning its back on me.

I turn over on my side, looking up at James. His eyes are closed, and he's breathing so heavily he could be asleep.

Looking at the stubble collecting under his jaw, I think about James' future. And if I'll be in it.

He talks about getting a place with Sirius, but sometimes it almost seems like he wants to ask me. He's never been subtle about anything, though, so maybe it's just my imagination. When I think about what I would say if he actually asked me, I... I might say yes.

When I imagine my future right now, at this moment, nothing else seems clear except for him. I can't imagine going back to indifference, he's become too much of a fixture. He's wormed his way into my heart.

I bite off a piece of the chocolate bar I had James nick for me from Hogsmeade a few days ago. Hey, he's going to break the rules anyway, I should at least get something out of it, right?

He shifts under me, and asks, "You're going to give me some of that, right?"

I lean up on my elbows, holding the chocolate bar over his mouth.

"Bite. Only a bite - "

He looks like he's only going to take a piece off the top, when he actually takes a huge chunk out of it, leaving only a tiny bit left. He smiles guiltily at me, passing it back.

"Pig." I retort, snatching back my chocolate bar (or at least, what's left of it).

He laughs, twirling the end of a piece of my hair with his forefinger and humming.

I sit up, looking down at him with a scrunched-up nose. "Have you finished those schedules yet? Because - "

"I love you." He says suddenly. "You know that, don't you?"

All the air feels like it's been sucked out of me. I almost cough. I couldn't have heard that right. He must have been kidding.

"Shut up." It's the only thing I can think of to say, and I follow it by a nervous, uncontrolled laugh.

His mouth is set in a hard line all of a sudden, and all the light has fallen out of his voice. It's not an expression I'm used to seeing on him, and I'm not quite sure if it's one of my favorites. My stomach hurts all of a sudden, and it's too hot outside.

"I'm serious." He says, sitting up and facing me. His hands clasp mine in my lap. "And I just thought I'd remind you."

"Don't say that." I insist flatly, pulling my hands out of his.

"Damn it Lily." He says frustratedly, running a hand through his hair. "I do."

"Stop, James." I say harshly, "You can't mean that - "

"I am not Snape."

Every molecule of me freezes, and it's like I can't breathe. But he makes me look at him, right into his eyes, as he holds my chin. His hazel eyes break me just a little, and I swallow the lump rising in my throat.

"I'm not Snape and I'm not Isabel. I love you, and I'm not going to hurt you."

The statement is so simple and bare, and painful all the same. I take a breath, trying to find a steady rhythm again. He looks determined, but a little concerned because of my reaction, I think.

"Al - alright." I finally reply. After a moment, he nods once, and leans over to kiss my cheek. And then he pulls me into his arms, a hug that encompasses my entire body, and I cling to him and bury my face in his chest before the tears fall.

"I love you, too." I find myself whispering against him. And I know he hears me, because he squeezes me tightly, and only lets go to press his lips to mine.

* * *

><p>The feeling goes away the next day. I was obviously just being pessimistic, expecting just because things were working out that it automatically should fall apart.<p>

I eat dinner next to my extraordinary boyfriend and across from my best friends who were always there for me. I felt lucky, and decided to dwell on that instead of anything else.

"So, all seventh year students, please proceed to the steps in front of the Great Hall for a class picture." McGonagall announced tiredly as dinner was coming to an end.

We all rise noisily, Dorcas and I managing to get out first. The wave of seventh years slowly file out of the doors.

"Excuse me." A shrill voice says from behind us. Dorcas looks at me pointedly, and but I keep walking the way I was.

"_Excuse me._" The voice repeats.

"Get out of her way, mudblood." Isabel's voice demands.

I stop short, her knocking into my back. I stumble forward, and Dorcas catches my arm. Isabel and Paisley Parkinson stand behind us, laughing meanly. Behind them is a sizable group of Slytherins in our year.

Dorcas squeezes my elbow hard.

There's too much tension between the two of us for things not to blow up quickly. And they do.

"Shut up." Dorcas spits at her, and Isabel's face hardens.

"What was that?" Isabel asks. Paisley seems genuinely surprised, but Isabel isn't.

Dorcas sucks in her teeth. "I said shut up. You're being a _bitch_."

"Gonna let her talk to you that way?" Winston Pucey says from behind her.

"Fight!" Someone yells.

Nate's here. He's not looking at me, instead at Leslie, who's sending a challenging look to Isabel.

Isabel looks out of the corner of her eye at the group. From behind the Slytherins, some Gryffindors come around them and gather behind Dorcas and I. I can feel James at my shoulder.

She pauses for dramatic effect, and then lets the bomb drop.

"At least I'm not shagging two blokes who happen to be best mates. Tell me Dorcas, what's Sirius like? Is he as good in the sack as everyone says?"

The group congregating around us reverberates with the statement. Everyone looks at Dorcas.

Dorcas' eyes widen. "What are you talking about? I've never shagged Sirius!"

"How come you came walking out after a study session, with your hair all messed up and his shirt open, hmmm?" Isabel's smile is sharp, her canines

I don't know what she's talking about, but Dorcas turns red, and looks from Sirius to Isabel quickly. "I – that's not – It wasn't like that!"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Sirius says coolly.

"We - we were studying, and the door closed, and it got hot. That's it." Dorcas says to Remus. He stands with his arms crossed, his face set and guarded.

Mary's unique laugh cuts through the buzz of muttering. The Ravenclaw Colin Dempsey's hand is around her hip, and she scoffs, "Come on, you're really going to believe that bullshit?"

"Shut up, Mary."

"What? It's ridiculous!" She says pointedly to Remus. He shifts away from Dorcas, his eyebrows furrowing and he looks at Sirius coldly.

"No one asked for your opinion." I felt myself bark. She had the nerve to back up _Isabel. _The story about Dorcas and Sirius couldn't possibly be true, and she was purposely affirming and backing up the guilts in Remus' head.

Her eyes narrow. She pulls away harshly from Colin.

"You can't seriously not believe me, mate." Sirius tells Remus. This only proves to make him angrier now, pushing past Sirius roughly and leaving the tight-knit group of students forming at the steps outside the Great Hall.

"Of course. I forgot. You don't want to hear anything from me anymore, do you? Any of you." She laughs humorlessly. "My _best friends_."

"We _are supposed to be _best friends! You're not exactly acting like it right now - "

"You don't even talk to me anymore Lily! I found out that you and James were dating from _Paige. _Do you realize how terrible that was?"

"I meant to tell you." I force out.

"You just... what? Forgot?"

My curled fists start to tense up at my sides. "No."

Her expression hurts me. It's like in first year when Evan Clark yanked on one of her ponytails and called her ugly and pinched her arm. Any other time she would have turned around and threw a punch, but it was after her first owl had died. And she tried not to cry, her lip trembled and her eyes softened.

"You used to tell me everything, and then one day you just decided that you were going to buddy up with _Nicole - _"

"I was _there_ for her." Nicole interjects from behind me. "You were too busy slutting it up on every available cock in sight!"

Mary's face reddens, but she just shouts back, "That's rich coming from the girl who lost her virginity to _Sirius Black_!"

The group around us choruses an "Oooooooh."

Nicole's expression completely wilts, and she whips around to where Tom stands behind James.

He looks like he's just been punched in the gut, and then he stares with furious eyes between Nicole and Sirius.

Sirius casually shrugs. Tom shoves past the outer shell of the group.

"Tom –"

Nicole runs after him, pushing past Sirius.

James comes to my side, his hand gripping mine.

I feel like I might cry, and Mary storms off in the opposite direction. He squeezes my hand, and I bite my lip to stop from screaming.

Everyone around us stares at each other. Isabel rocks back on her heels, a feral smile coating her teeth. She takes Nate's arm, and kisses his cheek. She looks back at me and her eyes say, _ha._

Why I didn't realize how rotten a person she was until this year boggles my mind. She was always there with these bordering-on-cruel remarks, but I never thought anything of it. It wasn't until I did something to cross her, instead of always staying in her shadow, that she showed her true colors.

The scene starts to disband as people start to realize that nothing else is going to happen. I think about running after Nicole, to make sure she's ok, but McGonagall will notice if the Head Girl isn't there for the picture.

James squeezes my hand once more, and walks me numbly up to the front of the group. I spot McGonagall and the photographer still present inside the Grand Hall, talking to Dumbledore.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Samuel Hoskins comes barreling down the stairs. Kate is running after him with tears in her eyes, and she puts her hand on his shoulder. He roughly bats it off.

With no warning, he starts running toward James. James pulls away from me and a second later he's on the ground. Someone screams, I think it was me. I stumble back against someone, who pushes me back up again and off their toes.

Sam, fist still balled tightly, stares over James.

"You think you can go around shagging other bloke's girlfriends!? You think you can fuck my property!?" His voice cuts sharply.

"Sam –" Kate's voice pleads, but he can't hear her.

I drop down to the ground next to James, gently pulling him up into a sitting position, and James clutches his nose.

"What the hell?" I yell. Sirius pushes Samuel away from James. Samuel's eyes are focused and predatory, and through his teeth he grunts.

"Stay away from her. She's _mine_." He says to James.

"James?" My voice asks brokenly. His eyes are squeezed shut. "What's he talking about?"

"Don't you ever fucking touch Kate again, do you hear me?!" Samuel's voice shouts as he's carried away by the shoulders.

I can't breathe. I can't think, my mind isn't working.

James... and... Kate?

What - what? He must be... He's got to be lying, but why would he lie about that?

It must be Kate, she must be doing this to try to break us up or something, again, but then why's she crying?

James' hand comes out to hold mine, and I roughly shake it off, chest heaving as I look down at him. He looks afraid.

"What?" I blurt out, mostly to myself. I feel eyes on me, but I can't move, my hands are shaking. This must not be true -

"Lils – "

"He's lying, right?"

He says nothing. He just looks at me, with the hazel eyes that I love.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. Bile rises in my throat.

"Tell me he's lying." I choke out. I scream. "Tell me!"

"Alright everyone, group together!" The voice of the photographer says from somewhere far away. The tight-knit circle that surrounds us breaks, filling into lines.

"Lily, it's not - It's not what you think, it wasn't while we were - "

I stand up, roughly batting the hair out of my face, and walking briskly up to where Professor McGonagall is advising students to stand.

"I'm sorry Professor McGonagall, I'm feeling very sick, I have to go lie down." I say all at once, and without waiting for an answer, I run.

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><p><strong>AN: **Hey everyone.

Sorry. Lots of things happened really fast, and the next chapter will be lots more reflections and some explanations for things that may have seemed confusing. I hope everyone enjoyed this anyway.

Thanks to all that reviewed the last chapter, and who followed this story. I hope you're liking it.

I don't really have anything else to say. I've had a really shitty couple of weeks. I love everyone reading this bunches, and the next update should be up sometime towards the end of February or before March 15 (I'm hoping if I set a date for myself then I'll get it done faster).

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><p><strong><em>Please review!<em>**


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